Should we hire a DJ for our wedding?
July 24, 2023 7:13 PM Subscribe
Which is worse: A wedding with a DJ where nobody dances? Or a wedding where people are bored and leave early because there's no DJ?
My fiance and I could use some help deciding whether to hire a DJ for our upcoming wedding. Our wedding timeline, encompassing both ceremony and reception, will either be 4:00-9:00 pm or 5:00-10:00 pm.
Initially, we planned to skip the DJ for the following reasons:
- My fiance doesn't really enjoy dancing and would be unlikely to spend any time on the dance floor at our reception.
- It's a smaller wedding; we're expecting about 50 guests.
- Although guests will range in ages from 3 to 75, the average age is likely to skew older than the typical American wedding. We're in our late thirties ourselves. Some of our friends who definitely would have been up for dancing ten years ago now have young kids in tow; at least a handful of parents/aunts/uncles have mobility issues that would make dancing difficult.
- Risk of cheesy, forced fun type DJ.
As we've gotten more into wedding planning, we're starting to question whether it would be a mistake to skip the DJ. Reasons being:
- It seems like people generally expect weddings to offer dancing, especially if the reception takes place in the evening. We want our guests to have a fun, enjoyable time at the reception. Without dancing, some people might be bored or disappointed.
- Most of our guests are traveling to the wedding from out of state. It feels like the stakes are higher to provide some type of post-dinner activity or entertainment so people feel like it was worth the time and expense of travel.
- DJs also act as an MC. We're skipping several formalities like the bouquet toss, but it could be nice to have someone who will announce our first dance or last call at the bar.
Both options feel risky! If we hire a DJ, I'm envisioning a worst case scenario in which hardly anyone dances and we look silly for thinking a DJ would be a good idea given our crowd. Alternatively, if we skip the DJ, I'm envisioning a worst case scenario in which guests are bored and the evening quickly deflates after dinner.
Absent a DJ, we would probably hire live instruments (e.g., string quartet) for the ceremony and cocktail hour, followed by a Spotify playlist to provide background music during dinner and dance-able music after dinner. Should we just do that instead? I've already done some research on how to put together a wedding reception playlist, but would need to figure out an appropriate speaker setup.
My fiance and I could use some help deciding whether to hire a DJ for our upcoming wedding. Our wedding timeline, encompassing both ceremony and reception, will either be 4:00-9:00 pm or 5:00-10:00 pm.
Initially, we planned to skip the DJ for the following reasons:
- My fiance doesn't really enjoy dancing and would be unlikely to spend any time on the dance floor at our reception.
- It's a smaller wedding; we're expecting about 50 guests.
- Although guests will range in ages from 3 to 75, the average age is likely to skew older than the typical American wedding. We're in our late thirties ourselves. Some of our friends who definitely would have been up for dancing ten years ago now have young kids in tow; at least a handful of parents/aunts/uncles have mobility issues that would make dancing difficult.
- Risk of cheesy, forced fun type DJ.
As we've gotten more into wedding planning, we're starting to question whether it would be a mistake to skip the DJ. Reasons being:
- It seems like people generally expect weddings to offer dancing, especially if the reception takes place in the evening. We want our guests to have a fun, enjoyable time at the reception. Without dancing, some people might be bored or disappointed.
- Most of our guests are traveling to the wedding from out of state. It feels like the stakes are higher to provide some type of post-dinner activity or entertainment so people feel like it was worth the time and expense of travel.
- DJs also act as an MC. We're skipping several formalities like the bouquet toss, but it could be nice to have someone who will announce our first dance or last call at the bar.
Both options feel risky! If we hire a DJ, I'm envisioning a worst case scenario in which hardly anyone dances and we look silly for thinking a DJ would be a good idea given our crowd. Alternatively, if we skip the DJ, I'm envisioning a worst case scenario in which guests are bored and the evening quickly deflates after dinner.
Absent a DJ, we would probably hire live instruments (e.g., string quartet) for the ceremony and cocktail hour, followed by a Spotify playlist to provide background music during dinner and dance-able music after dinner. Should we just do that instead? I've already done some research on how to put together a wedding reception playlist, but would need to figure out an appropriate speaker setup.
A good wedding DJ is like flying a plane or doing surgery: a good pilot or a good surgeon is better than a bad one.
And like a surgeon, a good wedding DJ could do an entire night of Weird Al covers and make it groove just fine.
Generic programmed music is okay for dinner. For the ceremony you need something special preferably live if possible.
posted by ovvl at 7:36 PM on July 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
And like a surgeon, a good wedding DJ could do an entire night of Weird Al covers and make it groove just fine.
