Shall I tell you what's wrong with it?
October 24, 2022 4:54 PM Subscribe
A chance remark has lingered in my mind for years. Please help me put it to rest.
Years ago, I made a pencil drawing of a puma concolor that I intended to transfer to a canvas, in order to paint it. I have taken many art classes, and consider myself to be a reasonably capable artist.
What happened was that I had made this drawing for my boyfriend. He hung it on the fridge. His friend came over, not knowing I was working on this project. He wandered over to the fridge, looked at the drawing, looked back at my boyfriend, and smirked, "nice drawing. Shall I tell you what's wrong with it?"
My then-boyfriend cut him off, pointing to me and saying, "it's Vicky's."
"Oh," the friend said, looking embarrassed, but also a bit defensive.
The subject was dropped.
Ever since, I wish my then-boyfriend had not cut him off, because it's like an incomplete circuit in my brain. WHAT was so wrong with it? I would post it here, but ex may read this site and so I cannot do that. Anyway, by now I know that what "was" or "wasn't" wrong, is not what matters anymore. What matters is that I forget about it. I have heard criticism of my artwork before, but since the people said why, I knew what to do about it and could process it and let it go. This remark has bothered me ever since as a kind of nagging insecurity... irritatingly so since I want to forget about it for once and for all. Please, fellow artists, provide some perspective to help me do that. Thanks.
Years ago, I made a pencil drawing of a puma concolor that I intended to transfer to a canvas, in order to paint it. I have taken many art classes, and consider myself to be a reasonably capable artist.
What happened was that I had made this drawing for my boyfriend. He hung it on the fridge. His friend came over, not knowing I was working on this project. He wandered over to the fridge, looked at the drawing, looked back at my boyfriend, and smirked, "nice drawing. Shall I tell you what's wrong with it?"
My then-boyfriend cut him off, pointing to me and saying, "it's Vicky's."
"Oh," the friend said, looking embarrassed, but also a bit defensive.
The subject was dropped.
Ever since, I wish my then-boyfriend had not cut him off, because it's like an incomplete circuit in my brain. WHAT was so wrong with it? I would post it here, but ex may read this site and so I cannot do that. Anyway, by now I know that what "was" or "wasn't" wrong, is not what matters anymore. What matters is that I forget about it. I have heard criticism of my artwork before, but since the people said why, I knew what to do about it and could process it and let it go. This remark has bothered me ever since as a kind of nagging insecurity... irritatingly so since I want to forget about it for once and for all. Please, fellow artists, provide some perspective to help me do that. Thanks.
Was your boyfriend's friend someone whose opinion would have been valuable? If he smirked, I'm guessing not. If he thought he knew what was "wrong" with it, I'm guessing not. So it doesn't matter what he was going to say, because it probably wasn't of any real value.
posted by Dolley at 5:03 PM on October 24, 2022 [15 favorites]
posted by Dolley at 5:03 PM on October 24, 2022 [15 favorites]
Maybe the friend was going to say something sarcastic or joshing to Ex about him having done a decent drawing - "Shall I tell you what's wrong with it? YOU drew it!" Or along those lines. Like snarky undercutters do when faced with someone else's talent.
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 5:05 PM on October 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 5:05 PM on October 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
Any chance this guy was a hunter? I grew up with a bunch of hunter people, and they're, like, weirdly militantly obsessed with things like face markings and dentition of the large predator and prey species of their preferred hunting area. To the extent where you're like ok dude we get it you want to fuck a deer.
That's my only thought beyond the obvious of this guy is just a garden variety judgy asshat. That you had a tooth out of place or shaded a snout too hard and this was One Of Those Men who cares about that kind of thing too much.
posted by phunniemee at 5:05 PM on October 24, 2022 [66 favorites]
That's my only thought beyond the obvious of this guy is just a garden variety judgy asshat. That you had a tooth out of place or shaded a snout too hard and this was One Of Those Men who cares about that kind of thing too much.
posted by phunniemee at 5:05 PM on October 24, 2022 [66 favorites]
Honestly, I would just pick one explanation that seems probable and convince yourself that must be it. People have already given you some ideas.
