Freedom from buying shit
November 19, 2022 11:23 AM Subscribe
Inspired by a comment from dobbs in the Gift of Freedom thread, how do you resist temptation and stop buying shit this holiday season?
I’m up to speed on minimalism, Project 333, decluttering, Marie Kondo, one in one out, etc. but am looking for your strategies to disrupt the purchases themselves. I don’t receive e-marketing and do my best to avoid ads on social media, but, Black Friday. Along the lines of buy nothing/no spend, but leaving a liiiittle space for joy in one’s life.
What are your tips and tricks for reducing consumption?
I’m up to speed on minimalism, Project 333, decluttering, Marie Kondo, one in one out, etc. but am looking for your strategies to disrupt the purchases themselves. I don’t receive e-marketing and do my best to avoid ads on social media, but, Black Friday. Along the lines of buy nothing/no spend, but leaving a liiiittle space for joy in one’s life.
What are your tips and tricks for reducing consumption?
What's driving your spending? Impulse buys? Not wanting to lose out on a "good deal"? Believing the right item will improve your life? Just simply liking stuff? I think you need to figure this out first.
posted by Rora at 11:54 AM on November 19, 2022 [14 favorites]
posted by Rora at 11:54 AM on November 19, 2022 [14 favorites]
I give myself a limited monthly "allowance," and the key reason I don't buy things, Black Friday or otherwise, is that I don't have enough money that allotment.
The other reason I don't end up buying a lot of stuff is that the things I do for fun involve materials that I already have. (I am not in agreement with Marie Kondo - I keep lots of little things like plastic flowerpots and camera film and pants that fit weird, because I can use these things in my hobbies. It sparks joy to find an old can of paint that I can use to fix up a rusty chair.)
If you want to buy yourself a little something but not have it be an object, maybe a class or subscription would be fun.
posted by xo at 11:55 AM on November 19, 2022 [6 favorites]
The other reason I don't end up buying a lot of stuff is that the things I do for fun involve materials that I already have. (I am not in agreement with Marie Kondo - I keep lots of little things like plastic flowerpots and camera film and pants that fit weird, because I can use these things in my hobbies. It sparks joy to find an old can of paint that I can use to fix up a rusty chair.)
If you want to buy yourself a little something but not have it be an object, maybe a class or subscription would be fun.
posted by xo at 11:55 AM on November 19, 2022 [6 favorites]
Learn more about environmentalism and social justice.
It feels really uncomfortable spending money on something plastic when you stop and think of how the longest part of its life cycle may be as a part of (for example) the great pacific garbage patch.
posted by aniola at 11:57 AM on November 19, 2022 [5 favorites]
It feels really uncomfortable spending money on something plastic when you stop and think of how the longest part of its life cycle may be as a part of (for example) the great pacific garbage patch.
posted by aniola at 11:57 AM on November 19, 2022 [5 favorites]
Don't carry cards; only bring cash. It is psychologically harder to spend something you have to physically give away. Also, you severely limit what you can buy by what you are carrying. Delete any saved cards in shopping sites.
Unsubscribe from marketing emails entirely. It's easier to have two emails: one for people and important stuff like the bank, the other one for trash. Just don't give out the important one.
If you want to do holiday gifts, make a list and stick to it. A good way to handle this is consumable gifts for everyone (cookies, booze, box o' fruit, whatever) or something consumable and super useful (new tires, phone minutes, take nephews to museum, etc.) or origami fold a $20 into a ring and put it in a card. There, you still gave something but it's not excessively consumerist.
If you want a treat, digital books are a good choice. Reading books also stops you from looking at sites with ads.
I agree that you need to figure out your motivation and figure out a substitute.
posted by blnkfrnk at 12:00 PM on November 19, 2022 [3 favorites]
Unsubscribe from marketing emails entirely. It's easier to have two emails: one for people and important stuff like the bank, the other one for trash. Just don't give out the important one.
If you want to do holiday gifts, make a list and stick to it. A good way to handle this is consumable gifts for everyone (cookies, booze, box o' fruit, whatever) or something consumable and super useful (new tires, phone minutes, take nephews to museum, etc.) or origami fold a $20 into a ring and put it in a card. There, you still gave something but it's not excessively consumerist.
If you want a treat, digital books are a good choice. Reading books also stops you from looking at sites with ads.
I agree that you need to figure out your motivation and figure out a substitute.
posted by blnkfrnk at 12:00 PM on November 19, 2022 [3 favorites]
I was raised by two people who prioritized experiences/consumables over stuff, so I've never been one feels a need to buy things and "retail therapy" has always puzzled me.
Along the lines of buy nothing/no spend, but leaving a liiiittle space for joy in one’s life.
I think it might be worth trying to pick apart why you're linking "buying a thing" with joy. Maybe make a list of things that bring you joy that don't require the accumulation of stuff? (Feel free of course to include activities that might require the occasional purchase - for example, I like to hike, which means I do need good hiking shoes - but overall, hiking as a hobby doesn't require much spending).
Finally, because our society is so wasteful, it's perhaps never been an easier time to get good stuff used, and to find it online. Books, clothing, toys/games, outdoor gear (REI has a robust used store for members), furniture, etc - all easily found used online. Buying stuff used has a much lower carbon footprint, so if you absolutely must buy something, consider whether you actually need the item to be new.
posted by coffeecat at 12:16 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
Along the lines of buy nothing/no spend, but leaving a liiiittle space for joy in one’s life.
