Quitting toxic job without another one lined up?

October 19, 2022 1:38 PM

I’ve worked at the same company for about a decade, since I graduated college. It has always been a dysfunctional workplace and has taken a toll on my mental health over the years—anxiety, depression, chest pains, dread. I moved across the country in part because I thought working remotely would improve the situation, and it sort of did, but now things are really bad. Help.

I'm an editor at a book publisher. I’m overworked, my boss is unavailable and frequently abusive (has "playfully" mimed choking me in the past for messing up), as are many authors I work with, my salary is low for my experience level, I have to take at least one Klonopin to get through the day, and even then I’m frequently an overwhelmed, crying, unproductive wreck. I’ve come close to quitting many times—earlier this year, before I moved, I took a medical leave of absence with the intention of quitting when it was over—but I always stop myself, out of fear of the unknown, fear I’m being impulsive and will regret it, fear of how to navigate health insurance I would desperately need as an unemployed, mentally ill person. Even now just thinking of quitting I feel like I’m going to throw up. And yet! I am so angry! So tired of this! So tired of needing permission, so tired of doing nothing out of fear.

The latest thing is navigating a potential legal battle with an author for a mistake someone else made that I overlooked (because I was overworked and unable to keep track of everything). I have had basically zero guidance or support from anyone at my company about how to deal with this issue until today, when said author threatened to sue us for the mistake. This is heartbreaking to me, this was a book I worked on for many years and really believed in, and a relationship I truly valued with someone I respected and who—rare in my experience—seemed to value my contributions. And I can only imagine how awful it is for the author. But I feel like I’m being thrown under the bus by my manager, and meanwhile I’m getting these horrible, threatening, expletive-laden messages from the author’s children. And this is not the first time something like this has happened either. I've been the subject of death threats and other vitriol on Twitter, someone recently threatened to jump out a window if I didn't pay them asap (never mind that I have no power over when people are paid).

I have a decent amount of savings, definitely six months’ worth. I would love to just quit, spend a few weeks taking care of myself and recharging, then get out there and start looking for a new job. Looking for a new job right now feels too overwhelming on top of my work—I’m awful at writing cover letters, I feel hopeless and daunted sifting through job listings, honestly it feels like my brain just stops working whenever I contemplate it.

I believe I am basically smart and a good worker, just burned out and demoralized. My work experience is solid. I do fear my skills (editing) aren’t very transferable to other fields, and I really do not want to stay in publishing after this job, but I could probably find a way to present my experience as project management, etc.

Does anyone have any advice for how to proceed? Would I be making a horrible mistake to quit without another job lined up? Has anyone else navigated finding affordable insurance without a job? Has anyone succeeded in switching from editorial work to a related field? Can things get better? What should I do?

posted by aaadddaaa to Work & Money (27 answers total)

Six months of savings? Oh, dear heart, please do it.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 1:44 PM on October 19, 2022 [15 favorites]

You can figure out insurance later.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 1:44 PM on October 19, 2022

Another vote for quitting! Do you live in a state with health care marketplaces like Covered California? Then do it!
posted by Lawn Beaver at 1:53 PM on October 19, 2022

My gut feeling is that if you have six months of savings and you are getting offensive emails from the children of a client and this is just sort of "okay that's how it is in this field" then you should quit.

Jesus god, you make me want to quit my perfectly decent job and go live in a cave so that I can forget how horrible people are.
posted by Frowner at 1:53 PM on October 19, 2022 [20 favorites]

Your remote positioning also makes possible the idea of quiet quitting. just don't tell them and it's sure to take a bit of time before they could get rid of you officially, buying some additional time.

but yeah, whether quiet quitting or loud quitting, sounds like you need to get out.
posted by Tandem Affinity at 1:54 PM on October 19, 2022 [5 favorites]

I've done it multiple times and never regretted it. If you have six months of savings then yes, do it, don't look back. You can get insurance through the ACA - you are allowed to enroll outside the open enrollment window if you have life changing circumstances, such as quitting your job. If you have no income and are relying on savings, depending on where you are, you may even be eligible for Medicaid, which is way better than the ACA. Start the job search after you have left. Consider getting a part time retail or restaurant job while you're looking to fill in the corners. Those jobs are high stress too, I know, but part time is so much better than full time and a little income eases the anxiety around depleting your savings.

All this gets much harder as you get older so take advantage of your youth and step away from the rat race for a while!
posted by mygothlaundry at 1:54 PM on October 19, 2022 [5 favorites]

Seriously I got laid off Monday and I have kids and medical debt and bad teeth and I’m still like GOOOOOO
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 1:55 PM on October 19, 2022 [7 favorites]

You should follow xoxopublishinggg on Instagram—they regularly feature encouragement and tips from ex-publishing people on how and why to quit. But also, you should quit! Publishing is wildly dysfunctional as an industry and this place in particular is NOT going to get better. Anywhere you move after this will understand a gap to get your head together. (Frankly, even other industries know that publishing is a mess.)
posted by babelfish at 1:57 PM on October 19, 2022 [2 favorites]

Quit tomorrow. I’ve done this for jobs far better than the one you’re describing.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:00 PM on October 19, 2022 [2 favorites]

Yes, you should go. After you shut down your computer on your last day you will feel a giddy weightlessless, like an astronaut. Everything else will sort itself out.
posted by mochapickle at 2:00 PM on October 19, 2022 [3 favorites]

I think the only thing you should put any energy in right now is figuring out your insurance options. Drop every other concern and figure that out. Once you have, quit ASAP.
posted by BlahLaLa at 2:01 PM on October 19, 2022 [3 favorites]

Would I be making a horrible mistake to quit without another job lined up?

