Return to work after stress/burnout leave - advice/experience?
November 9, 2023 7:20 AM Subscribe
Looking to see what requests or adaptations worked for you, or you saw work for friends/colleagues, see if there's stuff I'm missing.
Background and current thoughts in more inside.
Okay, let's go into background first.
I'm in my mid-40s, have long term depression/anxiety, and potentially ADHD. The last one's something which the mental health professionals have pointed out to me recently as "why the hell haven't you looked into this?", but waiting for an actual assessment.
Generally worked in pretty fast paced/high pressure roles through my career. It's something where I've historically been able to keep within the boundaries of tolerable stress, with occasional forays into working far too many hours/existing on caffeine and the edge of the catastrophe curve. End of last year/start of this year, we had a situation at work which led to me taking on too much/getting too much put on me, even with working 11 hour days. Part of my anxiety is not feeling able to let other people down, so I was quite 'happily' putting everything else behind work. Spent two to three months arguing with GP/Access to Work/Therapist about not being able to take sick leave. Asked HR for help coping with stress, they set up a meeting with the Occupational Health Nurse we use, who then told me there was no way I was fit for work and signed me off.
That was about four months ago, been working through pieces with the therapist, and working on some of the other elements which have been interacting with the work stress more than in the past. At this point I'm feeling about ready to start getting back to work, there's also been changes there which have meant the situation is likely to be less stressful/more controllable.
Despite this, I'm going to be very careful to take care of myself and set boundaries, rather than get back into the same stress and overwork. Here's the general thoughts I'm putting into my return to work. Appreciate knowing what other people have had work for themselves, seen work for friends or colleagues, or any other suggestions/ideas to think about.
* Phased return - starting with two days a week, and increasing by one day per week, providing we're all comfortable with previous week.
* Catch up with business - first few days will need to have some almost 'new starter' meetings with peers to understand any changes in last few months.
* Sticking to core hours - very clear understanding that the majority of days will be the standard 7.5, with acknowledgement that there will be some exceptions (just part of the role).
* Risk Assessment with Occupational Health - this was part of the OH report when I was signed off, so I think that should happen.
* Clear, updated role description - this may have gone by the by with reorganisations, but it has made it easy to pile things up which may or may not be within actual expectations.
* Catch ups with manager - so we've got clear communication on any concerns, issues, requests for support. More frequent to start, but reducing as need becomes clear.
* Commitment on prioritisation - if there's more work than can fit within the role, a clear understanding that discussions about priorities can't just be "all of it is important".
* Open discussion with colleagues - I'm planning to be very honest about why I've been off. Some people already know, but I'm not planning to keep it a secret from anyone if they ask. The more honesty we have about these things, the less likely someone else is to end up in the same situation.
* Task logging/time management software - one of the things that led up to this is the anxiety over not being 'good enough', and the prioritisation elements above, so I want to actually ask around this to be able to evidence it to myself and others.
* Coach element - not a role related coach, but someone within HR or somewhere else outside of my area, who I can reach out to for basic advice if I can find myself getting into the weeds of an anxiety and confidence spiral.
* Clearing mailbox at start - there's no way I'm going through four months of emails, and I need a fresh start.
Okay, let's go into background first.
I'm in my mid-40s, have long term depression/anxiety, and potentially ADHD. The last one's something which the mental health professionals have pointed out to me recently as "why the hell haven't you looked into this?", but waiting for an actual assessment.
Generally worked in pretty fast paced/high pressure roles through my career. It's something where I've historically been able to keep within the boundaries of tolerable stress, with occasional forays into working far too many hours/existing on caffeine and the edge of the catastrophe curve. End of last year/start of this year, we had a situation at work which led to me taking on too much/getting too much put on me, even with working 11 hour days. Part of my anxiety is not feeling able to let other people down, so I was quite 'happily' putting everything else behind work. Spent two to three months arguing with GP/Access to Work/Therapist about not being able to take sick leave. Asked HR for help coping with stress, they set up a meeting with the Occupational Health Nurse we use, who then told me there was no way I was fit for work and signed me off.
