How to Zoom… party?
August 14, 2023 6:52 PM Subscribe
It’s my birthday and I’m having a virtual party! But I don’t… know how to be social over Zoom? The technical side of things is fine, but I’m out of my depth with how to chat with ten people who know me, but not each other.
For my birthday this year, I've organised a hosted Airbnb virtual experience, followed by a Zoom chat, with friends in different states and countries.
The Airbnb thing is fine, it’s hosted, nothing to do but follow along.
Immediately after, I’ve set up a Zoom chat for 30 mins. There’ll be 10 people, all of whom I’ve know for a long time individually, but most of whom don’t know each other. Going to send an intro email so everyone knows who’s coming and a little bit about each person, but other than that… what? How?
I’ve never done anything social by Zoom before! I want everyone to feel included and for it not to be super awkward, and don’t want to be overly controlling. I don’t want to play party games or anything artificial. Would like this to be the virtual equivalent of having some birthday cake and a drink!
How do Zoom social things usually go? Have you done Zoom drinks or catch ups? What do you actually DO? Am lightly freaking out about making it work.
For my birthday this year, I've organised a hosted Airbnb virtual experience, followed by a Zoom chat, with friends in different states and countries.
The Airbnb thing is fine, it’s hosted, nothing to do but follow along.
Immediately after, I’ve set up a Zoom chat for 30 mins. There’ll be 10 people, all of whom I’ve know for a long time individually, but most of whom don’t know each other. Going to send an intro email so everyone knows who’s coming and a little bit about each person, but other than that… what? How?
I’ve never done anything social by Zoom before! I want everyone to feel included and for it not to be super awkward, and don’t want to be overly controlling. I don’t want to play party games or anything artificial. Would like this to be the virtual equivalent of having some birthday cake and a drink!
How do Zoom social things usually go? Have you done Zoom drinks or catch ups? What do you actually DO? Am lightly freaking out about making it work.
https://www.gather.town/ is free for up to 10 people and it kinda tries to mimic a party where you are in a room with your friends, there are little games, and you walk around the virtual room and talk to people by walking up to them.
but by far my favorite virtual thing to do with a small group is Geoguessr
posted by slow graffiti at 7:21 PM on August 14, 2023 [1 favorite]
but by far my favorite virtual thing to do with a small group is Geoguessr
posted by slow graffiti at 7:21 PM on August 14, 2023 [1 favorite]
Came here to say Jackbox but you have to make sure everyone's sense of humor is as inappropriate as everyone else's or offense can happen.
posted by Candleman at 7:22 PM on August 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Candleman at 7:22 PM on August 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: These are lovely suggestions but I’ve specifically said I’m not looking for games to play. I’m also not interested in using another app - this has been set up in Zoom :)
posted by t0astie at 8:13 PM on August 14, 2023
posted by t0astie at 8:13 PM on August 14, 2023
Best answer: I've done several group socializing things virtually...
1. Have you told people to bring a drink and/or dessert? Make sure to mention that in your email about the participants. That gives folks a chance to ask people what they are eating/drinking, which is good for small talk.
2. 10 people is not huge, but but small either... Would you consider break out rooms for 5 minutes, maybe with a prompt? Then you can join each room and say hi to folks in a smaller setting. We did that for a mediation class and a virtual college reunion, and I enjoyed the time in the smaller group setting. Sort of similar to how you'll have separate conversations going on simultaneously at a group dinner.
3. Depending on the people, it might be good to have some topics for discussion prepared. Questions related to birthdays or the AirBNB virtual experience everyone just joined.
It might also be smart to have everyone say their name and a fun fact at the beginning. People might be more willing to talk if they've said something, even if it's short.
It'll be fun, and if all else fails, play the artificial game...
posted by skunk pig at 8:14 PM on August 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
1. Have you told people to bring a drink and/or dessert? Make sure to mention that in your email about the participants. That gives folks a chance to ask people what they are eating/drinking, which is good for small talk.
2. 10 people is not huge, but but small either... Would you consider break out rooms for 5 minutes, maybe with a prompt? Then you can join each room and say hi to folks in a smaller setting. We did that for a mediation class and a virtual college reunion, and I enjoyed the time in the smaller group setting. Sort of similar to how you'll have separate conversations going on simultaneously at a group dinner.
3. Depending on the people, it might be good to have some topics for discussion prepared. Questions related to birthdays or the AirBNB virtual experience everyone just joined.
It might also be smart to have everyone say their name and a fun fact at the beginning. People might be more willing to talk if they've said something, even if it's short.
