Resources for a helping a friend move past some of her TERF beliefs?
December 6, 2022 3:46 PM Subscribe
My friend (black lesbian cis woman in her early 50s's) and I recently has a long discussion about feminist spaces and trans women's rights. The conversation was hard for me as she definitely has some trans exclusionary beliefs. She did however appreciate the conversation for how it made her think and she reached out to me afterwards to see if i knew of any articles she could read to help her move past her current thinking.
So, can anyone recommend good articles or other online resources? Especially things that could help a black queer woman understand her cis privilege in a way that doesn't shame? Double especially for anything that can help counter the argument that a trans woman who lived the first part of her life presenting as a man doesn't still inherit some/all that male privilege. And for the triple especially, anything that can counter the argument that spaces that include trans women are not safe spaces for cis women who were sexually assaulted by cis men.
I have been doing my own research but not having the luck I want. Thanks.
So, can anyone recommend good articles or other online resources? Especially things that could help a black queer woman understand her cis privilege in a way that doesn't shame? Double especially for anything that can help counter the argument that a trans woman who lived the first part of her life presenting as a man doesn't still inherit some/all that male privilege. And for the triple especially, anything that can counter the argument that spaces that include trans women are not safe spaces for cis women who were sexually assaulted by cis men.
I have been doing my own research but not having the luck I want. Thanks.
Best answer: The Rest For Resistance site is specifically for/by queer trans POC, so that might be a good perspective. When Callouts Become Anti-Black: On Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Transphobia, Disposability Culture & British Colonialism links to comments from Laverne Cox and other Black trans and gender non-conforming folks about Adichie's transphobic comments, but the piece is really framed in antiracism, which I think could be helpful.
posted by lapis at 5:32 PM on December 6, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by lapis at 5:32 PM on December 6, 2022 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Gosh, could you get her to read a book? I've read some truly excellent memoirs and autobiographies by trans women over the past few decades, and reading their experiences, even as someone who was never terfy, was just eye opening. I imagine a Black lesbian has experienced a lot of misogyny, and the experience of misogyny by trans women, especially trans women of color, might really resonate. Also, often trans women did not present as children as stereotypical boys with attendant male privilege as children, but were punished terribly for not conforming.
Janet Mock is a trans woman of color, and she wrote a memoir Redefining Realness that's quite good.
I haven't read Vivek Shraya's I'm Afraid of Men, but it's on my list and looks excellent (lots of awards, etc). It's short, under 100 pages. It might really help her understand the horrible experience some trans women had with misogyny as children. Here's the summary:
Vivek Shraya has reason to be afraid. Throughout her life she's endured acts of cruelty and aggression for being too feminine as a boy and not feminine enough as a girl. In order to survive childhood, she had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity. As an adult, she makes daily compromises to steel herself against everything from verbal attacks to heartbreak.
Now, with raw honesty, Shraya delivers an important record of the cumulative damage caused by misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia, releasing trauma from a body that has always refused to assimilate. I'm Afraid of Men is a journey from camouflage to a riot of colour and a blueprint for how we might cherish all that makes us different and conquer all that makes us afraid.
Here are some more books that might work too.
One of the reasons I think it would be good for her to read a memoir is that I think reading people's experiences can be quite compelling and generate a lot of compassion.
I also really want to direct you to some short films, but I don't know what you might be able to access depending on your library and various subscriptions.
posted by bluedaisy at 5:46 PM on December 6, 2022 [7 favorites]
Janet Mock is a trans woman of color, and she wrote a memoir Redefining Realness that's quite good.
I haven't read Vivek Shraya's I'm Afraid of Men, but it's on my list and looks excellent (lots of awards, etc). It's short, under 100 pages. It might really help her understand the horrible experience some trans women had with misogyny as children. Here's the summary:
Vivek Shraya has reason to be afraid. Throughout her life she's endured acts of cruelty and aggression for being too feminine as a boy and not feminine enough as a girl. In order to survive childhood, she had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity. As an adult, she makes daily compromises to steel herself against everything from verbal attacks to heartbreak.
Now, with raw honesty, Shraya delivers an important record of the cumulative damage caused by misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia, releasing trauma from a body that has always refused to assimilate. I'm Afraid of Men is a journey from camouflage to a riot of colour and a blueprint for how we might cherish all that makes us different and conquer all that makes us afraid.
Here are some more books that might work too.
One of the reasons I think it would be good for her to read a memoir is that I think reading people's experiences can be quite compelling and generate a lot of compassion.
I also really want to direct you to some short films, but I don't know what you might be able to access depending on your library and various subscriptions.
posted by bluedaisy at 5:46 PM on December 6, 2022 [7 favorites]
Response by poster: Short films would be great! This is all so helpful, I really look forward to digging into all of this. Thanks so much!
posted by lips at 7:47 PM on December 6, 2022
posted by lips at 7:47 PM on December 6, 2022
Best answer: Perhaps some of these pieces might speak to her?
Oh my goodness, yes, Janet Mock is amazing. I love both of her memoirs to pieces - Redefining Realness and Surpassing Certainty. I'll also note that, like an appallingly large number of trans women, Mock has been sexually assaulted by cis men, and she writes about this in her memoirs. She doesn't directly address the idea that she should be welcome in women's spaces, but her story is argument enough.
posted by spiderbeforesunset at 8:26 PM on December 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
- Colorism and Transphobia's Intersection at Black Women
- Dear cis Black women, transphobia will never serve us or the goal of Black liberation
- I’m a Trans Woman, and I Was Socialized Female
- I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out.
Oh my goodness, yes, Janet Mock is amazing. I love both of her memoirs to pieces - Redefining Realness and Surpassing Certainty. I'll also note that, like an appallingly large number of trans women, Mock has been sexually assaulted by cis men, and she writes about this in her memoirs. She doesn't directly address the idea that she should be welcome in women's spaces, but her story is argument enough.
posted by spiderbeforesunset at 8:26 PM on December 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Note that it’s important to say Black, not “of colour” when discussing Black people, and that the word Black is always capitalized. Showing proper respect around race is a good start when instructing marginalized Black people to consider how marginalized other people are.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 6:15 AM on December 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by nouvelle-personne at 6:15 AM on December 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Janet Mock did a lot of short reads from her book as YouTube promos, a good taster of what her memoir is like.
posted by Ardnamurchan at 8:10 AM on December 7, 2022
posted by Ardnamurchan at 8:10 AM on December 7, 2022
Response by poster: @noubelle-persone thanks for pointing out not capitalizing Black, I knew better but forgot. Appreciate you taking the time
Thanks for all the videos! And thanks again everyone for taking the time. It's much appreciated.
posted by lips at 10:14 AM on December 7, 2022
Thanks for all the videos! And thanks again everyone for taking the time. It's much appreciated.
posted by lips at 10:14 AM on December 7, 2022
A video recommendation: Her Story
Review on Autostraddle , which is how I found it.
One of the threads involves an attorney fighting for the inclusion of trans women at women's shelters.
posted by skunk pig at 1:46 PM on December 7, 2022
Review on Autostraddle , which is how I found it.
One of the threads involves an attorney fighting for the inclusion of trans women at women's shelters.
posted by skunk pig at 1:46 PM on December 7, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
Other readings on intersectionality might be helpful as well, specifically the Cohambee River Collective Statement, Kimberle Crenshaw's work, and pretty much anything by Audre Lorde.
posted by sleepingwithcats at 5:03 PM on December 6, 2022 [1 favorite]