Becoming a mentor at work.
June 13, 2023 11:19 AM Subscribe
How do you make the transition at work from young whippersnapper to elder statesperson, when you are still at the same company?
I've been at my wonderful job for 16 years. I've been steadily promoted during that time, going from a junior to a senior, and the work has gotten more challenging, but I'm still with a lot of the same people, doing most of the same job.
I started in my mid-30s, when I was young and bouncy, full of good ideas and always going the extra mile. And I had three older workers who were great mentors, and would guide me along.
And now all three are retiring at around the same time, by coincidence, and we're hiring three 20-somethings in their place. All of a sudden I'm the mentor!! And I'm not sure how to adjust my mindset. At a meeting the other day I butted in with an enthusiastic idea, and it occurred to me that I just should have sat back and let the young'uns come up with their own good idea. And maybe I should be more hands off anyway, letting them feel their way, since you can't teach experience, but I'm not sure how to do that.
At my review, I was told that my main goal for the year would be to help mentor the new folks. But I'm just not sure how to adjust my mindset when a lot of the same people are still around me, expecting me to work in the same way. I'm a bit introverted, so mentoring doesn't come natural to me anyway, and that doesn't help. Has this type of situation happened to you? How did you deal with the transition? Thank you!
I've been at my wonderful job for 16 years. I've been steadily promoted during that time, going from a junior to a senior, and the work has gotten more challenging, but I'm still with a lot of the same people, doing most of the same job.
I started in my mid-30s, when I was young and bouncy, full of good ideas and always going the extra mile. And I had three older workers who were great mentors, and would guide me along.
And now all three are retiring at around the same time, by coincidence, and we're hiring three 20-somethings in their place. All of a sudden I'm the mentor!! And I'm not sure how to adjust my mindset. At a meeting the other day I butted in with an enthusiastic idea, and it occurred to me that I just should have sat back and let the young'uns come up with their own good idea. And maybe I should be more hands off anyway, letting them feel their way, since you can't teach experience, but I'm not sure how to do that.
At my review, I was told that my main goal for the year would be to help mentor the new folks. But I'm just not sure how to adjust my mindset when a lot of the same people are still around me, expecting me to work in the same way. I'm a bit introverted, so mentoring doesn't come natural to me anyway, and that doesn't help. Has this type of situation happened to you? How did you deal with the transition? Thank you!
This generally isn't a transition you get to choose to make. Your mentees make it for you. Either they'll see you as a trusted source of wisdom, and they'll come to you for advice, or they won't. You can't make someone ask you for advice. And it's got nothing to do with how long you've been in the job. I've had people come to me for guidance when I'd only been at the job myself for less than a year. You become a mentor by giving good advice when your mentees need it. You could work somewhere for 75 years, but if the advice you give is crap, they're gonna stop asking you and go to someone else.
You can still speak up in meetings; it's not going to stunt anyone's growth. Presumably those older, retiring people spoke up in meetings when you were new. The biggest thing is availability. Let it be known that you're open to being asked for advice, and people will ask you for advice. Invite them to lunch. Maybe they don't want to go to lunch with you, but you're sending the message that they're welcome to be friendly with you.
expecting me to work in the same way
This is a good way to build credibility with them. They see you doing the same thing they're doing, and it means you're not someone they're forced to go to for advice. You're the person they think they can go to for the real story, not the party line.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:40 AM on June 13, 2023 [7 favorites]
You can still speak up in meetings; it's not going to stunt anyone's growth. Presumably those older, retiring people spoke up in meetings when you were new. The biggest thing is availability. Let it be known that you're open to being asked for advice, and people will ask you for advice. Invite them to lunch. Maybe they don't want to go to lunch with you, but you're sending the message that they're welcome to be friendly with you.
expecting me to work in the same way
This is a good way to build credibility with them. They see you doing the same thing they're doing, and it means you're not someone they're forced to go to for advice. You're the person they think they can go to for the real story, not the party line.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:40 AM on June 13, 2023 [7 favorites]
Being told to be a "mentor" could be a bit overwhelming. How about ... help the new folks in their jobs; ease their paths; remember what it was like to be new in the organization and think about how folks helped you along, and try to do the same things for them; create a welcoming atmosphere where you communicate that you are available to answer questions and provide advice and insight; behave in meetings as you wish your most professional colleagues would behave; support them and give them credit when appropriate.