It'll be fun, and if all else fails, play the artificial game...
posted by skunk pig at 8:14 PM on August 14, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: 30 minutes is pretty short for a group of 10. I would probably do it as:
Min 0-3: thanks for coming everyone! Explain breakout rooms
Min 4-15: breakout groups of 5. Each group gets about 10 min, so 2min/pp, to introduce each other and make small talk. Set yourself up so that you’re the admin and you can hop into a group for a few min, then hop into the second group for a few min.
Min 16-20: everyone comes back together. Maybe you ask that everyone raise a glass. Maybe ask someone to be the “plant” to suggest singing happy birthday (it’s always terrible on zoom but who cares! It’s fun!).
Min 20: tell everyone thanks for coming and that you’ll hang on for another 10 min to chat, but if they have to run, that’s fine.
Min 20-30: chitter chatter, then you can end the call when “it’s getting to be that time”
posted by samthemander at 8:57 PM on August 14, 2023 [3 favorites]
Min 0-3: thanks for coming everyone! Explain breakout rooms
Min 4-15: breakout groups of 5. Each group gets about 10 min, so 2min/pp, to introduce each other and make small talk. Set yourself up so that you’re the admin and you can hop into a group for a few min, then hop into the second group for a few min.
Min 16-20: everyone comes back together. Maybe you ask that everyone raise a glass. Maybe ask someone to be the “plant” to suggest singing happy birthday (it’s always terrible on zoom but who cares! It’s fun!).
Min 20: tell everyone thanks for coming and that you’ll hang on for another 10 min to chat, but if they have to run, that’s fine.
Min 20-30: chitter chatter, then you can end the call when “it’s getting to be that time”
posted by samthemander at 8:57 PM on August 14, 2023 [3 favorites]
I don’t want to play party games or anything artificial.
Apologies, I had missed this line earlier.
I would encourage you to think of games as structure rather than artificial. Friendship is not transitive and online experiences are not the same as IRL experiences. I've spent a lot of time traveling for work and am adept with single serving friends and small talk with a stranger at the bar or party is different than someone on Zoom. Online bonding is much harder (and I've had online friendships that's lasted over a decade without ever communicating via anything other than asynchronous text formats). Playing a game together bonds the group with each other and provides a reason to continue to interact. There's a reason team building exercises focus on an activity rather than just dropping people into a cocktail hour.
Awkward small talk via Zoom with strangers that you'll never meet again is no fun for almost anyone.
I’ve never done anything social by Zoom before!
I have. A lot. Benefit from my experience.
How do Zoom social things usually go
In my experience, without structure, 20% of the people will dominate all conversation in the video chat, 40% will talk with each other via chat ignoring what the thread in the video chat is, and 40% will just feel awkwardly excluded and wait for the next non-awkward moment to drop (or will just drop).
Zoom weaponizes extrovertism and unless you're willing to talk over people all the time, you just get squeezed out.
As a host, your job is to ensure that your guests have a good time. Does a short Zoom session with someone you've never met sound like a good time? If not, figure out something to provide to do together.
posted by Candleman at 10:28 PM on August 14, 2023 [13 favorites]
Apologies, I had missed this line earlier.
I would encourage you to think of games as structure rather than artificial. Friendship is not transitive and online experiences are not the same as IRL experiences. I've spent a lot of time traveling for work and am adept with single serving friends and small talk with a stranger at the bar or party is different than someone on Zoom. Online bonding is much harder (and I've had online friendships that's lasted over a decade without ever communicating via anything other than asynchronous text formats). Playing a game together bonds the group with each other and provides a reason to continue to interact. There's a reason team building exercises focus on an activity rather than just dropping people into a cocktail hour.
Awkward small talk via Zoom with strangers that you'll never meet again is no fun for almost anyone.
I’ve never done anything social by Zoom before!
I have. A lot. Benefit from my experience.
How do Zoom social things usually go
In my experience, without structure, 20% of the people will dominate all conversation in the video chat, 40% will talk with each other via chat ignoring what the thread in the video chat is, and 40% will just feel awkwardly excluded and wait for the next non-awkward moment to drop (or will just drop).
Zoom weaponizes extrovertism and unless you're willing to talk over people all the time, you just get squeezed out.
As a host, your job is to ensure that your guests have a good time. Does a short Zoom session with someone you've never met sound like a good time? If not, figure out something to provide to do together.
posted by Candleman at 10:28 PM on August 14, 2023 [13 favorites]
Best answer: I do Zoom hangouts all the time and also attended a friend's Zoom birthday where they were available for 6 hours and we dropped in and out.
