Introducing a partner to a group of...acquaintances

June 14, 2023 11:47 AM

I'm bringing my partner to an event tonight at my daughter's school. It will be all parents, many of which I've interacted with for years, and this will be her first time at one of these events. I'm getting anxiety about remembering people's names (or not) when it comes to introductions.

Many of these folks fall in the category of "I absolutely know you but your name escapes me at this very second." You know, that embarrassing "Hey...there" thing when someone greets you by name. This is just how my brain works; names often just don't stick, especially when they're most needed.

I've already told my partner this, and that if I don't immediately introduce someone by name, it means I'm drawing a blank. But is there anything else I can do to make this situation less awkward, for everyone?

posted by El Curioso to Human Relations (14 answers total)

You: "Hi! Have you met my partner?" or "Hi! Partner, this is so-and-so's mom/dad/grownup."
Them: "Nice to meet you!"
Your partner: "A pleasure! I didn't catch your name, though..."

If your partner is comfortable with this kind of interaction, it can be really pretty seamless.
posted by that's candlepin at 11:50 AM on June 14, 2023 [18 favorites]

I ALWAYS introduce myself first. "Hi, Johnny Gunn. This is Mary Gloch my partner." Mary sticks her hand out and hopefully, the parent/person says at the same time, "I am Brady's mom, Karen Smith."

Also know that many of the other parents will be in the same boat. Also, the other parents will be polite, but not focused on you or your partner. They will be focused on their child or information about their child.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:02 PM on June 14, 2023 [7 favorites]

Oh, yeah, a socially graceful partner can manage this easily, just as the scripts above suggest.

You: "Hello! So good to see you! This is my partner PAT."
Pat: "Hello! Nice to meet you! What's your name?"

But, also, this is totally fine:
You: "Hey, it's so great to see you. Remind me of your name? I'm ROBIN, and I don't think you've met my partner, PAT."

So I think a way to ease this is to remember that LOTS of folks struggle with names, and rarely are people offended by this. It's okay to acknowledge that you know and recognize someone and their name slipped. This is hardly a huge faux pas, and is just how the world is. Some of the warmest, kindest, most people-oriented people I know struggle with names.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:21 PM on June 14, 2023 [8 favorites]

I would like you to imagine for a moment that you're in a social situation and someone that you know only as a polite acquaintance comes up to you and says the following:

"Hi, I think we've met but I'm so sorry you'll have to remind me your name!"

How do you feel about that person? Probably fine, right? No hard feelings at all, I'd expect!

That's how most people will feel when the situation is reversed.

It is always completely and totally fine to admit you can't recall a name and ask for it. Be gracious about it, be polite, and be genuine in your interactions. It'll be fine.

If we could all just collectively as a society drop the pretense that we all have perfect recall all the time that would be so very nice.
posted by phunniemee at 12:22 PM on June 14, 2023 [10 favorites]

IME, a lot of folks have this anxiety, and you will bring many people a ton of welcome relief if you ask them to remind you of their name and then immediately offer yours.

Sometimes you can make it funny and personal by including a detail about them that you do recall in the exchange. (I.e., "I'm so sorry, I remember everything about your collection of Girl Scout memorabilia, but I'm completely blanking on your name. I'm El Curioso, and this is my partner, Pat.")
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 12:27 PM on June 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

What phunniemee said, generally speaking nobody will be offended if you're all "had a brain fart, what's your name again?"
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:34 PM on June 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

Either funny or dickish, depending on your position, but there's always "Hey [partner], don't be ride, introduce yourself!"
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:41 PM on June 14, 2023

I tried to save face once by saying to a neighbor in my building, “I don’t think we’ve met,” because I didn’t remember her name. She looked at me and said, “we’ve met a couple times.”

Don’t be me.
posted by bendy at 2:13 PM on June 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

I've been called the wrong name to my face and that is a lot more annoying than someone just asking me, especially when I don't see them often. I agree with telling her ahead of time that if you introduce her to someone and don't tell her their name in return, that she should ask their name. Maybe have a code phrase or something to clue her in.
posted by soelo at 5:56 PM on June 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

So... can you bring several sheets of those "Hello, my name is" stickers and a few markers and position them strategically at the entrance to the event? You are most likely not the only person with this concern.
posted by heatherlogan at 6:35 PM on June 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

Just pre-arrange with your partner that the script is that you'll say "hi, I don't think you've met my partner" [gesture to partner] and then your partner will introduce themselves directly to the other person. Your partner can ask for the other's person's name if it is not immediately offered and you can make the "whoops, silly me" face if needed for social graces.

/I am in the same boat as you.
posted by desuetude at 6:44 PM on June 14, 2023

I'll say "I'm sorry, but I'm blanking on your name"
posted by brujita at 7:40 PM on June 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

The key is for your partner to introduce themselves with their name *first* (do not say your partners name!), and the other person will then reply with their name like they were meeting independently.

So say Steve is standing by the dip and greets you, you say "Hey! How are you doing/hows the dip, etc. I don't think you've met my partner -"
Partner says "Hi, I'm Mary!"
Steve *will reply* "Hi I'm Steve", because that is the social script.

I am very very verrrry bad with names, (all names, and street names, and names of objects) and adhd etc, and I just have it prearranged with my close friends that in public they will *always* interrupt with their own name before there's any awkward gap.

But also, I carry a notebook and write people's names down when I meet them.

This does *not* actually do a lot in terms of remembering names, oh no no no, I will still forget it. 😂

However, if I tell someone when I meet them that I'm so bad with names that I'm probably going to need to write their name down at least 3 times, and then proceed to do so -
People are a little fascinated/confused, but mostly they feel like I've put enough social effort in that I must actually be bad at names and not just fobbing them off because I'm not that interested in them as a person -
Which is what people assume, if you don't remember their name.
Doing the inconvenient thing of writing their name down registers as interest, which is great!

And *that* is why I write names down, so people know I care, not actually as a memory aid (although at least I then have something to fall back on if I am really stuck, and can find their name in amongst my random todo lists etc).
posted by Elysum at 10:16 PM on June 14, 2023 [3 favorites]

Some years ago I was introduced to the idea of simply acknowledging and accepting, in a lighthearted way, that my ability to recall names on the spot just doesn't work most of the time. My partner knows this and does what he can to not draw harsh attention to it (which really is the best!). Usually, if I'm brokering an introduction, I'll do the same think whether or not I can remember someone's name in that instant. I'll simply initiate the introduction without using names. Since my partner is in on the routine, he knows his role can be an active one to help out. Keeping on a smile is a part of the recipe, if for no other reason than to show interest and disarming attention even if you can't recall someone's name in that precise moment.

Example:
[Me] - "Hey, I'm so glad you two get to finally meet! (Me saying to acquaintance:) This is my partner, (turning to my partner:) her daughter has been in the same class as mine for years!"
[My partner picking up the hot potato] - "Hey, nice to meet you, my name's Xyz."
[Acquaintance] - "Lovely to meet you, I'm Abc!"
[Me, grateful and meeting them both in the name game] - "Abc I was really hoping you could tell Xyz about that thing you mentioned the last time we saw each other, we've been talking about it all week and we're both curious how it turned out."
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 2:48 PM on June 15, 2023 [3 favorites]