Generic programmed music is okay for dinner. For the ceremony you need something special preferably live if possible.
posted by ovvl at 7:36 PM on July 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
Sorry, I didn't fully process your "if we don't have a DJ" option. I assumed you meant DJ vs no music. But it sounds like you're going to have the same music anyway, even to the point of live musicians for the ceremony. So aside from the MC concern you already captured, what are you thinking a DJ would do?
posted by Lady Li at 7:38 PM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Lady Li at 7:38 PM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
(and if you notice my two answers were "if you have a DJ and no one dances it's perfectly normal and fine" and "if you play pre-recorded music from a Bluetooth speaker it's perfectly normal and fine" then you are getting the theme, neither would be a problem.)
posted by Lady Li at 7:40 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Lady Li at 7:40 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
5 hours is too long to just see what happens, I think you have to firmly pick a side - hire a DJ and accept there will be dancing/DJ antics (maybe ask him to play the shoe game?) because the DJ will MC, or plan that there won't be dancing and build the event schedule around something else.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:35 PM on July 24, 2023
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:35 PM on July 24, 2023
As a 41 year old who’s 90% of yearly dancing happens at the all too infrequent weddings that occur at that age, please get a dj. Kids looove dancing, people want to dance, your fiancé is going to end up dancing. Disclaimer- I’ve been to 30+ weddings and the noteably 3-5 not fun ones had no dancing.
posted by sandmanwv at 9:01 PM on July 24, 2023 [42 favorites]
posted by sandmanwv at 9:01 PM on July 24, 2023 [42 favorites]
A good DJ will be able to read the room and play the right music to the crowd in front of them. They wouldn't want to force a dance party on a room that isn't receptive to that vibe.
If you do decide to go the DJ route, interview a few, and let them know you're not sure if people will be wanting to dance, or if it will be better just have music in the background. Discuss with them what sort of musical mood you want in the room. Maybe the DJ can start with background music and work up to a dance party, if it feels right. A good DJ will likely even get your husband to dance.
But if you don't want "a cheesy, forced fun type DJ," don't hire that type of DJ.
posted by Leontine at 9:07 PM on July 24, 2023 [9 favorites]
If you do decide to go the DJ route, interview a few, and let them know you're not sure if people will be wanting to dance, or if it will be better just have music in the background. Discuss with them what sort of musical mood you want in the room. Maybe the DJ can start with background music and work up to a dance party, if it feels right. A good DJ will likely even get your husband to dance.
But if you don't want "a cheesy, forced fun type DJ," don't hire that type of DJ.
posted by Leontine at 9:07 PM on July 24, 2023 [9 favorites]
Personally, I vote have a DJ. I’ve been to a wedding where the bride wasn’t a big dancer but I think even she enjoyed the small dance floor party we had going for a handful of songs. And he played great background music otherwise.
posted by samthemander at 9:11 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by samthemander at 9:11 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
We didn't. Just set up a laptop with a good library(no Spotify back then) and let people play what they wanted.
posted by gible at 9:15 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by gible at 9:15 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
My friends always complain to me two things regarding weddings : food and the DJ, because that makes up 90% of the vibe. It's also normal for the people getting married to leave early to rest anyway. I would recommend getting the DJ, but ask for help. Choose the most music savvy friend you have and ask for their help, they could probably give advice and maybe help vet the DJ and provide some songs that would work well.
posted by yueliang at 9:34 PM on July 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by yueliang at 9:34 PM on July 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
And like a surgeon, a good wedding DJ could do an entire night of Weird Al covers and make it groove just fine.
And now I want to get married just so that I can have an entire wedding reception of Weird Al covers!
But seriously, you need some sort of music at a reception or else it feels like a conference meeting. You need something to give it joyous vibe. I’ve been to weddings that have had string quartets, entire orchestras, DJs, and even somebody just playing music through the speaker system from an iPod playlist. They were all fine. But the very few wedding receptions I’ve attended where there was no music at all seemed subdued and lacked joy.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 9:44 PM on July 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
And now I want to get married just so that I can have an entire wedding reception of Weird Al covers!
But seriously, you need some sort of music at a reception or else it feels like a conference meeting. You need something to give it joyous vibe. I’ve been to weddings that have had string quartets, entire orchestras, DJs, and even somebody just playing music through the speaker system from an iPod playlist. They were all fine. But the very few wedding receptions I’ve attended where there was no music at all seemed subdued and lacked joy.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 9:44 PM on July 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
It's been a good year for weddings. I've been to three.
One had a great DJ.
The other two had clowns who played stuff nobody liked or had heard of, and when they played a song that made everyone on the dance floor go and sit down they played more of the same. In both cases they were instructed to take requests, and in both cases they took them and ignored them.
