In a rut with logistical troubles
October 31, 2023 8:57 PM Subscribe
I'm feeling stuck in a rut / very bored with dealing with the same things over and over. To the extent that I feel like I've literally experienced everything here before. I want to de-rut, but I have some significant logistical options in the way. I'm hoping someone out there has a more creative answer than I've found.
I live in a medium-ish sized town that I frankly don't enjoy anymore for a variety of reasons. I am raising funds to move elsewhere and am looking for a new place, but those things take time.
Please don't suggest I find something new to do in my own town or meet new people; I've exhausted the possibilities and need a break.
I do still have friends here that I keep up with. They are hugely important,, but I still need a break.
It would help to get out, if only for a couple nights, but here are my logistical obstacles. I'm on SSDI and don't have the money even for a couple nights at a hotel. I don't have a current drivver's license. And I have several chronic illnesses, the worst being fibromyalgia, that can often limit what I do. I'm still mobile and everything; just can't be active for very long.
I have friends in a few places. The closest friends I have nearby are 3 hrs each way by bus, and they have busy professor schedules. Right now the best option I have is to invite myself to see them for a few days, though of course it'd be tacky to do so.
So i'm not sure what to do. How can I give myself some time away given all that works against me? I am in SW VA right now, btw.
I live in a medium-ish sized town that I frankly don't enjoy anymore for a variety of reasons. I am raising funds to move elsewhere and am looking for a new place, but those things take time.
Please don't suggest I find something new to do in my own town or meet new people; I've exhausted the possibilities and need a break.
I do still have friends here that I keep up with. They are hugely important,, but I still need a break.
It would help to get out, if only for a couple nights, but here are my logistical obstacles. I'm on SSDI and don't have the money even for a couple nights at a hotel. I don't have a current drivver's license. And I have several chronic illnesses, the worst being fibromyalgia, that can often limit what I do. I'm still mobile and everything; just can't be active for very long.
I have friends in a few places. The closest friends I have nearby are 3 hrs each way by bus, and they have busy professor schedules. Right now the best option I have is to invite myself to see them for a few days, though of course it'd be tacky to do so.
So i'm not sure what to do. How can I give myself some time away given all that works against me? I am in SW VA right now, btw.
You could take trips in your mind. Maybe shrooms. Maybe a silent retreat.
posted by shock muppet at 12:31 AM on November 1, 2023
posted by shock muppet at 12:31 AM on November 1, 2023
A friend recently took me car camping. It was awesome! Is it possible one of your 3h away friends might go camping with you?
If you find a used tent on Craigslist and an inexpensive campground (they have bathrooms! Showers!), and can stay warm enough with clothes (get a pad for a sleeping bag; you can make something almost as good as a sleeping bag with the right blanket setup) -- you might get what you need for relatively little cash outlay. FWIW there are a _bunch_ of tents on Craigslist here, but prices vary widely. (I think a good 2-person tent could be warmer) (definitely get advice from an REI employee or some other resource, and focus on _camping_, not hiking.)
This seemed like it would be a lot of work for not much payoff -- but it wasn't. Two nights with natural light and no house stuff to do were incredibly refreshing. My friend ate sardines and peanut butter (and other stuff) - they keep well at room temp. I ate a lot of cheese and crackers and some fruit.
I felt so great afterward.
SW Virginia might be pretty cold right now, so think about resources.
there's often a fire pit for a campfire, but you'll have to buy wood provided by the campground (to avoid spreading insects from wherever your wood might be sourced).
(Everything I know is about camping in North Carolina - read up on your nearest campsite park to learn the specifics).
This is "campsites next to an access road" - no hiking required. Super easy. There was a highway close enough to hear traffic in the distance -- didn't matter, was still awesome.
If you can get a site next to a lake, even better.
posted by amtho at 12:51 AM on November 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
If you find a used tent on Craigslist and an inexpensive campground (they have bathrooms! Showers!), and can stay warm enough with clothes (get a pad for a sleeping bag; you can make something almost as good as a sleeping bag with the right blanket setup) -- you might get what you need for relatively little cash outlay. FWIW there are a _bunch_ of tents on Craigslist here, but prices vary widely. (I think a good 2-person tent could be warmer) (definitely get advice from an REI employee or some other resource, and focus on _camping_, not hiking.)