That was about four months ago, been working through pieces with the therapist, and working on some of the other elements which have been interacting with the work stress more than in the past. At this point I'm feeling about ready to start getting back to work, there's also been changes there which have meant the situation is likely to be less stressful/more controllable.
Despite this, I'm going to be very careful to take care of myself and set boundaries, rather than get back into the same stress and overwork. Here's the general thoughts I'm putting into my return to work. Appreciate knowing what other people have had work for themselves, seen work for friends or colleagues, or any other suggestions/ideas to think about.
* Phased return - starting with two days a week, and increasing by one day per week, providing we're all comfortable with previous week.
* Catch up with business - first few days will need to have some almost 'new starter' meetings with peers to understand any changes in last few months.
* Sticking to core hours - very clear understanding that the majority of days will be the standard 7.5, with acknowledgement that there will be some exceptions (just part of the role).
* Risk Assessment with Occupational Health - this was part of the OH report when I was signed off, so I think that should happen.
* Clear, updated role description - this may have gone by the by with reorganisations, but it has made it easy to pile things up which may or may not be within actual expectations.
* Catch ups with manager - so we've got clear communication on any concerns, issues, requests for support. More frequent to start, but reducing as need becomes clear.
* Commitment on prioritisation - if there's more work than can fit within the role, a clear understanding that discussions about priorities can't just be "all of it is important".
* Open discussion with colleagues - I'm planning to be very honest about why I've been off. Some people already know, but I'm not planning to keep it a secret from anyone if they ask. The more honesty we have about these things, the less likely someone else is to end up in the same situation.
* Task logging/time management software - one of the things that led up to this is the anxiety over not being 'good enough', and the prioritisation elements above, so I want to actually ask around this to be able to evidence it to myself and others.
* Coach element - not a role related coach, but someone within HR or somewhere else outside of my area, who I can reach out to for basic advice if I can find myself getting into the weeds of an anxiety and confidence spiral.
* Clearing mailbox at start - there's no way I'm going through four months of emails, and I need a fresh start.
Best answer: Sticking to core hours
I think with my own workplace burnout, this has made the most difference. While there are always exceptions, those exceptions should never turn into the regular. So use anything you have at your disposal to disconnect from work when you are not at work. I have Teams on my phone, but I set quiet hours. When I'm on vacation, I turn those notifications off completely.
Clear, updated role description
So in my situation my role changing was what made it possible for me to go back to work. If your role has changed, HR should likely be following up with you to ensure the new job description is accurate and workable. My difficulty has always been that I want to help and get involved, but then take on too much. So I've switched my way of thinking to "how, in my capacity and in my current role, can I help?" then it puts guardrails up so whatever I am doing is bounded by what my JD says I can do.
Task logging/time management software
I love Trello for this, but I've been using Planner which is part of the MS365 ecosystem. It's not as good, but serviceable, and my org already subscribed to it. It really goes help because I can itemize what I'm doing and prove to myself that I'm doing more than I think I am.
Clearing mailbox at start
Yes this. In my org I can't just wholesale delete months worth of emails, but once per quarter I dump my emails into folders labeled by year. That way, they are out of sight, out of mind, but also I can go back and search for something if I happen to need it. Like an email doom box.
Other considerations:
I found with my burnout that I'm not as good at remembering things just in my own head - kind of a mental fog that I've been struggling with. So everything goes in my calendar, planner, or notebook. My mantra is "If I don't write it down, it doesn't exist."
Depending on how emotional the situation around your burnout was, watch for things that might trigger that. It's not necessarily avoidable, but something to work through when/if it happens. There are some times I'm called upon to revisit certain things that contributed to my burnout, and I find it difficult. It's work to work through it.
