Is it possible to strive for recovery within our current society?
October 12, 2022 4:46 AM Subscribe
CW for hopelessness, discussions about capitalism, and general doom. I'm a trauma survivor and struggle with mental illness. Currently trying to rebuild my life and find some modicum of stability and joy. However, I keep running into the reality of what our current capitalist hellscape world is, and it leaves me hopeless and frozen around focusing on my recovery. Is it possible to recover within the daily violence of our system, at least to some degree? Is it possible to make my daily life tolerable—or better than that, decent—within our present circumstances?
Sorry for the huge political questions, but I don't know who to talk to about this so I thought I'd ask here. The issue I'm having is that I'm early on in my recovery journey from complex PTSD and other mental health issues, but recovery feels completely futile and like a goal I shouldn't even strive for because global and personal circumstances are so, so shitty due to horrific capitalism, climate change, etc. I lean far-left politically. Everywhere I read says "volunteer! Engage! Do something about it and you'll feel a little better!" And like... I want to. I plan to.
But my current symptoms are so bad I can't leave the house or stay sober or awake for more than a few hours—I'm essentially stuck in freeze/collapse mode—so that strategy of joining a mutual aid group or even volunteering online simply isn't feasible right now. I can vote. I can donate a little money sometimes. I can talk to friends and family about politics. That's as far as my capabilities currently go. I know that sounds selfish, but it's also the truth of my present circumstances, despite me wishing I could be out there on the front lines.
So. Recovery and the concept of striving for a stable life within the current capitalist system. Yes, I want things to systematically change, I want the whole damn thing to get torn down and then rebuilt into a community-based, compassionate place—but that is not the world or my country right now. Right now, today, this week, I must engage in capitalism's horrors like looking for work, struggling to pay rent, handling the no-safety-net issues, etc to survive it. Is engaging in our current world completely antithetical to reducing my trauma symptoms and living a decent life? Maybe. But, if that's true, is my lot just to suffer forever and never feel okay until things get better (if they ever do?)
Right now, my idea is that I can maybe work on processing, grieving, learning emotional regulation skills, working on self-compassion and self-care, relearning my humanity, reaching out for support from professionals/friends etc until I have enough tools and internal + external support to withstand and then potentially work on changing our hellish society, or at least a corner of it. I want to have emotional tools I was never taught until now. Then I should feel well enough to engage more deeply in mutual aid and revolutionary politics, probably, hopefully.
But... That feels so individualistic. Like I'm playing right into capitalism's hands by focusing on myself to survive and get stable instead of doing so in a more community-focused way. Recovery feels selfish, futile and unrealistic given the world. Can anyone feel okay and stable-ish here? Is that a pipe dream?
But if it is a pipe dream, where does that leave me? If everything is hell and my only way through is a currently-inaccessible (due to my symptoms) mutual-aid political space, am I just supposed to sit here and suffer? I can see the systems and genuinely terrible realities all around me, and everything I engage with tells me I cannot heal within them, they must be overthrown. And I agree, but that also makes my daily current life where I have to engage with and live in these systems a waking nightmare. And focusing on myself to have more coping skills to deal with these terrible realities feels like I'm turning my back on my community and settling for capitalism. That to entertain the idea of recovery within capitalism is to settle, or betray. None of this sits right—I know I'm missing some part of the political and emotional puzzle here—but I can't see it.
My question is this: how do you navigate the concept of mental illness recovery within a system designed to tear it down? Is it futile and individualistic to try to feel emotionally stable and okay within this sinking ship? Is doing so even possible? Any thoughts, personal experiences or resources are welcome. I can tell my thinking is cloudy and catastrophic about all this, so other ideas are helpful. I also know this is a fraught post, full of politics that we don't all agree on, politics I also have a tenuous grasp on and probably misunderstand and misrepresent in a lot of ways, but I'd appreciate compassion and gentleness here as I try to navigate this. Thank you so much.
(As a note—I'm currently in between therapists, but I am committed to finding a new one and working through this with a professional. Just thought I'd ask here for more perspectives.)
Sorry for the huge political questions, but I don't know who to talk to about this so I thought I'd ask here. The issue I'm having is that I'm early on in my recovery journey from complex PTSD and other mental health issues, but recovery feels completely futile and like a goal I shouldn't even strive for because global and personal circumstances are so, so shitty due to horrific capitalism, climate change, etc. I lean far-left politically. Everywhere I read says "volunteer! Engage! Do something about it and you'll feel a little better!" And like... I want to. I plan to.
But my current symptoms are so bad I can't leave the house or stay sober or awake for more than a few hours—I'm essentially stuck in freeze/collapse mode—so that strategy of joining a mutual aid group or even volunteering online simply isn't feasible right now. I can vote. I can donate a little money sometimes. I can talk to friends and family about politics. That's as far as my capabilities currently go. I know that sounds selfish, but it's also the truth of my present circumstances, despite me wishing I could be out there on the front lines.
So. Recovery and the concept of striving for a stable life within the current capitalist system. Yes, I want things to systematically change, I want the whole damn thing to get torn down and then rebuilt into a community-based, compassionate place—but that is not the world or my country right now. Right now, today, this week, I must engage in capitalism's horrors like looking for work, struggling to pay rent, handling the no-safety-net issues, etc to survive it. Is engaging in our current world completely antithetical to reducing my trauma symptoms and living a decent life? Maybe. But, if that's true, is my lot just to suffer forever and never feel okay until things get better (if they ever do?)
Right now, my idea is that I can maybe work on processing, grieving, learning emotional regulation skills, working on self-compassion and self-care, relearning my humanity, reaching out for support from professionals/friends etc until I have enough tools and internal + external support to withstand and then potentially work on changing our hellish society, or at least a corner of it. I want to have emotional tools I was never taught until now. Then I should feel well enough to engage more deeply in mutual aid and revolutionary politics, probably, hopefully.
But... That feels so individualistic. Like I'm playing right into capitalism's hands by focusing on myself to survive and get stable instead of doing so in a more community-focused way. Recovery feels selfish, futile and unrealistic given the world. Can anyone feel okay and stable-ish here? Is that a pipe dream?
But if it is a pipe dream, where does that leave me? If everything is hell and my only way through is a currently-inaccessible (due to my symptoms) mutual-aid political space, am I just supposed to sit here and suffer? I can see the systems and genuinely terrible realities all around me, and everything I engage with tells me I cannot heal within them, they must be overthrown. And I agree, but that also makes my daily current life where I have to engage with and live in these systems a waking nightmare. And focusing on myself to have more coping skills to deal with these terrible realities feels like I'm turning my back on my community and settling for capitalism. That to entertain the idea of recovery within capitalism is to settle, or betray. None of this sits right—I know I'm missing some part of the political and emotional puzzle here—but I can't see it.
My question is this: how do you navigate the concept of mental illness recovery within a system designed to tear it down? Is it futile and individualistic to try to feel emotionally stable and okay within this sinking ship? Is doing so even possible? Any thoughts, personal experiences or resources are welcome. I can tell my thinking is cloudy and catastrophic about all this, so other ideas are helpful. I also know this is a fraught post, full of politics that we don't all agree on, politics I also have a tenuous grasp on and probably misunderstand and misrepresent in a lot of ways, but I'd appreciate compassion and gentleness here as I try to navigate this. Thank you so much.
(As a note—I'm currently in between therapists, but I am committed to finding a new one and working through this with a professional. Just thought I'd ask here for more perspectives.)
runnerfive, I have sent you a direct message.
posted by Bella Donna at 5:38 AM on October 12, 2022
posted by Bella Donna at 5:38 AM on October 12, 2022
Recovery feels selfish, futile and unrealistic given the world.
Personally, my take is that the world needs more people in recovery. Healthier people have more energy to deal with the hellscape many of us are stuck in right now.
focusing on myself to have more coping skills to deal with these terrible realities feels like I'm turning my back on my community and settling for capitalism.
Honestly, you don't have a choice at the moment and neither do I. Dealing with the reality on the ground, which is to say the gaping maw of extremist capitalism, is kind of the deal right now. Focusing on your needs now truly means, IMHO, a more likely possibility that you can fight the good fight for community, against capitalism, yadda yadda in the future. Hang in there, my Internet friend. Please do not give up on yourself and the possibilities of future you doing becoming much healthier by making the nightmarish present the enemy of a potentially better future. Like, that is not guaranteed but fighting for yourself by inward focus for now is better than not doing that.
posted by Bella Donna at 5:45 AM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Personally, my take is that the world needs more people in recovery. Healthier people have more energy to deal with the hellscape many of us are stuck in right now.
focusing on myself to have more coping skills to deal with these terrible realities feels like I'm turning my back on my community and settling for capitalism.
