Introvert needing survival tips for an extrovert environment

May 1, 2023 12:54 PM

Need help dealing with people who LOVE to talk and aren't great at listening

I have a new job where I have two main responsibilities dealing with two different teams. One of them is fine and perfect for an introvert, this question is about the second team, which will probably take up about 50% of my time at work. This is a team of high energy extroverts with a strong male/jock vibe (though they do have other similarly jock-like females on their team). they love their job and are generally positive but also seem pushy and arrogant, and are the type of people I HATE having to deal with, not because I think there's something wrong with them, but because it's hard to get their attention and they're exhausting.

I have to manage marketing channels for them and they are used to dealing with a similarly loud and extroverted person, but now they have ~ me ~.
My questions are:
1) How do I get them to listen to me when I present data informed strategies
2) Managing my own energy levels. I am very good at matching others emotions when it is strategic to do so, but I don't feel I can consistently bring out my "bro" side throughout the entire year without burning out. I feel like if I lean too much into a femininity I won't be respected by these bros, but I don't see another way.
3) I have strong opinions which I don't always express at work in order to avoid pointless confrontations. This works well with similarly quiet teams who act professional in the workplace and don't express every single thought that pops into your head. But this group is very closeknit, loud and none of them has a filter. I tend to match that vibe as I don't like to be ignored or silenced, however I have a feeling my opinions may differ with them quite often throughout the year on things related to strategy and I'm afraid of being bullied into accepting their point of view, even though I am strongly unwilling to do so. What is the best way to make sure I am supported in standing my ground? They don't get a choice about working with me, however that doesn't mean they're gonna make it easy. How do I survive this without hating my life?

posted by winterportage to Human Relations (4 answers total)

Best answer: 1) You don't, you just let them have opinions for a while and then push on for the specific next action you want, ideally incorporating their ideas in some way. "I thought Bob had a good point about teacups, taking that into account, let's (write the ad the way I originally suggested).

2) Be neutral-but-interested in the "bro" stuff. Ask polite questions, congratulate them when they beat personal records or whatever, but don't engage emotionally. This takes practice.

3) "That hasn't been my experience," in a variety of inflections, goes a long way. Or you can just change the subject back to work.
posted by momus_window at 2:01 PM on May 1, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Tell them the meeting format is, they listen to what you present, they have to make notes you will discuss after, then, based on point by point, organized discussion, with the group, you can plot forward plans and progress. Explain that organizing principles will make meetings more to the point, and shorter.
posted by Oyéah at 2:33 PM on May 1, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Work hard to create 1:1 relationships with each of them asap - set up a rotation where you go for a coffee with them one at a time, type hello privately to them in zoom meetings, send a text or email praising something they did in a meeting, share a meme that made you think of them, compliment their clothing, etc. The key is one at a time - rather than trying to make ALL of them like you, instead, make EACH of them like you. That way they'll each be more likely to listen to you due to your individual relationships with them, and the overall effect will be that the whole group will listen to you and maybe even end up deferring to you.

Also, jocks and extroverts often actually really like introverts. Everyone sometimes wants a quieter vibe. So don't catastrophize ahead of time, they might actually be glad to have someone more chill in the mix.

When you disagree, try to let others save face in how you disagree. Use data to back up your points, and rather than entering into pissing contests, try to have the mindset that "Of course Brian will do this, because it positively affects our bottom line and Brian is a reasonable person." (Even if he isn't always reasonable, this mindset will help.)
posted by nouvelle-personne at 3:32 PM on May 1, 2023 [9 favorites]

Best answer: Yeah, 1-1s are the way here. The group’s energy compounds and reinforces, but individuals are unlikely to be as clash-y with your character.
posted by sixswitch at 8:17 AM on May 2, 2023 [1 favorite]