Another thing I'd remind yourself of - ultimately, he held his tongue- which is suggests that this perhaps wasn't a particularly strong opinion he held. Like, maybe he thought the composition was slightly off or something, but I'd say there is a good chance it was a minor point.
posted by coffeecat at 5:15 PM on October 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Another thing I'd remind yourself of - ultimately, he held his tongue- which is suggests that this perhaps wasn't a particularly strong opinion he held. Like, maybe he thought the composition was slightly off or something, but I'd say there is a good chance it was a minor point.
posted by coffeecat at 5:15 PM on October 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
I’m going to guess that it had absolutely nothing to do with artistic merit and instead was about to be a juvenile joke about “pussy” or “cougars” or similar.
posted by HotToddy at 5:16 PM on October 24, 2022 [39 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 5:16 PM on October 24, 2022 [39 favorites]
Perhaps, as it sounds, your ex-boyfriend's friend was closer in friendship to him than he was to you, they enjoyed (between themselves) a tone of mutual banter that would have lost its meaning, and been read as actual criticism, outside that context. In which case your ex's cut-off was a wise warning.
The difference, for example, between your friends roasting you in the group chat, and someone giving the same treatment to someone they don't know well.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:18 PM on October 24, 2022 [13 favorites]
The difference, for example, between your friends roasting you in the group chat, and someone giving the same treatment to someone they don't know well.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:18 PM on October 24, 2022 [13 favorites]
Should I tell you what's wrong with Andy Warhol's soup cans? It's ugly and redundant and a free ad for crappy soup.
Should I tell you what's wrong with the massive metal balloon dog by Jeff Koons? It's ugly and lazy and an insult to real-ass balloon dogs.
But those are just my opinions. People have paid embarrassing sums for those works of art.
That's the thing about art criticism. Any asshole can do it. Forget that asshole and don't bother puzzling over his opinion. Make art. That's all that really matters.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 5:19 PM on October 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
Should I tell you what's wrong with the massive metal balloon dog by Jeff Koons? It's ugly and lazy and an insult to real-ass balloon dogs.
But those are just my opinions. People have paid embarrassing sums for those works of art.
That's the thing about art criticism. Any asshole can do it. Forget that asshole and don't bother puzzling over his opinion. Make art. That's all that really matters.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 5:19 PM on October 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
I bet it's a game he likes to play. It was a bid to get carte blanche to be rude. If you had allowed it, he would have said something valueless and rude, and then used the excuse that he asked you first. He'd get a double hit of whatever endorphin drives rude manipulative people. Well dodged.
posted by dum spiro spero at 5:22 PM on October 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by dum spiro spero at 5:22 PM on October 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Any chance this guy was a hunter?
He was, actually! Could tell you all about Colt vs Smith & Wesson. Or whatever. He was scarily into it.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 5:32 PM on October 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
He was, actually! Could tell you all about Colt vs Smith & Wesson. Or whatever. He was scarily into it.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 5:32 PM on October 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
I feel like the whole way it was phrased as a question is evidence that he was setting up a zinger. He was not going to offer any actual criticism, he was just going to make a joke.
posted by ejs at 5:34 PM on October 24, 2022 [22 favorites]
posted by ejs at 5:34 PM on October 24, 2022 [22 favorites]
if it was about the artwork, he wouldn't have been "cut off" by being told who made it, he'd have just turned around and addressed himself to you. Oh, OK, [you], do YOU want to know what's wrong with it? he'd have said.
but he didn't do that, he just shut up. you therefore know that his comment was going to be pitched to, and about, your boyfriend, not about the artwork. it was probably going to be a technically mean but still obviously friendly joke.
lots of guys think that women don't get or can't handle jokes, so they get real weird when they accidentally start to say something to a woman that they formulated in their heads to be heard by a man. they back up and trip all over themselves and make it all seem much more serious and insulting than it would have been if they'd just said whatever it was they had to say like a normal person speaking to an equal. it sucks and it's demeaning but there it is.
also people will often find fault with good art because they figure good artists have healthy egos and can take it, in ways they would never dream of finding fault with really bad/amateurish art, because it's ungentlemanlike to unleash your full critical powers on someone or something that can't stand up to it. so if you're really convinced this guy had something both serious and negative to say about the picture, you can rest assured that also means he thought it was good.
posted by queenofbithynia at 5:37 PM on October 24, 2022 [21 favorites]
but he didn't do that, he just shut up. you therefore know that his comment was going to be pitched to, and about, your boyfriend, not about the artwork. it was probably going to be a technically mean but still obviously friendly joke.
lots of guys think that women don't get or can't handle jokes, so they get real weird when they accidentally start to say something to a woman that they formulated in their heads to be heard by a man. they back up and trip all over themselves and make it all seem much more serious and insulting than it would have been if they'd just said whatever it was they had to say like a normal person speaking to an equal. it sucks and it's demeaning but there it is.
