The Lice are Coming!

September 15, 2023 7:16 AM

I and my two young kids are supposed to have dinner at a friend's house this evening. They just told me that their young kids have lice... Do I go?

My friends to me that they took them to a lice treatment place to get treated this morning, and that they're going to do a deep clean of the house today. But they wanted me to know if case we wanted to cancel.

I don't know anything about lice risks... while I know it's not a big deal and treatable, we have a lot of plans this weekend, and I don't want to have to miss them (or school next week) to get treated.

Given my friends' kids were treated this morning and they're doing a deep house clean, is there a meaningful risk to my kids and me? Would you go? Thanks all!

posted by slide to Health & Fitness (30 answers total)

No, I wouldn't go. It sometimes IS a big deal and a big hassle to eradicate.
posted by eleslie at 7:18 AM on September 15, 2023 [19 favorites]

Nope. Even if it is fine it isn't worth the anxiety. And If it's not fine it's still alot of work.
posted by AlexiaSky at 7:20 AM on September 15, 2023 [8 favorites]

Response by poster: Not to threadsit, but if it's relevant, I'm bald and my two boys have pretty short hair. I am somewhat risk averse for anything other than normal colds...
posted by slide at 7:21 AM on September 15, 2023

I would not go. You don't want lice. (Source: former elementary school teacher.)

The only exception would be if, like, you live in a faraway country and only come back to visit once every two years and if you don't see this friend tonight you won't see them until the next visit.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 7:25 AM on September 15, 2023 [8 favorites]

Nope. But definitely ask for a reschedule to let them see you're not repelled by whole thing, you're just giving them time to get past this.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:26 AM on September 15, 2023 [14 favorites]

CDC website says:
"Students diagnosed with live head lice do not need to be sent home early from school; they can go home at the end of the day, be treated, and return to class after appropriate treatment has begun. Nits may persist after treatment, but successful treatment should kill crawling lice."

CDC website also says:
"Head lice are not known to transmit any disease and therefore are not considered a health hazard. Head lice infestations can be asymptomatic, particularly with a first infestation or when an infestation is light."

My son had head lice as a kid. It was gross and the stuff I had to treat him with was stinky, but it wasn't that big of a deal. I'd probably go to my friends' house anyway.
posted by SageTrail at 7:26 AM on September 15, 2023 [11 favorites]

I had lice as a kid and as a dirty young adult and being a host to lice is NO FUN. Just reading the question makes my scalp crawl. Like I am forcing myself not to scratch my head right now.
Please don't knowingly expose yourself and your kids to lice. The memory of having bugs crawling on your head is hard to erase.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 7:32 AM on September 15, 2023 [10 favorites]

Don't go. It is so unpleasant and you have to treat the furniture and so on. I guess I'd choose lice over bedbugs because they're easier to kill but it would be close.
posted by praemunire at 7:38 AM on September 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

Reschedule. Lice are a MISERY to get under control. Any soft surface - sheets, pillows, stuffies, couches, etc., need to be treated. Any surface that the afflicted persons heads might have had contact with. Ditto that clothes, coats, hats, etc. It is a lot of work.
posted by Silvery Fish at 7:39 AM on September 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

The only way you'll get lice is if the lice jumps from one head to another (with hair). They don't jump very far. Once they fall off a head, they die fairly quickly. Eggs that are not on a head will not hatch and are just to be vacuumed up like other dust. As long as you stay 6ish feet from someone, you should be fine. But if you can't trust people to not do this if they're used to horsing around together, take that into consideration.
posted by Melismata at 7:41 AM on September 15, 2023 [6 favorites]

My brother & dad never got lice when I brought it home due, I think, to their short hair. Lice are transmitted from hair-to-haie contact or when your hair touches something that their hair touched (like a brush or the back of a couch). This is much much less likely for short hair.

In your shoes I would probably go depending on how young is "young kids."
posted by muddgirl at 7:42 AM on September 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

Depends. Do your kids & their kids follow directions well? Do they all generally play in a non-touchy way? If so, it's fine. Go, have fun, let the kids play, just explain that they must not touch heads together, share hairbrushes or hats, or lay down on pillows, that sort of thing. Basically typical school protocol.

If the kids (yours and theirs) are always wrestling together, or are given to hugging a lot, or like playing dressup together, or tend to do the exact opposite of what you tell them... best not to.

I might ask if it's too much for them, to host while having all this deep cleaning etc going on. Maybe rescheduling would be better for them. Or perhaps they really could use a social night. Would you enjoy & value the time with them? Or would you have a difficult time relaxing and could easily reschedule to the near future?

