Best practices for declining excessive rounds of interviews?

August 3, 2023 5:50 AM

Long story short I let a Series A startup snooker me into doing 9 interviews over Zoom, and now they want to do one more while they negotiate my salary with their founder. This is madness and I wish I had known how to push back sooner. How can I gracefully say no to the latest request (which will accompany a rejection of any offers they make) and do the same earlier on in the future? "I'm sorry, that won't be possible," begs the question, "Why?" so I don't want to use that phrase anymore.
posted by The Adventure Begins to Work & Money (27 answers total)

The key to using "I'm sorry, that won't be possible" is that you repeat it whenever they ask for a reason. That's the whole point of the phrase. You just want to shut the conversation down, and giving them any excuse provides an opening for them to dispute it.

Assuming that is what you want though. If you still want some back and forth, then give them whatever reason suits your aims.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:55 AM on August 3, 2023 [3 favorites]

Good post from Ask A Manager.
posted by rhymedirective at 5:57 AM on August 3, 2023 [5 favorites]

This from Ask A Manager addresses your question.
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 5:57 AM on August 3, 2023 [3 favorites]

Here's an answer from Ask A Manager, with additional related topics linked at the bottom.

Keep in mind that "no" is a complete sentence. If you don't want to work there, simply decline the additional interview. You don't have to explain yourself or use this as a teachable moment for a company who clearly does not have their act together.
posted by ananci at 5:58 AM on August 3, 2023 [10 favorites]

I don’t think there’s anything to say. A startup that takes nine interviews to make a hiring decision would be a miserable place to work so simply tell them that you’ve decided to take another opportunity that you feel is a better fit.

Alternately you can tell them you’ve done a final interview elsewhere and you’re waiting to hear back so you’re going to need a decision out of them in the next week.

Interviewing is a two way process and they’ve all but failed their side.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:07 AM on August 3, 2023 [15 favorites]

So - a couple of years ago, I did an untold number of interviews with my current client (not even full-time) - it was somewhere between 7 and 9. They expected me to drop everything and interview whenever convenient for them.

They are a disorganized mess (and miserable to work for) - too many interviews are now a red-flag warning sign for me.... (I am only ticking along until I can find another client)
posted by rozcakj at 6:09 AM on August 3, 2023 [14 favorites]

I don't think there is anything more to be gained from yet another interview. Please remove me from consideration at this time.
posted by soelo at 6:17 AM on August 3, 2023 [44 favorites]

If you're not going to accept an offer even if it's given, can't you just say you're withdrawing as a candidate and then not respond to any follow-ups? I guess I'm not seeing the need for any explanation.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 6:18 AM on August 3, 2023 [26 favorites]

I mean as long as you are comfortable with their response being "well then thank you for your time. We will be going another direction", just be honest:

"I appreciate you want to continue your due diligence, but I feel I have given up as much of my time as I am willing to for this process. I will gladly reply to any forthcoming offer from you based on its merits, but I decline this additional interview. I'm aware that this may reflect negatively on me in this interview process and I am comfortable with that. Have a super great awesome day."
posted by cmm at 6:18 AM on August 3, 2023 [27 favorites]

If you aren't interested in working there anymore, right now email them something like "after serious thought I am withdrawing myself as a candidate. Thank you for your time & consideration over these past 18 weeks."

Then don't reply to any follow up emails.
posted by muddgirl at 6:24 AM on August 3, 2023 [9 favorites]

If you've already decided you're not going to accept their offer, why would you be waiting for another interview? Once you decide you're not interested in the position, just tell them you're not interested in the position. You don't have to wait for them to call you and ask to interview again to tell them no.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:31 AM on August 3, 2023 [3 favorites]

(so as to not abuse the edit window) In response to your "how can I avoid this in the future" question:

I once stopped in the middle of responding to a question during a first interview and said, "I think our conversation has made me realize that this position wouldn't be a good fit. Thanks so much for your time," and left. It felt great!

During another search, I kept pushing aside misgivings about how disconnected the hiring manager seemed during a couple of group interviews - she spent the whole time on her iPad - and took the job anyway. She turned out to be as disinterested in me as an employee as she was during those interviews, and I started job hunting after three weeks.

In short, trust your gut. The interview process is supposed to involve everyone being on their best behavior. How you're treated as a candidate can absolutely give you insight into company culture and how you might be treated as an employee, if you pay attention. Going forward, figure out what number of interviews seems reasonable to you (less than 9, right?) and share that with the recruiter. Congrats on dodging a bullet with this one!
posted by Sweetie Darling at 6:31 AM on August 3, 2023 [17 favorites]

I have gotten snookered like this because I was curious. I genuinely wanted to know more about the role, the team, the business, the benefits. And I was approval-seeking: will they pick me? Even if I'm starting to think I'd turn them down.