also people will often find fault with good art because they figure good artists have healthy egos and can take it, in ways they would never dream of finding fault with really bad/amateurish art, because it's ungentlemanlike to unleash your full critical powers on someone or something that can't stand up to it. so if you're really convinced this guy had something both serious and negative to say about the picture, you can rest assured that also means he thought it was good.
posted by queenofbithynia at 5:37 PM on October 24, 2022 [21 favorites]
What do you think was wrong with it? You're the ultimate authority -- he didn't even know what you were _trying_ to achieve (I mean, are we faulting the comic strip Luann for not being photorealistic? Are we faulting the Mona Lisa for not using bright enough colors? Are we faulting Salvador Dali's work for being unclear in intention?). You had a reason for making that drawing -- did it achieve your goals? If not, how would you do it differently, now, with the additional experience you've gained?
Analyze that, make up your own mind, and then close the book and move on.
posted by amtho at 5:42 PM on October 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Analyze that, make up your own mind, and then close the book and move on.
posted by amtho at 5:42 PM on October 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
I would bet anything that the remark was going to have nothing to do with the drawing itself but rather something about the subject depicted -- like that the tree it was posed in was a species that doesn't grow where cougars roam, or it would have lost its leaves at the season that the cougar's coloration depicts, or some trivia detail like that. Encyclopedia Brown stuff, not art criticism.
The reason I think this is because you said he was smirking. Like there was a "gotcha" coming.
Anyway, if it helps you: here you are years later remembering that this guy was an asshole. He has a lot more to process on than you do.
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:44 PM on October 24, 2022 [16 favorites]
The reason I think this is because you said he was smirking. Like there was a "gotcha" coming.
Anyway, if it helps you: here you are years later remembering that this guy was an asshole. He has a lot more to process on than you do.
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:44 PM on October 24, 2022 [16 favorites]
I think queenofbithnia has it, it was a comment in the language and friend system between these two guys. My partner has a friend (ugh) like this, who starts most conversations with a big loud "You know what I think?!" and proceeds to give his hot take on anything. Because I've got a life to live, I avoid this ass as much as possible. So tell long-ago you, "what an ass!" (if you're ok with a mild curse). I hope your final art turned out the way you'd hoped.
posted by winesong at 5:44 PM on October 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by winesong at 5:44 PM on October 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
my read was that your ex was being defensive (in a good way) of your feelings, and this guy sounds like a jerk.
posted by evilmonk at 5:46 PM on October 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by evilmonk at 5:46 PM on October 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
If he was a hunter I would bet a hundred bucks that it was some minor quibble having to do with the flora ("these plants don't flower at the same time"), or like the cat's expression ("they only show their fangs in certain dominance displays"), that type thing. Smug "party guy" chatter, not anything wrong with your art.
But, I can see how something like that could stick in one's craw so it's not weird to wonder! But it really was certainly some smart-alecky, eye-rollingly irrelevant observation.
On preview, what everyone said.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 5:48 PM on October 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
But, I can see how something like that could stick in one's craw so it's not weird to wonder! But it really was certainly some smart-alecky, eye-rollingly irrelevant observation.
On preview, what everyone said.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 5:48 PM on October 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
I want to be supportive of you in this because it's been a painful memory! Due to my previously undiagnosed and untreated OCD, I used to have a rather sticky brain when it came to criticism. I don't know your background but I can say that this would have been a non-issue for someone who had been feeling more confident in their artistic skills (even if it was confidence in being not very good), self-awareness (knowledge of knowing when to let it go versus ask) and communication abilities (going ahead and asking "Oh, why do you say that?" by itself or even followed with "I think it's pretty good but I always strive to be better?")
It sounds like your then-boyfriend didn't support you in a way you have liked (and deserved) but that his friend actually realized he overstepped and backed off. Why do you care that your ex reads this site or not, and why would you care if he thought you were silly for asking? I don't think you're silly to ask. If he were to criticize you for having this thought linger, he'd frankly be a jerk. My guess that ultimately that's what this is more about rather than your artistic abilities or his blunt friend. It's hard for me to think back to painful situations where I didn't defend myself adequately and/or extra insecure times in my life because the cringe is still present and there's nothing I can do. I know therapy is such a MetaFilter trope but I can tell you from personal experience that working on myself as a whole really helped me better process hard memories like this. I'm so glad that I don't really give a shit anymore about this type of stuff: what's actually made me a better artist is knowing my strengths and weaknesses and being OK with being imperfect or even completely sucky at times!
