Nighttime potty training- yea or nay?
December 20, 2022 4:51 PM Subscribe
Has anyone had success with nighttime potty training? I see it's a thing in all the potty training books, but our pediatrician said they will naturally stay dry on their own when their bodies are ready.
I have a 5 and 3 year old who both still wear diapers to bed, with no signs of starting to stay dry at night. I don't mind dealing with the diapers, but I'm starting to worry it's holding them back developmentally (especially the 5 year old) just because we don't want to deal with waking up every two hours to take them to the toilet.
Does anyone have a method that worked? Or did the diapers magically start staying dry one day?
I have a 5 and 3 year old who both still wear diapers to bed, with no signs of starting to stay dry at night. I don't mind dealing with the diapers, but I'm starting to worry it's holding them back developmentally (especially the 5 year old) just because we don't want to deal with waking up every two hours to take them to the toilet.
Does anyone have a method that worked? Or did the diapers magically start staying dry one day?
I'm 110% with your pediatrician!
Mayo Clinic says: "Most kids are fully toilet trained by age 5, but there's really no target date for developing complete bladder control. Between the ages of 5 and 7, bed-wetting remains a problem for some children. After 7 years of age, a small number of children still wet the bed."
Don't worry about it. They're fine.
posted by SageTrail at 5:52 PM on December 20, 2022 [5 favorites]
Mayo Clinic says: "Most kids are fully toilet trained by age 5, but there's really no target date for developing complete bladder control. Between the ages of 5 and 7, bed-wetting remains a problem for some children. After 7 years of age, a small number of children still wet the bed."
Don't worry about it. They're fine.
posted by SageTrail at 5:52 PM on December 20, 2022 [5 favorites]
For another data point: my toddler gradually started staying dry overnight between 12 and 18 months, well before we started daytime potty training, but every kid is different. (And he still has nighttime pee accidents about once a month now at age 2.5 that seem to coincide with illness or teething)
posted by abeja bicicleta at 5:53 PM on December 20, 2022
posted by abeja bicicleta at 5:53 PM on December 20, 2022
One of my sons was still in pullups at night at age 7. He was (and still is) an extraordinarily heavy sleeper. I got him one of those alarm kits and let him deal with it when the alarm went off. (He would come to me if he needed help changing his sheets or something.) He was nighttime dry in a week or two. I think putting him in charge was a big part of the success.
Some kids are just going to have accidents at night no matter what you do, though. Good luck!
posted by thatone at 6:39 PM on December 20, 2022
Some kids are just going to have accidents at night no matter what you do, though. Good luck!
posted by thatone at 6:39 PM on December 20, 2022
My 5-year-old was very rarely dry overnight, but she decided she was done with pull-ups, I think because of a comment from a friend. We got heavy-duty mattress protectors and made the bed with multiple lasagna layers of sheet/mattress protector (so that we didn’t have to do a full change for a pee leak in the night), cut way back on liquids after dinner, and took her for a “dream pee” at grownup bedtime. There were still several weeks of frequent bedwetting, which was rough on everyone’s sleep, but then she started waking up and going to the bathroom if she needed to.
There had been a previous attempt a few months before where she decided she wanted to go back to pull-ups, and I’m glad we didn’t push it then. I don’t think she was would have been physically ready at 3 or 4, but who knows? But also it’s very nice to be all done with it.
posted by songs about trains at 6:45 PM on December 20, 2022
There had been a previous attempt a few months before where she decided she wanted to go back to pull-ups, and I’m glad we didn’t push it then. I don’t think she was would have been physically ready at 3 or 4, but who knows? But also it’s very nice to be all done with it.
posted by songs about trains at 6:45 PM on December 20, 2022
If your kid isn't fussed about it, it's really not worth it to push it. They'll get there when they get there.