This seemed like it would be a lot of work for not much payoff -- but it wasn't. Two nights with natural light and no house stuff to do were incredibly refreshing. My friend ate sardines and peanut butter (and other stuff) - they keep well at room temp. I ate a lot of cheese and crackers and some fruit.
I felt so great afterward.
SW Virginia might be pretty cold right now, so think about resources.
there's often a fire pit for a campfire, but you'll have to buy wood provided by the campground (to avoid spreading insects from wherever your wood might be sourced).
(Everything I know is about camping in North Carolina - read up on your nearest campsite park to learn the specifics).
This is "campsites next to an access road" - no hiking required. Super easy. There was a highway close enough to hear traffic in the distance -- didn't matter, was still awesome.
If you can get a site next to a lake, even better.
posted by amtho at 12:51 AM on November 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
Right now the best option I have is to invite myself to see them for a few days, though of course it'd be tacky to do so.
If you're open to them saying no, then why not ask. You can acknowledge that "it doesn't feel like the done thing to ask for an invitation", but you would like to see them and you could do with a break. If someone came to me with this, I would say no because I don't have capacity to host anyone. But plenty of my friends would say yes, particularly if they were choosing which weekend you came.
posted by plonkee at 2:20 AM on November 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
If you're open to them saying no, then why not ask. You can acknowledge that "it doesn't feel like the done thing to ask for an invitation", but you would like to see them and you could do with a break. If someone came to me with this, I would say no because I don't have capacity to host anyone. But plenty of my friends would say yes, particularly if they were choosing which weekend you came.
posted by plonkee at 2:20 AM on November 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
In the summary of the famous Ask vs Guess thread that still makes the rounds in the internet, there is a specific mention of my comment in which I argue that you can't invite yourself to visit other people without being rude. I say this to establish my bonafides as someone who agrees with you that inviting yourself places is tacky. And then I say this:
If you told me you were having a rough go of things and just really needed to get out of town for a few days and could you come visit, I would not think you were tacky at all.
Sometimes we all need help and if you have people you can reach out to for what you need, please do.
posted by jacquilynne at 4:13 AM on November 1, 2023 [25 favorites]
If you told me you were having a rough go of things and just really needed to get out of town for a few days and could you come visit, I would not think you were tacky at all.
Sometimes we all need help and if you have people you can reach out to for what you need, please do.
posted by jacquilynne at 4:13 AM on November 1, 2023 [25 favorites]
In addition to the great suggestions made by others, could you immerse yourself in a new kind of world/experience virtually? I am thinking of something like an online group for Pen & Paper games. You'll meet new people outside of your town (maybe even your country), get to deep dive into a new world/universe, develop an alter ego character and maybe even come up with quests or quest illustrations at some point. This is just one idea of many; maybe if you shared a bit about your interests, we could suggest other avenues you could explore online.
posted by Fallbala at 4:35 AM on November 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Fallbala at 4:35 AM on November 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
If a friend told me they were struggling and just needed a few days Away to reboot and could they stay with me as they don't really have the cash for a vacation-vacation, I'd do my best to make it happen. It might be with caveats - I don't really have time to hang out, the place is not company-clean, etc - but I'd do it if I could.
The other thing you could do, to cast a wider net, is let your network know you need a little retreat on very limited resources and does anyone know of anyone who needs a housesitter, has a cabin/airbnb/MIL-flat/heated yurt they might loan for a few days, or some other interesting suggestion. Coincidences are much more likely if you do a little legwork yourself, and someone's sister might well be going out of town and is worried about the pipes freezing, or someone's got a hotel voucher they're never going to use.