posted by smorgasbord at 5:50 PM on October 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
It sounds like your then-boyfriend didn't support you in a way you have liked (and deserved) but that his friend actually realized he overstepped and backed off. Why do you care that your ex reads this site or not, and why would you care if he thought you were silly for asking? I don't think you're silly to ask. If he were to criticize you for having this thought linger, he'd frankly be a jerk. My guess that ultimately that's what this is more about rather than your artistic abilities or his blunt friend. It's hard for me to think back to painful situations where I didn't defend myself adequately and/or extra insecure times in my life because the cringe is still present and there's nothing I can do. I know therapy is such a MetaFilter trope but I can tell you from personal experience that working on myself as a whole really helped me better process hard memories like this. I'm so glad that I don't really give a shit anymore about this type of stuff: what's actually made me a better artist is knowing my strengths and weaknesses and being OK with being imperfect or even completely sucky at times!
posted by smorgasbord at 5:50 PM on October 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
Did the animal in your drawing have vertical pupils like a house cat? Pumas have round pupils. Maybe a detail like that?
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:56 PM on October 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:56 PM on October 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
WHAT was so wrong with it? I would post it here, but ex may read this site and so I cannot do that.
Erm, do you think there’s any chance he’ll see this post and think “oh, this must be a DIFFERENT ex boyfriend fridge cougar drawing insensitive remark story”?
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:19 PM on October 24, 2022 [24 favorites]
Erm, do you think there’s any chance he’ll see this post and think “oh, this must be a DIFFERENT ex boyfriend fridge cougar drawing insensitive remark story”?
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:19 PM on October 24, 2022 [24 favorites]
Response by poster: showbiz_liz, now that you mention it, it's so long ago he probably forgot all about the incident. But people recognize pictures very quickly... it's just something I would rather not post.
Thank you all, you have been very helpful! Mystery solved.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 7:01 PM on October 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Thank you all, you have been very helpful! Mystery solved.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 7:01 PM on October 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Pretty sure the guy was going to mock it simply as a way of mocking / bantering with your ex.
He had NOTHING substantive to say - and when he learned the guy did NOT create it, there was literally nothing for him to say about the work.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 8:11 PM on October 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
He had NOTHING substantive to say - and when he learned the guy did NOT create it, there was literally nothing for him to say about the work.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 8:11 PM on October 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Honestly, I would just pick one explanation that seems probable and convince yourself that must be it. People have already given you some ideas.
This is exactly what I do. If I'm experiencing a life story that's impossible to resolve, I find a satisfactory fiction. It can't just be any story. It has to be good enough for me to believe it could really have happened. It helps me let things go.
posted by aniola at 8:16 PM on October 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
This is exactly what I do. If I'm experiencing a life story that's impossible to resolve, I find a satisfactory fiction. It can't just be any story. It has to be good enough for me to believe it could really have happened. It helps me let things go.
posted by aniola at 8:16 PM on October 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
If this dickhead was a keen hunter, he likely had in mind a comment about it not being seen through crosshairs or something equally inane.
posted by dg at 10:41 PM on October 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by dg at 10:41 PM on October 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
Like others, I’d focus on the value, not the meaning, of those words. If a toddler saw something I’d made and said, “this is BAD!” I would probably giggle - a toddler’s opinion isn’t the kind of opinion I care about.
There are beautifully diagnostic phrases that tell me who my kindred people are: “You want to know what’s WRONG with your [object, hobby, opinion, something that friend has demonstrated they care about]?” is a verbal symptom of a personality I do not want to engage with at ALL. (See also: “I’m not a racist, but…”)
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 10:56 PM on October 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
There are beautifully diagnostic phrases that tell me who my kindred people are: “You want to know what’s WRONG with your [object, hobby, opinion, something that friend has demonstrated they care about]?” is a verbal symptom of a personality I do not want to engage with at ALL. (See also: “I’m not a racist, but…”)
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 10:56 PM on October 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Based on the context, I would assume the flaw was something related to the biology/ecology of the drawing, not its artistic merits. I live in a place where the pelican is an important icon, but people regularly depict a species of pelican that doesn't even live here. It's something I might comment on to a friend, but wouldn't give as unsolicited feedback to the artist. Possibly the guy was a jerk, but he apparently stopped his line of commenting as soon as he realized it could be hurtful/unwelcome. Either way, the possibility that his critique would have unleashed new artistic horizons seems vanishingly small.
posted by snofoam at 4:10 AM on October 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by snofoam at 4:10 AM on October 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Was the drawing labeled "puma concolor"? Because as soon as I started reading this post I was irked that the "P" in "Puma" wasn't capitalized, which it needs to be since it's the scientific (Latin) name.