Honestly, you don't have a choice at the moment and neither do I. Dealing with the reality on the ground, which is to say the gaping maw of extremist capitalism, is kind of the deal right now. Focusing on your needs now truly means, IMHO, a more likely possibility that you can fight the good fight for community, against capitalism, yadda yadda in the future. Hang in there, my Internet friend. Please do not give up on yourself and the possibilities of future you doing becoming much healthier by making the nightmarish present the enemy of a potentially better future. Like, that is not guaranteed but fighting for yourself by inward focus for now is better than not doing that.
posted by Bella Donna at 5:45 AM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
I'm time limited and couldn't read all that but I can see that you're taking responsibility for the whole world and... it's not your responsibility. As frustrating as it is you need to let other people be responsible for their lives even when they're doing it horribly wrong and hurting themselves and others as a result.
The way that you improve the world is by improving yourself. You're not separate from the world, you're part of it. If you're better then the world is better.
posted by Awfki at 5:50 AM on October 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
The way that you improve the world is by improving yourself. You're not separate from the world, you're part of it. If you're better then the world is better.
posted by Awfki at 5:50 AM on October 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
Martin Luther is said to have been asked what he would do if he knew that the world was going to end tomorrow. His answer: "Plant a tree."
I think about this a lot lately, the idea that we don't work toward a better world because we are assured that we, or indeed anyone, will live to see it, but because working for that world, planting that tree, whatever it means to you, is good and healing and meritorious in itself. Working on your recovery is good in itself, today, in this moment, for your sake today, in this moment.
posted by gauche at 6:07 AM on October 12, 2022 [14 favorites]
I think about this a lot lately, the idea that we don't work toward a better world because we are assured that we, or indeed anyone, will live to see it, but because working for that world, planting that tree, whatever it means to you, is good and healing and meritorious in itself. Working on your recovery is good in itself, today, in this moment, for your sake today, in this moment.
posted by gauche at 6:07 AM on October 12, 2022 [14 favorites]
I resonate very deeply with your anxiety and your sense of being a small speck confronting a vast, indifferent universe of evil. Been there, spiraled downward while listening to that exact same soundtrack!
From personal experience, I have learned to recognize thoughts like these as symptoms of my mental illness. They're not information that I can use to make decisions, they're not strategies that I can use to live a more honest life, they're not "inner work" that will help me determine who I am or what I want, they're not guiding principles I can base my choices on.
They. are. SYMPTOMS. of mental illness.
Like, extreme thirst is a symptom of diabetes, not a true bodily need for hydration. The correct way to respond is to take your diabetes medication, not to drink that whole gallon of water in 20 minutes. Similarly, when your brain is throwing up questions like, "Is it even worth it to work on my personal healing when the world is so fucked up and I am so broken?" the correct way to respond is to apply whatever treatments you use for your mental health issues (breathing exercises or going for a run in the woods or taking your anxiety meds or listening to music), not to grapple with the question on its own terms as a philosophical conundrum.
You might be asking: how do I know for sure that all the questions you're asking are symptoms of your mental illness, and not genuine valid questions? After all, mentally healthy people can and do grapple with the same philosophical questions that you are asking here, right? Don't they have essays and books and entire fields of study and entire lifetimes' work dedicated to these exact questions you have posed? Why is their question valid but your question is a symptom of mental illness?
Answer: because when they grapple with these questions, they can think about it for 30 minutes today, then set it aside to enjoy work/meals/chores/social life/hobbies, and return to thinking about it for 30 more minutes tomorrow. Their distress from thinking about this topic is manageable for them; it does not poison their life or their psyche even when they take it extremely seriously and throw their heart into it sincerely.
But when you grapple with these questions, you experience extreme distress; you become incapable of continuing treatments for your diagnosed illnesses; you become paralyzed with stress; you have no control over the thoughts/feelings flooding over you consuming hours, days, weeks of your life.
This is how I know that you're experiencing symptoms of mental illness when you ask these questions. Because of the effect it has on you.
Illness makes your body lie to you. Mental illness makes your brain lie to you. Do not get sucked into the lies your illness is telling you. Remind yourself that these are symptoms, and then focus on treatments, on becoming healthy, so that these symptoms stop plaguing you. Someday you will be able to think about these same questions without experiencing this much paralyzing distress. THEN you will know it's safe to grapple with the question on its own terms.
posted by MiraK at 6:12 AM on October 12, 2022 [71 favorites]
From personal experience, I have learned to recognize thoughts like these as symptoms of my mental illness. They're not information that I can use to make decisions, they're not strategies that I can use to live a more honest life, they're not "inner work" that will help me determine who I am or what I want, they're not guiding principles I can base my choices on.
They. are. SYMPTOMS. of mental illness.
Like, extreme thirst is a symptom of diabetes, not a true bodily need for hydration. The correct way to respond is to take your diabetes medication, not to drink that whole gallon of water in 20 minutes. Similarly, when your brain is throwing up questions like, "Is it even worth it to work on my personal healing when the world is so fucked up and I am so broken?" the correct way to respond is to apply whatever treatments you use for your mental health issues (breathing exercises or going for a run in the woods or taking your anxiety meds or listening to music), not to grapple with the question on its own terms as a philosophical conundrum.
You might be asking: how do I know for sure that all the questions you're asking are symptoms of your mental illness, and not genuine valid questions? After all, mentally healthy people can and do grapple with the same philosophical questions that you are asking here, right? Don't they have essays and books and entire fields of study and entire lifetimes' work dedicated to these exact questions you have posed? Why is their question valid but your question is a symptom of mental illness?
Answer: because when they grapple with these questions, they can think about it for 30 minutes today, then set it aside to enjoy work/meals/chores/social life/hobbies, and return to thinking about it for 30 more minutes tomorrow. Their distress from thinking about this topic is manageable for them; it does not poison their life or their psyche even when they take it extremely seriously and throw their heart into it sincerely.
But when you grapple with these questions, you experience extreme distress; you become incapable of continuing treatments for your diagnosed illnesses; you become paralyzed with stress; you have no control over the thoughts/feelings flooding over you consuming hours, days, weeks of your life.
This is how I know that you're experiencing symptoms of mental illness when you ask these questions. Because of the effect it has on you.
Illness makes your body lie to you. Mental illness makes your brain lie to you. Do not get sucked into the lies your illness is telling you. Remind yourself that these are symptoms, and then focus on treatments, on becoming healthy, so that these symptoms stop plaguing you. Someday you will be able to think about these same questions without experiencing this much paralyzing distress. THEN you will know it's safe to grapple with the question on its own terms.
posted by MiraK at 6:12 AM on October 12, 2022 [71 favorites]
One of the Big Lies of capitalism is that your only worth is your productivity. I think that this is the piece you're not seeing: you're writing as if your only worth is your productivity in advancing The Cause.
posted by heatherlogan at 6:13 AM on October 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
posted by heatherlogan at 6:13 AM on October 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
But... That feels so individualistic. Like I'm playing right into capitalism's hands by focusing on myself to survive and get stable instead of doing so in a more community-focused way. Recovery feels selfish, futile and unrealistic given the world. Can anyone feel okay and stable-ish here? Is that a pipe dream?
The saying "put your oxygen mask on first before helping others" comes to mind here. You can't make the world a better place while you're suffering so. And if you happen to be running in online circles where people are telling you that getting stable is advancing capitalism or being too individualistic or whatever, try to take a little break from those places.
posted by kimberussell at 6:26 AM on October 12, 2022 [7 favorites]
The saying "put your oxygen mask on first before helping others" comes to mind here. You can't make the world a better place while you're suffering so. And if you happen to be running in online circles where people are telling you that getting stable is advancing capitalism or being too individualistic or whatever, try to take a little break from those places.
posted by kimberussell at 6:26 AM on October 12, 2022 [7 favorites]
The all-or-nothing requirement - stay home, or change the entire world - is actually a big part of PTSD/cPTSD. It keeps you in the adrenalised, traumatized state that your brain has come to expect, where the world is ending and only your Right Choice will matter.
This is very good when running away from a tiger, and not so good for you right now.
[On preview I see MiraK has hit on this so I'll jump to steps.]
I'm so sorry it's hard for you to leave your house. I would really work on that.
Try sitting in a park listening to kids playing, or going to a library and seeing seniors hang out.
Explore your body's abilities to dance, drum, sing, move, make good food, eat warm bread.
Seek joy.
I'll tell you the world I see. Yes, capitalism and colonialism and global pandemic all around me.