I think it might be worth trying to pick apart why you're linking "buying a thing" with joy. Maybe make a list of things that bring you joy that don't require the accumulation of stuff? (Feel free of course to include activities that might require the occasional purchase - for example, I like to hike, which means I do need good hiking shoes - but overall, hiking as a hobby doesn't require much spending).
Finally, because our society is so wasteful, it's perhaps never been an easier time to get good stuff used, and to find it online. Books, clothing, toys/games, outdoor gear (REI has a robust used store for members), furniture, etc - all easily found used online. Buying stuff used has a much lower carbon footprint, so if you absolutely must buy something, consider whether you actually need the item to be new.
posted by coffeecat at 12:16 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
The KonMari method made it much easier for me - sorting my own possessions cyclically helped me get in touch with my emotions so that I could identify when a prospective purchase is actually sparking joy as opposed to all the other reasons we acquire things. Put aside the price, the high of buying something, the fashion or tech magazine that tells you X is the latest trend, and see yourself holding it in a year's time, do you think you will still like it?
posted by I claim sanctuary at 12:18 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by I claim sanctuary at 12:18 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
I've been noticing recently that I have a tendency to associate things with positive past memories, typically involving positive experiences such as social interaction. For example, my first experiences with coffee shops were a weekly coffee hangout with a bunch of friends right after high school. I went to coffee shops for years because I thought I liked coffee shops, but it turns out I was conflating the coffee shop with the experience of having a good time with friends.
Figure out what it is you actually want from the thing you want to buy, and figure out how you can satisfy that emotional need.
posted by aniola at 12:32 PM on November 19, 2022 [4 favorites]
Figure out what it is you actually want from the thing you want to buy, and figure out how you can satisfy that emotional need.
posted by aniola at 12:32 PM on November 19, 2022 [4 favorites]
For me, one thing that helps is doing an occasional buying fast. Like, a month where I don't buy any stuff*. Obviously there are easy times to do this and difficult times to do it; I wouldn't plan a spending fast for, like, right after I moved into a new home, because that's a time when I genuinely do expect to need to buy things. And I may prepare for the fast by stocking up on things - making sure I have shampoo and deodorant and toilet paper and all that.
Basically, when I am able to straight-up say, "Oh, I'm not buying that because I'm not buying *anything* until December 1st (or whatever)," it's just... easier. I can make a note of it and buy it on December 1st if I really want to. It really brings it home for me how like 95% of my purchases are discretionary and almost none of them are both time-sensitive and non-discretionary.
There are so many joyful things you can do and experience that don't involve purchasing stuff, or even spending money! It's a little easier to notice them when you take buying stuff out of the equation for a little while.
Oh, another thing that has made me buy less: buying things at estate sales. Not to be a downer, but seeing how much junk people leave behind really makes me think twice about bringing more stuff into my home.
* I do still buy food during these spending fasts; sometimes I will do a shorter "pantry challenge" where I only eat food that's already in my house (past when I would usually go grocery shopping). I will also usually allow purchases of services (like art lessons or massages) or experiences (concert tickets, museum visits, gas for a road trip).
posted by mskyle at 12:34 PM on November 19, 2022 [3 favorites]
Basically, when I am able to straight-up say, "Oh, I'm not buying that because I'm not buying *anything* until December 1st (or whatever)," it's just... easier. I can make a note of it and buy it on December 1st if I really want to. It really brings it home for me how like 95% of my purchases are discretionary and almost none of them are both time-sensitive and non-discretionary.
There are so many joyful things you can do and experience that don't involve purchasing stuff, or even spending money! It's a little easier to notice them when you take buying stuff out of the equation for a little while.
Oh, another thing that has made me buy less: buying things at estate sales. Not to be a downer, but seeing how much junk people leave behind really makes me think twice about bringing more stuff into my home.
* I do still buy food during these spending fasts; sometimes I will do a shorter "pantry challenge" where I only eat food that's already in my house (past when I would usually go grocery shopping). I will also usually allow purchases of services (like art lessons or massages) or experiences (concert tickets, museum visits, gas for a road trip).
posted by mskyle at 12:34 PM on November 19, 2022 [3 favorites]
Well, I'm old, but I think about my kids having to go through all my stuff after I die and how it'll be a huge chore for them and they'll get rid of almost everything. Also, almost anything used has essentially no monetary value. So really, if you aren't buying legitimate antiques, once you spend the money on something, it's gone.
I think that Roz Chast is the one who writes about this in Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant - how people her age aren't a good target for businesses wanting to sell stuff because once you've had to deal with all your parents' possessions, you lose your taste for acquiring things and putting that burden on someone else.
posted by FencingGal at 12:54 PM on November 19, 2022 [15 favorites]
I think that Roz Chast is the one who writes about this in Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant - how people her age aren't a good target for businesses wanting to sell stuff because once you've had to deal with all your parents' possessions, you lose your taste for acquiring things and putting that burden on someone else.
posted by FencingGal at 12:54 PM on November 19, 2022 [15 favorites]
If you want to buy something just put it in the cart or a list and then come back to it in a week. I find my perspective on whether I need it changes a fair portion of the time.
posted by artificialard at 1:13 PM on November 19, 2022 [12 favorites]
posted by artificialard at 1:13 PM on November 19, 2022 [12 favorites]
If you want to buy something just put it in the cart or a list and then come back to it in a week. I find my perspective on whether I need it changes a fair portion of the time.