I've done it, and no, you won't be making a horrible mistake, especially given the savings you have.

That being said, you might want to (privately) set a firm quit date. This gives you an end date that absolves you of giving as much of a shit about all of the terrible things, because you know they'll be over on that day.

Of course, this date is only in your head, so it kind of functions as a bit of a "Oh, you poor bastards. Only two more weeks..." bit of self-reassurance to talk yourself through when more shit does happen.

In my experience, this buys a bit of head space to get a few ducks in a row if there are things you're worried about - insurance, having a sense of which jobs you want to look hard at (once you've actually quit and had a chance to rest and recharge, etc.).

During this, uh, "interim" period, you may want to consult with an employment lawyer just to see "Hey, I've been on the receiving end of all this abuse, and my employer is taking no steps to protect me. What are all of my options here?" It can help just to know what options you do have, from straight-up vanilla quitting on over to "You'll have to deal with my lawyer for all correspondence related to my employment status from now on."

I'm no lawyer, but depending on the employment law in your jurisdiction, there may be things like negotiated severance that can happen because the employment relationship has become "untenable." If you're able to go out with some kind of package, that makes it all that much easier (and also has the karmic benefit of holding them to account for being a shit employer). It may make no difference in the end, or it could mean that this doesn't happen to other people if they actually take a lesson from it.

All of which is to say: "Quitting a job like this is not ridiculous, nor is it unwise. It's a kindness to yourself, and life is too short for this shit."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:02 PM on October 19, 2022 [10 favorites]

Quit.

You don't have to give any notice. It's a courtesy. If you were being fired, you would get no notice.

Unless your employer is a complete and total bag of shit (never mind your clear illustration of that) you will likely have your benefit coverage through October 31. (Maybe not, but probably.) If you want to buy a little more time to make choices, read your policy docs carefully to figure out your last day of coverage, and then quit without notice November 1.

Then take a week-long nap.

Then watch this video. Part of my job is doing benefits admin at my company, and I was both stunned and delighted by how good and accurate his summary is. Use his very good explanation to guide yourself through the healthcare marketplace to get yourself insured.

Then take another week-long nap.

When you're almost-but-not-quite ready to start working again, sign yourself up with a temping agency. Back when I had a soul-crushing job (got fired from it which in hindsight was a blessing because it was killing me but I was too scared to quit) I took a good chunk of time just doing absolutely nothing, then temped for a while. Temping is AWESOME because it'll give you a little money, get you used to doing job things, but is also zero pressure. Take any dumb ol job and go be an idiot (or not!) at it for 8 hours. This will give you exposure to other employers who aren't as dysfunctional, will build your confidence back up as a person who can do a job, and is GREAT at helping you reestablish boundaries for your professional life. 10/10 would do this again in a heartbeat.

You can go back to regular full time work when you're ready.

Anyway, long story short, please quit this terrible job.
posted by phunniemee at 2:38 PM on October 19, 2022 [15 favorites]

Maybe you could contact a temp agency before you quit to see if it looks like there's a good chance they could find you work quickly. Maybe they could even give you enough advance notice of jobs that you could wait until you actually had one lined up before quitting. But if not, knowing that there was plenty of potential temp work out there could make quitting feel less scary.

Not working at all for a while could be good for you, but the prospect of having to apply for jobs and the uncertainty about when you might find one could be pretty stressful. You might actually find it less stressful just to move right into a temp job. It would give you something to do with your days besides sitting around thinking about how horrible your past job was and worrying about your next job. The work would probably not be too demanding. You'd have people to chat with. You'd feel less urgency to find another good job right away because the income would allow you to stretch your savings even if it wasn't enough to live on long term. You'd have more time to think about all your options and research other types of jobs. Who knows, a temp job could even lead to a decent permanent one. That happened to me once.
posted by Redstart at 2:44 PM on October 19, 2022

Does anyone have any advice for how to proceed? Would I be making a horrible mistake to quit without another job lined up? Has anyone else navigated finding affordable insurance without a job? Has anyone succeeded in switching from editorial work to a related field? Can things get better? What should I do?

I can't answer all of your questions, but I have quit a job without something lined up - twice. It was the best decision for me both times, even though I was terrified. Just the act of quitting was healing, because I was standing up for myself and declaring that I was worth more than how I was being treated.