Yesterday I interviewed a couple of retirees who want to drive a bus to pick kids up at school. They have full joyful lives. One of them heard about the job at their aquafit class at the local community centre, where they have a little coffee group afterwards.
The kids that come to do martial arts with me love their bodies. They wriggle around, watch themselves in the mirrors, kick with all. their. might. on the targets and laugh when they miss. They look up to my largely 20-something staff like idols.
The largely 20-something staff watch for the "pee dance" and help the little ones get to the bathroom on time - gently, kindly. They work hard. A few are in university - industrial design, environmental studies. One is finishing credentials to teach piano alongside martial arts. Another is going into education. They are bright, solid, happy people launching into their adult lives. My 30-and 40-something leaders offer them support and advice.
Do we have capitalist issues? Sometimes. It's a business and has faults. But the owner's not in it to make bank, just have a decent life with everyone else.
We had a picnic this summer for 350 people, outdoors, as far as we know no one got Covid there. We laughed so hard in the sunlight. It was potluck. We could have fed 550 people. As we were cleaning up, a family came by to ask for some food for themselves. We packed the trunk of their car with the leftovers - samosas, pao de queso, fruit trays, potato salad, buns, hot dogs. A dog came by and grabbed a burger off the table.
Does this make up for capitalism? No. It doesn't have to. You don't have to.
There is way more than collapse and Amazon out there. There are communities everywhere. Your brain is lying to you as MiraK said. Go see real people doing real things. And have some fun when you can. The library is a nice quiet place to start.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:32 AM on October 12, 2022 [48 favorites]
This is very good when running away from a tiger, and not so good for you right now.
[On preview I see MiraK has hit on this so I'll jump to steps.]
I'm so sorry it's hard for you to leave your house. I would really work on that.
Try sitting in a park listening to kids playing, or going to a library and seeing seniors hang out.
Explore your body's abilities to dance, drum, sing, move, make good food, eat warm bread.
Seek joy.
I'll tell you the world I see. Yes, capitalism and colonialism and global pandemic all around me.
Yesterday I interviewed a couple of retirees who want to drive a bus to pick kids up at school. They have full joyful lives. One of them heard about the job at their aquafit class at the local community centre, where they have a little coffee group afterwards.
The kids that come to do martial arts with me love their bodies. They wriggle around, watch themselves in the mirrors, kick with all. their. might. on the targets and laugh when they miss. They look up to my largely 20-something staff like idols.
The largely 20-something staff watch for the "pee dance" and help the little ones get to the bathroom on time - gently, kindly. They work hard. A few are in university - industrial design, environmental studies. One is finishing credentials to teach piano alongside martial arts. Another is going into education. They are bright, solid, happy people launching into their adult lives. My 30-and 40-something leaders offer them support and advice.
Do we have capitalist issues? Sometimes. It's a business and has faults. But the owner's not in it to make bank, just have a decent life with everyone else.
We had a picnic this summer for 350 people, outdoors, as far as we know no one got Covid there. We laughed so hard in the sunlight. It was potluck. We could have fed 550 people. As we were cleaning up, a family came by to ask for some food for themselves. We packed the trunk of their car with the leftovers - samosas, pao de queso, fruit trays, potato salad, buns, hot dogs. A dog came by and grabbed a burger off the table.
Does this make up for capitalism? No. It doesn't have to. You don't have to.
There is way more than collapse and Amazon out there. There are communities everywhere. Your brain is lying to you as MiraK said. Go see real people doing real things. And have some fun when you can. The library is a nice quiet place to start.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:32 AM on October 12, 2022 [48 favorites]
You can't save the rainforest if you're depressed.
"You are not responsible for saving the world if you are struggling to save yourself. If you must use paper plates for meals or throw away recycling in order to gain better functioning you should do so. When you are healthy and happy you will gain the capacity to do real good for the world. In the meantime, your job is to survive."
posted by DarlingBri at 6:44 AM on October 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
"You are not responsible for saving the world if you are struggling to save yourself. If you must use paper plates for meals or throw away recycling in order to gain better functioning you should do so. When you are healthy and happy you will gain the capacity to do real good for the world. In the meantime, your job is to survive."
posted by DarlingBri at 6:44 AM on October 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
I have been involved in movement stuff literally since the early nineties - sometimes fairly intensely, sometimes largely from a distance, most often in a structured "this is how much time and energy I have, I am finding a couple of things to do which I feel are worthwhile and maybe chipping in on other stuff here and there" way.
You should take literally as much of a break as you need and can arrange, up to and including turning off the news, muting things on twitter, etc. These are my reasons:
1. Other people are out there holding it down. When you are doing stuff, you'll be holding it down for people who are too sick/busy/etc to do activist things.
2. During every movement and every revolutionary moment, there have been people who supported things but were not able to participate due to health. This is entirely normal. We are a movement or a multitude or whatever; this is not a "revolution is for closers only" situation.
3. When you start to feel better, it is very, very likely that you will feel a wholesome, good yearning to be part of things again and that is your cue. It will feel different from the anxiety/guilt thing. I was very, very depressed, like clinically barely functional depressed, during the worst of the pandemic. (I did feel a lot of guilt.) It was only really truly this year where I started to feel the old "because of who I am, I need to be engaged in the world in this way" feeling and was able to start doing stuff again. I was afraid that once I stopped being engaged with things, I would never care about them again, but that was not the case.
You should really, truly take a rest. If there were a "we literally need bodies on the barricades, every individual body matters and no one should sit out if they can possibly join because this is literally a moment when we could overthrow the regime if we pushed hard enough" situation like in Iran, that would be different and you would very likely feel different.
Note that this is not the same as "everyone should attend this protest because we have a chance to make an impact". If you literally think that one more person being present will literally right then and there in measurable and obvious ways create major change, then get up and go if you can, but if not, just assume that others are holding it down.
When you really feel moved to act in a way you can manage, you'll act.
posted by Frowner at 6:59 AM on October 12, 2022 [13 favorites]
You should take literally as much of a break as you need and can arrange, up to and including turning off the news, muting things on twitter, etc. These are my reasons:
1. Other people are out there holding it down. When you are doing stuff, you'll be holding it down for people who are too sick/busy/etc to do activist things.
2. During every movement and every revolutionary moment, there have been people who supported things but were not able to participate due to health. This is entirely normal. We are a movement or a multitude or whatever; this is not a "revolution is for closers only" situation.
3. When you start to feel better, it is very, very likely that you will feel a wholesome, good yearning to be part of things again and that is your cue. It will feel different from the anxiety/guilt thing. I was very, very depressed, like clinically barely functional depressed, during the worst of the pandemic. (I did feel a lot of guilt.) It was only really truly this year where I started to feel the old "because of who I am, I need to be engaged in the world in this way" feeling and was able to start doing stuff again. I was afraid that once I stopped being engaged with things, I would never care about them again, but that was not the case.
You should really, truly take a rest. If there were a "we literally need bodies on the barricades, every individual body matters and no one should sit out if they can possibly join because this is literally a moment when we could overthrow the regime if we pushed hard enough" situation like in Iran, that would be different and you would very likely feel different.
Note that this is not the same as "everyone should attend this protest because we have a chance to make an impact". If you literally think that one more person being present will literally right then and there in measurable and obvious ways create major change, then get up and go if you can, but if not, just assume that others are holding it down.
When you really feel moved to act in a way you can manage, you'll act.
posted by Frowner at 6:59 AM on October 12, 2022 [13 favorites]
1. You’re sick. You’re 100% off the hook right now for saving the planet/our society/whatever. You have no responsibility for it for the forseeable, other people are doing that work so that you don’t have to. That includes you being off the hook for reading about it all, doomscrolling, ruminating or even thinking much about it. Stop reading all the things that tell you to volunteer. Your work right now is to think about you, your immediate surroundings and helping yourself recover.
2. The reason these huge systemic issues like capitalism and patriarchy are still around is because one person can’t tear them down. Yes, you might well have to get a job at some point, and no that doesn’t make you complicit in perpetuating the evils of capitalism. Plenty of people (me among them) have jobs that they enjoy, that enrich their lives and the lives of others. We’re all somewhat stuck within these mega systems and even the people fighting all-out to change them, have to play within the existing rules to an extent if they’re going to be able to live their lives. The one thing that’s guaranteed is that flagellating yourself for being a part of the system and using that to hate on yourself, when all you’re doing is the normal stuff that people in our world need to do to stay alive, doesn’t help anything.
You’re not a bad person because you have a job and pay rent, and that’s a a very extreme view of the world which, I’d agree with MiraK, sounds more like a mental health symptom than a useful belief system.
Can anyone feel okay and stable-ish here? Is that a pipe dream?
