Jack of all trades, master of none?
November 25, 2022 7:03 AM Subscribe
How can I narrow down my career options when all paths seemed open, but time is running short? I am fortunate in that I feel there are many options available to me. I do have some constraints - a family, age - but many things interest me. I feel trapped by my own indecision.
Pardon my whine:
I'm in my mid-thirties, partnered, a toddler.
After 15 years of a successful (albeit not stable and not highly lucrative - but getting by just fine) career doing several roles in a creative field, I've gone back to graduate school in a completely different field and in a different part of the country, in part due to job considerations for my spouse. This was somewhat pandemic inspired - my industry halted and my spouse was offered a corporate position that paid enough to replace our combined incomes.
I needed a break anyway - caring for a young kid and working in a passion-driven field was exhausting me. I'd upgrade my skills - and maybe figure out what I miss about it. I'll finished my masters next summer and I could absolutely work in this new more practical field or even carry on in school and get my doctorate. I am good at it; I enjoy it, and it could allow for more community-minded work and probably higher-paying work, and better work-life balance. We have a house here, good childcare, nice community etc.
We also have a house back in our old city, and that place is good too. I'm still getting job offers from my old life (I left at a bit of a high point and was moderately well-known in my local industry), the kinds of job offers I dreamt of getting a few years ago...and I still want them - the challenge of them, frankly also the prestige - but maybe more to satisfy the wide-eyed dreamer that was? I don't know. It's an artistic industry that is more of a passion/vocation - the burnout rates are high.
Spouse is happy to support me, and stay here or go home - they have in-demand technical skills and could pick up where they left off, although with a possible pay decrease. Our fields are both somewhat dependent on government funding also, and who knows what will happen with a recession coming...
I also feel stupid and panicked as I watch peers in both worlds excel and reach new heights that I'm not quite reaching because I'm not FOCUSED on one thing. I'm doing bits of everything. Always. I can't ever seem to pick a lane, and that's coming to a head now. I am conscious that these doors won't be open for long - soon kiddo will start school, and I'll be older too...
I find this a hard thing to discuss with friends because there's so much of my own ego wrapped up in it. Who should I talk to about this? A career coach? A therapist? What helped you in such moments?
Pardon my whine:
I'm in my mid-thirties, partnered, a toddler.
After 15 years of a successful (albeit not stable and not highly lucrative - but getting by just fine) career doing several roles in a creative field, I've gone back to graduate school in a completely different field and in a different part of the country, in part due to job considerations for my spouse. This was somewhat pandemic inspired - my industry halted and my spouse was offered a corporate position that paid enough to replace our combined incomes.
I needed a break anyway - caring for a young kid and working in a passion-driven field was exhausting me. I'd upgrade my skills - and maybe figure out what I miss about it. I'll finished my masters next summer and I could absolutely work in this new more practical field or even carry on in school and get my doctorate. I am good at it; I enjoy it, and it could allow for more community-minded work and probably higher-paying work, and better work-life balance. We have a house here, good childcare, nice community etc.
We also have a house back in our old city, and that place is good too. I'm still getting job offers from my old life (I left at a bit of a high point and was moderately well-known in my local industry), the kinds of job offers I dreamt of getting a few years ago...and I still want them - the challenge of them, frankly also the prestige - but maybe more to satisfy the wide-eyed dreamer that was? I don't know. It's an artistic industry that is more of a passion/vocation - the burnout rates are high.
Spouse is happy to support me, and stay here or go home - they have in-demand technical skills and could pick up where they left off, although with a possible pay decrease. Our fields are both somewhat dependent on government funding also, and who knows what will happen with a recession coming...
I also feel stupid and panicked as I watch peers in both worlds excel and reach new heights that I'm not quite reaching because I'm not FOCUSED on one thing. I'm doing bits of everything. Always. I can't ever seem to pick a lane, and that's coming to a head now. I am conscious that these doors won't be open for long - soon kiddo will start school, and I'll be older too...