Same, except I usually leave it for like 2 months or more. Most of the time I just end up forgetting about it altogether. If carts and online lists are too visible, then just bookmark the page in a folder or something.
posted by trig at 1:28 PM on November 19, 2022 [3 favorites]
Same, except I usually leave it for like 2 months or more. Most of the time I just end up forgetting about it altogether. If carts and online lists are too visible, then just bookmark the page in a folder or something.
posted by trig at 1:28 PM on November 19, 2022 [3 favorites]
It does sound like you need to find an alternative to consumption for finding "joy in one's life."
You might want to increase* your rate of savings for some goal** to decrease your monthly disposable income***.
*set up the system to make this contribution automatically, so you don't see the money in your regular account(s).
**this could be $$$ for retirement/ a home/ rainy day fund / big ticket purchase / charity/ travel, etc.
***alternatively, others (not I) might advise taking up an expensive hobby.
Decreasing your monthly disposable income may reduce the (metaphorical) itch to spend the coins jangling in your pocket.
At the end of the day, instead of current you getting a new tv, future you could have a one way plane ticket to somewhere amazing, the reassurance of a more comfortable retirement, or the satisfaction of helping someone for whom this amount is the difference of making rent or going homeless.
If you really love the "thrill of the hunt,"perhaps look for a Black Friday deal that can be donated to charity. Moreover, perhaps there's a volunteer position (or some sort of money making endeavor) that can put these skills to good use.
posted by oceano at 2:03 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
You might want to increase* your rate of savings for some goal** to decrease your monthly disposable income***.
*set up the system to make this contribution automatically, so you don't see the money in your regular account(s).
**this could be $$$ for retirement/ a home/ rainy day fund / big ticket purchase / charity/ travel, etc.
***alternatively, others (not I) might advise taking up an expensive hobby.
Decreasing your monthly disposable income may reduce the (metaphorical) itch to spend the coins jangling in your pocket.
At the end of the day, instead of current you getting a new tv, future you could have a one way plane ticket to somewhere amazing, the reassurance of a more comfortable retirement, or the satisfaction of helping someone for whom this amount is the difference of making rent or going homeless.
If you really love the "thrill of the hunt,"perhaps look for a Black Friday deal that can be donated to charity. Moreover, perhaps there's a volunteer position (or some sort of money making endeavor) that can put these skills to good use.
posted by oceano at 2:03 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
You might also want to consider adding "friction" to future purchases. Perhaps cancel an Amazon Prime subscription or a CostCo membership. Or maybe for a given month only shop locally, or at shops that are in walking / biking distance. Or maybe reduce your time spent on social media, or only "do" social media on a computer and not a phone.
As the saying goes, "there's no ethical consumption under capitalism." However, perhaps you could make a personal policy to avoid shopping at the "most ethically problematic*" stores.
*As defined by you and your values.
I don't know your background, and I don't want to make any assumptions... but I would like to point out the occasional phenomena that working at a place can remove the magic behind it.
posted by oceano at 2:35 PM on November 19, 2022
As the saying goes, "there's no ethical consumption under capitalism." However, perhaps you could make a personal policy to avoid shopping at the "most ethically problematic*" stores.
*As defined by you and your values.
I don't know your background, and I don't want to make any assumptions... but I would like to point out the occasional phenomena that working at a place can remove the magic behind it.
posted by oceano at 2:35 PM on November 19, 2022
I don't buy many things, and a large part of that is that I just don't go shopping for fun. I don't go to the mall, I don't go to garage or estate sales, I don't browse Amazon during breaks, etc.
I do buy non-necessary things for myself occasionally, but they're things that I already know I want - like a book I want to read, a video game I want to play, an interesting plant, etc. Sometimes it's a bigger purchase, like a new video game console, which I can afford because I haven't spent much money on other things.
I'm not particularly strong-willed or anti-consumerist. When I do get roped into shopping for fun, like with family, I often see things that I think I want. Luckily, I don't get roped into that often, so ... I just don't ever have the impulse, because they're not there in front of me, being cute or whatever.
You don't have to go shopping this Black Friday. Seriously! If you don't already know that you need or want it, you still don't need or want it even if it's a good deal.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 2:39 PM on November 19, 2022 [6 favorites]
I do buy non-necessary things for myself occasionally, but they're things that I already know I want - like a book I want to read, a video game I want to play, an interesting plant, etc. Sometimes it's a bigger purchase, like a new video game console, which I can afford because I haven't spent much money on other things.
I'm not particularly strong-willed or anti-consumerist. When I do get roped into shopping for fun, like with family, I often see things that I think I want. Luckily, I don't get roped into that often, so ... I just don't ever have the impulse, because they're not there in front of me, being cute or whatever.
You don't have to go shopping this Black Friday. Seriously! If you don't already know that you need or want it, you still don't need or want it even if it's a good deal.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 2:39 PM on November 19, 2022 [6 favorites]
Don't look at magazines. Their only purpose is to get you to feel bad that your house isn't painted a trendy colour, your couch is the wrong size or shape, your skin needs more care, you don't own the newest trend in whatever. The goal of magazines and most websites is to get you to buy something you don't need, so you feel less inadequate according to some rando you'd hate to meet.
posted by Enid Lareg at 3:20 PM on November 19, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by Enid Lareg at 3:20 PM on November 19, 2022 [6 favorites]
I have a doc on my notes app called “Wants” and every time I come across something I’d like to buy that isn’t an actual functional purchase for my life, instead of buying it I copy the link to it in the doc with a short text description. Doing that at least makes me feel like I’ve scratched a bit of the itch of wanting to DO something when I see something I’d like. Then I can always go back to my list when I have some spare cash, or when someone wants to buy my a gift and asks if there’s anything I’d really like.