Yes, millions of people do it every day, it’s not a pipe dream.
I can see the systems and genuinely terrible realities all around me, and everything I engage with tells me I cannot heal within them, they must be overthrown
Stop engaging with those things. They’re not true, and they’re not helping you. Yes, there are other ideals out there, other models for how we’d like society to work. But it’s perfectly possible to live a happy life in the world as it is. I dunno. Maybe this is just my privilege speaking. But I think it’s true for many people, and assuming that it will never be true for you isn’t helping you.
If you really find it impossible to just drop this line of thinking, maybe it would be helpful to you to contemplate that within many social justice circles for generations now, there has been recognition that the work that needs done, is the work of more than one lifetime. Martin Luther King likely knew that work for racial justice would not be complete in his lifetime, it was just down to him to do his own small segment of it and pass the baton on to future generations to do the next bit, and so on. The idea that you must not participate in the world at all until unfair systems are completely torn down is unrealistic, and seems to be doing you real harm.
Being happy doesn’t mean you approve of capitalism.
posted by penguin pie at 7:09 AM on October 12, 2022 [6 favorites]
2. The reason these huge systemic issues like capitalism and patriarchy are still around is because one person can’t tear them down. Yes, you might well have to get a job at some point, and no that doesn’t make you complicit in perpetuating the evils of capitalism. Plenty of people (me among them) have jobs that they enjoy, that enrich their lives and the lives of others. We’re all somewhat stuck within these mega systems and even the people fighting all-out to change them, have to play within the existing rules to an extent if they’re going to be able to live their lives. The one thing that’s guaranteed is that flagellating yourself for being a part of the system and using that to hate on yourself, when all you’re doing is the normal stuff that people in our world need to do to stay alive, doesn’t help anything.
You’re not a bad person because you have a job and pay rent, and that’s a a very extreme view of the world which, I’d agree with MiraK, sounds more like a mental health symptom than a useful belief system.
Can anyone feel okay and stable-ish here? Is that a pipe dream?
Yes, millions of people do it every day, it’s not a pipe dream.
I can see the systems and genuinely terrible realities all around me, and everything I engage with tells me I cannot heal within them, they must be overthrown
Stop engaging with those things. They’re not true, and they’re not helping you. Yes, there are other ideals out there, other models for how we’d like society to work. But it’s perfectly possible to live a happy life in the world as it is. I dunno. Maybe this is just my privilege speaking. But I think it’s true for many people, and assuming that it will never be true for you isn’t helping you.
If you really find it impossible to just drop this line of thinking, maybe it would be helpful to you to contemplate that within many social justice circles for generations now, there has been recognition that the work that needs done, is the work of more than one lifetime. Martin Luther King likely knew that work for racial justice would not be complete in his lifetime, it was just down to him to do his own small segment of it and pass the baton on to future generations to do the next bit, and so on. The idea that you must not participate in the world at all until unfair systems are completely torn down is unrealistic, and seems to be doing you real harm.
Being happy doesn’t mean you approve of capitalism.
posted by penguin pie at 7:09 AM on October 12, 2022 [6 favorites]
I suffer from thoughts that are adjacent and congruent to what you’re facing right now. It’s an ongoing struggle and the most effective tool for me in confronting it is a reframing towards hope:
You are instrumental in making a difference. Of course you have an understandable sense of disgust at the effectiveness of the systems that oppress you, that oppress us — you’re feeling them pointed directly at you right now! Part of why they are is to degrade your (and all of our) effectiveness at resisting, extinguishing the hope you’re in such need of right now.
But you are instrumental in making a difference. It can feel futile and awful to do what seems like engaging with your oppressors to survive. In doing so, though, you are protecting someone instrumental in making a difference. Engaging with the mundane horror, the daily oppressions, strengthens you and gives you resources and power to engage with the root causes and offer yourself and others hope.
In my family we have a saying, oft repeated: “You can’t light yourself on fire to keep everyone warm.”
Please, put the fire out so that your warmth can continue to serve yourself, your community, your (and our!) ability to resist, and your own and humanity’s well-being. Put on your life vest so that if we need your help to put on ours, you can.
posted by majick at 7:09 AM on October 12, 2022
You are instrumental in making a difference. Of course you have an understandable sense of disgust at the effectiveness of the systems that oppress you, that oppress us — you’re feeling them pointed directly at you right now! Part of why they are is to degrade your (and all of our) effectiveness at resisting, extinguishing the hope you’re in such need of right now.
But you are instrumental in making a difference. It can feel futile and awful to do what seems like engaging with your oppressors to survive. In doing so, though, you are protecting someone instrumental in making a difference. Engaging with the mundane horror, the daily oppressions, strengthens you and gives you resources and power to engage with the root causes and offer yourself and others hope.
In my family we have a saying, oft repeated: “You can’t light yourself on fire to keep everyone warm.”
Please, put the fire out so that your warmth can continue to serve yourself, your community, your (and our!) ability to resist, and your own and humanity’s well-being. Put on your life vest so that if we need your help to put on ours, you can.
posted by majick at 7:09 AM on October 12, 2022
All of the above but also, taking care of yourself is active resistance against capitalism. Capitalism wants you too run down, tired, busy, overwhelmed to take care of yourself so you buy all the products they can market towards tired stressed people, so that you eat out constantly because you’re too tired to cook, so that you make more mistakes and they can justify charging you more and more for x insurance, etc etc. You are resisting simply by saying no, I am going to step back and take care of myself. Sometimes that means buying into the system more for a bit while you figure out long-term strategies and that’s okay.
And yes, recovery is possible. I got here by working with my therapist to focus exclusively on stabilizing my life in the context of my illnesses. It took about a year and a half of work. Just recently I was able to take a part-time advocacy position that I absolutely would not have had the bandwidth for before. I’m so excited to be part of this, but I HAD to do the groundwork of taking care of myself and finding stability in my life first.
You will have infinitely more of an impact on the world if you take the time to take care of yourself and stabilize before jumping into advocacy work. I have watched advocacy organizations turn over activists every 6 months because they were burned out when they started. The only ones who have been able to stay and make an impact for years are the ones who got their shit together first and prioritize taking care of themselves.
You are doing the right thing.
posted by brook horse at 7:10 AM on October 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
And yes, recovery is possible. I got here by working with my therapist to focus exclusively on stabilizing my life in the context of my illnesses. It took about a year and a half of work. Just recently I was able to take a part-time advocacy position that I absolutely would not have had the bandwidth for before. I’m so excited to be part of this, but I HAD to do the groundwork of taking care of myself and finding stability in my life first.
You will have infinitely more of an impact on the world if you take the time to take care of yourself and stabilize before jumping into advocacy work. I have watched advocacy organizations turn over activists every 6 months because they were burned out when they started. The only ones who have been able to stay and make an impact for years are the ones who got their shit together first and prioritize taking care of themselves.
You are doing the right thing.
posted by brook horse at 7:10 AM on October 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
I hug you, if you want hugs.
There is so much wisdom above. MiraK’s comment felt like sunlight through dappled leaves to me - a place where we can see the joy in being alive, at the same time that there are awful things in the world. Humans made jokes and found ways to treat each other tenderly in the death camps of the Holocaust. Children play with soccer balls made out of plastic bags and fabric scraps in the bombed-out remains of cities. Don’t let anything blind you to the fierce persistence of human happiness and meaning-making.
(This does not mean that humans *should* be happy, no matter what, or that Everything Is Fine! But, like those frames of mind, certainty of doom is a kind of hubris and denial of human dignity.)
Please remember also that, if you’re in recovery, anxiety and debilitating fear are also symptoms of withdrawal. Shout about it! Get mad! Write letters, work out, join an online community where you can post about how shitty you feel and have folks commiserate and cheer you on, and remember that a some amount of anger and pain right now is your body trying to figure out how to work on its own.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 7:25 AM on October 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
There is so much wisdom above. MiraK’s comment felt like sunlight through dappled leaves to me - a place where we can see the joy in being alive, at the same time that there are awful things in the world. Humans made jokes and found ways to treat each other tenderly in the death camps of the Holocaust. Children play with soccer balls made out of plastic bags and fabric scraps in the bombed-out remains of cities. Don’t let anything blind you to the fierce persistence of human happiness and meaning-making.
(This does not mean that humans *should* be happy, no matter what, or that Everything Is Fine! But, like those frames of mind, certainty of doom is a kind of hubris and denial of human dignity.)
Please remember also that, if you’re in recovery, anxiety and debilitating fear are also symptoms of withdrawal. Shout about it! Get mad! Write letters, work out, join an online community where you can post about how shitty you feel and have folks commiserate and cheer you on, and remember that a some amount of anger and pain right now is your body trying to figure out how to work on its own.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 7:25 AM on October 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front
Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?
Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.
- Wendell Berry
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 7:27 AM on October 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?
Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.
- Wendell Berry
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 7:27 AM on October 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
Another take. Feeling like you can never be happy under capitalism assumes that capitalism is so all-pervasive that it’s the only thing that exists in the world right now: The only mode of human experience.
In reality, there are things in our lives that are unrelated to capitalism, that are simply human, and which enrich us regardless of the system we live in, and paying attention to those things and allowing them to make us feel good, is an act of resistance, a moment of saying “Whatever you do, capitalism, you don’t get to take away the joy of these things, that will exist regardless of you.”
Children playing, a pet snuggling you, walking through a wood where the trees are rustling, enjoying your food, feeling good after exercise, laughing with friends, playing an instrument, learning about something that fascinates you. All of these things are human, and good, and not dependent on capitalism. Letting them fill you up and make your life feel worthwhile is a means of setting boundaries on how much of your life you’re prepared to hand over to capitalism and how much you’ll keep for those timeless human experiences that transcend the particular social or political structure we’re in.
posted by penguin pie at 7:28 AM on October 12, 2022 [10 favorites]
In reality, there are things in our lives that are unrelated to capitalism, that are simply human, and which enrich us regardless of the system we live in, and paying attention to those things and allowing them to make us feel good, is an act of resistance, a moment of saying “Whatever you do, capitalism, you don’t get to take away the joy of these things, that will exist regardless of you.”
Children playing, a pet snuggling you, walking through a wood where the trees are rustling, enjoying your food, feeling good after exercise, laughing with friends, playing an instrument, learning about something that fascinates you. All of these things are human, and good, and not dependent on capitalism. Letting them fill you up and make your life feel worthwhile is a means of setting boundaries on how much of your life you’re prepared to hand over to capitalism and how much you’ll keep for those timeless human experiences that transcend the particular social or political structure we’re in.
posted by penguin pie at 7:28 AM on October 12, 2022 [10 favorites]
As someone with PTSD and a very delicate balance between optimism and utter despair, here are some of the ways I've dealt with all the Bad Shit that's happening.
Observations
- I remind myself that we have, as humans, been utterly certain we're on the brink of society and humanity collapsing for as long as we have records. Yes, I admit, now seems uniquely bad and I can't see a way out of climate change in particular. But then again, many generations had their Big Crisis and people in that moment didn't see how they would survive their Big Crisis and yet, here we are.
- It's really unlikely climate change is going to cause irreparable harm to my life. Change, yes, but because people adapt better to things than they realize, it will, in the grand scheme of my life, just be background noise.
- Capitalism - I'm back in school trying to get my undergrad degree and the one thing I keep seeing over and over again is how much this generation is anti-capitalist. It warms my heart.
- I remind myself that 15-20 years ago, I was extremely far left in my politics, to the point that most people around me thought my views were extreme. Today, they called progressive politics and a huge portion of the left feels the way I do. So it is changing. But change is slow.
- The pandemic taught me something can look really bad, like the world is on the verge of collapsing. And 2 years later, life feels normal again. Changed, but normal. From absolute panic and uncertainty to a very normal "meh".
- On that note, humans are ridiculously adaptable. Like, ridiculously. We'll be fine.
- I remind myself that I've been through worse, I can do this. And it's true. Exhausting, but true.
- What is the actual likelihood of you being the person alive now that the world, and humanity, actually ends? I'm not that special.
- I have a friend who is getting his phD and he barely noticed Trump's presidency and the pandemic. Like, life barely changed for him, he was just sequestered away from everything with laser sharp focus. Sure he had to learn some new tools but overall, he was still in his shitty apartment for hours on end doing his phD work.
This one really showed me that its possible to just live your life and ignore adversity unless its directly impacting you. Seeing his drive and intentional ignorance helped open my eyes to how you can put aside externalities and just live your life. I can't, but I have adopted some of his strategies and it helps. Like when I really get down, I just find myself saying "you know what? This doesn't matter." and going on to a task I need to do. (sometimes, I'm not perfect)
- Recognizing the role brain chemistry plays in my mood and how much that impacts my thoughts about the world. I have had some experiences with brain meds and even nootropic supplements that made me see how a shift in neurotransmitters really and truly impacts my every day thinking and that impacts my view of the world.
It's obviously not that simple as our experiences in world influences brain chemistry and neuronal connections. But for me, at least, it's been helpful to have, at times, completely shifted my thinking from constant, negative rumination to compassion and self love just though a medication. Especially times when negative, low self-esteem me has been kicking my ass for long enough that I've forgotten the positive, grab life by the horns me.
- Look, we just moved an asteroid; something humans have never done before. Like its in the news, but it seems to be barely registering in the media of just how big of a deal this is. We. Humans. Just. Moved. An. Asteroid! We changed space. Holy fucking fuckity fuck. And we're alive to see it happen!
Strategies
- Reframe reframe reframe! When I catch myself in a negative thought, I try really hard to think about it in a different way that is positive. Example: Today was such a shitty day, I got nothing done, I suck. Reframe: Today was a difficult day, I managed to get though it as best as I could. I did actually get x and y done. Even though I didn't get z done, I did a god job of just surviving the day. Gosh, I kinda kicked ass.
- Gratitude: for me its writing 3 things I'm grateful for. Even when I'm really low, I can usually make myself think of 3. Sometimes its really begrudgingly and it's small.
- Argue with that friend who hates things more than you do. Make the case that its actually not that bad. I don't mean the friend that kinda agrees with you but maybe is a little more on the "everything is bad" scale, I mean the one where you're like "dude, woah calm down."
I discovered this one by accident, but realized I was engaging in one of the ways we've studied for changing minds, which is making a counter argument against their views (and for what they normally would object to).
- Recognize you won't be perfect at this, that it all takes practice and that is normal. You will forget, put off, give in to the worst thoughts. It's just like developing any other habit, when you fall off, you start again and over time it gets easier. But that could be years and that is okay.
- I made a little bit of mention upthread with DART, but I engage in what I like to call Silver Lining thinking. That is where I try to find the positives that have or could come out of a negative situation. Sometimes it's so forced, but sometimes it leads to opening a whole world of interest and curiosity, and can completely change my mindset if the silver lining is actually interesting enough. It's a mindful, intentional practice I can forget often and even not want to engage in, but it does help me.
- Spoken By Dr. Birgit Lührs often resets my shitty thinking. It's almost therapy in music form.
Exercise
Exercise yourself to exhaustion. I know, I know, everyone says this and it seems trite, but it really does help shift your mindset. If you are physically tired, you won't have the mental energy to worry about whats going on in the world. It doesn't solve everything, but its such a huge help. I'm always caught off guard when I don't for a while and my mood tanks and I don't know why. Oh, I haven't gone to the gym in a week. Or two weeks.
Be careful though, I actually find my "I hate everything" brain will try to come up with excuses and reasons not to go the worse I feel. I don't even always know it's happening, but it does. So just watch for that now, and try strategies like "Just go into the gym, if you hate it, you can leave" or "just do one pushup" etc... I'm convinced it is depression trying to protect itself as I feel SO MUCH BETTER afterwards.
WALKS! Go for a walk when you're down. Preferably in nature, but anywhere outside is good. Something about putting one foot in front of the other helps a lot. I tell myself that it won't and then I do and I always begrudgingly admit I'm in a better mood when I'm back (even if not great).
Final Thought: Are you languishing?
posted by [insert clever name here] at 8:26 AM on October 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
Observations
- I remind myself that we have, as humans, been utterly certain we're on the brink of society and humanity collapsing for as long as we have records. Yes, I admit, now seems uniquely bad and I can't see a way out of climate change in particular. But then again, many generations had their Big Crisis and people in that moment didn't see how they would survive their Big Crisis and yet, here we are.
- It's really unlikely climate change is going to cause irreparable harm to my life. Change, yes, but because people adapt better to things than they realize, it will, in the grand scheme of my life, just be background noise.
- Capitalism - I'm back in school trying to get my undergrad degree and the one thing I keep seeing over and over again is how much this generation is anti-capitalist. It warms my heart.
- I remind myself that 15-20 years ago, I was extremely far left in my politics, to the point that most people around me thought my views were extreme. Today, they called progressive politics and a huge portion of the left feels the way I do. So it is changing. But change is slow.
- The pandemic taught me something can look really bad, like the world is on the verge of collapsing. And 2 years later, life feels normal again. Changed, but normal. From absolute panic and uncertainty to a very normal "meh".