You might want to consider yourself still depleted at this point as well. You might not be running on a full tank, after running on fumes for so long. At this point, 1/2 a tank will feel like a full tank. Just be mindful of that. Use any entitlements like vacation and sick time to keep yourself topped up, and cut yourself some slack if you're feeling like you're not as productive as you "should be." The idea now is to be in active recovery... keep filling your tank more and more while using it.
Consider continuing some kind of therapy outside of work. I think I stuck with my therapist for a few months after coming back to work. But since burnout can take 3-5 years of active recovery, I've started making appointments again just for a "tune up" of sorts. I could feel myself slipping into that place of burnout and instead of waiting for it to happen or struggling on my own, I'm trying to do some course corrections now.
I don't know if you exercise, but if you don't, start. I actually hate exercise, but I decided that I needed to start, so I picked something and committed to it once per week (because that's what I could handle... you might be able to do more or less... or you might be one of those people who already loves exercise and you've made it a part of your life already). It really does help with mental health, as much as I hate to admit it.
Good luck with your return to work! I'm still doing alright 2 years later, so it can happen. Just keep in tune to how you're feeling and don't wait to make corrections when you feel like you're burning out again.
posted by eekernohan at 8:29 AM on November 9, 2023 [7 favorites]
I think with my own workplace burnout, this has made the most difference. While there are always exceptions, those exceptions should never turn into the regular. So use anything you have at your disposal to disconnect from work when you are not at work. I have Teams on my phone, but I set quiet hours. When I'm on vacation, I turn those notifications off completely.
Clear, updated role description
So in my situation my role changing was what made it possible for me to go back to work. If your role has changed, HR should likely be following up with you to ensure the new job description is accurate and workable. My difficulty has always been that I want to help and get involved, but then take on too much. So I've switched my way of thinking to "how, in my capacity and in my current role, can I help?" then it puts guardrails up so whatever I am doing is bounded by what my JD says I can do.
Task logging/time management software
I love Trello for this, but I've been using Planner which is part of the MS365 ecosystem. It's not as good, but serviceable, and my org already subscribed to it. It really goes help because I can itemize what I'm doing and prove to myself that I'm doing more than I think I am.
Clearing mailbox at start
Yes this. In my org I can't just wholesale delete months worth of emails, but once per quarter I dump my emails into folders labeled by year. That way, they are out of sight, out of mind, but also I can go back and search for something if I happen to need it. Like an email doom box.
Other considerations:
I found with my burnout that I'm not as good at remembering things just in my own head - kind of a mental fog that I've been struggling with. So everything goes in my calendar, planner, or notebook. My mantra is "If I don't write it down, it doesn't exist."
Depending on how emotional the situation around your burnout was, watch for things that might trigger that. It's not necessarily avoidable, but something to work through when/if it happens. There are some times I'm called upon to revisit certain things that contributed to my burnout, and I find it difficult. It's work to work through it.
You might want to consider yourself still depleted at this point as well. You might not be running on a full tank, after running on fumes for so long. At this point, 1/2 a tank will feel like a full tank. Just be mindful of that. Use any entitlements like vacation and sick time to keep yourself topped up, and cut yourself some slack if you're feeling like you're not as productive as you "should be." The idea now is to be in active recovery... keep filling your tank more and more while using it.
Consider continuing some kind of therapy outside of work. I think I stuck with my therapist for a few months after coming back to work. But since burnout can take 3-5 years of active recovery, I've started making appointments again just for a "tune up" of sorts. I could feel myself slipping into that place of burnout and instead of waiting for it to happen or struggling on my own, I'm trying to do some course corrections now.
I don't know if you exercise, but if you don't, start. I actually hate exercise, but I decided that I needed to start, so I picked something and committed to it once per week (because that's what I could handle... you might be able to do more or less... or you might be one of those people who already loves exercise and you've made it a part of your life already). It really does help with mental health, as much as I hate to admit it.