At the last wedding I arranged for five people to go up and ask for anything by James Brown and the DJ finally said it wasn't going to happen. When the bride interceded he did, but he made it the last song of the night. Everyone had a great time for one dance.
I've informally DJ'd for parties, back in the day, with a stack of 45s and a stereo. It's not a job that requires a fortune in equipment of a whole lot of skill. You can rent the irritating flashing lights, or better yet forego them, and have a set of speakers and a cell phone, or even a computer hooked to an amp.
You can also keep the volume down to a level where people can talk and socialize and their ears won't be ringing the next day.
I worked in a place that had live music, often big names, almost every night. It was staggeringly loud, and this was before bands wore hearing protection to save themselves from the levels they were inflicting on the audience. I asked one of their sound guys why they didn't tone it down just a little and he said, "We can't. We have to be louder than the last band so people don't think we're not tough."
Unless you're from a demographic not typically well represented on MF, it's probably best not to plan your wedding to demonstrate how tough you are.
You can have a friend run it or leave it open, providing you don't have that one guest who thinks your wedding is a good time to introduce everyone to Norwegian Death Metal. I think it's best to ask someone with some sense to keep an eye on it.
I think you have to have music. Even if you don't like to dance, a lot of people do, and it adds life to an occasion.
I'd never spend money on a DJ. It's easier and better to do yourself, and you avoid all the hassles with a clown who thinks he's the cool part of the event.
I'd also make sure that people can get requests played, because you don't want their overriding memory of the day to be irritation with the DJ and the music.
Do what makes sense and will be fun.
posted by AugustusCrunch at 9:48 PM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
One had a great DJ.
The other two had clowns who played stuff nobody liked or had heard of, and when they played a song that made everyone on the dance floor go and sit down they played more of the same. In both cases they were instructed to take requests, and in both cases they took them and ignored them.
At the last wedding I arranged for five people to go up and ask for anything by James Brown and the DJ finally said it wasn't going to happen. When the bride interceded he did, but he made it the last song of the night. Everyone had a great time for one dance.
I've informally DJ'd for parties, back in the day, with a stack of 45s and a stereo. It's not a job that requires a fortune in equipment of a whole lot of skill. You can rent the irritating flashing lights, or better yet forego them, and have a set of speakers and a cell phone, or even a computer hooked to an amp.
You can also keep the volume down to a level where people can talk and socialize and their ears won't be ringing the next day.
I worked in a place that had live music, often big names, almost every night. It was staggeringly loud, and this was before bands wore hearing protection to save themselves from the levels they were inflicting on the audience. I asked one of their sound guys why they didn't tone it down just a little and he said, "We can't. We have to be louder than the last band so people don't think we're not tough."
Unless you're from a demographic not typically well represented on MF, it's probably best not to plan your wedding to demonstrate how tough you are.
You can have a friend run it or leave it open, providing you don't have that one guest who thinks your wedding is a good time to introduce everyone to Norwegian Death Metal. I think it's best to ask someone with some sense to keep an eye on it.
I think you have to have music. Even if you don't like to dance, a lot of people do, and it adds life to an occasion.
I'd never spend money on a DJ. It's easier and better to do yourself, and you avoid all the hassles with a clown who thinks he's the cool part of the event.
I'd also make sure that people can get requests played, because you don't want their overriding memory of the day to be irritation with the DJ and the music.
Do what makes sense and will be fun.
posted by AugustusCrunch at 9:48 PM on July 24, 2023 [3 favorites]
Some of our friends who definitely would have been up for dancing ten years ago now have young kids in tow
No idea about the overall question, but can attest that many parents and kids do like to dance (though the later hours might be too late for the younger ones)
posted by trig at 10:11 PM on July 24, 2023 [17 favorites]
No idea about the overall question, but can attest that many parents and kids do like to dance (though the later hours might be too late for the younger ones)
posted by trig at 10:11 PM on July 24, 2023 [17 favorites]
Oldies dance. Get the DJ.
posted by pompomtom at 10:42 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by pompomtom at 10:42 PM on July 24, 2023 [6 favorites]
You have to have music. Get the DJ, but vet them carefully, for the reasons AugustusCrunch pointed out. Definitely make sure people can make requests, but also be sure the DJ won't play weird Uncle Bob's 17 requests for death metal tracks.