Surprisingly often, when I look back at old items on the list, I discover I don’t want them any more, or I look at something and think I don’t want it enough to actually ask someone else to buy it for me, which both suggest I was more in the grip of the dopamine of seeing something that appealed, than really wanting the item itself.
posted by penguin pie at 3:24 PM on November 19, 2022 [13 favorites]
Surprisingly often, when I look back at old items on the list, I discover I don’t want them any more, or I look at something and think I don’t want it enough to actually ask someone else to buy it for me, which both suggest I was more in the grip of the dopamine of seeing something that appealed, than really wanting the item itself.
posted by penguin pie at 3:24 PM on November 19, 2022 [13 favorites]
If you want to buy something just put it in the cart or a list and then come back to it in a week. I find my perspective on whether I need it changes a fair portion of the time.
I don't even wait a week, I just have a rule that all online purchases have to happen between 9am and 10am in the morning. I'm sane then.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:02 PM on November 19, 2022 [5 favorites]
I don't even wait a week, I just have a rule that all online purchases have to happen between 9am and 10am in the morning. I'm sane then.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:02 PM on November 19, 2022 [5 favorites]
Assuming your reasons are not so much financial as just not wanting to get caught up in consumer fever or to have too many things, you could also decide that you can buy anything you want, but in return you have to get rid of something you own - the total number of things you own can't grow. So before any purchase, you have to pick something you own and throw it out/give it away/sell it. Only then can you go ahead and buy the thing.
If that's too easy, you can change how many existing items the new one has to be worth, or what sort of items they have to be.
posted by trig at 4:38 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
If that's too easy, you can change how many existing items the new one has to be worth, or what sort of items they have to be.
posted by trig at 4:38 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
As a professional organizer, this is a topic that comes up with some frequency. Since you've said you've done all of the decluttering work, I will just look at this from the acquisition perspective.
Different strategies work for different people, but avoiding ads and stores is one that does NOT work for most of them. Not seeing cool things other people have on Instagram works, because that cause comparison with oneself and makes people depressed. But not seeing the novelty of what exists in the world tends to also have a depressive role for people whose delight comes visually. For them, I suggest things that delay gratification:
* Require yourself to do homework. Let yourself look at anything you want, but do not let yourself buy it that day. You must write down all the information about it — preferably in longhand in a notebook, but if you must do it digitally, type rather than record by voice. Describe the name of the product, where you're seeing it (which store, which magazine, which site), what you like about it, what might be a drawback, and the price. Doing the labor manually has a powerful effect.
Sometimes, it's the novelty of the item that gets a person excited, not the thing itself. Taking notes makes it less new and sparkly. If you keep coming back to that notebook to think and read about it, because there's that much novelty/appeal, then research the product type, read the reviews, see what others are there. Not letting yourself buy it until you've done this (see tips below) can be powerful. I've found it reduces instant-purchases by up to 80%.
If you still want that product type, and still want that specific product, you can buy it after a week. But that doesn't happen too often. However, what I find even MORE often is that — just like how having to write down the food your eating and the points/calories associated with them in a food diary can make it not worth the effort to eat something — the bother of writing it down helps diminish the desire for the item.
* Share the information first and discuss it. Much like my first example, sometimes it's the delight of the novelty of the item and the prospect of sharing it with others that spurs the purchase. I've tried having clients take photos and text the item's information and price to someone else (someone who does not have compulsive shopping leanings). Sometimes just sharing the "hey, this thing exists" is enough to halt the cravings; other times, pursuing the same path as above (research) with the added social aspect of discussion, and then waiting that week has a great effect.
The two tips above work incredibly well for my clients who have a need for the joy that the novelty of new items (or even the prospect of new items) provides without the financial- or clutter-related weight.
These two are power tips for those who really suffer from compulsive spending, but they work well for all of my clients who want to be cautious. Other tips:
* don't purchase anything if it's not on your list. If you see something you really want/need, you have to leave the store, go at least to your car, write it on the list, and come back. Annoying? You betcha! (Support from family/friends shopping with you can help.) Remind yourself that this is something you've chosen to do, not something forced on you.
* make lists of activities you can pursue that don't involve shopping. For Black Friday, use the day for a project that is meaningful to you, or visiting people you love, or going to a museum or anywhere that spending is deprioritized. The next five weeks are the hardest; focus on EXPERIENCES over tangible objects. There's lots of research to show that we more greatly esteem experiences vs. gifts because experiences are unique to us (my trip to Hawaii or Iowa isn't your trip to Hawaii or Iowa) where as we are much more likely to compare our tangible item gifts/purchases to others' tangible item gifts/purchases.
* make it difficult to get to your money. Create cash envelopes for specific budget items where you shop in person (groceries, gasoline). For everything that's not on your monthly budget and paid directly (rent, utilities, etc.), buy a gift card for yourself for that location, like the grocery store you mostly use. If you've got a financial limit, like $50 for this week's grocery shop, you won't buy cutesie stuff on display. Remove your credit card from online sites; just having to manually type your info is the friction you need to separate yourself from mindless acquisition.