Speaking of healing, you might find the first few weeks of being jobless really hard. Take it easy on yourself. You've been through the wringer and you deserve to rest and heal and look after yourself. It can take a long time to mentally free yourself from an abusive work environment. I know all of this seems overwhelming right now, but it's almost impossible to think up ideas or make plans when you're full of adrenaline and fear. Once you get out of that environment and your body and mind start settling down it will get much easier.
posted by Stoof at 2:57 PM on October 19, 2022 [4 favorites]

A possibility that you might not have considered: taking FMLA leave? Probably only worth doing if your company has a short-term disability program that pays out. If it does, consider talking to your doctor about taking leave for burnout and your mental health. It will give you some breathing room in which to recuperate and plan your next move. Otoh, it sounds like you wouldn't want to go back to this job... Anyway, just something to think about. Sometimes there are possible solutions around that we don't see when we're in such severe distress.
posted by purple_bird at 3:20 PM on October 19, 2022 [3 favorites]

earlier this year, before I moved, I took a medical leave of absence

Depending on how long this was, OP's FMLA may be used up for this year.
posted by phunniemee at 3:25 PM on October 19, 2022 [1 favorite]

Quit.

I've been in exactly this position, 10 years in at a toxic workplace, boss won't pay people that I'd contracted to work for us. It's awful. I quit without another job lined up with the idea of maybe freelancing.

Now eight years have passed, and I built and run a company in this same industry, and we damned sure pay our people on time.

I only regret that I didn't leave sooner.
posted by hovey at 3:32 PM on October 19, 2022 [6 favorites]

You cannot imagine right now how much better you will feel once you quit.

Once you quit, you'll be able to find other employment. It may not be your dream job, but I promise you it will be better than this and it will pay the bills and keep a roof over your head and food on your table until you find that perfect job.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 5:15 PM on October 19, 2022 [2 favorites]

For sure you should quit. You will feel so much better right away. I doubt you would get the kind of reference you deserve from your current employer, so there is minimal reason to d9 anything to accommodate them. You might want to check out and use up any pto before quitting officially, but just do what works for you. You deserve a break and a change.
posted by snofoam at 5:52 PM on October 19, 2022

I did this.
I decided to do it when I realized that if a friend told me they were experiencing what I was going through at work, I would ask them what the hell they were still doing there.
If a friend told you they were experiencing this exact scenario, what would you advise them to do?
posted by bookmammal at 6:18 PM on October 19, 2022 [7 favorites]

I’m in the industry in a role where I get—not using the term lightly—abuse from authors AND editors daily, and late into the night and on weekends and on vacation.

Book publishing is not getting better. It’s not! Even the good managers can’t do shit. Nobody is willing to pay up or staff up or change the servile (oops, I mean service) culture where you pay your dues for decades and do whatever it takes because passion.

Literally the only thing stopping me from quitting is I don’t have enough savings. If I had 6 months’ savings I’d quit in a heartbeat.

If you can’t pull the trigger. Something I’m trying is giving notice…in my mind. Like how relaxed and detached would I be if I KNEW I was leaving before the holidays? That’s how I’m trying to act now. Like I already have an end date and nothing I do actually matters.

I’ve seen editors move to advertising, comms, academia. Book editors hold a lot of cachet outside the industry.
posted by kapers at 9:23 PM on October 19, 2022 [4 favorites]

A company called Scribe Media has been on my radar for awhile. It is not a traditional publishing house. It is located in Austin, Texas, and it offers remote per-hour gigs as well full-time employment. I don't know that Scribe would be a good fit, just tossing it out there as a reminder that there are other publishing companies in the world and, of course, work for folks outside of publishing. That place sounds deadly; figure out your healthcare insurance situation before you leave (because I know how things can go wrong if you don't), then quit. For the love of all that is holy (and your mental health qualifies), please leave that place ASAP.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:37 AM on October 20, 2022

Quit. You can always look for a part-time lower status job to slow the burn of your savings.

I and 44 colleagues were laid off from a media company. All I felt was relief, really. Financial fear sure. But what happened next? I got a job in arts communication. My hair, which had been thinning, grew back. My blood pressure went back to my tradition low-ish range. I stopped spending Sunday afternoon feeling the scaries. Eventually I started to dream about my own ambitions again.

You will feel so much better! Go for it!
posted by warriorqueen at 3:32 AM on October 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

Quit. Please. Literally after reading the first three sentences I stopped because the solution is obvious even if, when you're experiencing it, it doesn't feel like it and it feels necessary to go into great detail about the particulars. No need to ruminate on who said or did what or exactly what happened or how you feel about it, etc etc etc. The answer is leave and don't look back.
posted by flamk at 5:37 AM on October 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

editing skills are definitely transferable. i've had several jobs that were not editorial at a publisher, and editing is what i'm good at and wanted to do with my life. most people just think it's looking for typos, but if you can explain what it really is (project management is a great idea!) you'll be fine.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 8:20 AM on October 20, 2022 [2 favorites]

You’re remote, start looking. There are plenty of sites to find remote options. Good grief a toxic environment is detriment to your health. Take staying healthy ditch the job!
posted by onair at 5:03 PM on October 21, 2022