We got one for our wedding, even though we had selected all the music for all the various stages of the wedding (pre-bride arrival, bride arrival, walking down the aisle ... driving away from the reception). We shared our various Spotify playlists with the DJ, pointed out the ones where that actual version of that actual track/s in the playlist were 100% mandatory (eg bride arrival) and which were more suggestions (eg reception music) where they could monitor the vibe and play what was appropriate based on our very clear preferences as expressed in the playlist. There's a lot going in in even a simple wedding and what song to play next is the last thing you want to be thinking about, nor do you want to trust weird Uncle Bob to play what you want.
posted by dg at 11:15 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
We got one for our wedding, even though we had selected all the music for all the various stages of the wedding (pre-bride arrival, bride arrival, walking down the aisle ... driving away from the reception). We shared our various Spotify playlists with the DJ, pointed out the ones where that actual version of that actual track/s in the playlist were 100% mandatory (eg bride arrival) and which were more suggestions (eg reception music) where they could monitor the vibe and play what was appropriate based on our very clear preferences as expressed in the playlist. There's a lot going in in even a simple wedding and what song to play next is the last thing you want to be thinking about, nor do you want to trust weird Uncle Bob to play what you want.
posted by dg at 11:15 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
If you're having a hard time with the "big Electric Slide raucous dance floor wedding DJ" paradigm, think of it as being more like a First Friday art walk with cocktails on a rooftop bar vibe (the last time I saw a DJ in action at an event).
You can choose any kind of DJ you want in order to find the vibe you're going for--if it were me, I'd look to the closest college and/or community radio station to see if any of their DJs do events on the side. They're likely to be reasonably priced and to have good taste.
I do think you'll regret it if you put out a laptop (whose? be prepared for the absolute worst to happen to it!) with crowd control, or a bluetooth speaker with Spotify. Better to spend a couple hundred and trust that you're in good hands.
posted by knotty knots at 11:21 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
You can choose any kind of DJ you want in order to find the vibe you're going for--if it were me, I'd look to the closest college and/or community radio station to see if any of their DJs do events on the side. They're likely to be reasonably priced and to have good taste.
I do think you'll regret it if you put out a laptop (whose? be prepared for the absolute worst to happen to it!) with crowd control, or a bluetooth speaker with Spotify. Better to spend a couple hundred and trust that you're in good hands.
posted by knotty knots at 11:21 PM on July 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
We used a preset Spotify playlist at our wedding (we were in our mid-to-late 30s and had ~70 people at the wedding) and people danced A LOT and it is generally still remembered five years later as A Fun Wedding. My husband and his friend made a playlist that was 100% bangers that we knew would get people (specifically the people we'd invited to the wedding) on the dance floor. Like, seriously, I think for every song they were like, "OK, mskyle's college friends will dance to this song, the aunts and uncles will definitely dance to this song, so-and-so and so-and-so will 100% get up to dance for this song." And yes, as others have said, in my experience people in their 30s and 40s are often DESPERATE to dance at weddings because it's the only place we ever dance anymore.
But even though I think it's possible to do this with a playlist, I don't think there's any risk of you looking silly just for having a DJ, even if no one wants to dance! If the DJ is the kind of DJ that is desperately trying to get people on the dance floor, yeah that is unpleasant. But you can interview the DJ and say, "We're not sure how much people are going to want to dance, so we need you be ready for sort of a cocktail party vibe and a dance vibe depending on how things go" and maybe talk through a couple of scenarios. Maybe have some goes/no goes - like, to get people on the dance floor, "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" is a yes, but "Electric Slide" is a no.
You just need to find a DJ who you're on the same page as (which is admittedly a hassle, and the main reason we went with a Spotify playlist).
Oh and one other thing: if you do end up playing music at "dancing" volumes (either with a DJ or on a Spotify playlist), try to have a quiet space for people to hang out and talk as well. If you have older people with mobility issues, there's a decent chance some of them have hearing issues as well.
posted by mskyle at 11:50 PM on July 24, 2023 [10 favorites]
But even though I think it's possible to do this with a playlist, I don't think there's any risk of you looking silly just for having a DJ, even if no one wants to dance! If the DJ is the kind of DJ that is desperately trying to get people on the dance floor, yeah that is unpleasant. But you can interview the DJ and say, "We're not sure how much people are going to want to dance, so we need you be ready for sort of a cocktail party vibe and a dance vibe depending on how things go" and maybe talk through a couple of scenarios. Maybe have some goes/no goes - like, to get people on the dance floor, "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" is a yes, but "Electric Slide" is a no.
You just need to find a DJ who you're on the same page as (which is admittedly a hassle, and the main reason we went with a Spotify playlist).
Oh and one other thing: if you do end up playing music at "dancing" volumes (either with a DJ or on a Spotify playlist), try to have a quiet space for people to hang out and talk as well. If you have older people with mobility issues, there's a decent chance some of them have hearing issues as well.
posted by mskyle at 11:50 PM on July 24, 2023 [10 favorites]
As a 41 year old who’s 90% of yearly dancing happens at the all too infrequent weddings that occur at that age, please get a dj. Kids looove dancing, people want to dance, your fiancé is going to end up dancing. Disclaimer- I’ve been to 30+ weddings and the noteably 3-5 not fun ones had no dancing.