Good luck with your return to work! I'm still doing alright 2 years later, so it can happen. Just keep in tune to how you're feeling and don't wait to make corrections when you feel like you're burning out again.
posted by eekernohan at 8:29 AM on November 9, 2023 [7 favorites]
Your ideas are all great & will make it easier to reintegrate healthily.
But - I’ve been through this cycle a couple of times at different workplaces, and both times the real answer that made a real difference in the end was to get a new job. Turns out, my anxiety was based around feeling stuck in a shitty environment - the solution to which was to un-stick myself and move elsewhere.
posted by rd45 at 9:38 AM on November 9, 2023 [6 favorites]
But - I’ve been through this cycle a couple of times at different workplaces, and both times the real answer that made a real difference in the end was to get a new job. Turns out, my anxiety was based around feeling stuck in a shitty environment - the solution to which was to un-stick myself and move elsewhere.
posted by rd45 at 9:38 AM on November 9, 2023 [6 favorites]
As some who has worked part-time in full time setting, I think you will need to be very careful about setting expectations for the phased return. All the work that you normally do has either been postponed, delegated to others who already had full time jobs or given to a hired temp. You need to be very careful that all of that doesn't get dumped back on your desk when you are only supposed to be working a few hours a week.
posted by metahawk at 5:45 PM on November 9, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by metahawk at 5:45 PM on November 9, 2023 [3 favorites]
this is such a thoughtfully planned approach to your return to work. kudos and best wishes, MattWPBS! (also great comments here from mefites which i’m vicariously benefiting from.)
i would add: consider some contingency planning. no doubt some things will go a bit off course, and there will be some not-so-good days. what would be clear indicators that new/additional actions need to be taken? and what would those actions be? if you find yourself going over 7.5hrs, is it clear how many times/what frequency indicates a problem?
i really like your suggestion for working with a coach. i willl also echo @phunniemee that HR doesn’t seem like the best fit for this support. in addition to exploring EAP, could you negotiate support with a coach as part of your return to work? it seems like a great strategy to have someone dedicated to being in your corner for this time.
posted by tamarack at 10:22 PM on November 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
i would add: consider some contingency planning. no doubt some things will go a bit off course, and there will be some not-so-good days. what would be clear indicators that new/additional actions need to be taken? and what would those actions be? if you find yourself going over 7.5hrs, is it clear how many times/what frequency indicates a problem?
i really like your suggestion for working with a coach. i willl also echo @phunniemee that HR doesn’t seem like the best fit for this support. in addition to exploring EAP, could you negotiate support with a coach as part of your return to work? it seems like a great strategy to have someone dedicated to being in your corner for this time.
posted by tamarack at 10:22 PM on November 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Your situation is uncannily like my own experience of having to take time off work for stress. I am back at work full time now and it seems to be going ok so I hope you can also successfully return.
All your points above are good. The ones that made the most difference to me were:
Firstly, being clear about what I was and wasn't going to to when I went back - until I had that I didn't really feel able to contemplate it. I think if you can get that into a role description so much the better, but for me the key part was that my manager and I were aligned on it, and that he then told other people what I was going to be working on so people weren't asking me to pick up stuff up.
Secondly, phased return - really important for me as it gave me space to do a lot of the catch-up type stuff and it reinforced the message about my change in role because it meant people could see I was at work but I had a hard boundary of what I could take on so I could easily say "I am focusing on x, I can't do y at the moment" so it helped the organisation adjust.
Thirdly, core hours - like you I gradually increased how much I worked until it became unsustainable because I didn't want to let people down. This is the most important long term change for me is basically never working late. What I found though is that this was also very uncomfortable because it made me realise how often I have problems starting work (turns out I'm autistic), and how my capacity is actually a lot less than it was before.
