How can I firm up my side of the bed?
October 6, 2022 4:29 PM Subscribe
We bought a new bed that we both loved for a while. How do I fix it so that I still do?
About two years ago, my wife and I, after much research, bought a new bed. It was spectacularly comfortable at first, and to this day my wife swears it's the best bed she or we have ever owned. It's a king size bed, for what it's worth.
The trouble is, these days it's really messing with my back.
I liked the bed a lot until I didn't - but now, for the last month or so, it has given me back spasms in the middle of the night and much general misery. Once I get out of bed, do some mild stretches, and start my day, my back is fine and I don't have any issues, until I wake up at 3AM with another massive back spasm, after which the rest of my night's sleep is mostly a suggestion as I try to find a way to lie on this thing that doesn't trigger another spasm.
I went to a conference a couple weeks ago, and ended up staying at a crappy motel, with a mattress that felt like one of those steel plates they cover up massive road work holes with when I first sat down on it. IT WAS AMAZING. I slept great, my back didn't flare up once, and it really redeemed the place I stayed, which was otherwise awful.
Assume, for the purposes of this post, a few things:
1. We cannot afford to buy a new mattress at this time, and even if we could...
2. ...my wife is, as mentioned, absolutely thrilled with the mattress we have, and the concept of replacing it so soon would be a tough sell
3. I am seeing an acupuncturist about my back, and am not concerned about it overall/long-term (it's not affecting my quality of life, for more than sleep time and maybe the 15 minutes or so after I get up as it loosens)
Are there things I could do to my side of the mattress to make it more firm? Maybe not steel-plate firm, but more so than it currently is? Inserts, bolsters, anything?
About two years ago, my wife and I, after much research, bought a new bed. It was spectacularly comfortable at first, and to this day my wife swears it's the best bed she or we have ever owned. It's a king size bed, for what it's worth.
The trouble is, these days it's really messing with my back.
I liked the bed a lot until I didn't - but now, for the last month or so, it has given me back spasms in the middle of the night and much general misery. Once I get out of bed, do some mild stretches, and start my day, my back is fine and I don't have any issues, until I wake up at 3AM with another massive back spasm, after which the rest of my night's sleep is mostly a suggestion as I try to find a way to lie on this thing that doesn't trigger another spasm.
I went to a conference a couple weeks ago, and ended up staying at a crappy motel, with a mattress that felt like one of those steel plates they cover up massive road work holes with when I first sat down on it. IT WAS AMAZING. I slept great, my back didn't flare up once, and it really redeemed the place I stayed, which was otherwise awful.
Assume, for the purposes of this post, a few things:
1. We cannot afford to buy a new mattress at this time, and even if we could...
2. ...my wife is, as mentioned, absolutely thrilled with the mattress we have, and the concept of replacing it so soon would be a tough sell
3. I am seeing an acupuncturist about my back, and am not concerned about it overall/long-term (it's not affecting my quality of life, for more than sleep time and maybe the 15 minutes or so after I get up as it loosens)
Are there things I could do to my side of the mattress to make it more firm? Maybe not steel-plate firm, but more so than it currently is? Inserts, bolsters, anything?
I am in the exact same situation as you are. I tried a plywood board under my side to no avail. I tried sleeping on top of a weighted blanket which did help for a few weeks. I currently sleep on my back with a wedge under my knees and calves. It is marginally beneficial, but not a long term solution. I have tried sleeping on the floor with the mattress from one of my kid's twin beds. It was helpful in that it was a proof of concept that I needed a much firmer bed, but not a long term solution as sleeping on the floor next to a king size bed has its own logistical issues. I also do not want to purchase a new mattress. Mine is 3 years old. However, it is looking like the only solution I could find was to go with a split california king. Two twin beds. Each have our own mattress but we would make up the bed as if it is one. That has not happened yet. I am still negotiating with my gf.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 4:50 PM on October 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by JohnnyGunn at 4:50 PM on October 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
r/mattresses is full of self taught mattress experts who talk people through mattress adjustments, layers, and how to change them. Depending on the type of mattress you have, you might be able to perform some diy surgery to replace the form on your side (apparently firmness is mostly about the foam) so that you can keep your mattress and both you and your wife can be happy. Id try asking this question there.
posted by MFZ at 4:57 PM on October 6, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by MFZ at 4:57 PM on October 6, 2022 [3 favorites]
You need a firm mattress topper. They're a real thing and they work.
Here's an article rating many of them, including explicitly firm and firm-by-default (the fiber-filled ones).
posted by yellowcandy at 7:35 PM on October 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
Here's an article rating many of them, including explicitly firm and firm-by-default (the fiber-filled ones).
posted by yellowcandy at 7:35 PM on October 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
Check to see if the entire support system is sagging.
Is it a platform bed or is it on a box spring? If the platform or box spring is sagging you can make some additional legs or use something to support it.
I just did this with a platform bed we sleep on at my mother-in-law's house and it helped a lot. The sagging of the platform support beams wasn't visible to the eye, but when I measured it there was about half an inch of deflection in the middle of the beam. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it felt like being in a big soft taco.
I used some 2x4 pieces and some bolts with inserts to make adjustable supports. I wedged them in, cranked them up and it felt like an entirely new bed.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 7:27 AM on October 7, 2022
Is it a platform bed or is it on a box spring? If the platform or box spring is sagging you can make some additional legs or use something to support it.
I just did this with a platform bed we sleep on at my mother-in-law's house and it helped a lot. The sagging of the platform support beams wasn't visible to the eye, but when I measured it there was about half an inch of deflection in the middle of the beam. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it felt like being in a big soft taco.
I used some 2x4 pieces and some bolts with inserts to make adjustable supports. I wedged them in, cranked them up and it felt like an entirely new bed.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 7:27 AM on October 7, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Thella at 4:47 PM on October 6, 2022 [6 favorites]