I want to sneeze like a lady

November 17, 2022 12:09 PM

I'm a small woman, but when I sneeze, it sounds like an angry roar. I'm so damn loud, people 4 metres apart from me on the street jump, coworkers clap hands over their hearts and gasp etc. How do I not??

It's always been that way.
I've tried clamping my mouth shut, but then all the air squeezes out anyway and I make a noise like a trumpeting elephant.

I sneeze into hankies or my elbow, but that barely muffles the noise.

How do I keep the sneeze away from my vocal chords or whatever is going on? Are there specific things I can try?

How come other people produce dainty little snorts, while I sound like a pirate?

posted by Omnomnom to Health & Fitness (19 answers total)

I am a male, but I used to have a long, loud sneeze that always took the same amount of beats/time. Sort of "AH-OOK-HOO AH-OOK-HOO AH-OOK-HOO HOO!" It was the kind of thing people felt compelled to comment on every time they heard it. If I sneezed in public, strangers across the room would remark, "Holy shit!"

It was tremendously embarrassing and I hated it.

A few years ago, by accident, I discovered that if I felt a sneeze coming, I could avoid the long/loud sneeze if I immediately applied pressure from a fingernail to the small indentation next to one of my nostrils. It causes me to sneeze immediately, in a single burst, at about half the volume of my previous sneeze.

You might see if there is a similar pressure point in the vicinity of your nose that will force the sneeze out earlier for you, in a more controlled fashion.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:16 PM on November 17, 2022 [1 favorite]

Hi there, loud sneezer here.

Contrary to what it would seem, my sneezes (while still loud) are more subtle when my mouth is wide open. Like a balloon deflating naturally vs when you stretch the neck of it. The air has fewer things to squeeze through and make noise off of.

You can also try pressing your tongue hard on the roof of your mouth (mouth still open as a pressure valve tho) to help divert your sneeze up through your nose more.

Both of these work for me to lessen the effect, but ultimately I'm just a loud sneezer. All the women in my family are. I just apologize a lot and embrace it.
posted by phunniemee at 12:20 PM on November 17, 2022 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: I feel like other people's sneezes explode in their noses, while mine go off down in my throat, right where yelling usually happens, and that that mght be the problem.
I wonder if it's possible to change that?
posted by Omnomnom at 12:26 PM on November 17, 2022 [3 favorites]

It can be dangerous to mess with trying to hold/quiet/alter sneezing from what you do naturally.

Vocalization may be something you can train yourself out of, bc vocal cords don't have to be engaged. Think of making a very loud 'fffff' sound vs a loud 'vvvvv' sound. If you learn to control your vocal cords by practicing that, you may be able to disengage them from your sneeze.

But honestly I vote do nothing. Gender norms are bullshit but the idea that women have to sneeze different than men is especially bullshit imo, ymmv.
posted by SaltySalticid at 12:33 PM on November 17, 2022 [20 favorites]

I feel like other people's sneezes explode in their noses, while mine go off down in my throat, right where yelling usually happens, and that that mght be the problem.

Yes. I agree. My old sneeze was straight from the diaphragm and sounded like yelling. Now I sneeze from the nose.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:56 PM on November 17, 2022

Have you tried leaning into your sneezes early on? Letting it rip sooner instead of holding back?
posted by bluedaisy at 1:41 PM on November 17, 2022 [1 favorite]

Before I got on the Claritin train, I'd have epic sneezing fits a couple times a year:
"....aaagghh, aaagghhhhh, aaaaaAAAAAGGGGHHHHAAAACCCCCHHHHEEEEOOOOO...."
For hours. It hurt to hold it in-- I tried a few times, felt like my ears would burst. Best I could do would be to clap a pillow or jacket over my face and try to clean up afterwards.
I had a friend as a teenager, a great big biker looking guy (he could buy alcohol without any kind of i.d. from the age of 17 onwards) who made the tiniest "mew! p-mew!" I've ever heard. He said his mom did not like sneezing and wouldn't allow him in the house if she could hear it.
posted by winesong at 1:45 PM on November 17, 2022

My advice isn't about changing the sound but stopping the sneeze entirely. YMMV as to whether this is useful to you.

Y'know the thing in old Bugs Bunny cartoons where a character is about to sneeze and they lay a finger under their nose to try to stop it? This actually works - the trick is that you have to press upward at the underside of your nose firmly (quite firmly - it won't be entirely comfortable) and steadily for a few seconds until the urge to sneeze subsides. It's not foolproof - sometimes you can't catch the sneeze in time - but it stops me from sneezing at all about 80% of the time.
posted by darchildre at 1:56 PM on November 17, 2022 [1 favorite]

Ok, this might be very silly, but at some point I started saying (quietly) “achoo… achoo… achoo…” as I felt a sneeze coming on, and it makes me feel a little more in control of my volume when the real sneeze happens. I won’t say it’s ladylike, but I no longer feel like I’m as loud.
posted by theotherdurassister at 2:20 PM on November 17, 2022 [1 favorite]

I could avoid the long/loud sneeze if I immediately applied pressure from a fingernail to the small indentation next to one of my nostrils.