Echoing this so much.
If the parents are bringing their kids to the wedding - weddings are super boring for kids and so it's stressful for parents to keep them quiet and occupied for the bits that they need to be. It is worth it once you can take the restrictor plate off and watch (and dance with) your kid on the dancefloor - and a few kids dancing on the floor will get others up too.
If the parents are not bringing their kids to the wedding - nights out alone as adults are precious and giving people an opportunity to cut a rug and let loose is great. Furthermore - I would say about 75% of weddings I have attended had an unexpected aunt/uncle/grandparent/friend who you'd think "oh they don't dance" who ends up surprising you with some moves and love of dancing that they just don't get a chance to do often. That stuff is memorable - I close my eyes and can think of a bunch of moments at weddings that came from a good dancefloor and I'm not really a big dancer.
There are also a few moments in a wedding program - transitions mostly - where having someone in charge of putting on some appropriate music or turning it off is useful. An example - if you're going to do a dinner game or ask for speeches - sometimes there are breaks in between people doing things where having music is nice. Also having someone see a person go up to a microphone and knowing to cut the music is nice.
Finally - one thing that can get people dancing is the ability to request a song. This isn't really possible if you have a set playlist unless someone is managing the device. DJs also usually ask you for a list of songs you want and, at least the good ones, tailor what they play to what you requested - and/or read the room and see a song go over well and put on other things that are similar.
If the cost of having a DJ is not an issue (i.e., you'd spend the money on other musicians) - I don't think it's something you'll regret, and it may lead to a few memorable moments in your wedding which is worth it.
posted by openhearted at 3:57 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
Echoing this so much.
If the parents are bringing their kids to the wedding - weddings are super boring for kids and so it's stressful for parents to keep them quiet and occupied for the bits that they need to be. It is worth it once you can take the restrictor plate off and watch (and dance with) your kid on the dancefloor - and a few kids dancing on the floor will get others up too.
If the parents are not bringing their kids to the wedding - nights out alone as adults are precious and giving people an opportunity to cut a rug and let loose is great. Furthermore - I would say about 75% of weddings I have attended had an unexpected aunt/uncle/grandparent/friend who you'd think "oh they don't dance" who ends up surprising you with some moves and love of dancing that they just don't get a chance to do often. That stuff is memorable - I close my eyes and can think of a bunch of moments at weddings that came from a good dancefloor and I'm not really a big dancer.
There are also a few moments in a wedding program - transitions mostly - where having someone in charge of putting on some appropriate music or turning it off is useful. An example - if you're going to do a dinner game or ask for speeches - sometimes there are breaks in between people doing things where having music is nice. Also having someone see a person go up to a microphone and knowing to cut the music is nice.
Finally - one thing that can get people dancing is the ability to request a song. This isn't really possible if you have a set playlist unless someone is managing the device. DJs also usually ask you for a list of songs you want and, at least the good ones, tailor what they play to what you requested - and/or read the room and see a song go over well and put on other things that are similar.
If the cost of having a DJ is not an issue (i.e., you'd spend the money on other musicians) - I don't think it's something you'll regret, and it may lead to a few memorable moments in your wedding which is worth it.
posted by openhearted at 3:57 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
There seems to be one main local DJ who I have seen at a number of events. He plays quiet music while people are eating, coordinates speech-givers, adds as much or as little lighting and personality as requested (I’ve seen him vary his patter a LOT), and plays fun oldies for an older crowd, 80’s-00’s tunes for the folks-with-kids crowd (and speaking as one of them: we looove to have the opportunity to dance, and so does my kid), and recent hip hop if college students are on the floor. If you don’t want to fuss about music and AV systems while visiting with family, a good DJ is the answer.
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:07 AM on July 25, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:07 AM on July 25, 2023 [6 favorites]
I've gotten a few wedding invites that had on the RSVP "The one song I will definitely dance to is ________." Give the olds some time to swing it to what they swung it to. The kids can roll their eyes for two songs.
I'm assuming these requests are pre-loaded to the DJ. I imagine the battle is getting the DJ to honor that.
posted by archimago at 4:39 AM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]
I'm assuming these requests are pre-loaded to the DJ. I imagine the battle is getting the DJ to honor that.
posted by archimago at 4:39 AM on July 25, 2023 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks for the responses so far! Just to clarify, there will definitely be music during the reception. It's just a question of whether the reception music is provided by a DJ vs. DIY Spotify playlist.
posted by oiseau at 5:21 AM on July 25, 2023
posted by oiseau at 5:21 AM on July 25, 2023
I would get a dj - get recommendations or ask to see a reel or ask the venue so it is the right vibe for you. As for kids: At my sister's wedding the dj played a frozen song at a reasonable volume during the second part of dinner and all the kids who were served first went off and danced while the adults could eat and talk. It was profoundly smart. And then the kids stayed around to dance to other fun songs.