- On that note, humans are ridiculously adaptable. Like, ridiculously. We'll be fine.
- I remind myself that I've been through worse, I can do this. And it's true. Exhausting, but true.
- What is the actual likelihood of you being the person alive now that the world, and humanity, actually ends? I'm not that special.
- I have a friend who is getting his phD and he barely noticed Trump's presidency and the pandemic. Like, life barely changed for him, he was just sequestered away from everything with laser sharp focus. Sure he had to learn some new tools but overall, he was still in his shitty apartment for hours on end doing his phD work.
This one really showed me that its possible to just live your life and ignore adversity unless its directly impacting you. Seeing his drive and intentional ignorance helped open my eyes to how you can put aside externalities and just live your life. I can't, but I have adopted some of his strategies and it helps. Like when I really get down, I just find myself saying "you know what? This doesn't matter." and going on to a task I need to do. (sometimes, I'm not perfect)
- Recognizing the role brain chemistry plays in my mood and how much that impacts my thoughts about the world. I have had some experiences with brain meds and even nootropic supplements that made me see how a shift in neurotransmitters really and truly impacts my every day thinking and that impacts my view of the world.
It's obviously not that simple as our experiences in world influences brain chemistry and neuronal connections. But for me, at least, it's been helpful to have, at times, completely shifted my thinking from constant, negative rumination to compassion and self love just though a medication. Especially times when negative, low self-esteem me has been kicking my ass for long enough that I've forgotten the positive, grab life by the horns me.
- Look, we just moved an asteroid; something humans have never done before. Like its in the news, but it seems to be barely registering in the media of just how big of a deal this is. We. Humans. Just. Moved. An. Asteroid! We changed space. Holy fucking fuckity fuck. And we're alive to see it happen!
Strategies
- Reframe reframe reframe! When I catch myself in a negative thought, I try really hard to think about it in a different way that is positive. Example: Today was such a shitty day, I got nothing done, I suck. Reframe: Today was a difficult day, I managed to get though it as best as I could. I did actually get x and y done. Even though I didn't get z done, I did a god job of just surviving the day. Gosh, I kinda kicked ass.
- Gratitude: for me its writing 3 things I'm grateful for. Even when I'm really low, I can usually make myself think of 3. Sometimes its really begrudgingly and it's small.
- Argue with that friend who hates things more than you do. Make the case that its actually not that bad. I don't mean the friend that kinda agrees with you but maybe is a little more on the "everything is bad" scale, I mean the one where you're like "dude, woah calm down."
I discovered this one by accident, but realized I was engaging in one of the ways we've studied for changing minds, which is making a counter argument against their views (and for what they normally would object to).
- Recognize you won't be perfect at this, that it all takes practice and that is normal. You will forget, put off, give in to the worst thoughts. It's just like developing any other habit, when you fall off, you start again and over time it gets easier. But that could be years and that is okay.
- I made a little bit of mention upthread with DART, but I engage in what I like to call Silver Lining thinking. That is where I try to find the positives that have or could come out of a negative situation. Sometimes it's so forced, but sometimes it leads to opening a whole world of interest and curiosity, and can completely change my mindset if the silver lining is actually interesting enough. It's a mindful, intentional practice I can forget often and even not want to engage in, but it does help me.
- Spoken By Dr. Birgit Lührs often resets my shitty thinking. It's almost therapy in music form.
Exercise
Exercise yourself to exhaustion. I know, I know, everyone says this and it seems trite, but it really does help shift your mindset. If you are physically tired, you won't have the mental energy to worry about whats going on in the world. It doesn't solve everything, but its such a huge help. I'm always caught off guard when I don't for a while and my mood tanks and I don't know why. Oh, I haven't gone to the gym in a week. Or two weeks.
Be careful though, I actually find my "I hate everything" brain will try to come up with excuses and reasons not to go the worse I feel. I don't even always know it's happening, but it does. So just watch for that now, and try strategies like "Just go into the gym, if you hate it, you can leave" or "just do one pushup" etc... I'm convinced it is depression trying to protect itself as I feel SO MUCH BETTER afterwards.
WALKS! Go for a walk when you're down. Preferably in nature, but anywhere outside is good. Something about putting one foot in front of the other helps a lot. I tell myself that it won't and then I do and I always begrudgingly admit I'm in a better mood when I'm back (even if not great).
Final Thought: Are you languishing?
posted by [insert clever name here] at 8:26 AM on October 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
I love this question, and I love all the answers so far. Thank you for asking it - I often feel very much the same as you.
Sometimes, I can access the wisdom everyone else has mentioned above, but sometimes, it's easier to get angry. Like brook horse said above, self care is an act of rebellion against capitalism, and I find myself trying to take my own power back by living my best life "against" capitalism as much as possible. Oh, Starbucks is union busting? Time to switch my once a week drink to a local cafe where workers are happy and treated well. Oh, corporations are price gouging and calling it inflation? Guess you didn't want me to use my (limited) disposable income on your products, then, I'll go ahead and save it instead. Hmm, maybe I'll get my phone repaired and try to challenge myself to see how long I can keep it before having to replace it, instead of buying into disposable tech culture. If you have a job, doing decent work but not going above and beyond without compensation, actually using all the PTO that is earned, etc.
I've been evolving towards a simple, minimalist life for years now, largely due to capitalism and trying to find a sustainable contentment. Focusing on the practices that don't require me to play the game, things like being out in nature or doing a daily home yoga practice, which are free and feel good, helps me live the best life I can while still having to exist in this oppressive structure. And lots of forgiveness when I do have to participate (buying something on Amazon when I truly need the product and can't find it elsewhere) - I can do my part, but can't change the world alone, and same for you.
I copied this quote from somewhere online and keep it on my phone; it helps me so I'll drop it here in case it helps you too:
"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."
posted by carlypennylane at 8:36 AM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Sometimes, I can access the wisdom everyone else has mentioned above, but sometimes, it's easier to get angry. Like brook horse said above, self care is an act of rebellion against capitalism, and I find myself trying to take my own power back by living my best life "against" capitalism as much as possible. Oh, Starbucks is union busting? Time to switch my once a week drink to a local cafe where workers are happy and treated well. Oh, corporations are price gouging and calling it inflation? Guess you didn't want me to use my (limited) disposable income on your products, then, I'll go ahead and save it instead. Hmm, maybe I'll get my phone repaired and try to challenge myself to see how long I can keep it before having to replace it, instead of buying into disposable tech culture. If you have a job, doing decent work but not going above and beyond without compensation, actually using all the PTO that is earned, etc.
I've been evolving towards a simple, minimalist life for years now, largely due to capitalism and trying to find a sustainable contentment. Focusing on the practices that don't require me to play the game, things like being out in nature or doing a daily home yoga practice, which are free and feel good, helps me live the best life I can while still having to exist in this oppressive structure. And lots of forgiveness when I do have to participate (buying something on Amazon when I truly need the product and can't find it elsewhere) - I can do my part, but can't change the world alone, and same for you.
I copied this quote from somewhere online and keep it on my phone; it helps me so I'll drop it here in case it helps you too:
"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."
posted by carlypennylane at 8:36 AM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Allow me to kindly suggest that the far-left stuff probably isn't helping you. If everything you read tells you that life is shitty and the world is garbage, it's not surprising that you think life is shitty and the world is garbage. But let me tell you, life doesn't have to be shitty and the world doesn't have to be garbage. I'm pretty massively depressed right now, and there are a lot of things I would change. But also, there's a tree outside my window whose leaves are changing color, and I assure you that's not shitty. There are actually quite a lot of things that aren't shitty. Lot of good music out there. Hearing kids laugh. I'm not saying everything is wonderful; like I said, I'm going through a severe depressive episode with some SI. It's hard for me to see it sometimes. But you'll never see it if you don't try. Leave the negative media alone for a while, and re-engage when you feel a little better.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:53 AM on October 12, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 8:53 AM on October 12, 2022 [6 favorites]
If I could like MiraK's comment ten times, I would.
posted by praemunire at 10:39 AM on October 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 10:39 AM on October 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
I have been through something like this at times. What helped me was realizing that it is NOT selfish to take care of myself, to unapologetically demand/insist on a healing lifestyle for myself. You CANNOT be too much help to others if you are broken.
thoughts:
--Blaming 'the system' at the end of the day was for me just an excuse.
--The world and its system have ALWAYS been shit and corrupted... probably always will. But you CAN control your corner of the world. You have the power to do so. Part of that power is to protect your mind... (i.e. from the neverending onslaught of negative media)
--It's not on you to fix the world.
posted by mrmarley at 10:47 AM on October 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
thoughts:
--Blaming 'the system' at the end of the day was for me just an excuse.
