YANAL, but how do I get this woman out of my house -- NYC edition?

March 20, 2023 6:00 PM

TL;DR: I share a house in NYC with two women. One of the two women is a deeply unpleasant person who's been hostile from the start, and now periodically threatens to call the cops on me. Landlord lives next door, but isn't being particularly helpful here. How do I get this woman out of our house?

More detailed explanation below:

I'm the longest-tenured resident in this house; I started renting in June 2018. The other housemate is lovely (a Brazilian college student), she started renting in early 2022. The bad housemate - call her Kris - moved into the house fall of 2022. The house is the landlord's old house; they bought the house next door, and have mine as a rental property.

Things started out awkward, and got steadily worse. Kris is Eastern European, and English is not her first language. At first, the other housemate and I thought she was shy, but Kris started picking fights with her (they live across from each other on the second floor; I live in the third bedroom on the first floor). We had one housemate meeting, mediated by the landlord, in which we thought we hashed things out.

Reader: we did not.

Kris and the other housemate kept fighting, then Kris started sending me nasty text messages accusing me of being crazy and of being "too loud" in my room. When I tried discussing them with her in person, she straight up refused to talk. Which, fine, but then don't complain? Anyway, as this continued, I shared them with the landlord, who at first was OK with evicting her, but then decided they couldn't because she's on a lease until October of this year.

Kris continued texting me nastygrams, only these have now escalated to her threatening to call the cops to have me kicked out. I shared these with the landlord, who's now essentially washed her hands of the issue. After a few of these, I told her respectfully to stop, and then I blocked her. We've crossed paths, and each time we've just studiously ignored each other.

Tonight, we ran into each other in the kitchen, and she asked why I had "children's toys" in my room (we're talking about Marvel sculptures like these).

To which my response was, understandably, what the hell are you doing checking out my room? She denied going into my room, and then accused me of being a pedophile, because only pedophiles have children's toys (her words). She then asked if I was going to get help as a combat veteran (which, again, she'd only know by going into my room, it's not like I talk about it on a regular basis).

I blew up and told her to fuck off, and she sauntered off telling me to fuck off.

My question: how do I get this woman evicted if my landlord isn't being helpful?

Is it lawyerin' time? I don't particularly want to go that route, but if I have to, I will, and I have both the network and financial resources to do that.

posted by arkhangel to Human Relations (22 answers total)

First talk to your landlord about getting a lock for your room. Even if you pay for it yourself, it seems worth it.

Evicting people in NYC is very difficult (I've been through it) and I'm not sure what standing you have as a tenant. I'm assuming you all have separate leases? You could probably break the lease without penalty if you are in danger.
posted by brookeb at 6:31 PM on March 20, 2023 [5 favorites]

Ask your local tenant's association, but I'm pretty sure you have no ability to evict the tenant if they've rented directly from your landlord. And the landlord would need a legal reason to evict them (unfortunately I don't think being a jerk would qualify). It sounds like an awful situation, but if I were in your position, I'd consider leaving. And if you stay, I would lock the room when you're not in it.
posted by pinochiette at 6:33 PM on March 20, 2023 [10 favorites]

Yeah, I used to rent in NYC, and tenants rights are pretty strong - you can talk to a lawyer, but I'm not sure what legal reason you'd have to evict them, which is likely why the landlord wants nothing to do with this. But yes, first step, get a lock.

I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I would start looking for a new apartment, which I realize is easier said than done in the city, especially lately.

Alternatively, you could offer to help her look for a new place, since she obviously seems unhappy there - but I don't think you can force her out.

Also - I know this is hard, I've lived with people who threw pots and pans across the kitchen in rage - do yourself a favor and never escalate things. Don't get pissed, don't yell, don't tell her to fuck off - I get the temptation, but it never makes things better.
posted by coffeecat at 6:44 PM on March 20, 2023 [16 favorites]

Response by poster: Got it -- thank you for the answers, thus far. FWIW, I lock my room most of the time, I'm just annoyed that I'll have to lock it 100% of the time when I leave.
posted by arkhangel at 7:04 PM on March 20, 2023

If you don't want to move out, it might be worth offering her a cash incentive to move out? As in, "when all your stuff is out of here, and I have your keys back, I will give you $$$"
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 7:10 PM on March 20, 2023 [6 favorites]

If you've got money to spare and your lock is a deadbolt, get a smart lock and your door will automatically lock when you leave. I have mine set to lock 2.5 mins after I exit, but you can set it to whatever you want. Mine's made by August, but there are lots of brands on the market.
posted by dobbs at 7:21 PM on March 20, 2023 [11 favorites]

Also on the security front, consider putting a motion activated camera in your room, where someone can't see it from outside. Some of them will email you when they detect motion and start recording. It's probably not enough on its own, but if things get contentious legally then having evidence that she's going through your stuff might be helpful.
posted by hovey at 7:26 PM on March 20, 2023 [19 favorites]

What is, at face value, a disagreement between housemates, is not your landlord's problem, and you should stop expecting them to do something about it. Look for a new apartment.
posted by ryanbryan at 1:26 AM on March 21, 2023 [21 favorites]

I think you're in a very dangerous situation. If the cops are called, they'll be duty bound to act on any allegation of violence, threats or menacing and will likely arrest you on the spot. In most places, civil courts were backlogged even before COVID, so any imagined recourse will be a loooooong way off. In either scenario, legal fees could amount to many, many thousands of dollars.