People like a good dj - one that can read the room and figure out songs for most. And people need help relaxing and getting in the groove. It will make your wedding much more fun and folks will stay longer and remember it more fondly.
.
posted by mutt.cyberspace at 5:54 AM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
People like a good dj - one that can read the room and figure out songs for most. And people need help relaxing and getting in the groove. It will make your wedding much more fun and folks will stay longer and remember it more fondly.
.
posted by mutt.cyberspace at 5:54 AM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
I doubt anyone will think you're silly if you hire a DJ and nobody dances! It's a very standard thing to have and people won't think, god, what a weird bride/groom/couple, they will just think, oh, tough crowd -- if they think about that at all. Probably they will instead be thinking about the food or worrying how they look in their formalwear or whatever.
If you don't hire a DJ, do you have someone who can do the emcee thing? I think you will probably need someone to give the audience the cue that it's time to leave, e.g., and you will not want to do that part yourselves.
posted by eirias at 6:46 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
If you don't hire a DJ, do you have someone who can do the emcee thing? I think you will probably need someone to give the audience the cue that it's time to leave, e.g., and you will not want to do that part yourselves.
posted by eirias at 6:46 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
My fiance doesn't really enjoy dancing and would be unlikely to spend any time on the dance floor at our reception.
your fiancé is going to end up dancing.
Since it sounds like he doesn't object to others' dancing, it probably won't be a huge factor here, but please respect the preferences of those of us who can imagine no torture greater than being forced to dance. By the time people are in their late 30's, they generally have a pretty good sense of what activities they enjoy. (And I can attest from personal experience that you can have a great wedding reception without dancing, just as some people have great receptions without alcohol.)
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 6:50 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
your fiancé is going to end up dancing.
Since it sounds like he doesn't object to others' dancing, it probably won't be a huge factor here, but please respect the preferences of those of us who can imagine no torture greater than being forced to dance. By the time people are in their late 30's, they generally have a pretty good sense of what activities they enjoy. (And I can attest from personal experience that you can have a great wedding reception without dancing, just as some people have great receptions without alcohol.)
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 6:50 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
The wedding I went to with the most dancing did not have a DJ, but the couple's friends were invited to add songs to the list or take turns acting as a DJ. So, I don't actually think it matters much per se, but:
would need to figure out an appropriate speaker setup
Don't skimp on that - in the same wedding without the DJ, the groom was in a band and so knew how to set up the audio.
posted by coffeecat at 7:18 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
would need to figure out an appropriate speaker setup
Don't skimp on that - in the same wedding without the DJ, the groom was in a band and so knew how to set up the audio.
posted by coffeecat at 7:18 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
My husband used to be a DJ and did a lot of weddings, so I've learned a lot from him on this subject.
It is possible to find a wedding DJ that will play songs with a specific vibe, in a specific genre, or from a specific era. For example, my husband once brought an entire playlist of 90s electronica music to the wedding reception of a fellow former club DJ because that is what she wanted; at another wedding he brought a ton of instrumental Disney movie soundtrack stuff at the specific request of the bride. Jazz? Swing? 80s power ballads? Video game themes? Music from Star Wars? If someone asked him, he would do it.
It's also possible to have a ban list of songs you absolutely don't want played. No Electric Slide, ever? Got it! And of course it's possible to have a list of must-play songs but leave the rest up to the DJ.
You just have to find someone who is willing to talk to you in detail ahead of time about this stuff and who is also willing to either stick to your plan, or change it on the fly in response to the audience if you request them to. Some wedding DJs-- usually the ones who are worst at their jobs honestly-- do have a big ego and will ignore or override a couple's requests, but you should hopefully be able to weed out the ones like that with an interview ahead of time.
Keep in mind if you go with a big company you might not be able to interview the individual person who will be assigned to your event; in your situation, I would avoid going with a big company for that reason.
posted by BlueJae at 7:32 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
It is possible to find a wedding DJ that will play songs with a specific vibe, in a specific genre, or from a specific era. For example, my husband once brought an entire playlist of 90s electronica music to the wedding reception of a fellow former club DJ because that is what she wanted; at another wedding he brought a ton of instrumental Disney movie soundtrack stuff at the specific request of the bride. Jazz? Swing? 80s power ballads? Video game themes? Music from Star Wars? If someone asked him, he would do it.
It's also possible to have a ban list of songs you absolutely don't want played. No Electric Slide, ever? Got it! And of course it's possible to have a list of must-play songs but leave the rest up to the DJ.