Tell the Universe - via the people you know - what you need; it's at the very least more likely to happen that way than if you say nothing to nobody.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:09 AM on November 1, 2023 [5 favorites]
The other thing you could do, to cast a wider net, is let your network know you need a little retreat on very limited resources and does anyone know of anyone who needs a housesitter, has a cabin/airbnb/MIL-flat/heated yurt they might loan for a few days, or some other interesting suggestion. Coincidences are much more likely if you do a little legwork yourself, and someone's sister might well be going out of town and is worried about the pipes freezing, or someone's got a hotel voucher they're never going to use.
Tell the Universe - via the people you know - what you need; it's at the very least more likely to happen that way than if you say nothing to nobody.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:09 AM on November 1, 2023 [5 favorites]
I don't think it's weird to say "Hey I want to visit Town X, can I stay with you for a couple of nights? I'll understand if it's not a good time!" Like not at all weird!
That's very different than "Can I come take a vacation at your house and can you entertain me" which is not what you care asking.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:22 AM on November 1, 2023 [8 favorites]
That's very different than "Can I come take a vacation at your house and can you entertain me" which is not what you care asking.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:22 AM on November 1, 2023 [8 favorites]
Take a vacation in your mind.
Pick a destination, pick a guidebook. Map out your trip and your itinerary.
Research the restaurants/ day trips / theatre shows or hikes or snorkelling or whatever it may be.
Then do the closest thing you can do without leaving your home.
Read the blog or watch the vlog about the walking tour.
Find a version of the musical you can watch on TV.
Find a nature documentary that covers the under water world in the area you would snorkel in.
Find a photo blog about the hike you would do.
That restaurant with the amazing starter/main/desert people are raving about. Find a simple recipe for that dish that is well reviewed and make it.
Repeat for your whole itinerary......bonus, should the opportunity present itself, you have a ready made trip plan.
Also, 2nding all the people who say it's ok to ask people if you can come and stay. The act of accommodating somebody is rarely much of an imposition. The act of baby sitting and entertaining them is. So as long as you are really ok with them following their normal schedule and with entertaining yourself for the most part you may not be asking as much as you think you are.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:36 AM on November 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
Pick a destination, pick a guidebook. Map out your trip and your itinerary.
Research the restaurants/ day trips / theatre shows or hikes or snorkelling or whatever it may be.
Then do the closest thing you can do without leaving your home.
Read the blog or watch the vlog about the walking tour.
Find a version of the musical you can watch on TV.
Find a nature documentary that covers the under water world in the area you would snorkel in.
Find a photo blog about the hike you would do.
That restaurant with the amazing starter/main/desert people are raving about. Find a simple recipe for that dish that is well reviewed and make it.
Repeat for your whole itinerary......bonus, should the opportunity present itself, you have a ready made trip plan.
Also, 2nding all the people who say it's ok to ask people if you can come and stay. The act of accommodating somebody is rarely much of an imposition. The act of baby sitting and entertaining them is. So as long as you are really ok with them following their normal schedule and with entertaining yourself for the most part you may not be asking as much as you think you are.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:36 AM on November 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
One question: how will you feel physically after 3 hours on a bus? (I know I need time to recover after that.) Definitely not saying it's a bad idea - and I think it's fine to ask a friend if you can stay - but you might need to build recovery time into your plans. (Sorry if I'm stating the obvious...)
One other option might be to look around at things that are nearer to where you live that you still haven't seen or done. And maybe you could talk with some of those friends about meeting up halfway just to do something.
posted by trig at 7:44 AM on November 1, 2023
One other option might be to look around at things that are nearer to where you live that you still haven't seen or done. And maybe you could talk with some of those friends about meeting up halfway just to do something.
posted by trig at 7:44 AM on November 1, 2023
Wildcard which may or may not work for you, or may not even exist in your locality, but... maybe think whether there are any religious institutions which host visitors/retreats, which might be an option? There's a Buddhist temple not too far from me which hosts a lot of visitors for courses, and charges for staying overnight, but I can't imagine them turning down a genuine plea from someone who had no means to pay, and desperately needed two nights of peace and a change of scenery, without booking onto an organised course or retreat. Might be some convents or whatever that are similar.
Of course they might require something in return... I'm as atheist as they come but I feel like I could sit through a daily service, or close my eyes and think peaceful thoughts for a bit while people around me prayed, in exchange for a couple of night's bed and board in a place that's peaceful and contemplative. YMM very much V but in case it's of use.
