Should I do a singles cruise that's partly work, partly to meet people?
September 7, 2023 10:12 AM Subscribe
I am fully burnt out on trying to meet people through dating apps. Would I have fun on a singles cruise where I could do a little work during the day and mingle with people at night?
I'm a male in my 40s, reasonably open to meeting people so long as I know they're also receptive to being approached, though otherwise can be a bit nervous. I have never done any kind of thing like a "singles event" where there's an understanding that people expressly want to meet. Nor have I ever been on a cruise. But I am longing for an environment where I don't feel like I'm "bothering" someone by striking up a conversation (I live in NYC atm), although that aspect is probably partly in my head. I just want to know that other people are open and looking also.
Basically post-covid, I have been feeling very isolated and lonely and tired of my apartment and tired of formulaic online dating. I would love to just meet people and develop a bond or crush like things used to be long before dating apps. I know cruises are cheesy but I have a good attitude about embracing that, I think/hope.
I also like the idea of working remotely from the deck of a ship and mixing that with relaxation and travel and socializing.
Has anyone done this or would recommend it? Are there other similar activities I should try instead?
I'm a male in my 40s, reasonably open to meeting people so long as I know they're also receptive to being approached, though otherwise can be a bit nervous. I have never done any kind of thing like a "singles event" where there's an understanding that people expressly want to meet. Nor have I ever been on a cruise. But I am longing for an environment where I don't feel like I'm "bothering" someone by striking up a conversation (I live in NYC atm), although that aspect is probably partly in my head. I just want to know that other people are open and looking also.
Basically post-covid, I have been feeling very isolated and lonely and tired of my apartment and tired of formulaic online dating. I would love to just meet people and develop a bond or crush like things used to be long before dating apps. I know cruises are cheesy but I have a good attitude about embracing that, I think/hope.
I also like the idea of working remotely from the deck of a ship and mixing that with relaxation and travel and socializing.
Has anyone done this or would recommend it? Are there other similar activities I should try instead?
This seems like it could be good fun, especially if you can make sure the internet and working situation will be okay (as mmoncur mentions). I don't know where you heard about this (did someone recommend it?), but I'd say to make sure you research a bit about it to make sure you'll get roughly your own demographic (like, you don't want to be on the college spring break singles cruise, I hope) and to see what kind of atmosphere to expect. You could also look into other travel groups that might be focused on folks who are single. Anything that leaves from NYC or is targeted to folks in NYC might make it more likely you'd meet someone local.
I'd also suggest looking around and seeing if you hear of any speed dating or singles gatherings near you in New York, since those folks are more likely to be local to you.
Also, I know this is pretty standard advice, but I'd just try to do any new activity or event that's of interest where you might people, and try to be intentional about developing connections with people, including possible friends. That helps with the loneliness in the bigger picture, and meeting new folks also means you're growing your friend group and community, and you're more likely to meet their friends, who might be possible dating partners.
posted by bluedaisy at 10:59 AM on September 7, 2023
I'd also suggest looking around and seeing if you hear of any speed dating or singles gatherings near you in New York, since those folks are more likely to be local to you.
Also, I know this is pretty standard advice, but I'd just try to do any new activity or event that's of interest where you might people, and try to be intentional about developing connections with people, including possible friends. That helps with the loneliness in the bigger picture, and meeting new folks also means you're growing your friend group and community, and you're more likely to meet their friends, who might be possible dating partners.
posted by bluedaisy at 10:59 AM on September 7, 2023
Will you be going with someone? Like a friend or whatever? Because (IMO as someone who has been on one) cruise ships aren't nearly as large as they look once you are on-board and can get boring (like being stuck in an ok hotel), doing any excursions by yourself if you fail to meet someone wouldn't be much fun, and the availability of food means endless mindless snacking if you haven't got someone to talk to.
Are you the type that just likes to lay in the sun for 8 hours a day? cruises are really good for that.
Doubling that the internet on cruise ships sucks.
I'd internet search up the male/female ratio too, to make sure the type of people you want to meet are going to be there.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:24 AM on September 7, 2023
Are you the type that just likes to lay in the sun for 8 hours a day? cruises are really good for that.
Doubling that the internet on cruise ships sucks.
I'd internet search up the male/female ratio too, to make sure the type of people you want to meet are going to be there.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:24 AM on September 7, 2023
I don’t know you well enough to say. A singles cruise sounds like a nightmare for me, but that’s because I’m claustrophobic (hearing about those cruise lockdowns… no thanks, I like to be able to escape), not much of a party person anymore (I would expect such an environment to be alcohol heavy), and I find Dating with a clear intent to Date stressful (I would prefer to meet people via a mutual hobby or something, where I can get to know people and form relationships before dating even becomes a thought).
But I’m me, and you’re you! If none of these seem like barriers for you, go hog wild.
posted by wheatlets at 12:19 PM on September 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
But I’m me, and you’re you! If none of these seem like barriers for you, go hog wild.
posted by wheatlets at 12:19 PM on September 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
I’d ask myself these questions: would the cruise be worth it if I did not meet anyone to date? What will I do if the vibe feels like one of those dating apps I dislike? If I meet people I like who reject my romantic interest, will I be ok or would I feel awkward and trapped?