If you have resources for a lawyer then you have the means to extricate yourself from the apartment, at least until the roommate is gone. Sorry you're going through this.
posted by brachiopod at 1:44 AM on March 21, 2023 [3 favorites]

If you think she might actually call the cops on you you should pre-empt this by calling the cops yourself and explaining that you have a roommate who is threatening to SWAT you. Particularly as you have text messages saved to back yourself up.
posted by srboisvert at 5:00 AM on March 21, 2023 [3 favorites]

Mod note: Comments removed. Per the Ask Metafilter Content Policy, answers "should address the main question being asked."
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 5:04 AM on March 21, 2023 [1 favorite]

You sound like you (fortunately) do not have much experience dealing with crazy people. Even if you can access the procedures & resources for eviction, the process will still give her much opportunity to create chaos. What “normal” people don’t understand is that she will have *zero* problem lying and making counter-accusations. In fact you should expect that whatever accusation you make, she will accuse you of. The system is designed to give due process, which means she will have plenty of opportunity to do this unchecked for quite a while.

So the answer really is for you to move, then you yourself take advantage of tenant protections to break the lease without financial repercussions. I would advise documenting your efforts and the problems so you can demonstrate the conditions that led you to have to break the lease.
posted by haptic_avenger at 7:00 AM on March 21, 2023 [15 favorites]

You and the cordial roommate go to the cops reporting harassment. Show them your text messages. They certainly won't do anything, but there will be a record of her threats. If I loved the apartment and didn't think she'd go batshit, I personally would tell her that I've called her bluff by going to the police. Then I'd offer her a month's rent to get out by a set date. All verbal, nothing on paper, but no move, no key, no money. Then change the locks anyway.

Lock your bedroom door anytime you're not in it.

If she's that crazy, or you don't care about the apartment and your useless landlord, look for another place to live.
posted by BlueHorse at 8:01 AM on March 21, 2023

Save texts and emails to a new email account. document every conversation; just send an email with time, date, location, brief description, use quotes if you can, to the email account. It's probably legal to record conversations in your with your phone; I'd check.

You have the right to live peacefully in your home, so does Nice Roommate. If Nasty Roommate is harassing you, that interferes with your rights. Talk to a tenant rights organization and find out how to make this work. It's okay if Nasty calls the cops; they might come visit, but you aren't doing anything, and you can get a copy of their report.

I used to have a 2 family house and rent 1/2. Tenants picked a roommate who was a hot mess, was not honest about her employment situation. I declined to get involved when roommate was simply annoying. Then roommate left a weird drawing/ diagram, pentacle and all, with red threads. I took pictures. Met with Annoying Roommate, who made vague threats about having warlock pals and lawyers in her family. I explained that she should talk to her lawyer relatives about making threats, that I had a young child and that she had just triggered protective mode, and should make immediate plans to move. Tenants have rights, but threatening people is illegal, regardless of the nature of the threats. She left.
posted by theora55 at 9:21 AM on March 21, 2023 [1 favorite]

Mod note: A couple comments deleted. Please avoid perpetuating the mental health stigma by casually referring to people as "crazy".
posted by loup (staff) at 10:26 AM on March 21, 2023 [10 favorites]

Unfortunately, only your landlord has the authority to evict a tenant, and only under the terms in the lease.
posted by kschang at 11:12 AM on March 21, 2023

Keep in mind that anyone who threatens to call the cops on you and also has access to your room also has the ability to tell the cops what/where to find something in said room — and they'll know where it is because they'll put it there. Lock your door.
posted by dobbs at 1:18 PM on March 21, 2023 [5 favorites]

Steps I recommend, in order:
- Get a lock and motion-activated camera.
- Lock your room any time you're not in it, even when you go to the bathroom/kitchen.
- Start looking for a new apartment.

I think your efforts will be best spent not on "How do I get this person out?" but "How soon can I find a new place?"

Perhaps you can negotiate a way to break the lease without too much expense. The sooner you can get out of this situation, the better.
posted by Taro at 3:59 PM on March 21, 2023

The idea that you would be served by making a preemptive call or visit to the cops presumes that they give a shit. Why would they want to stick their necks out and take your word for what's going on? Men are usually the aggressors in domestic situations, so if she alleges you've made a threat, the easiest and safest plan of action is to charge you. That's the entire scope of their responsibility and interest.
posted by brachiopod at 4:12 PM on March 21, 2023 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks, everyone. I think I know my next plan of action here -- moving out. Sucks, since I'm paying way less than I would for a place like this, but it's what it is.
posted by arkhangel at 6:41 PM on March 21, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'd be hesitant to move out, but that means only 2 options:

1) Disengage. Only reply with 'customer service' type non-responses when she says anything to you.

2) Fight fire with fire. Wake her up in the middle of the night saying she's being too loud in her room. Accuse her of random things. Make it a game, like only accuse her of lines in Austin Powers movies one week.

3) Hope the landlord doesn't renew her lease.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:40 AM on March 22, 2023

Response by poster: UPDATE: I'm still moving out (because my partner & I are moving in together, as it turns out). Marking this as resolved, though, because my landlord finally got fed up with her, got into a massive fight with her, and is moving to evict her. Apparently she violated her lease several different ways, and that's the grounds for eviction.

Again, thanks to everyone for the advice & commiseration. Much appreciated!
posted by arkhangel at 12:27 PM on April 20, 2023 [2 favorites]