How do I lower the volume of my regular speaking voice?

October 4, 2023 2:01 PM

I have a loud speaking voice and I want it to be less loud. I don't even know where to start.

I know this is stereotypical for Americans, but I think I'm particularly bad - like other Americans have commented on it. It's been a problem all my life.

The thing is, I'm not even aware I'm doing it. Sometimes I'll start to talk and someone will tell me I'm being loud, and literally I'll have had no idea I was doing it. To me it will have seemed like I was just talking at normal volume. I don't think there's anything wrong with my hearing, as I've taken hearing tests and always test out normal.

Are there any tricks or practices I can employ to lower the volume of my normal speaking voice? Are there any well-known or well-established methods for doing this? Particularly interested in "DIY" methods, as I can't really see a specialist right now because I'm traveling and also my insurance has a crazy high deductible.

Please don't be mean to me. I know this is something that irritates a lot of people. I'm making a good faith attempt to change and improve myself.

posted by lord of the files to Health & Fitness (8 answers total)

1. slowing down can help. (Helps with almost everything else too: focus, listening, not talking over others, coming off kinder -- I'm not saying you need help in those areas, just that slowing down helps w them, generally.)

2. look at the person you're speaking to and focus on speaking directly to their face. Will help you modulate the "throw" of your voice. (The people I know who speak most loudly act as if they're speaking in front of a general crowd.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 2:19 PM on October 4, 2023 [4 favorites]

It may be worthwhile for you to bite the bullet and see an audiologist, not only to address your voice, but also, and more importantly, address any hidden hearing issues that may be present, to increase your general quality and enjoyment of life. This is worth saving up for, in my opinion. It may take a while to get an appointment, so you could get on the schedule now but be seen much later.
posted by Atrahasis at 2:39 PM on October 4, 2023 [21 favorites]

Get your hands on a decibel meter, either a physical one or an app. You can use it to help determine at what level people perceive you as too loud (ask someone to tell you when) and at what level your volume seems appropriate. Keep practicing keeping your volume under the threshold where it gets too loud and you can get a sense of how speaking at a lower volume feels because it is super hard to tell sometimes without a visual.
posted by corey flood at 3:45 PM on October 4, 2023 [2 favorites]

Seconding Atrahasis. I'm a loud speaker, and went an audiologist for a hearing test (I was "OK" but had room for improvement - typical middle-aged mild hearing loss).

When I tried on a set of hearing aids I immediately started talking at normal volume. The improved feedback of hearing my own voice better resulted in naturally correcting it.
posted by jpeacock at 4:25 PM on October 4, 2023 [7 favorites]

Wikihow has quite a good page of suggestions on "How to stop speaking so loudly" - a few being solutions not suggested so far.
posted by rongorongo at 12:32 AM on October 5, 2023

Thank you so much for working on this. My neighbor is a lovely man, but so loud (there is a hearing problem) that I get jumpy and don't have neighborly chats as often as I'd like. (He's also having trouble with his co-workers, and volume may be a part of that as well.)
posted by cyndigo at 4:41 PM on October 5, 2023

Following this with interest-I actually bought my husband and two youngest t-shirts with the graphic of the volume knob turned to 11. It can be exhausting to be around as much as I love them all so thanks for working on it. One thing I notice is my husband doesn’t differentiate volume based on setting-so same outside talking to a neighbor as he is when he comes into the bedroom and I’m reading in the dark. So maybe that’s something you can think about-what’s the ambient volume and mood, and should I adjust?
posted by purenitrous at 8:09 PM on October 9, 2023

I struggled with this a lot when I was younger (I come from a yelly family) and what broke me of it was staying with a sensitive little kid who called me out on it like every time until I could hear it. I feel you.

Something that I found really helpful is doing someone else's voice--ideally someone really breathy and soothing, like Marilyn Monroe, or Bob Ross. It feels weird but it's a very helpful exercise. Like, even if you can't talk like "yourself quiet" you can probably imitate Bob Ross.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 5:15 PM on October 11, 2023