My oldest was close to her sixth birthday and I was starting to worry and literally overnight her diapers went from wet every night to never again wet (literally not once!). Weirdly this followed a mild flu - I think she was just in a comfortable pattern and the fever messed up her sleep and hydration habits just enough to break the pattern. I was very glad I just waited for it...why lose sleep over something like this if it's not bothering you or your kid to deal with the diapers?
posted by potrzebie at 7:03 PM on December 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
My oldest was close to her sixth birthday and I was starting to worry and literally overnight her diapers went from wet every night to never again wet (literally not once!). Weirdly this followed a mild flu - I think she was just in a comfortable pattern and the fever messed up her sleep and hydration habits just enough to break the pattern. I was very glad I just waited for it...why lose sleep over something like this if it's not bothering you or your kid to deal with the diapers?
posted by potrzebie at 7:03 PM on December 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
Trust your pediatrician. It's a hormonal thing, there's nothing you can do to make it hàppen before their bodies are ready. All you will be doing is interrupting everyone's sleep. Sure, maybe if you train them to wake up every two hours, they will pee in a toilet every two hours, but that's not because they 'learned' not to pee in their sleep, it's because you're waking them up all the time. This is one time that I promise, you don't have to do anything but be patient.
posted by Ausamor at 7:10 PM on December 20, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by Ausamor at 7:10 PM on December 20, 2022 [5 favorites]
Sometimes it can be a habit and if there’s no consequences (because of the pull up) then they will not build the new habit. No harm to buy some rubber sheets and try for a couple of weeks (pre bed pee / limit fluids) and see if they can transition and if they can’t then go back to pull-ups.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:20 PM on December 20, 2022
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:20 PM on December 20, 2022
It'll happen when it happens. It's not something they have any conscious control over so wouldn't push it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:07 PM on December 20, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:07 PM on December 20, 2022 [4 favorites]
Yup. Agree with the other posters and I noticed my 6 year old will be dry for 2 months and suddenly wet, i mean soaking!!!! 3-4 nights a week for 2-3 weeks. My older son just randomly went dry at 4 years old and has only had one accident and I read that it has to do with a hormone that tells your body to reabsorb pee… and since my 6 year old is autistic and would not appreciate a night time wake up and won’t be doing any sleep overs we just don’t stress and let him stay in pull ups.
posted by catspajammies at 8:42 PM on December 20, 2022
posted by catspajammies at 8:42 PM on December 20, 2022
My daughter would wake up if she needed to pee even as a baby. We did elimination communication and she slept with me, so I would take her to the bathroom if it seemed like she needed to pee. She was out of diapers, nighttime included, by 8 months.
It was a different story with my son. He would pee without waking up at all, so he wore a diaper at night until he was about 1 1/2. Then I figured out that he was peeing fairly early in the night but not again after that. I started taking him to the bathroom to pee (while he stayed mostly asleep) an hour or so after he fell asleep and as long as I did that, he would stay dry the rest of the night. It wasn't really potty training but it was an easy way to eliminate the need for diapers. I kept doing that for a long time and then when he was about 5 he got a loft bed and it wasn't practical to get him out of it once he was asleep. At that point he was able to stay dry most of the time but would still occasionally wet the bed for several years after that. It happened less and less as time went on and eventually stopped.
posted by Redstart at 9:53 PM on December 20, 2022
It was a different story with my son. He would pee without waking up at all, so he wore a diaper at night until he was about 1 1/2. Then I figured out that he was peeing fairly early in the night but not again after that. I started taking him to the bathroom to pee (while he stayed mostly asleep) an hour or so after he fell asleep and as long as I did that, he would stay dry the rest of the night. It wasn't really potty training but it was an easy way to eliminate the need for diapers. I kept doing that for a long time and then when he was about 5 he got a loft bed and it wasn't practical to get him out of it once he was asleep. At that point he was able to stay dry most of the time but would still occasionally wet the bed for several years after that. It happened less and less as time went on and eventually stopped.