Finally I just want to echo what eekernohan said about recognising you are probably still depleted. I found this quite hard to accept but its important to recognise that you may be operating at a significantly reduced level compared to what you feel you "ought" to be awhile you navigate how you can work in a more sustainable way for you. This can be a place where your needs start to conflict with the organisations expectations if they think you'll be back to 100% once the phased return is over. Setting boundaries and having those discussions about priorities is really important but once some time has passed, also check in with yourself if the role is really still sustainable for you.
Best of luck. Feel free to memail me if you want to discuss further.
posted by crocomancer at 12:49 AM on November 10, 2023 [2 favorites]
All your points above are good. The ones that made the most difference to me were:
Firstly, being clear about what I was and wasn't going to to when I went back - until I had that I didn't really feel able to contemplate it. I think if you can get that into a role description so much the better, but for me the key part was that my manager and I were aligned on it, and that he then told other people what I was going to be working on so people weren't asking me to pick up stuff up.
Secondly, phased return - really important for me as it gave me space to do a lot of the catch-up type stuff and it reinforced the message about my change in role because it meant people could see I was at work but I had a hard boundary of what I could take on so I could easily say "I am focusing on x, I can't do y at the moment" so it helped the organisation adjust.
Thirdly, core hours - like you I gradually increased how much I worked until it became unsustainable because I didn't want to let people down. This is the most important long term change for me is basically never working late. What I found though is that this was also very uncomfortable because it made me realise how often I have problems starting work (turns out I'm autistic), and how my capacity is actually a lot less than it was before.
Finally I just want to echo what eekernohan said about recognising you are probably still depleted. I found this quite hard to accept but its important to recognise that you may be operating at a significantly reduced level compared to what you feel you "ought" to be awhile you navigate how you can work in a more sustainable way for you. This can be a place where your needs start to conflict with the organisations expectations if they think you'll be back to 100% once the phased return is over. Setting boundaries and having those discussions about priorities is really important but once some time has passed, also check in with yourself if the role is really still sustainable for you.
Best of luck. Feel free to memail me if you want to discuss further.
posted by crocomancer at 12:49 AM on November 10, 2023 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Hey all, just to give a quick update.
Built the feedback into adjusting my RtW plan, and started back from two half days, building up gradually. I'm currently at 3 days out of 5, and things are going well so far. Main thing I'm having to be clear on is the boundary setting though, with myself as much as with colleagues. Very much fighting the "but I can help with that..." urge.
The one thing I hadn't prepared for, and which did actually overwhelm me a bit, was everyone being so damn nice. Like I'd done contingency planning/internal expectations for all kinds of negative reactions, but not that. Really good 'problem' to have encountered.
So, if you're reading this in the future because you're looking for other people's experiences returning to work, keep that in mind...!
posted by MattWPBS at 1:51 AM on December 18, 2023 [2 favorites]
Built the feedback into adjusting my RtW plan, and started back from two half days, building up gradually. I'm currently at 3 days out of 5, and things are going well so far. Main thing I'm having to be clear on is the boundary setting though, with myself as much as with colleagues. Very much fighting the "but I can help with that..." urge.
The one thing I hadn't prepared for, and which did actually overwhelm me a bit, was everyone being so damn nice. Like I'd done contingency planning/internal expectations for all kinds of negative reactions, but not that. Really good 'problem' to have encountered.
So, if you're reading this in the future because you're looking for other people's experiences returning to work, keep that in mind...!
posted by MattWPBS at 1:51 AM on December 18, 2023 [2 favorites]
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To pull just one small thing out of your list, everyone in the world should be having weekly 1:1s with their manager. This shouldn't even remotely be a heavy ask for your HR & team to accommodate, this should be normal.
Re. your "coach element": ask your HR what resources are available to you via your company's EAP or whatever similar thing they have. Please don't use your HR as a mental health professional. They should be connecting you with resources, but they aren't your resource for managing your anxiety.
posted by phunniemee at 8:04 AM on November 9, 2023 [4 favorites]