I find this a hard thing to discuss with friends because there's so much of my own ego wrapped up in it. Who should I talk to about this? A career coach? A therapist? What helped you in such moments?
This is an old book, but it did help me when I was stuck. I believe there is a workbook as well.
Also, comparing yourself to peers is not healthy. You don't have the full picture of their lives. Just consider what is best for you personally and your family. Maybe having an excellent work/life balance is better than ephemeral work success that depends on so much out of your control.
posted by agatha_magatha at 9:12 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Also, comparing yourself to peers is not healthy. You don't have the full picture of their lives. Just consider what is best for you personally and your family. Maybe having an excellent work/life balance is better than ephemeral work success that depends on so much out of your control.
posted by agatha_magatha at 9:12 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
I sympathize in that I'm around your age and have also had trouble committing to a career. I think reckoning with the path not taken is sort of a developmental milestone of this age.
If you want to talk to a professional, I think a therapist would be more appropriate than a career coach. You seem to have the practical knowledge you need about how to move forward in either direction. It's your emotions you need to sort out.
As you acknowledge, it sounds like you're in a really good position. For me as an outsider, it's easy to see great value when you say this about your new career: I am good at it; I enjoy it, and it could allow for more community-minded work and probably higher-paying work, and better work-life balance. Particularly now that you have a child, these are not things to underestimate. If your spouse were to die or become disabled, or if you were to divorce, would you be markedly better off on this more practical path, or could you make it work in your creative field? If you pursue the new career for a while, could you go back to the creative field later? You'd probably struggle to break into the new field later if you give it up now, I imagine.
Say you were to move back to your old city and your creative field. By age 45, you achieve the height of the prestige you dreamed of. Do you think the prestige will be enough to keep you happy for another 20 years of work, whether you remain a very relevant figure in your field or not? Will you succumb to burnout, as it sounds like you were starting to do? You'll only be a parent of young children for a short portion of your life, but life can throw you many different unexpected challenges that would also make it difficult to work in an intense, unstable field.
What does prestige in your creative field represent to you? What did it represent to your younger self? How did your upbringing inform your aspirations? I can say that in my American childhood in the 90s, a lot of emphasis was placed on outstanding individual achievement. As an adult I have some complaints, even as I respect people who have honed their crafts.
posted by Comet Bug at 8:46 PM on November 25, 2022
If you want to talk to a professional, I think a therapist would be more appropriate than a career coach. You seem to have the practical knowledge you need about how to move forward in either direction. It's your emotions you need to sort out.
As you acknowledge, it sounds like you're in a really good position. For me as an outsider, it's easy to see great value when you say this about your new career: I am good at it; I enjoy it, and it could allow for more community-minded work and probably higher-paying work, and better work-life balance. Particularly now that you have a child, these are not things to underestimate. If your spouse were to die or become disabled, or if you were to divorce, would you be markedly better off on this more practical path, or could you make it work in your creative field? If you pursue the new career for a while, could you go back to the creative field later? You'd probably struggle to break into the new field later if you give it up now, I imagine.
Say you were to move back to your old city and your creative field. By age 45, you achieve the height of the prestige you dreamed of. Do you think the prestige will be enough to keep you happy for another 20 years of work, whether you remain a very relevant figure in your field or not? Will you succumb to burnout, as it sounds like you were starting to do? You'll only be a parent of young children for a short portion of your life, but life can throw you many different unexpected challenges that would also make it difficult to work in an intense, unstable field.
What does prestige in your creative field represent to you? What did it represent to your younger self? How did your upbringing inform your aspirations? I can say that in my American childhood in the 90s, a lot of emphasis was placed on outstanding individual achievement. As an adult I have some complaints, even as I respect people who have honed their crafts.
posted by Comet Bug at 8:46 PM on November 25, 2022
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posted by pairofshades at 8:49 AM on November 25, 2022