posted by Redstart at 9:53 PM on December 20, 2022
My husband had a theory (based in science? not sure?) that kids don't pee in their sleep, but do pee in bed when they wake up - especially first thing in the morning. So he'd haul ass first thing in the morning over to their beds and put the kids on the potty first thing as soon as they started to stir. Indeed their diapers were still dry and also they had plenty to expunge. At some point, they started doing it themselves - it helps to have a small potty you can set up right next to the bed. That's something you might consider to see if indeed they just peeing first thing in the morning (or possibly overnight if they wake up) - either way, having a potty right there they have access to helps a lot! Also, for every successful potty-use, we have the kids a chocolate chip - that worked amazingly well.
posted by Toddles at 9:56 PM on December 20, 2022
posted by Toddles at 9:56 PM on December 20, 2022
Children need to produce enough of a certain hormone to be able to stay dry all night long. When this happens varies from child to child. If you try and potty train at night before they do, it will not work and will only make you all unhappy.
If you notice that your child is regularly dry on waking (ie it's likely that they do produce enough hormone), then maybe try it.
posted by plonkee at 1:09 AM on December 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
If you notice that your child is regularly dry on waking (ie it's likely that they do produce enough hormone), then maybe try it.
posted by plonkee at 1:09 AM on December 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
One night when my brother was a kid (I don't know the age, but I'm guessing 3-5), my parents ran out of diapers. They either didn't have the money or the transportation to get more that night, and they told my brother they didn't have a diaper and asked if he could make it through the night without one. He never needed one again, apparently.
I don't know how modern parents would feel about this approach, it may be unfair to ask this of a child and I would think how one asks is key to discourage feelings of shame. It's just an anecdote from my family that may be suitable for your child depending on their maturity. Based on the comments up thread about hormones, it seems like this may have just been a lucky coincidence, but perhaps it's worth a try.
posted by happy_cat at 2:15 AM on December 21, 2022
I don't know how modern parents would feel about this approach, it may be unfair to ask this of a child and I would think how one asks is key to discourage feelings of shame. It's just an anecdote from my family that may be suitable for your child depending on their maturity. Based on the comments up thread about hormones, it seems like this may have just been a lucky coincidence, but perhaps it's worth a try.
posted by happy_cat at 2:15 AM on December 21, 2022
Please read Oh Crap Potty Training, if you haven't already. Everyone here can give their anecdotes based on their own specific kids, and hence average sample size of 2 kids, but the author has trained hundreds of children and has very specific things to say about night time potty training. Which, anecdotally, I have found to be fairly prescient.
My daughter was dry at night by the age of 2 years 2 months, and has 0.5 accidents in the entire time since (0.5 because she woke up and stopped herself from wetting further).
My son still wet his diapers at the age of 3 years and is a heavy sleeper. We still took diapers away, but we controlled liquids prior to sleep. He still had an accident a week for two months after, then an accident every two weeks, then an accident every so often, reducing in frequency as time passed.
Accidents are fine, no shame here, all part of learning — he has no control and is not doing it on purpose. We just put a towel on his bed and we wash the sheets in the morning. With time, the accidents happen less and less. He's learning.
Night control is a muscle memory that does need to be learned. Anecdotally, and also backed by some studies, the later you leave night time training, the more bed-wetting becomes an issue. Not a fashionable opinion among North American and Western parents, but there you are.
(I expect a pile-on here. Please do check your own privilege and biases: Are you white or are you living in a Western, industrialised society? Then this is a different view that comes from parts of the world that you may not see -- please refrain from responding. For all of history prior to the invention of cheap, disposable diapers, and among other cultures, potty training takes place at a much younger age. The lateness at which potty training is being attempted in Western societies is, frankly, weird and disgusting to people not in these societies. Kindly remember that even the science in Western journals is a moving, shifting, evolving thing - 50 years ago, a Western paedetrician would have suggested strict potty training and punishment. In short, these are opinions and the science is not definite.)
posted by moiraine at 10:36 AM on December 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
My daughter was dry at night by the age of 2 years 2 months, and has 0.5 accidents in the entire time since (0.5 because she woke up and stopped herself from wetting further).