--The world and its system have ALWAYS been shit and corrupted... probably always will. But you CAN control your corner of the world. You have the power to do so. Part of that power is to protect your mind... (i.e. from the neverending onslaught of negative media)
--It's not on you to fix the world.
posted by mrmarley at 10:47 AM on October 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
A huge talking point in activist circles lately - ESPECIALLY from Black women activists who have long been the backbone of organizing, rarely with the luxury of doing so as their only job - has been around the significance of rest, play and rest, and ways of avoiding burnout and recover from trauma.
Something a lot of activists talk about is that this ("this" = saving the world from itself) isn't even a marathon. This is millions of people all carrying one enormous load, which means everyone can and must drop their arms periodically or they will literally stop functioning.
What these activists are saying is that you have to approach the fight and the world in a position of some kind of okayness. Nobody can thrive, or help, in despair.
Is it futile and individualistic to try to feel emotionally stable and okay within this sinking ship? Is doing so even possible?
It is possible and it is ethical, even if you have to use some capitalism to get there because we are given no choice. That choice is what the fight is for. You have to work with what we've got for now.
You can have - and it is okay to want - a good microcondition even in a shitty macrocondition. You can also let other people deal with the macro right now while you focus on your micro, because later you can be the "other people" to someone who needs to focus on their micro. Yes to improving your mental health, yes to seeking out joy, yes to getting yourself some breathing room financially and in your mental and physical resilience. Your goals are good goals.
Be careful of using the guilt and the unwinnable logic loops as a form of self-harm. Take a step back and focus on your micro for right now. Build up your strength, stability, and health. It is okay, and it is enough for now.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:13 PM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Something a lot of activists talk about is that this ("this" = saving the world from itself) isn't even a marathon. This is millions of people all carrying one enormous load, which means everyone can and must drop their arms periodically or they will literally stop functioning.
What these activists are saying is that you have to approach the fight and the world in a position of some kind of okayness. Nobody can thrive, or help, in despair.
Is it futile and individualistic to try to feel emotionally stable and okay within this sinking ship? Is doing so even possible?
It is possible and it is ethical, even if you have to use some capitalism to get there because we are given no choice. That choice is what the fight is for. You have to work with what we've got for now.
You can have - and it is okay to want - a good microcondition even in a shitty macrocondition. You can also let other people deal with the macro right now while you focus on your micro, because later you can be the "other people" to someone who needs to focus on their micro. Yes to improving your mental health, yes to seeking out joy, yes to getting yourself some breathing room financially and in your mental and physical resilience. Your goals are good goals.
Be careful of using the guilt and the unwinnable logic loops as a form of self-harm. Take a step back and focus on your micro for right now. Build up your strength, stability, and health. It is okay, and it is enough for now.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:13 PM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
IMHO a perfectly reasonable anti-capitalist justification for this recovery process is "I'm not doing this to be a (better) worker drone. I'm working through the recovery process, because I am a human being who deserves it."
You... by all accounts are struggling and don't have all your basic needs/rights met. I think it was metafilter that taught me the phrase, "it's okay to put on your own oxygen mask first." In an emergency situation, you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else-- otherwise both of you risk asphyxiation. Once you have your own oxygen mask on you can help others respond to the crisis.
Also a reminder to be kind to yourself. If your goal was so "simple and straightforward" you would have achieved it already. Your goal remains unfulfilled, not because of a lack of effort on your part, but because the goal is large and difficult. It sounds like you are on the right path to identifying the sticking points that are preventing you from obtaining your goal (keeping your approach smarter, not harder :)).
posted by oceano at 3:00 PM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
You... by all accounts are struggling and don't have all your basic needs/rights met. I think it was metafilter that taught me the phrase, "it's okay to put on your own oxygen mask first." In an emergency situation, you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else-- otherwise both of you risk asphyxiation. Once you have your own oxygen mask on you can help others respond to the crisis.
Also a reminder to be kind to yourself. If your goal was so "simple and straightforward" you would have achieved it already. Your goal remains unfulfilled, not because of a lack of effort on your part, but because the goal is large and difficult. It sounds like you are on the right path to identifying the sticking points that are preventing you from obtaining your goal (keeping your approach smarter, not harder :)).
posted by oceano at 3:00 PM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
mekily: Traumatized, depressed people don’t make the best activists.
Something I tell myself a lot when I get into one of these spirals is, if the bad guys want me to be miserable and traumatized, then my healing and joy is a radical act.
posted by capricorn at 4:24 PM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Something I tell myself a lot when I get into one of these spirals is, if the bad guys want me to be miserable and traumatized, then my healing and joy is a radical act.
posted by capricorn at 4:24 PM on October 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
I focus on what I can change.
I can’t save every homeless animal slated to be euthanized at a shelter but I can donate to these organizations and provide my own rescue cat with the best possible life.
I can’t help every Ukrainian refugee that needs a job and a place to live and trauma counselling in a new country but I can work at a job where I help settlement organizations get the tools they need to help three or four Ukrainian families a week.
I can’t reverse the effects of colonialism and residential schools on Indigenous peoples but I can work a museum job where I educate young people on decolonizing their thinking, on the truth of our history and how to build a new relationship based on equality and respect.
I can be kind to strangers and a loyal friend and someone who leaves people better than I found them. In a system that wants you to feel ground down into a stub, hope, love, joy and faith are all radical acts.
posted by oywiththepoodles at 8:39 PM on October 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
I can’t save every homeless animal slated to be euthanized at a shelter but I can donate to these organizations and provide my own rescue cat with the best possible life.
I can’t help every Ukrainian refugee that needs a job and a place to live and trauma counselling in a new country but I can work at a job where I help settlement organizations get the tools they need to help three or four Ukrainian families a week.
I can’t reverse the effects of colonialism and residential schools on Indigenous peoples but I can work a museum job where I educate young people on decolonizing their thinking, on the truth of our history and how to build a new relationship based on equality and respect.
I can be kind to strangers and a loyal friend and someone who leaves people better than I found them. In a system that wants you to feel ground down into a stub, hope, love, joy and faith are all radical acts.
posted by oywiththepoodles at 8:39 PM on October 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
Your question emphasizes social problems, so I suggest that you think about social empowerment theory. Here is a brief discussion from the United Way. It tends to emphasize specific ways of thinking about yourself, your behaviors, and community relationships. Mental health is part of empowerment theory, especially self-esteem, but it is set in a broader social context.
posted by mortaddams at 4:37 AM on October 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by mortaddams at 4:37 AM on October 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
When I was in my late teens, a friend of mine was studying to be a Christian youth minister. One day I was in his car, and saw a copy of some young-ministry handbook he had lying around, and—perverse anti-theist that I was at that age—began flipping through it. "Look at this crusade-y brainwash-y shit!" That kind of asinine nineteenery.
There was a chapter, in that book, titled something like: "I feel exhausted and weary and despairing. I barely know how to help other people, let alone myself. This feels like a personal failing. How can I stop being so weak so I can serve God?" I went to that, fully expecting some devastating cultish nonsense that I could fixate on—a little bit of Haterade, if you will.
Instead, the book said, in big block letters: STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF. LET YOURSELF BE WELL.
It went on to explain that you can only make a meaningful difference when you're acting out of surplus. You give only what you can give and wake up in the morning and not have lost something meaningful the day before.
That has stuck with me for over a decade. There are times that anything you give will deplete what you have to give tomorrow. At times like that, the best thing you can do—not just for yourself but for others—is to let yourself replenish.
In the same vein, I have learned that I can only participate meaningfully in resistance against giant, overwhelming forces if I also dedicate a part of my activism to nourishing something new. Not all fighting looks like fighting. A huge part of the fight is giving aid to others, whether that looks like compassion or support or simply making room for people to feel joy.
A large part of how the Christian right was able to muster strength to dominate America, in my opinion, is that it emphasizes the "joyous" part of "joyous warriors." It understands the importance of euphoria, of companionship, of creating culture. On some levels, it knows that you can hook most people on a political cause more by giving them room to do things which they feel actively help (or "save," bleh) others.
Activism that feels like an endlessly futile struggle is doomed to fail. And engendering despair in us is part of the opposition's tactics. They are weaker than they look, and have more fragile supports than it appears, so one of their profoundest weapons is the ability to convince us that all is lost. Finding opportunities for joy, finding ways to plant seeds, is meaningful. (Sometimes literally: a friend of mine is involved in the creation of community gardens in impoverished neighborhoods across our city.) And if you're the one feeling futility and despair, sometimes the best thing you can do is to find the people doing the joy-making and seed-planting. Because you are exactly the person who those people would love to reach.