I'm a scientist who loves scientific illustration or anything with realistic animal/plant/fungi subjects, but labels with incorrect Latin names have nearly/definitely ruined illustrations for me. It's like, sooooo close to being right that it's in the uncanny name valley!
posted by Drosera at 5:20 AM on October 25, 2022
I'm a scientist who loves scientific illustration or anything with realistic animal/plant/fungi subjects, but labels with incorrect Latin names have nearly/definitely ruined illustrations for me. It's like, sooooo close to being right that it's in the uncanny name valley!
posted by Drosera at 5:20 AM on October 25, 2022
I suspect what that guy did was nothing to do with you or your drawing, but rather something he saw someone do in the past and thought it was so clever that he made it part of his playbook. It is the sort of thing people will say in art classes, not coming from a bad place necessarily but more like, "Do you want just a quick personal reaction or do you want analysis?" In an art class, it would be an in-group thing to say, albeit a bit cutesy. And (as someone alluded to above) there would be an assumption that the person making this offer was somehow qualified to give an in-depth criticism. But he said it in a social context where it's kind of wtf. And also maybe he and your ex had a push-pull, adversarial way of communicating, and it was more appropriate in that context. But it's is kind of vexing; it leaves you to wonder what kind of laundry list of flaws he would have presented you with. He probably didn't have any serious ones in mind, though.
posted by BibiRose at 6:35 AM on October 25, 2022
posted by BibiRose at 6:35 AM on October 25, 2022
Years ago, I saw a moving and beautifully composed photo in the Boston Globe Sunday Magazine. The next week, there was a genuinely asinine letter to the editor explaining why the photograph, while beautiful, was technically wrong. It was an excellent illustration of someone being a puffed-up pedantic ass. A friend who's a professor in the arts used the letter and photo in class. No, I do not have the letter or photo. It would have been prior to 1985.
A big reason why people are pedantic asses is that it feeds their ego and sense of importance to neg others. Please, whenever you hear that question in your head, say to your self any of these responses: Christ, what an asshole. What a douche. That guy is such as asshat. and I'm a good artist. I am creative. I deserve respect.
posted by theora55 at 7:07 AM on October 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
A big reason why people are pedantic asses is that it feeds their ego and sense of importance to neg others. Please, whenever you hear that question in your head, say to your self any of these responses: Christ, what an asshole. What a douche. That guy is such as asshat. and I'm a good artist. I am creative. I deserve respect.
posted by theora55 at 7:07 AM on October 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
I empathize with this because it is exactly the kind of thing that has bugged me for years in a number of cases. Every time I have finally broken down and investigated, it has turned out that I completely misunderstood what the person was talking about/hinting at/whatever.
In this case, I suspect the guy was going to make some kind of semi-rude joke to your boyfriend about the "pussy" in what he thought was your bf's drawing, and realized that it would not be funny if the picture belonged to you.
One of the things that has helped me over the years is to realize that in cases where I will never know what was going on, I'm under no obligation to choose the most hurtful explanation.
posted by rpfields at 8:44 AM on October 25, 2022
In this case, I suspect the guy was going to make some kind of semi-rude joke to your boyfriend about the "pussy" in what he thought was your bf's drawing, and realized that it would not be funny if the picture belonged to you.
One of the things that has helped me over the years is to realize that in cases where I will never know what was going on, I'm under no obligation to choose the most hurtful explanation.
posted by rpfields at 8:44 AM on October 25, 2022
In my first year of university, coming back to my shared dorm room, I heard my roommate on the phone saying "I mean, who DOES THAT!? Oh she's coming in I gotta go"
Clearly I made some kind of major faux pas that still somewhat haunts me as I'll never know. I comfort myself by reminding myself I'm a flawed human who's entitled to mistakes, and was doing my best.
posted by EarnestDeer at 8:57 AM on October 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
Clearly I made some kind of major faux pas that still somewhat haunts me as I'll never know. I comfort myself by reminding myself I'm a flawed human who's entitled to mistakes, and was doing my best.
posted by EarnestDeer at 8:57 AM on October 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
Am a biologist, and while I wouldn't phrase it like your ex's friend, I would try to let someone know gently if their artwork was not a correct depiction of a species I'm familiar with. My motivation would be more like "hey, this is an interesting thing you seem to have missed, and it's important because of this thing about this creature's life history." Observing things closely is an important skill to develop for artists and scientists, plus I wouldn't want someone being more publicly embarrassed later. It's just hard *not* to see incorrect details if you're quite familiar with an animal / plant / whatever.