You just have to find someone who is willing to talk to you in detail ahead of time about this stuff and who is also willing to either stick to your plan, or change it on the fly in response to the audience if you request them to. Some wedding DJs-- usually the ones who are worst at their jobs honestly-- do have a big ego and will ignore or override a couple's requests, but you should hopefully be able to weed out the ones like that with an interview ahead of time.
Keep in mind if you go with a big company you might not be able to interview the individual person who will be assigned to your event; in your situation, I would avoid going with a big company for that reason.
posted by BlueJae at 7:32 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
You could go with the Partyfy app (Apple & Android) which lets party guests add songs to Spotify playlist and vote on what comes next. That will gamify the situation and maybe make people more involved, without any wasted DJ expense.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:34 AM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:34 AM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
I think the answer really depends on your venue. A good friend of mine held her reception at a beautiful old house on a lake. The house had a bunch of rooms set up in different configurations. Some rooms had tables and chairs for eating or for older attendees to sit as needed. Other rooms had hightop tables for people to drink and mingle. One room had tables at the perimeter with photo albums of the newlyweds' families. And just appreciating the decor of the house itself was occupying.
My wedding was in a typical banquet hall with a big dance floor. I didn't want a dj, but we got one anyway because what else were people going to do in that space?
As you might guess, once I saw my friend's wedding, I wished I had thought of a solution like that.
posted by shesbookish at 8:16 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
My wedding was in a typical banquet hall with a big dance floor. I didn't want a dj, but we got one anyway because what else were people going to do in that space?
As you might guess, once I saw my friend's wedding, I wished I had thought of a solution like that.
posted by shesbookish at 8:16 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
We had a few Julliard students play strings for the ceremony and cocktail hour and then had a small swing band for the reception. There were 86 people ranging from 12-75ish and everybody danced. This was back in 2001 in NYC. I have to say it was a pretty great wedding. Are you near a college where you can poach some students?
posted by dancinglamb at 8:28 AM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by dancinglamb at 8:28 AM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
You're having a party and a meal. There are probably introductions & toasts; family or a member of the wedding party can do that, or a DJ. What would you enjoy doing for a couple hours after the meal? You can do recorded music, but get good music that you love, that has different tempos. A spotify playlist is not personal or responsive, pick specific music; if you're not good at that, get friends to help. Or get a good DJ who will play music you love, take requests. Try to picture what you want for this event, then plan that.
posted by theora55 at 8:36 AM on July 25, 2023
posted by theora55 at 8:36 AM on July 25, 2023
Everyone has well covered the vibe curation and dancing aspects (although to throw my two cents in: as someone whose mother, who I’ve possibly never seen dance before or since, did the worm at my wedding, you truly don’t know who will want to dance!).
I want to address the MC portion. We considered going the playlist route and having a friend MC the evening. We ultimately decided we wanted all of our friends to relax and have a good time, and left the work to professionals. It was great to give the agenda to someone and not think about it anymore; it allowed me to be in the moment and let them be the schedule-keeper.
posted by bluloo at 8:50 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
I want to address the MC portion. We considered going the playlist route and having a friend MC the evening. We ultimately decided we wanted all of our friends to relax and have a good time, and left the work to professionals. It was great to give the agenda to someone and not think about it anymore; it allowed me to be in the moment and let them be the schedule-keeper.
posted by bluloo at 8:50 AM on July 25, 2023 [4 favorites]
My husband doesn’t dance so we hired a string quartet from a local music school. They played classical, Cole Porter (some people danced) and various semi-soft jazz standards. Worked out well.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:09 AM on July 25, 2023
posted by Ideefixe at 9:09 AM on July 25, 2023
I got married on a boat, so we just had a playlist and it worked out great. BUT:
I've been to good weddings with the following:
-An all-star collection of funk musicians from the greater Jacksonville area. The bride's dance song was Chuck Mangioni's Feel So Good. Yes, this was a very odd, very alt, and well loved couple.
-An 1940s-style big band, which got a lot of people who wouldn't dance out there, because it wasn't "modern cool" so they felt free to just bop around.
-A San Francisco DJ contest winner, who we expected to be obnoxious. But he was great, and halfway through the night he read the crowd, saw some of us old guys were having fun but not too into it, and then he blended in Fugazi and the floor exploded with middle-aged survivors of bad teenage years.
So live music or DJ's do add an element of reading the room.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:09 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
I've been to good weddings with the following:
-An all-star collection of funk musicians from the greater Jacksonville area. The bride's dance song was Chuck Mangioni's Feel So Good. Yes, this was a very odd, very alt, and well loved couple.
-An 1940s-style big band, which got a lot of people who wouldn't dance out there, because it wasn't "modern cool" so they felt free to just bop around.