* put your credit cards in envelopes and seal them. It'll make you pause if you decide to purchase something. Again, friction works in your favor.
* put a small sticky note on your debit card that says something like, "If you don't spend money on this random drink/gadget/decoration/whatever, you'll have more for [goal]."
* keep a journal of what you DON'T spend on frivolous purchases and at the end of the week, tally it up.
Total self denial never works. Have goals for what your money is going toward so that you can tell yourself, "I'm choosing not to spend a random $11 on this because it's an easy way to put aside money toward that other, more important thing." Then do that. You can stand there in the store and transfer $11 from your check to savings, or whatever. Then call someone who supports your goals of limiting conspicuous consumption, ask for an atta-boy/atta-girl/atta-nathaole.
I could do this all day. (I DO do this all day with my clients.) But I'm going to tell you, the biggest thing is having a goal — for the day, for the week, for your life — that's more important to you than the momentary, fleeting, "I bought this!" feeling. Focus on the goal and you'll feel so much more powerful of your purchasing habits!
Good luck!
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 4:59 PM on November 19, 2022 [13 favorites]
Different strategies work for different people, but avoiding ads and stores is one that does NOT work for most of them. Not seeing cool things other people have on Instagram works, because that cause comparison with oneself and makes people depressed. But not seeing the novelty of what exists in the world tends to also have a depressive role for people whose delight comes visually. For them, I suggest things that delay gratification:
* Require yourself to do homework. Let yourself look at anything you want, but do not let yourself buy it that day. You must write down all the information about it — preferably in longhand in a notebook, but if you must do it digitally, type rather than record by voice. Describe the name of the product, where you're seeing it (which store, which magazine, which site), what you like about it, what might be a drawback, and the price. Doing the labor manually has a powerful effect.
Sometimes, it's the novelty of the item that gets a person excited, not the thing itself. Taking notes makes it less new and sparkly. If you keep coming back to that notebook to think and read about it, because there's that much novelty/appeal, then research the product type, read the reviews, see what others are there. Not letting yourself buy it until you've done this (see tips below) can be powerful. I've found it reduces instant-purchases by up to 80%.
If you still want that product type, and still want that specific product, you can buy it after a week. But that doesn't happen too often. However, what I find even MORE often is that — just like how having to write down the food your eating and the points/calories associated with them in a food diary can make it not worth the effort to eat something — the bother of writing it down helps diminish the desire for the item.
* Share the information first and discuss it. Much like my first example, sometimes it's the delight of the novelty of the item and the prospect of sharing it with others that spurs the purchase. I've tried having clients take photos and text the item's information and price to someone else (someone who does not have compulsive shopping leanings). Sometimes just sharing the "hey, this thing exists" is enough to halt the cravings; other times, pursuing the same path as above (research) with the added social aspect of discussion, and then waiting that week has a great effect.
The two tips above work incredibly well for my clients who have a need for the joy that the novelty of new items (or even the prospect of new items) provides without the financial- or clutter-related weight.
These two are power tips for those who really suffer from compulsive spending, but they work well for all of my clients who want to be cautious. Other tips:
* don't purchase anything if it's not on your list. If you see something you really want/need, you have to leave the store, go at least to your car, write it on the list, and come back. Annoying? You betcha! (Support from family/friends shopping with you can help.) Remind yourself that this is something you've chosen to do, not something forced on you.
* make lists of activities you can pursue that don't involve shopping. For Black Friday, use the day for a project that is meaningful to you, or visiting people you love, or going to a museum or anywhere that spending is deprioritized. The next five weeks are the hardest; focus on EXPERIENCES over tangible objects. There's lots of research to show that we more greatly esteem experiences vs. gifts because experiences are unique to us (my trip to Hawaii or Iowa isn't your trip to Hawaii or Iowa) where as we are much more likely to compare our tangible item gifts/purchases to others' tangible item gifts/purchases.
* make it difficult to get to your money. Create cash envelopes for specific budget items where you shop in person (groceries, gasoline). For everything that's not on your monthly budget and paid directly (rent, utilities, etc.), buy a gift card for yourself for that location, like the grocery store you mostly use. If you've got a financial limit, like $50 for this week's grocery shop, you won't buy cutesie stuff on display. Remove your credit card from online sites; just having to manually type your info is the friction you need to separate yourself from mindless acquisition.
* put your credit cards in envelopes and seal them. It'll make you pause if you decide to purchase something. Again, friction works in your favor.
* put a small sticky note on your debit card that says something like, "If you don't spend money on this random drink/gadget/decoration/whatever, you'll have more for [goal]."
* keep a journal of what you DON'T spend on frivolous purchases and at the end of the week, tally it up.
Total self denial never works. Have goals for what your money is going toward so that you can tell yourself, "I'm choosing not to spend a random $11 on this because it's an easy way to put aside money toward that other, more important thing." Then do that. You can stand there in the store and transfer $11 from your check to savings, or whatever. Then call someone who supports your goals of limiting conspicuous consumption, ask for an atta-boy/atta-girl/atta-nathaole.
I could do this all day. (I DO do this all day with my clients.) But I'm going to tell you, the biggest thing is having a goal — for the day, for the week, for your life — that's more important to you than the momentary, fleeting, "I bought this!" feeling. Focus on the goal and you'll feel so much more powerful of your purchasing habits!