(But also: Yep, ask your friends. "You can totally say no to this but it just occurred to me it might be worth asking - I really need a break and I wondered if your spare bed might be free for a couple of nights? Absolutely no need to entertain me, just looking for a change of scene and a bed - like I say please feel free to say no.")
posted by penguin pie at 8:11 AM on November 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
Of course they might require something in return... I'm as atheist as they come but I feel like I could sit through a daily service, or close my eyes and think peaceful thoughts for a bit while people around me prayed, in exchange for a couple of night's bed and board in a place that's peaceful and contemplative. YMM very much V but in case it's of use.
(But also: Yep, ask your friends. "You can totally say no to this but it just occurred to me it might be worth asking - I really need a break and I wondered if your spare bed might be free for a couple of nights? Absolutely no need to entertain me, just looking for a change of scene and a bed - like I say please feel free to say no.")
posted by penguin pie at 8:11 AM on November 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
FWIW I find playing immersive RPG video games to be very escapist-friendly. For example, the older game The Witcher 3 has dozens of kilometres of space to explore and a hundred hours of things to do and stories to take part in. An older game like this should run on just about any PC or a last-generation gaming system like a PS3. Many games in this genre have accessibility settings or difficulty levels that permit even non-gamers to enjoy them with little risk of in-game death.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:13 AM on November 1, 2023
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:13 AM on November 1, 2023
Vipassana meditation retreat? They are donation based.
This style has been shown effective for reducing the pain of fibromyalgia - but it will suck really, really hard at first. Really hard.
Because usually people deal with pain by trying to mentally ignore it, and this style of meditation works by just noting pain in a non judgmental way, then moving into the next part of the body/sensation. This technique has been shown to be effective, but you'll be learning a different coping strategy, so for a few days at least, you will be paying *more attention* to your bodily sensations. Even for people without fibro, their brains will trick them into thinking they are itchy or in agony, when actually there is nothing harmful about the sitting position etc.
There are regular meals, a lot of sitting, slow walking, and many cushions and chairs available to sit in as neutral a position as possible, but it's a looot of sitting.
It will be more boring at first, but when your brain is in a good state, you don't get bored because your brain entertains itself, but it will be worse first.
It is helpful, and free, and a reset for your brain away from social media etc, and shown to help chronic pain, but it is *boot camp for your brain*. Don't go in thinking it will be relaxing at first, or you'll want to leave by day 3.
posted by Elysum at 6:37 PM on November 1, 2023
This style has been shown effective for reducing the pain of fibromyalgia - but it will suck really, really hard at first. Really hard.
Because usually people deal with pain by trying to mentally ignore it, and this style of meditation works by just noting pain in a non judgmental way, then moving into the next part of the body/sensation. This technique has been shown to be effective, but you'll be learning a different coping strategy, so for a few days at least, you will be paying *more attention* to your bodily sensations. Even for people without fibro, their brains will trick them into thinking they are itchy or in agony, when actually there is nothing harmful about the sitting position etc.
There are regular meals, a lot of sitting, slow walking, and many cushions and chairs available to sit in as neutral a position as possible, but it's a looot of sitting.
It will be more boring at first, but when your brain is in a good state, you don't get bored because your brain entertains itself, but it will be worse first.
It is helpful, and free, and a reset for your brain away from social media etc, and shown to help chronic pain, but it is *boot camp for your brain*. Don't go in thinking it will be relaxing at first, or you'll want to leave by day 3.
posted by Elysum at 6:37 PM on November 1, 2023
This might be a ridiculous suggestion, but if you don't swim much or at all, maybe see if you can head to a pool. (Not necessarily instead of taking a trip, but in addition to, or in the meantime.) Maybe it's just me, but something about swimming even a bit (or just floating) makes the world feel a little different when I leave. Maybe it's all the chlorine.
posted by trig at 7:23 PM on November 1, 2023
posted by trig at 7:23 PM on November 1, 2023
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by oceano at 11:48 PM on October 31, 2023 [4 favorites]