So: be kind and gentle with yourself. Find people who can help and support you, whether that means therapy-and-psychiatry or just friends and loved ones. And when you do go looking for a cause, remember that there's nothing wrong in contributing by spreading happiness and hope, creating oasises and groves for people who otherwise wouldn't have them, and focusing on creation rather than on all-out war. I have limited experience and would defer to others in this thread, but what I've generally seen is that some people have the stomach for certain kinds of fights, and other people don't, and it is so much more helpful to find the place that works for you than it is to force yourself into a position that you're not a good fit for.
And, seriously, I relate to feeling inadequate on that front. I am an absolutely terrible canvasser, for instance—I have no stomach for that kind of thing—but I'm very good with computers, which is valuable in its own right. And I've been told repeatedly that my feelings of "techy things aren't real work," where I only feel useful when I'm forcing myself to do stuff that burns me out and that I suck at anyway, isn't actually noble. It's just self-loathing mixed with masochism.
If you let yourself find the things that fit you naturally, you'll learn that people are tremendously grateful for you being you. And a part of leaning into that naturalness includes knowing when the best thing you can do for yourself is to let yourself be well.
posted by Tom Hanks Cannot Be Trusted at 7:21 AM on October 13, 2022 [11 favorites]
There was a chapter, in that book, titled something like: "I feel exhausted and weary and despairing. I barely know how to help other people, let alone myself. This feels like a personal failing. How can I stop being so weak so I can serve God?" I went to that, fully expecting some devastating cultish nonsense that I could fixate on—a little bit of Haterade, if you will.
Instead, the book said, in big block letters: STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF. LET YOURSELF BE WELL.
It went on to explain that you can only make a meaningful difference when you're acting out of surplus. You give only what you can give and wake up in the morning and not have lost something meaningful the day before.
That has stuck with me for over a decade. There are times that anything you give will deplete what you have to give tomorrow. At times like that, the best thing you can do—not just for yourself but for others—is to let yourself replenish.
In the same vein, I have learned that I can only participate meaningfully in resistance against giant, overwhelming forces if I also dedicate a part of my activism to nourishing something new. Not all fighting looks like fighting. A huge part of the fight is giving aid to others, whether that looks like compassion or support or simply making room for people to feel joy.
A large part of how the Christian right was able to muster strength to dominate America, in my opinion, is that it emphasizes the "joyous" part of "joyous warriors." It understands the importance of euphoria, of companionship, of creating culture. On some levels, it knows that you can hook most people on a political cause more by giving them room to do things which they feel actively help (or "save," bleh) others.
Activism that feels like an endlessly futile struggle is doomed to fail. And engendering despair in us is part of the opposition's tactics. They are weaker than they look, and have more fragile supports than it appears, so one of their profoundest weapons is the ability to convince us that all is lost. Finding opportunities for joy, finding ways to plant seeds, is meaningful. (Sometimes literally: a friend of mine is involved in the creation of community gardens in impoverished neighborhoods across our city.) And if you're the one feeling futility and despair, sometimes the best thing you can do is to find the people doing the joy-making and seed-planting. Because you are exactly the person who those people would love to reach.
So: be kind and gentle with yourself. Find people who can help and support you, whether that means therapy-and-psychiatry or just friends and loved ones. And when you do go looking for a cause, remember that there's nothing wrong in contributing by spreading happiness and hope, creating oasises and groves for people who otherwise wouldn't have them, and focusing on creation rather than on all-out war. I have limited experience and would defer to others in this thread, but what I've generally seen is that some people have the stomach for certain kinds of fights, and other people don't, and it is so much more helpful to find the place that works for you than it is to force yourself into a position that you're not a good fit for.
And, seriously, I relate to feeling inadequate on that front. I am an absolutely terrible canvasser, for instance—I have no stomach for that kind of thing—but I'm very good with computers, which is valuable in its own right. And I've been told repeatedly that my feelings of "techy things aren't real work," where I only feel useful when I'm forcing myself to do stuff that burns me out and that I suck at anyway, isn't actually noble. It's just self-loathing mixed with masochism.
If you let yourself find the things that fit you naturally, you'll learn that people are tremendously grateful for you being you. And a part of leaning into that naturalness includes knowing when the best thing you can do for yourself is to let yourself be well.
posted by Tom Hanks Cannot Be Trusted at 7:21 AM on October 13, 2022 [11 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you so, so much for your warm, compassionate and incredibly wise answers, everyone. To be met with such kindness and hope when you're in a tough place is... Well, it kind of knocked the breath out of me (in a good way). I can't mark a best answer because they're all great and bring something to the table.
For now, I'm gonna focus on feeling a little better. I'll let these big, overwhelming questions wait until they're safe to engage with, and try to tend to my own wellbeing. The rest can come later once I'm doing better, even if it takes me a long time to get there. Lots of roots to explore too, around me only feeling worthy if I'm contributing to a cause, or like the only thing my life is good for is being useful/helpful to other people, and I don't count. My new therapist is gonna love the long list I come in with!
Any other thoughts are absolutely welcome, but yeah, thanks again. Really. <3
posted by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on October 13, 2022
For now, I'm gonna focus on feeling a little better. I'll let these big, overwhelming questions wait until they're safe to engage with, and try to tend to my own wellbeing. The rest can come later once I'm doing better, even if it takes me a long time to get there. Lots of roots to explore too, around me only feeling worthy if I'm contributing to a cause, or like the only thing my life is good for is being useful/helpful to other people, and I don't count. My new therapist is gonna love the long list I come in with!
Any other thoughts are absolutely welcome, but yeah, thanks again. Really. <3
posted by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on October 13, 2022
I can vote. I can donate a little money sometimes. I can talk to friends and family about politics. That's as far as my capabilities currently go.
It's counter-cultural to say 'I am enough'; those things are enough for the budget and energy levels you have. This internet stranger endorses your choices. Wanting more -- well, it's OK to dream -- you'll have to trust the community that we've got this for you while you recover. I've declared emotional bankruptcy for some of the things going on in the world around me and yet I declare "I Am Enough." And we come together to deal with those things that would exhaust the efforts of an individual because the woven fabric of community is stronger than an individual strand.
posted by k3ninho at 12:52 AM on October 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
It's counter-cultural to say 'I am enough'; those things are enough for the budget and energy levels you have. This internet stranger endorses your choices. Wanting more -- well, it's OK to dream -- you'll have to trust the community that we've got this for you while you recover. I've declared emotional bankruptcy for some of the things going on in the world around me and yet I declare "I Am Enough." And we come together to deal with those things that would exhaust the efforts of an individual because the woven fabric of community is stronger than an individual strand.
posted by k3ninho at 12:52 AM on October 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
Whenever I have a huge, overwhelming task to do over a few weeks I spend the first few days aggressively resting. I know that without rest I'll just drag along but after a few days of rest I can truly run with it. Rest and getting mentally better are ultimately good for people around you, too.
Also, great advice above from MiraK.
Just as a small point to this:
Like, extreme thirst is a symptom of diabetes, not a true bodily need for hydration. The correct way to respond is to take your diabetes medication, not to drink that whole gallon of water in 20 minutes.
Extreme thirst in diabetes is indeed a sign of dehydration. You should go to a doctor ASAP but you should also drink when thirsty.
[Just as an asterisk to the otherwise great advice].
posted by M. at 9:44 PM on November 6, 2022
Also, great advice above from MiraK.
Just as a small point to this:
Like, extreme thirst is a symptom of diabetes, not a true bodily need for hydration. The correct way to respond is to take your diabetes medication, not to drink that whole gallon of water in 20 minutes.
Extreme thirst in diabetes is indeed a sign of dehydration. You should go to a doctor ASAP but you should also drink when thirsty.
[Just as an asterisk to the otherwise great advice].
posted by M. at 9:44 PM on November 6, 2022
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Pay attention to little things in life that give you a feeling of joy, and try to fill your life with those things as much as possible. Spend less time scrolling social media and reading the news — yes, stay a bit informed but limit that to a few minutes a day.
Yes, capitalism puts restraints on us and forces us to live within a sick system. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t little things to enjoy within that system — a good meal, a hobby you enjoy, family and friends whose company makes you happier, a beautiful flower growing in someone’s yard. Focus on those. Maybe my examples sound hopelessly banal to you but I know there are some things in your life that bring you a warm fuzzy feeling. Find them and surround yourself with them.
Traumatized, depressed people don’t make the best activists. Healing and bringing more joy into your life is actually the least selfish thing you can do.
posted by mekily at 5:13 AM on October 12, 2022 [5 favorites]