Good luck!
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 4:59 PM on November 19, 2022 [13 favorites]
I ask myself if I truly like this thing (and how will it fit in to my overall aesthetic) or am I just responding to the eye-catching appeal.
I pause and imagine my life with it, in my house, where will it fit, and imagine donating it in 2 years once it’s turned into clutter.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 5:24 PM on November 19, 2022
I pause and imagine my life with it, in my house, where will it fit, and imagine donating it in 2 years once it’s turned into clutter.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 5:24 PM on November 19, 2022
Would joining a local "Buy Nothing" group help you scratch that itch of getting new-to-you stuff? And then you can also give some things away when people say they are searching for something and maybe realize what kinds of things you're able to let go of easy and therefore not buy.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 5:37 PM on November 19, 2022
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 5:37 PM on November 19, 2022
Are you trying to avoid spending or are you trying to avoid buying excess STUFF? Because it sounds like the latter, and if you've got some excess cash, it's really fun to just say "Hey, let's all go out for pie and ice cream, on me." (Or, depending on your budget, treat the extended family to a Disney trip or whatever.)
The day I was able to tell my sibs and their kids (like, 16 of us?) that post-ice-show treats were on me was more fun than I would have expected.
posted by cinnamonduff at 6:51 PM on November 19, 2022 [3 favorites]
The day I was able to tell my sibs and their kids (like, 16 of us?) that post-ice-show treats were on me was more fun than I would have expected.
posted by cinnamonduff at 6:51 PM on November 19, 2022 [3 favorites]
I’m planning a major international move in the next 18 months, one that will require that I sell or give away most of my possessions. It has made me think differently about home decor, kitchen gadgets, clothing, furniture, etc.
posted by third word on a random page at 8:25 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by third word on a random page at 8:25 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
Institute your own mandatory 72-hour delay between discovering an item you find interesting and purchasing it.
posted by fairmettle at 8:46 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by fairmettle at 8:46 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
My rule is I have to decide exactly what I’m shopping for before I shop for it online or irl. E.g., I want a red v-neck cashmere sweater and I want to spend less than $x on it, vs I want some new winter clothes, I wonder what’s at Saks. Intentional shopping vs sport shopping. Helps me distinguish between when I truly want something and when I’m just filling a nameless void.
posted by kapers at 11:49 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by kapers at 11:49 PM on November 19, 2022 [1 favorite]
I'll preface this by saying that it's easy to get confused about the difference between buying stuff you don't need and buying anything at all. Someone here said to cut up your Costco card. All I buy at Costco is food, and it saves money. If you vow not to go shopping, don't vow not to buy food. There's a huge difference. I'm not a big fan of consumer society, but there are things I like, and things I need. I've pounded nails into drywall with a coke bottle because I didn't have a hammer. A hammer in not a purchase you should feel bad about.
However:
A friend of mine came back from a dollar store with a cheap flashlight and said something that exemplifies unthinking consumer society: "It was so cheap it doesn't matter if it doesn't work." If you want to cut down on stupid purchases, think of that phrase before you buy anything.
I read a report a year back by a man who studied buying behaviors. (Sorry, I've lost the link.) He said that the overwhelming majority of people would trade something reliable that they had for a newer model even if they knew it didn't work. The thrill of consuming was greater than the need to get anything done, or to not be taken advantage of.
That one fact has kept me from buying a lot of things. Everyone gets a small thrill from buying something new, but only idiots get a thrill from being ripped off by the unscrupulous.
I will not buy anything made in a dictatorship, or by slave labor. As a child I met a man who had been, at an early age, an involuntary guest of the Nazi party. When I see someone buying Chinese stuff I wonder what he would think of people who are enlightened and socially aware and who walk around with cell phones made in a country which operates concentration camps.
This isn't just idealism. My daughter's boyfriend went to buy a can opener a few days back. She cautioned him to not buy one that was obviously garbage, and he said he didn't have time to check every purchase against a dozen ethical standards. She said that ethics aside, it was extremely cheaply made. He bought it, and when he got home it didn't work.
I hate living in a world where I have to check everything I buy for place of origin, quality of construction, and whether it will likely work at all, and it bothers me that I've seen so many good brands become unavailable, driven off the market by cheap crap that might as well have a human rights violation list painted on it. That, sadly, is the way it is, and I do.
So for those reasons, I don't buy much, and most of what I do buy is used, because that saves money, keeps money in the local community, doesn't support dictatorships, and lets me choose from a variety of products that can't be had in decent quality any more.
Buying used stuff is more work, but I think of it like food. Impulse buying is like tearing open a bag of junk food. It's cheap, not very satisfying, and not good for you. Buying reasonably carefully is like getting a decent meal somewhere. Doing your research and carefully selecting what you need and know to be of good quality, and then looking around for exactly the right one is like cooking for yourself with the best ingredients. It's more work, but it's more absorbing, and it's ultimately the only way that makes sense.
I hope some of that helps.
posted by AugustusCrunch at 11:58 PM on November 19, 2022 [9 favorites]
However:
A friend of mine came back from a dollar store with a cheap flashlight and said something that exemplifies unthinking consumer society: "It was so cheap it doesn't matter if it doesn't work." If you want to cut down on stupid purchases, think of that phrase before you buy anything.