I like meeting and chatting with new people as friends in most situations. However, feeling stuck on a boat with the focus of singles meeting and dating has the potential for hell. I feel you on the dating app thing so I do think it’s good you’re considering various options. Good luck!
posted by smorgasbord at 2:30 PM on September 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
I like meeting and chatting with new people as friends in most situations. However, feeling stuck on a boat with the focus of singles meeting and dating has the potential for hell. I feel you on the dating app thing so I do think it’s good you’re considering various options. Good luck!
posted by smorgasbord at 2:30 PM on September 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
I am also in NYC and I feel you on being burned out by apps.
Are the kinds of cruises you are considering going to have passengers from NYC? Otherwise it seems like people from different cities might hit if off but the distance would be an impediment upon return. (Of course, some people don't mind long-distance relationships, but in my experience men in their 40s on the apps in NYC often think different borough is too far -- I had a nice conversation going for a few days with a man who decided that there was no point in meeting up because I am in Brooklyn and he -- on the Upper East Side).
That aside, I think cruises, including these kinds of cruises, appeal to people who are extroverted. Are you extroverted? Do you want to potentially meet a partner who is extroverted (since these things are likely to self-select for extroverts)?
And, finally, like others have said, if you need to work, the internet could be an issue. I know people who go on cruises regularly, and the internet tends to be far from reliable.
posted by virve at 2:30 PM on September 7, 2023
Are the kinds of cruises you are considering going to have passengers from NYC? Otherwise it seems like people from different cities might hit if off but the distance would be an impediment upon return. (Of course, some people don't mind long-distance relationships, but in my experience men in their 40s on the apps in NYC often think different borough is too far -- I had a nice conversation going for a few days with a man who decided that there was no point in meeting up because I am in Brooklyn and he -- on the Upper East Side).
That aside, I think cruises, including these kinds of cruises, appeal to people who are extroverted. Are you extroverted? Do you want to potentially meet a partner who is extroverted (since these things are likely to self-select for extroverts)?
And, finally, like others have said, if you need to work, the internet could be an issue. I know people who go on cruises regularly, and the internet tends to be far from reliable.
posted by virve at 2:30 PM on September 7, 2023
Just a thought: I’m an almost 40yo woman who was single for a long time; I’m very independent and extroverted and never feel like a third wheel around couples. I think I’d prefer being on a trip with people of different ages and relationship statuses — or a trip for single women — than one designed as a mixer for singles. I mean, a honeymoon cruise for couples would not be an ideal choice as a singleton looking to date BUT I’d prefer the relaxed vibe of friendly people and no dating pressure. Couples have single friends and a few other single people might be there too. Different strokes for different folks but I’m really thinking this singles cruise could be awkward as hell. It could be amazing but Definitely read up on the reviews!!
posted by smorgasbord at 2:42 PM on September 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by smorgasbord at 2:42 PM on September 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
I think that if the time and money are not a huge deal for you, you should try one. Why? Because it sounds like you want to! You won't regret exploring your curiosity. Worst case you feel "isolated and lonely" on the cruise ship instead of in your apartment, and with a tan.
"Are there other similar activities I should try instead?"
I don't know about "instead", but the first thing that came to mind is adult camps! Camp Grounded is very popular, as well as Camp No Counselors and Club Getaway. They have a focus on meeting new people and lots of single people that go.
The other thing I would try, if you haven't already, is explicitly asking your partnered/married friends to set you up on dates. I know so many amazing single people of both genders, many of whom I think might hit it off, but I never feel comfortable proactively suggesting an introduction unless someone directly asks me for intros to single men/women.
I would also host a "meet new people" dinner party if you are open to hosting. Invite 3 or 4 single friends and ask them to bring a friend, so you end up with 8-10 people. You don't need to explicitly frame it as a singles thing, but invite single people and it will happen!
posted by amaire at 4:01 PM on September 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
"Are there other similar activities I should try instead?"
I don't know about "instead", but the first thing that came to mind is adult camps! Camp Grounded is very popular, as well as Camp No Counselors and Club Getaway. They have a focus on meeting new people and lots of single people that go.
The other thing I would try, if you haven't already, is explicitly asking your partnered/married friends to set you up on dates. I know so many amazing single people of both genders, many of whom I think might hit it off, but I never feel comfortable proactively suggesting an introduction unless someone directly asks me for intros to single men/women.
I would also host a "meet new people" dinner party if you are open to hosting. Invite 3 or 4 single friends and ask them to bring a friend, so you end up with 8-10 people. You don't need to explicitly frame it as a singles thing, but invite single people and it will happen!
posted by amaire at 4:01 PM on September 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
Norwegian was the first mainstream cruise line to have studio cabins, but it seems that other cruise lines now offer this cabin type as well.
posted by oceano at 11:51 PM on September 7, 2023
posted by oceano at 11:51 PM on September 7, 2023
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However, the internet on cruise ships is still very poor. Working might be difficult.
posted by mmoncur at 10:42 AM on September 7, 2023 [3 favorites]