Personally, if I thought the kids would follow directions (and especially if most of the time was spent outdoors so kids weren't rolling all over couches and floors) and the friend would benefit from a social night, I'd go.

Regardless, the stigma of having lice can be quite nasty so I'd be sure to talk about it only in a matter-of-fact, nonjudgmental way.
posted by Baethan at 7:43 AM on September 15, 2023 [6 favorites]

If the kids are treated, if they only wear clean clothes (including jackets, hats, etc.), having them to your house would eliminate most of the risks and your friend can feel supported.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:48 AM on September 15, 2023 [6 favorites]

I am a little baffled - why would you go? There's very little downside to rescheduling. Is your concern about offending them?
posted by pando11 at 7:52 AM on September 15, 2023 [6 favorites]

I'd suggest an evening out-

"Oh my gosh, that's so much work for you? We'd still love to see you, but how about we meet at the park for pizza / picnic (my treat) or meet at x restaurant (my treat)" etc.

Supports them (easy dinner) and low risk to you.

But with your hair profile (bald/short), it's not a huge risk in my mind. If you do go, grab a nit come, and do a quick comb out before going back into your house.
posted by Ftsqg at 7:54 AM on September 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks for all the helpful answers! To provide a little additional information, it's a Rosh Hashanah dinner - we're not religious but it's a special occasion. My kids are 4 and 6 and pretty physical generally and when we go to these friends' place, they do normally climb on everything and play closely with their friends (similarly aged kids). They would likely follow instructions to stay further apart, but not 100%. We all live in the same city, but we're all also pretty busy so not sure when we'd reschedule. It's been about 6 months since our last meal. Finally, my friend knows I don't find them disgusting or anything and I'm confident she wouldn't be offended at all if we cancelled and of course I'd suggest rescheduling. So that's not a factor.

I really just don't want my kids to get lice and then have to deal with it! So focused primarily on that with this question. Very helpful answers so far.
posted by slide at 7:58 AM on September 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

To me, it depends how short your boys' hair is and how averse you'd be to giving them a buzzcut. If they're not on anyone's head, they die within 1-2 days, so it really would not be a long term thing.
posted by ambrosen at 7:59 AM on September 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

My kiddo had a mild case of lice on long fine hair. I saturated it with NYDA and got the heavy duty metal comb with the spiraly grooves on the teeth. I combed about 3 times over the course of a week, taking 60 mins the first time and 30 mins after that. I found only one actual louse and maybe 40 nits. Washed the bedding in hot a few times, put pillows and stuffies into a trash bag for a week. I wore a beanie with my own hair totally covered when I was at home, and kept kiddo's hair in a ponytail and hat for the week. We have no carpets, the other family members have short fine hair, and all our furniture is leather, so our house wasn't very infestible. And that was it - it wasn't a big deal at all. I was shocked how minor it was. I disclosed we had lice to all of our close kindergarten families and it turned out THEY HAD ALL HAD IT TOO, AND NOT TOLD ME.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:04 AM on September 15, 2023 [4 favorites]

In this situation with children the ages your children are, I would not go. " They would likely follow instructions to stay further apart" is wildly optimistic if your kids are anything like mine were at that age.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:10 AM on September 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

Seriously, I don't think the worry and stress wondering if you're going to get it--and then having to deal with it if they do--is worth it, even if it's for a religious holiday. Also, what ThePinkSuperhero said.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:10 AM on September 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

no, you have little kids, they will not be able to follow instructions about how to avoid problematic contact, nor will you be able to cover all bases in your instructions. It's not just about not getting close to the other kids, it's also about not playing with like hats or pillows etc in their rooms... just reschedule. Save all of you the mortification (it's not like they'll feel great if your kids get it from theirs!)
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:31 AM on September 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

Reschedule. They’ll be really busy cleaning and hosting dinner is more work. And if you’re justifiably squicked out, this is a gracious way to exit.
posted by theora55 at 10:27 AM on September 15, 2023

Response by poster: Thanks all! Decided to politely cancel and try to reschedule. Though based on the CDC guidance, which I appreciate, I actually think it’s a close call and if I didn’t have a ton of plans for this weekend that it would be a big deal if I had to cancel I personally would have gone and taken what I think are likely pretty low chances of infection (infestation?). Somehow I’m guessing karma will mean my kids get lice at school in no time…
posted by slide at 10:38 AM on September 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

Though this question seems resolved, I feel a need to answer here. I hate lice. HATE HATE HATE lice. And I too am experiencing phantom lice as I write this. But seriously, they are more of a huge bother than a serious problem. Lice are not at all bed bugs, they are irritating and kids may develop a mild intolerance that can make the itch worse, but there is nothing dangerous about them, in this day and age. The only thing is, if your kids develop the intolerance, you need to be even more exacting with normal general hygiene. One of my daughters got a serious infection from scratching her scalp because she wasn't washing her hands properly on a holiday in the wilderness. (With her dad, who hadn't quite grasped the issue at the time). But I feel we have all become better at washing hands after COVID.