The easiest way to frame this is a debriefing session, and encouraging each person to share what they think, while also supporting those who are down to just listen. Have some questions ready, and feel free to start the conversation by you sharing first, because it is going to set the tone. I would extend it out to an hour, and it'll require some facilitation skills. I would not recommend a game for this -- they already are taking in your virtual experience and will not have capacity to play another game unless they are experienced game players, or you provide a game that is both simple and allows people to know more about eachother, like a prompt party game.
People like to know what other people think, even if they don't talk, listening is fine too. Let people enjoy their time and don't worry too much if they make friends or not, that wouldn't happen in a meatspace party anyway. It's already sweet of you to throw this for folks.
I'm a very social community organizer, facilitator and game designer with heavy anxiety issues, for my background. I think about this stuff a lot on multiple different levels.
posted by yueliang at 2:04 AM on August 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
The easiest way to frame this is a debriefing session, and encouraging each person to share what they think, while also supporting those who are down to just listen. Have some questions ready, and feel free to start the conversation by you sharing first, because it is going to set the tone. I would extend it out to an hour, and it'll require some facilitation skills. I would not recommend a game for this -- they already are taking in your virtual experience and will not have capacity to play another game unless they are experienced game players, or you provide a game that is both simple and allows people to know more about eachother, like a prompt party game.
People like to know what other people think, even if they don't talk, listening is fine too. Let people enjoy their time and don't worry too much if they make friends or not, that wouldn't happen in a meatspace party anyway. It's already sweet of you to throw this for folks.
I'm a very social community organizer, facilitator and game designer with heavy anxiety issues, for my background. I think about this stuff a lot on multiple different levels.
posted by yueliang at 2:04 AM on August 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: The other thing too -- my friends love to share and talk and engage. They appreciate activities that are fun but don't get in the way of being with the people around them or their access needs. Other people may be repelled by the idea of having to engage with strangers, but find if conversations aren't expected or imposed, they find themselves more willing to participate. The key thing is to make it relaxing and easygoing, and so I would recommend you personally do whatever will make you the most relaxed and easygoing, because you set the tone for the space as a host. Also, remind people that they can leave at any time to take care of their needs. Taking good care of people is not always about providing an activity, it is welcoming them so their needs can be vocalized and met.
posted by yueliang at 2:13 AM on August 15, 2023
posted by yueliang at 2:13 AM on August 15, 2023
Best answer: I have a friend who’s been running a zoom party for years, and breakout rooms are key. People who want to talk more intimately have a place to go, but everyone can hang out in the “big room” if they like. Now, this is for a group of people who’ve known each other for 30-40 years, so you’ll need more structure, but it can be pretty seemless.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:09 AM on August 15, 2023
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:09 AM on August 15, 2023
I have attended a ton of social Zoom meetings and always hate breakout rooms, its so awkward to be split off with some random people vs being in the main room with the person I want to connect with. I think 30 min is too short for much, you can prepare some jokes (or ask people to bring their fav joke) or have a few icebreaker questions if it gets all quiet. Simple icebreaker questions like to show and describe something on their desk, what pets they have, coolest book/show/movie/etc they saw recently with saying its ok to skip anything anyone wants. If you must do something then I suggest doing something like https://skribbl.io/ (obnoxious ad with high volume the first time it opens but after that its very nice), its a very simple drawing game with obvious rules that doesn't take much attention. Do try it out with a friend first though.
posted by meepmeow at 12:08 PM on August 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by meepmeow at 12:08 PM on August 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
I don't think a breakout room will work in this case -- the common denominator is you, it's a short amount of time, it's your birthday party, and people who click can just DM while in the main call. People usually reluctantly break off into their own group if the host is occupied, and the breakout room is also uneven because who gets to be with the host? Better to keep it all in one room.
posted by yueliang at 12:29 PM on August 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by yueliang at 12:29 PM on August 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
If your group is into music at all, go to mybirthdayhits.com and obtain a list of each song that was number 1 on your birthday for however many years you've been alive. Run through the list or pick out a few standouts and everyone can discuss each song, whether they like it, whether they don't, maybe someone knows a fun fact about the artist or the story behind a song or has a special connection to it that they'd like to share. Then at the end you can decide on your favorite :)
posted by wats at 7:55 PM on August 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by wats at 7:55 PM on August 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
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posted by Rev. Irreverent Revenant at 7:08 PM on August 14, 2023 [1 favorite]