Also, be positive but honest (which is to say, not trashing the company or coworkers, but maybe giving them a gentle heads up if they are about to step in something and also give them space to figure things out on their own).
Sometimes younger and newer folks are intimidated by long-timers, so recognize that you are now a long-timer, and you can make the first step to be friendly and welcoming. Say hello in person or on chat or whatever. Invite each of them to coffee or lunch individually for professional, friendly chit chat.
And try hard to be sincerely welcoming and discourage any other complaints you hear from peers about the young whippersnappers (no "you kids off my lawn" or "the problem with Gen Z (or whatever) is..." stuff.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:12 PM on June 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
Also, be positive but honest (which is to say, not trashing the company or coworkers, but maybe giving them a gentle heads up if they are about to step in something and also give them space to figure things out on their own).
Sometimes younger and newer folks are intimidated by long-timers, so recognize that you are now a long-timer, and you can make the first step to be friendly and welcoming. Say hello in person or on chat or whatever. Invite each of them to coffee or lunch individually for professional, friendly chit chat.
And try hard to be sincerely welcoming and discourage any other complaints you hear from peers about the young whippersnappers (no "you kids off my lawn" or "the problem with Gen Z (or whatever) is..." stuff.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:12 PM on June 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
First of all treat the mentees as three separate people with their own needs. People have different aptitudes and life experiences: one may pick up everything in a week and another may need handholding for months.
At the beginning keeping a strong hand in the process is a good thing — while creativity is important new people need to be shown the lay of the land first. There is a way your company does things and you’ve been embedded in it for so long you probably don’t think about it much. One of the nice things about having new people is that they may suggest better ways of doing things, but they need to understand the old ways first.
The general attitude you should have is "what does this mentee need to succeed at this company?" The answer will come both from getting to know them and from your (possibly unrecognized by you) expertise on How Things Are Done Here.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:20 PM on June 13, 2023
At the beginning keeping a strong hand in the process is a good thing — while creativity is important new people need to be shown the lay of the land first. There is a way your company does things and you’ve been embedded in it for so long you probably don’t think about it much. One of the nice things about having new people is that they may suggest better ways of doing things, but they need to understand the old ways first.
The general attitude you should have is "what does this mentee need to succeed at this company?" The answer will come both from getting to know them and from your (possibly unrecognized by you) expertise on How Things Are Done Here.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:20 PM on June 13, 2023
"Hey, how's it going? Settling in okay? Let me know if I can help with anything or if you have any questions. Happy to share whatever I know about X or Y. I don't know much about Z but I can put you in touch with people who do. And I know the best places to get coffee and lunch around this place!"
Then make a coffee or lunch date, let them pepper you with questions, answer honestly, don't gossip, don't overshare about yourself, be kind, and the first time, maybe pick up the check. Later, when they come back to you with more questions or to chat, be open to it. Try not to let your calendar freeze them out - that can be hard in some roles, try to make time, especially if this is one of your superiors' goals/expectations for you.
When appropriate, invite them to meetings they may not already be attending so they can learn about ongoing projects and get the lay of the land.
Mostly it's just being available and friendly and knowing 16 years' worth of institutional history.
posted by invincible summer at 12:23 PM on June 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
Then make a coffee or lunch date, let them pepper you with questions, answer honestly, don't gossip, don't overshare about yourself, be kind, and the first time, maybe pick up the check. Later, when they come back to you with more questions or to chat, be open to it. Try not to let your calendar freeze them out - that can be hard in some roles, try to make time, especially if this is one of your superiors' goals/expectations for you.
When appropriate, invite them to meetings they may not already be attending so they can learn about ongoing projects and get the lay of the land.
Mostly it's just being available and friendly and knowing 16 years' worth of institutional history.
posted by invincible summer at 12:23 PM on June 13, 2023 [4 favorites]
Unless there’s some kind of formal mentorship structure, try to do more asking questions and helping them figure out that they need advice / help than telling them how to do things. Starting with “how’s it going” and finding out their concerns is good. Expecting them to do things your way or assuming they have the same goals and needs as you or each other will not build the kind of relationship you want. I aim for an equal partners footing for the relationship and try to ask questions and share about things that have happened in the past rather than treating folks as junior or trainees (and adjust tone as needed if someone is obliviously screwing up a lot). When they ask for help, help them, and don’t act like it’s a burden or transaction. Look for opportunities to ask for their advice on things as well, they also know things!
posted by momus_window at 1:02 PM on June 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by momus_window at 1:02 PM on June 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
Lots of good advice here so far! I want to second asking your new mentees questions to help guide them along, especially if they also are introverted and may not be comfortable reaching out to you.