Obviously I wouldn't do this for, like, a fantasy drawing of a bikini lady with a tiger or something (unless asked), only something meant to be realistic.
posted by momus_window at 9:00 AM on October 25, 2022
Obviously I wouldn't do this for, like, a fantasy drawing of a bikini lady with a tiger or something (unless asked), only something meant to be realistic.
posted by momus_window at 9:00 AM on October 25, 2022
Recently I got upset with my husband because I showed him a cute drawing I'd just finished and was proud of and he immediately pointed out things I could have done better. Later that week, as I was preparing what to tell my therapist about this nonsense and completely crap move, one of my favorite authors tweeted about how she doesn't let her friends or even her husband read her work in advance. "I *actively do not want to know* what the person I live with thinks about my little stories. I get more than enough feedback on the internet as it is" resonated with me a lot.
As creators, our friends and loved ones should be our friends or loved ones first and not critics. If you manage to find yourself in a situation where a friend or loved one becomes a critic, just don't give them that opportunity. So that's how I've decided to deal with it. I used to do this with my mom as well. Every painting I showed her, she had a tweak or a suggestion. Eventually I just stopped hearing her words in self-defense.
Also, if dude was a hunter I would lay money down confidently that he was gonna do one of those little bullshit gotchas that people with a lot of knowledge in a tiny area do. Like the gleeful way a gun nut will correct you on the clip v. magazine nonsense. File away as dumbassery that you no longer have to interact with and let it go.
posted by teleri025 at 9:06 AM on October 25, 2022
As creators, our friends and loved ones should be our friends or loved ones first and not critics. If you manage to find yourself in a situation where a friend or loved one becomes a critic, just don't give them that opportunity. So that's how I've decided to deal with it. I used to do this with my mom as well. Every painting I showed her, she had a tweak or a suggestion. Eventually I just stopped hearing her words in self-defense.
Also, if dude was a hunter I would lay money down confidently that he was gonna do one of those little bullshit gotchas that people with a lot of knowledge in a tiny area do. Like the gleeful way a gun nut will correct you on the clip v. magazine nonsense. File away as dumbassery that you no longer have to interact with and let it go.
posted by teleri025 at 9:06 AM on October 25, 2022
Response by poster: It was not titled Puma concolor, but because names like cougar, puma, mountain lion, and so on, conjure up so many different images, I wanted to people here to have a way to know which one I was trying to depict. Mods, if it is appropriate, please capitalize it in the original question.
Since I am not going to post the image, I will provide a description. It was a cougar (or puma, or mountain lion) set against sort of a deserty-American west background. The animal took up most of the paper. The background was admittedly generic, but the cougar (as I think of it) wasn't, for example, shown climbing Mount Fuji, or covered with zebra stripes, or mating with a whale, or something. It was an animal that this guy considered to be vermin. That never occurred to me before I posted this here, but, like, duh. That, and some other things, make me see that his remarks had nothing to do with what I drew. That is how I have resolved this in my mind.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 10:33 AM on October 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
Since I am not going to post the image, I will provide a description. It was a cougar (or puma, or mountain lion) set against sort of a deserty-American west background. The animal took up most of the paper. The background was admittedly generic, but the cougar (as I think of it) wasn't, for example, shown climbing Mount Fuji, or covered with zebra stripes, or mating with a whale, or something. It was an animal that this guy considered to be vermin. That never occurred to me before I posted this here, but, like, duh. That, and some other things, make me see that his remarks had nothing to do with what I drew. That is how I have resolved this in my mind.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 10:33 AM on October 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
Cougars need cover to stalk prey, so unless there was a fair amount of scrub in your desert, that's probably all it was. Not a comment on the artistic merit at all!
posted by momus_window at 10:53 AM on October 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by momus_window at 10:53 AM on October 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Was the cougar wearing a fedora? Cougars only wear trilbies. Leopards wear fedoras. I think it's a New World/Old World thing.
posted by AlSweigart at 8:04 AM on October 26, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by AlSweigart at 8:04 AM on October 26, 2022 [4 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by xo at 5:00 PM on October 24, 2022 [21 favorites]