I do something similar, I pinch off about half of the airspace at the top of my nose when I'm about to sneeze. I note that this is NOT STOPPING THE SNEEZE AT ALL (per the bad link of what happens if you totally plug your nose) and I absolutely still let air go out there with great force. It just diminishes the sneeze space, as it were, and makes it less likely that you'll blow snot all over yourself. Really, I just do it so I don't blow snot all over myself in a situation where I am utterly unprepared for that.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:03 PM on November 17, 2022 [1 favorite]

I have a similar throaty sneeze that causes a range of reactions, AND I sometimes stomp my foot at the conclusion. (A handful [or more] of times, I stamped both feet at once, multiple times. I have no idea why my feet are involved in this.) I used to feel super embarrassed by it, but lately have resigned myself to sneezing like a cartoon character because trying to sneeze daintily hurts, and I feel like I've got enough going on that I can let this go.

I will note that switching to an Azelastine nasal spray has significantly cut down on both my sneezing (frequency and volume) and overall sinus issues, if that helps. It's OTC and works far better for me than any steroids, antihistamines, and allergy immunotherapy.
posted by sm1tten at 3:43 PM on November 17, 2022

Someone told me a long time ago that if you feel a sneeze coming on and you want to prevent it, to look at a bright light. I haven't tried it in a while but I remember it did work when I did.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:36 PM on November 17, 2022

I sneeze loud enough that people in rooms ten doors down the hall from me at work will holler "Bless you!" at me.

I just embrace it. I figure that the harder I sneeze, the quicker I get done with it. One gigundo sneeze is better than 14 smothered ones.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:53 PM on November 17, 2022 [3 favorites]

I vary between a yelling sneeze and a chihuahua sneeze. I find if I know the sneeze is coming and raise my soft palate (like a yawn) I can gently push the sneeze up into my nose so it sounds cute, instead of it being grounded in my throat and loud.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:06 PM on November 17, 2022

Sneeze free! More than one person has thrown their neck out trying to do something other than that.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:14 PM on November 17, 2022 [2 favorites]

I have a powerful sneeze AND I am a photoreactive sneezer, the kind who blow up when they first come out into the sunlight. Early in my life, my mom, a white lady who practiced tai chi and who also sneezes like a demon, was told by a teacher that this was a sign of strong chi. So for me, sneezing is an affirmation that life force is AWESOME.

I think that, because I lean into my sneezes, I *can* sometimes vocalize a little differently, more of an affffWHOOOooo rather than an AAAAAAAHCHOO!!!!! It’s from a really, really relaxed place, though, and not trying to muffle or suppress things. Trying to relax and just go with it might help you sneeze with more ease in general, which is good for your neck and eye-capillaries and sinuses and Eustachian tubes (we can do serious irritation, even damage to sinuses and ears by “bottling up” a sneeze, especially when congested).

I do mostly sneeze outside, and so I haven’t had to juggle the need to sneeze at the same time as a board meeting or similar. One thing that I think might help regardless is to say something affirming and positive after a loud sneeze, almost to get out ahead of any judgy weirdness. On the street, I usually follow up with an enthusiastic, “That’s the stuff!” In a professional setting, I smile and say, “Pardon!” (I always sneeze in my elbow, and move away from other people - at work, I might excuse myself to sneeze in the hall and/or wash my hands.) People are usually kind, even when they’re surprised, and I think it helps that I am communicating clearly that I am fine, and that nothing embarrassing has happened.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 1:33 AM on November 18, 2022 [2 favorites]

Messing with the way you sneeze can rupture an eardrum or put your neck out. :(
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 1:46 AM on November 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

Someone told me a long time ago that if you feel a sneeze coming on and you want to prevent it, to look at a bright light. I haven't tried it in a while but I remember it did work when I did.

I hadn't heard that a bright light will prevent a sneeze, in fact for some people it's the opposite - the photic sneeze reflex.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:49 AM on November 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

This is going to sound so stupid, but I practiced having less intrusive sneezes by pretending to sneeze. Like I'd pick how I wanted to sound (dainty), and pretend sneeze in that way in an effort to train my mind to go, ok, we know our marching orders now! And it worked. I have a dainty (but still effective) little sneeze when I am out in public, and then explosive sneezes if I am home and the situation calls for it.

YMMV???
posted by The Adventure Begins at 10:56 PM on November 28, 2022