I read a report a year back by a man who studied buying behaviors. (Sorry, I've lost the link.) He said that the overwhelming majority of people would trade something reliable that they had for a newer model even if they knew it didn't work. The thrill of consuming was greater than the need to get anything done, or to not be taken advantage of.
That one fact has kept me from buying a lot of things. Everyone gets a small thrill from buying something new, but only idiots get a thrill from being ripped off by the unscrupulous.
I will not buy anything made in a dictatorship, or by slave labor. As a child I met a man who had been, at an early age, an involuntary guest of the Nazi party. When I see someone buying Chinese stuff I wonder what he would think of people who are enlightened and socially aware and who walk around with cell phones made in a country which operates concentration camps.
This isn't just idealism. My daughter's boyfriend went to buy a can opener a few days back. She cautioned him to not buy one that was obviously garbage, and he said he didn't have time to check every purchase against a dozen ethical standards. She said that ethics aside, it was extremely cheaply made. He bought it, and when he got home it didn't work.
I hate living in a world where I have to check everything I buy for place of origin, quality of construction, and whether it will likely work at all, and it bothers me that I've seen so many good brands become unavailable, driven off the market by cheap crap that might as well have a human rights violation list painted on it. That, sadly, is the way it is, and I do.
So for those reasons, I don't buy much, and most of what I do buy is used, because that saves money, keeps money in the local community, doesn't support dictatorships, and lets me choose from a variety of products that can't be had in decent quality any more.
Buying used stuff is more work, but I think of it like food. Impulse buying is like tearing open a bag of junk food. It's cheap, not very satisfying, and not good for you. Buying reasonably carefully is like getting a decent meal somewhere. Doing your research and carefully selecting what you need and know to be of good quality, and then looking around for exactly the right one is like cooking for yourself with the best ingredients. It's more work, but it's more absorbing, and it's ultimately the only way that makes sense.
I hope some of that helps.
posted by AugustusCrunch at 11:58 PM on November 19, 2022 [9 favorites]
What has helped me:
1) Differentiating between 'wants' and 'needs'. (I'm using 'need' loosely.) Before buying something, I have to 'need' it at least 5 times. For example, when I decided to buy an Instant Pot or UV-protective exercise clothes, I had to 'need' them at least 5 times. At least 5 times, while doing some relevant task, I had to say to myself, 'Having that thing would make my life way easier or would enable me to do things I can't currently do.'
If I can't meet that criteria, then I recognize it was just a want, and I stop wanting the item.
For a while, I felt I was being influenced by trustworthy sources like America's Test Kitchen to buy things I didn't actually need. There are a lot of videos and sites out there with lists of 'must-haves/essentials' for a given task or hobby. In response, I started to reframe how I approached buying tools for those tasks: tools are now functional, not aspirational. I now see tools as things and implements that I buy to help me perform a task that I'm already doing, rather than things that will magically encourage me to do or get better at my hobbies and other tasks.
Years of doing this and now the temptations don't really exist anymore.
I allow myself certain exceptions within reason. For me, they're books and food. But even then, I go for cheap Friends of the Library book sales, Little Free Libraries, thrift stores, etc. I try to check whether my local library carries the book before I purchase it, and I have a low threshold for giving away books I've read.
2) Learning about consumerism and consumption and the effects they have on our environment, our personal lives and mental health, the people who work to make the items in horrible working conditions, etc. I hate feeling manipulated by some big corporation to buy something I don't need. Breaking free of consumerism (inasmuch as I can, I know I'm not perfect and that's ok) has drastically improved my mentality, my mental health, and my bank account. I am grateful to have such a fulfilling life without relying on 'stuff.'
Thanks to this, I don't crave 'stuff.' The desire isn't there because, when I walk by a store, I don't see a cute top at Zara, I see the backstory behind that item.
3) I try to repair stuff when I can and live with broken-but-usable stuff when I can't. My Pyrex lids are all broken but they still work, no need to replace. The local tailor repaired my 20-year-old jacket that I had been avoiding wearing, and now it's like I have a new jacket in my closet. Learning to live with less-than-perfect things gives me appreciation for their longevity and their roles in my daily tasks, and frees up so much mental space for focusing on stuff that matters more to me.
posted by aquamvidam at 1:58 AM on November 20, 2022
1) Differentiating between 'wants' and 'needs'. (I'm using 'need' loosely.) Before buying something, I have to 'need' it at least 5 times. For example, when I decided to buy an Instant Pot or UV-protective exercise clothes, I had to 'need' them at least 5 times. At least 5 times, while doing some relevant task, I had to say to myself, 'Having that thing would make my life way easier or would enable me to do things I can't currently do.'
If I can't meet that criteria, then I recognize it was just a want, and I stop wanting the item.
For a while, I felt I was being influenced by trustworthy sources like America's Test Kitchen to buy things I didn't actually need. There are a lot of videos and sites out there with lists of 'must-haves/essentials' for a given task or hobby. In response, I started to reframe how I approached buying tools for those tasks: tools are now functional, not aspirational. I now see tools as things and implements that I buy to help me perform a task that I'm already doing, rather than things that will magically encourage me to do or get better at my hobbies and other tasks.
Years of doing this and now the temptations don't really exist anymore.
I allow myself certain exceptions within reason. For me, they're books and food. But even then, I go for cheap Friends of the Library book sales, Little Free Libraries, thrift stores, etc. I try to check whether my local library carries the book before I purchase it, and I have a low threshold for giving away books I've read.