If I can convince myself that I know enough to know that I don't want to know any more, it's easier to communicate a forever farewell. The phrasings above are great. At least for me, the hard part is adjusting my feelings so that I'm ready to say it. If that's you, OP, you're not alone.
posted by Former Congressional Representative Lenny Lemming at 6:40 AM on August 3, 2023

You are interviewing them just as much, and maybe more, than they are interviewing them. The company wouldn't think twice about going dark the minute they write you off as a candidate. Likewise, you don't owe them anything beyond simple common courtesy if you don't want this job. You certainly don't own them any more time.
posted by COD at 6:57 AM on August 3, 2023 [8 favorites]

With future companies I think it can be okay to ask, at the very beginning, "What is your interview process like?", "How many interviews can a successful candidate expect?", etc.

How can I gracefully say no to the latest request (which will accompany a rejection of any offers they make)

Either "I withdraw my candidacy for the position, best of luck" if you don't want to give them feedback, or "Thank you for your consideration. I'm afraid the unusual number of interviews required so far raises questions for me about the effectiveness of $company's internal processes in general and the treatment I can expect as an employee. I hereby withdraw my candidacy. Best of luck"
posted by trig at 7:11 AM on August 3, 2023 [22 favorites]

Everyone here has said things I would. I want to add one thing: "Because this is way too many interviews" is a perfectly valid answer to "why." Some companies are run by idiots or assholes; many are run by well-intentioned people who really might take that feedback to heart. Certainly my own employer has made changes to our hiring process in response to feedback from interviewees. You really owe them absolutely nothing, not a single word. You could just ghost them. (They'd ghost you!) But "I'm withdrawing because this process has drawn on for far too long; you can't seem to make up your mind and I'm fed up" - well, that's a complete sentence just like "no" is.
posted by Tomorrowful at 7:12 AM on August 3, 2023 [21 favorites]

"Because this is way too many interviews" is a perfectly valid answer to "why."

THIS THIS THIS

"I'm sorry, this interview process has gone on far beyond what is reasonable, and if this is the company culture around decision-making we're not going to be a fit."

This is a massive waste of your time AND THEIRS. Do they not have jobs? Also, hello, how fucking insulting to make you dance for them yet again because they can't decide on a salary? They already know exactly how much they're going to pay you. I am pissed off on your behalf, and I just recently took a friend aside after Round 5 to tell her she was ignoring big red flags. They are free to have internal meetings and come back to you with any followup questions they have, you don't actually need to monitor their meetings.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:34 AM on August 3, 2023 [57 favorites]

Thank you so much for your time. I've decided this is not a good fit for me. Best of luck.
posted by brookeb at 7:43 AM on August 3, 2023 [4 favorites]

I would be very tempted to write, "Hi, thank you so much for your interest in me for the role of XYZ. Unfortunately, you didn't make it through the eighth round of interviews, so I won't be attending a ninth. All the best in your search for the right person!"
posted by guessthis at 8:00 AM on August 3, 2023 [15 favorites]

As someone who has just spent some time in the "interviewing for startups" world, I agree wholeheartedly with the "tell them why" crew. (But of course, do it politely.) "I'm sorry, the excessively long interview process has led me to determine that Company X is not a good fit for me. I wish you the best in finding someone who is a better fit."

It's hard to tell what the internal politics behind that process may be, and just maybe the feedback will lead them to reconsider.
posted by jferg at 8:16 AM on August 3, 2023 [13 favorites]

The interview process has been excessively long and time-consuming. I am concerned about the ability of ZYXCo to operate effectively. When you are ready to make an offer, please do.
posted by theora55 at 9:24 AM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]

Yeah the nice thing here is you want to withdraw anyway (and I agree with you on your reasoning) so why not be candid?

"Based on the number of interviews this process has involved, it appears we would not be a good fit, as far as process management and decision making go. Best of luck with your search."
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:52 AM on August 3, 2023

Response by poster: Lmao I just spoke to the recruiter and she completely ignored me when I gently mentioned the number of interviews as a reason why I was rejecting the offer. Like point blank ignored and got uppity with me. Beyond tacky.

Thanks for all the input. Never again. I will be much more assertive in my first screening calls from now on and will ask for clarification on the number of rounds expected for interviews. Yeesh.
posted by The Adventure Begins at 10:15 AM on August 3, 2023 [30 favorites]

Got uppity with you because you are likely costing them a commission... They are likely a contract recruiter...
posted by rozcakj at 1:35 PM on August 3, 2023 [5 favorites]

Wise advice: "“Abraham Lincoln once posed the question: ‘If you call a dog’s tail a leg, how many legs does it have?’ and then answered his own query: ‘Four, because calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it one,’”

I know, sounds off-topic, but I have found in my almost 50 year career that gas-lighting is often used by incompetent or insecure managers/organizations (to keep you off balance). I once was given the impression by a boss that he was considering firing me because I did not agree with him about the need for an asterisk (seriously... but I can't be more specific because current employer).
posted by forthright at 5:46 PM on August 3, 2023 [4 favorites]

Got uppity with you because you are likely costing them a commission... They are likely a contract recruiter...

Yeah, my guess is that the recruiter is as fed up with the company as you are.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:43 PM on August 3, 2023

Response by poster: She actually said, "Fine! Good for you." out of the blue when I thanked her for her time. Like she was singing the Olivia Rodrigo song to me! I got off the phone as quickly as possible after that. 😬
posted by The Adventure Begins at 10:28 PM on August 3, 2023