I have two daughters who sometimes had long hair, and they were infested all the time when they were kids. Sometimes I cut off their hair. Once one of their friends came with us on holiday and her head was alive with hundreds of lice. I obviously couldn't cut off her hair, though I did give it a thought. And once I threatened the other parents at my youngest's kindergarten that I would bring a pesticide and treat all the kids if they didn't do the work over the weekend. Obviously, I combed every single day, but if I was the only one doing it, my girls would be re-infested every week. (The teachers were thankful). At the time, a lot of lice had developed resistance to chemical treatments like shampoos, so the only solution was combing again and again, every day. (The pesticide I was threatening with was a treatment for livestock that is not approved for humans).
But towards the end of my girls' louse-ages, new silicon-based products arrived that are really effective, non-toxic and easy to use, one brand is Hedrin.
Even when it was a huge bother, I would prioritise that the kids had fun with friends rather than isolation. We've had enough of isolation with COVID, but even before that, staying home because of lice would have been a friendless life for my kids.

On a more scientific note, lice cannot live for very long outside the human head of hair. Theoretically, they can live for a couple of days, but for science, I have kept some on pieces of white paper after combing, and they all lived for less than one day. They cannot move very well without human hairs, and even when I gave them a hair to climb on, they died of thirst or hunger (sorry, I am a curious person, I needed to know). So basically, combing thoroughly every second day gets rid of them. Combing kids with short hair is absolutely no problem, it'll take 10 minutes a day.
Hence, there is no need to deep clean your entire home as if it were bed bugs. Wash the sheets and pillow covers, you probably need to do that anyway. (And you can absolutely just throw them in the laundry bin and wait till the weekend if you have clean replacement sheets, the lice can't get out of the bin). Put hats in the freezer over night in a plastic bag.

On the other hand: man, my scalp is itchy now...
posted by mumimor at 12:44 PM on September 15, 2023 [17 favorites]

Please don't go . You dont want lice in your house, on your head, on your kids - short hair or not - and you don't want the laundry burden.

Just reschedule and let those people vacuum and do laundry and rest in peace.
Just do Yom Kippor or Sukkot instead.
posted by mutt.cyberspace at 3:30 PM on September 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

Couches. Kids often pick up lice at school when there is a nice reading nook with a couch in the back of the room.

You probably cannot expect your kids to remember not to sit on anything with upholstery and not to lean back when they laugh and not to roll on the carpet or lean back against the drapery...

Also, short hair is no protection against head lice - it's actually the reverse, although short hair makes it easier to get the nits out, a dirty scalp with a thick layer of greasy dead skin covered by thick matted curly hair is actually a significant deterrent to the lice. Kids with thick curly hair are less likely to pick up lice than kids with short straight hair. With thin straight short hair and a clean scalp the hungry little lice can zero right in on a suitable place to start sucking. They need to feed several times a day so all that easy access makes the head with clean short hair an idea dwelling for them.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:08 PM on September 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

I hate lice too, but no one has mentioned the rosemary shampoo that repels them! If it were me, I would strongly consider going, with the rosemary shampoo. And then, upon bringing the kids home, I would coat their heads in Pantene conditioner and put shower caps on them to sleep, then comb them out in the morning. That would probably be enough.

One of my kids kept getting re-exposed in pre-k from another kid. Once you learn how to treat it with non-chemical remedies, it's not that big of a deal if you catch it early enough.
posted by luckdragon at 6:48 PM on September 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

Just a practical note: the reason I cut off my kids' hair was not that the lice like long hair better, but that combing is easier with short hair. And combing is essential.
posted by mumimor at 10:23 PM on September 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

oh yes going forward, rosemary shampoo (the stronger the better) is an excellent deterrent.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:59 AM on September 16, 2023

You may have heard that mayonnaise works. It doesn’t and it’s vile, don’t do it. Globs of mayonnaise with shed hair mixed in is really friggin gross (ask how I know). NYDA (liquid hair silicone) is the way you want to go for suffocating the lice.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:05 AM on September 18, 2023 [1 favorite]