2) Learning about consumerism and consumption and the effects they have on our environment, our personal lives and mental health, the people who work to make the items in horrible working conditions, etc. I hate feeling manipulated by some big corporation to buy something I don't need. Breaking free of consumerism (inasmuch as I can, I know I'm not perfect and that's ok) has drastically improved my mentality, my mental health, and my bank account. I am grateful to have such a fulfilling life without relying on 'stuff.'
Thanks to this, I don't crave 'stuff.' The desire isn't there because, when I walk by a store, I don't see a cute top at Zara, I see the backstory behind that item.
3) I try to repair stuff when I can and live with broken-but-usable stuff when I can't. My Pyrex lids are all broken but they still work, no need to replace. The local tailor repaired my 20-year-old jacket that I had been avoiding wearing, and now it's like I have a new jacket in my closet. Learning to live with less-than-perfect things gives me appreciation for their longevity and their roles in my daily tasks, and frees up so much mental space for focusing on stuff that matters more to me.
posted by aquamvidam at 1:58 AM on November 20, 2022
I've generally banned myself from impulse purchases. I have a 24 hour rule. "Do I really need this?" Another rule I have, is never buy in an emotional state because you can just end up with useless cr@p.
I only place personal orders from Amazon 2-3 times a year. And when I do, this shopping cart gets scrutinised the n th degree. Again I ask myself "Do a I really need this?"
As for books, I will always ask myself "is it likely this book will be in second hand store in the next 18 months?". If yes, I won't buy it. And usually, the book will be turn up in a second hand book store.
Minimalism makes me think clearer and work faster. Thanks Marie Kondo!
posted by jacobean at 6:25 AM on November 20, 2022
I only place personal orders from Amazon 2-3 times a year. And when I do, this shopping cart gets scrutinised the n th degree. Again I ask myself "Do a I really need this?"
As for books, I will always ask myself "is it likely this book will be in second hand store in the next 18 months?". If yes, I won't buy it. And usually, the book will be turn up in a second hand book store.
Minimalism makes me think clearer and work faster. Thanks Marie Kondo!
posted by jacobean at 6:25 AM on November 20, 2022
I try to redirect as much spending as possible to actual small businesses, local if possible, Black-owned if possible, and I give myself basically free reign to spend as much as I want at those businesses. It gives me the dopamine hit of getting something new occasionally but I also feel like I'm helping out my neighbors. The friction of having to walk to the local stationary store or research the best Black-owned candle companies on Etsy cuts down on spur-of-the-moment spending too.
posted by LeeLanded at 8:25 AM on November 20, 2022
posted by LeeLanded at 8:25 AM on November 20, 2022
Three little words: "would I really"
I feel the impulse to buy something, and I ask myself: would I really (wear that every day/still be using it in a years time/become a virtuoso performer/). And most of the time, on reflection, the answer is "probably not".
For me, consumerism is about the fantasy that you will become a different person, that you will enhance or modify your identity by having the thing. A little reflection on the likely reality is useful.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 10:32 AM on November 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
I feel the impulse to buy something, and I ask myself: would I really (wear that every day/still be using it in a years time/become a virtuoso performer/). And most of the time, on reflection, the answer is "probably not".
For me, consumerism is about the fantasy that you will become a different person, that you will enhance or modify your identity by having the thing. A little reflection on the likely reality is useful.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 10:32 AM on November 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
Look to your public library for books and DVDs. Especially near-new ones; you'd be amazed. And if you use appliances powered by AAA, AA, C or D cells please, please get a battery charger and some rechargeable batteries.
posted by Rash at 1:07 PM on November 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Rash at 1:07 PM on November 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Wants vs Needs --
If you need it, it will prevent death.
You will not die from boredom.
Things that are free --
Long walks in the sunshine. Watching the weather. Observing the flora and fauna. Enjoying the neighborhood pets, if possible. Keeping track of natural events (lunar eclipse, Leonid meteor showers, first snowfall, etc.)
Long conversations with friends. Hugs from family members. Meeting new people at the park.
The library (taking into account the trip there and back).
A good night's sleep. Also, naps and daydreams and prayer and meditation, whatever takes you out of yourself for a few minutes each day as a mental reset.
Give (yourself) experiences, not objects. Experiences are all around you. Think twice before investing in a paid experience. Lean heavily on the repeatable, ever evolving free stuff around you.
Share experiences with others.
posted by TrishaU at 3:18 PM on November 20, 2022
If you need it, it will prevent death.
You will not die from boredom.
Things that are free --
Long walks in the sunshine. Watching the weather. Observing the flora and fauna. Enjoying the neighborhood pets, if possible. Keeping track of natural events (lunar eclipse, Leonid meteor showers, first snowfall, etc.)
Long conversations with friends. Hugs from family members. Meeting new people at the park.
The library (taking into account the trip there and back).
A good night's sleep. Also, naps and daydreams and prayer and meditation, whatever takes you out of yourself for a few minutes each day as a mental reset.
Give (yourself) experiences, not objects. Experiences are all around you. Think twice before investing in a paid experience. Lean heavily on the repeatable, ever evolving free stuff around you.
Share experiences with others.
posted by TrishaU at 3:18 PM on November 20, 2022
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posted by bleep at 11:43 AM on November 19, 2022 [8 favorites]