-A San Francisco DJ contest winner, who we expected to be obnoxious. But he was great, and halfway through the night he read the crowd, saw some of us old guys were having fun but not too into it, and then he blended in Fugazi and the floor exploded with middle-aged survivors of bad teenage years.
So live music or DJ's do add an element of reading the room.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:09 AM on July 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
I've been to two weddings where the couple left so angry with their DJ that they said they wish they hadn't hired one. At one wedding the DJ got openly hostile and salty as the wedding wore on and people refused to dance. Just recently went to one where they solicited requests on the RSVP and not only didn't play my request but played a song I strongly doubt anyone at the wedding requested which is very negatively associated with that song (think, like, offensive cover). It was hard not to take it personally! I would ask around for local recommendations. There is such a thing as a terrible DJ.
I didn't have dancing at my wedding and I regret it a little. Not because I actually wish I'd done it for my own sake - nope, enjoyed my wedding a lot without it and everyone else seemed to as well, there were specifics about our wedding that made the lack of a dance phase reasonable - but because I got married very young, hadn't been to many weddings, and didn't realize the extent to which people probably expected it. I thought it was pretty optional but having been to lots of weddings since, it's a rare wedding that doesn't feature dancing.
posted by potrzebie at 12:32 PM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
I didn't have dancing at my wedding and I regret it a little. Not because I actually wish I'd done it for my own sake - nope, enjoyed my wedding a lot without it and everyone else seemed to as well, there were specifics about our wedding that made the lack of a dance phase reasonable - but because I got married very young, hadn't been to many weddings, and didn't realize the extent to which people probably expected it. I thought it was pretty optional but having been to lots of weddings since, it's a rare wedding that doesn't feature dancing.
posted by potrzebie at 12:32 PM on July 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
I vote for DJ.
I’ve been to a wedding where the couple used a playlist instead of a DJ. Unfortunately, their choice of danceable music was narrow and didn’t engage the guests much. There was little to no dancing done.
I’ve also been to events that used dance music playlists, and the music was great but the playlist format meant that we had to listen to the entire song, not just the danceable part. There was a lot of awkward shuffling around on the dance floor, waiting for long song intros to finish.
I vote for a DJ who can provide a range of music if needed, who can mix songs so you skip the non-dance parts, and who can react to the crowd’s vibe. If you do use a playlist, see if there’s some way to make it a proper dance mix and not just a queue of songs back to back.
posted by cadge at 1:24 PM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
I’ve been to a wedding where the couple used a playlist instead of a DJ. Unfortunately, their choice of danceable music was narrow and didn’t engage the guests much. There was little to no dancing done.
I’ve also been to events that used dance music playlists, and the music was great but the playlist format meant that we had to listen to the entire song, not just the danceable part. There was a lot of awkward shuffling around on the dance floor, waiting for long song intros to finish.
I vote for a DJ who can provide a range of music if needed, who can mix songs so you skip the non-dance parts, and who can react to the crowd’s vibe. If you do use a playlist, see if there’s some way to make it a proper dance mix and not just a queue of songs back to back.
posted by cadge at 1:24 PM on July 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
We had a ceilidh band for the first part of the evening (really good for all ages) - but the second half was a curated dance mix that I made with all of the music that I love to dance to. It was awesome and we had all our friends on the floor.
posted by jb at 8:35 PM on July 25, 2023
posted by jb at 8:35 PM on July 25, 2023
I've been to weddings with DJs that were the "music friends" of the people getting married and were far too cool for anyone else there. They played obscure deep cuts and super indie bands that they loved and the dance floors were really not fun at either wedding. I also went to a wedding with a brilliant dj playing old soul and r&b and... very few people danced besides myself. So we asked all our wedding guests on their RSVP form for "the song that would get you out on the dance floor" and made an MP3 playlist (with more songs added by me).
posted by oneirodynia at 6:23 PM on July 26, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by oneirodynia at 6:23 PM on July 26, 2023 [2 favorites]
We did a Spotify playlist (carefully curated for weeks beforehand, which was a lot of fun - we did have to put some thought into which songs were danceable vs just what we liked but if I remember correctly there were a lot of online resources to help). We rented a speaker setup. We had a day of coordinator who served as an MC (only a few key things), and other than that the playlist just went. And people danced! We were happy with our decision and didn’t miss the DJ. We did at the last minute splurge to rent the dance floor for our outside venue to encourage dancing - that felt like a better use of the funds, although probably not necessary.
posted by purplevelvet at 5:39 PM on July 28, 2023
posted by purplevelvet at 5:39 PM on July 28, 2023
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posted by Lady Li at 7:36 PM on July 24, 2023 [20 favorites]