Your expertise doing the same type of work may also help you identify if someone is getting stuck on a part of the process you think should be easy, which can be a sign it's a good time to offer help. You may also be able to recognize when there is a good learning project for someone new to take on, or time to allow someone new to struggle through a process to teach themselves, vs. when something is critical and has to be done right and on time (which is when it is bad to leave newbies alone to flounder). You can try and steer the new people toward starter work that will set them up for success, or else make sure you let your manager or team lead know your insights if the assignments flow down from the top more in your organization.
I also wanted to add, if your manager or team lead has mentorship as one of your main goals from your yearly review, you can and should check in with them about events like when you spoke up in that meeting! They should be able to give you a read on whether it was right - they may say "yes that was great, please provide your input in situations like that more often!" or they may say "actually next time try and wait a beat, the new person was starting to speak but you spoke over them." (If you're an introvert by nature it's more likely the former, but only the people actually there in the meeting with you can confirm.)
posted by sigmagalator at 1:22 PM on June 13, 2023
Your expertise doing the same type of work may also help you identify if someone is getting stuck on a part of the process you think should be easy, which can be a sign it's a good time to offer help. You may also be able to recognize when there is a good learning project for someone new to take on, or time to allow someone new to struggle through a process to teach themselves, vs. when something is critical and has to be done right and on time (which is when it is bad to leave newbies alone to flounder). You can try and steer the new people toward starter work that will set them up for success, or else make sure you let your manager or team lead know your insights if the assignments flow down from the top more in your organization.
I also wanted to add, if your manager or team lead has mentorship as one of your main goals from your yearly review, you can and should check in with them about events like when you spoke up in that meeting! They should be able to give you a read on whether it was right - they may say "yes that was great, please provide your input in situations like that more often!" or they may say "actually next time try and wait a beat, the new person was starting to speak but you spoke over them." (If you're an introvert by nature it's more likely the former, but only the people actually there in the meeting with you can confirm.)
posted by sigmagalator at 1:22 PM on June 13, 2023
Your retiring former mentors could be a source of advice about this too (as could other coworkers).
posted by trig at 1:41 PM on June 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by trig at 1:41 PM on June 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
FWIW I see a mentor as a distinct role from manager. Beyond differences in reporting structure, I think a key difference is that at minimum... managers do things because they have to while mentors do thing because they want to. Mentorship has elements of reciprocity and mutual respect between two parties that doesn't have to exist in a manger/ managee relationship. In other words, the mentorship will not survive long term unless both parties are invested. Consequently new hires may vary in how much they are interested in having you as a mentor (and what they wish to get out of a mentorship) ... and that's okay.
Be there for the new hires and let them know your (virtual) door is always open. Regularly ask them how their day / work is going (sometimes you need to show you care by reaching out instead of assuming they will). A lot of mentorship is following the initiative of the mentee. If you wish, you can tell them upfront that you appreciated the mentorship you received while coming up the ranks, and you are looking forward to paying it forward.
posted by oceano at 4:01 PM on June 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
Be there for the new hires and let them know your (virtual) door is always open. Regularly ask them how their day / work is going (sometimes you need to show you care by reaching out instead of assuming they will). A lot of mentorship is following the initiative of the mentee. If you wish, you can tell them upfront that you appreciated the mentorship you received while coming up the ranks, and you are looking forward to paying it forward.
posted by oceano at 4:01 PM on June 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
Role modeling is a lot of what mentorship is—setting the example that ideas are welcome was a good thing (unless you literally cut off a junior person before they could get out their thought, but that’s not what happened here.)
posted by kapers at 6:12 PM on June 13, 2023
posted by kapers at 6:12 PM on June 13, 2023
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I can't speak to feeling like you should shut up in meetings or anything like that, but mentoring is perpetually answering questions for people, really, and that's all I end up doing is being asked stuff constantly. I don't give career advice and lord knows that doesn't come up here, but I think you'd just have to feel it out as you go along. Mostly it's just a lot of question answering and training.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:30 AM on June 13, 2023 [5 favorites]