My son still wet his diapers at the age of 3 years and is a heavy sleeper. We still took diapers away, but we controlled liquids prior to sleep. He still had an accident a week for two months after, then an accident every two weeks, then an accident every so often, reducing in frequency as time passed.
Accidents are fine, no shame here, all part of learning — he has no control and is not doing it on purpose. We just put a towel on his bed and we wash the sheets in the morning. With time, the accidents happen less and less. He's learning.
Night control is a muscle memory that does need to be learned. Anecdotally, and also backed by some studies, the later you leave night time training, the more bed-wetting becomes an issue. Not a fashionable opinion among North American and Western parents, but there you are.
(I expect a pile-on here. Please do check your own privilege and biases: Are you white or are you living in a Western, industrialised society? Then this is a different view that comes from parts of the world that you may not see -- please refrain from responding. For all of history prior to the invention of cheap, disposable diapers, and among other cultures, potty training takes place at a much younger age. The lateness at which potty training is being attempted in Western societies is, frankly, weird and disgusting to people not in these societies. Kindly remember that even the science in Western journals is a moving, shifting, evolving thing - 50 years ago, a Western paedetrician would have suggested strict potty training and punishment. In short, these are opinions and the science is not definite.)
posted by moiraine at 10:36 AM on December 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
We did nighttime potty training successfully, without waiting for dry mornings! Shortly after her 3rd birthday we informed the child that she was now a big kid and diapers were over. There were 2ish accidents in the first week, and then no more. It was great!
posted by 168 at 2:04 PM on December 21, 2022
posted by 168 at 2:04 PM on December 21, 2022
I expect a pile-on here. [...]
Not so much a pile on, as that it does not matter what you do or where you live, a child will not be able to stay dry reliably for 8 hours at a time, unless they produce enough of the required hormone. You can make different choices about how to deal with that, including waking them in the night, wearing diapers, changing the sheets frequently etc, but that doesn't change the underlying mechanism.
posted by plonkee at 5:16 AM on December 22, 2022
Not so much a pile on, as that it does not matter what you do or where you live, a child will not be able to stay dry reliably for 8 hours at a time, unless they produce enough of the required hormone. You can make different choices about how to deal with that, including waking them in the night, wearing diapers, changing the sheets frequently etc, but that doesn't change the underlying mechanism.
posted by plonkee at 5:16 AM on December 22, 2022
My son started being dry at night shortly after we did day time potty training (Maybe around 3.5 or 4?) My daughter, however, was still soaking a pull up at 6 and it was both physically irritating her vulva and frustrating her emotionally. With her enthusiastic consent we used a small alarm that went on her undies and woke up her up at the first drop of pee. She was dry at night within the week and very pleased with herself.
It's not that I think your doc is wrong. It's that each kid is different and may need different steps to have their needs met. I am skeptical of any one-size-fits-all statements even from doctors
posted by jeszac at 8:38 AM on December 22, 2022
It's not that I think your doc is wrong. It's that each kid is different and may need different steps to have their needs met. I am skeptical of any one-size-fits-all statements even from doctors
posted by jeszac at 8:38 AM on December 22, 2022
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When my kids were about 3, we noticed that each was often dry in the morning. So we started being aware of decreasing fluids before bedtime, we put the rubber sheets on the beds, and we encouraged lots of pre-bedtime pees. And we made it clear that they could call us if they felt the need to pee in the night.
We would, for a couple of weeks, wake the potty training kid up before we went to bed for one last potty training sit each night. We continued the wake-up calls for years if there was a late dinner or something that would have meant more than usual late night fluid intake.
But, other than that, they just did it on their own. (Obviously, there were accidents along the way!)
posted by Sauter Vaguely at 5:06 PM on December 20, 2022 [2 favorites]