Processing nearly dying (but not a near-death experience)
October 4, 2022 5:01 PM Subscribe
I'm interested in reading about people who almost died but did not, and how they processed this and moved on with their lives. Attempting to Google this only gets me "near-death experiences", which is not what I'm looking for.
Especially interested in people who survived accidents or injuries rather than extended illnesses. And especially interested in humanistic, agnostic, and/or secular perspectives on how to make meaning out of being reminded of mortality and continuing to live. How do people deal with these experiences? How do they communicate about them (or not) to those around them? Primarily interested in nonfiction, but open to fiction that grapples with these questions as well.
Especially interested in people who survived accidents or injuries rather than extended illnesses. And especially interested in humanistic, agnostic, and/or secular perspectives on how to make meaning out of being reminded of mortality and continuing to live. How do people deal with these experiences? How do they communicate about them (or not) to those around them? Primarily interested in nonfiction, but open to fiction that grapples with these questions as well.
As a search term, "a brush with death" may get you results more like what you're looking for.
posted by heatherlogan at 6:12 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by heatherlogan at 6:12 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
The story of Norman Ollestad should qualify. I heard it on NPR, but I'm not sure which version. It appears there are at least three.
I was the sole survivor of a plane crash.
Wonderboy / Snap Judgement
Falling
He also wrote a book about it: Crazy for the Storm: A Memoir of Survival.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 6:32 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
He also wrote a book about it: Crazy for the Storm: A Memoir of Survival.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 6:32 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Wave, by Sonali Deraniyagala, explores both extreme grief (her entire family died in the 2004 indian ocean tsunami) and her own near death. It is searing, beautiful.
posted by minervous at 6:38 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by minervous at 6:38 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
FOR CONTEXT - I nearly drowned in a swimming pool when I was very young, somewhere between the age of 2 and no older than preschool. Probably I wasn't actually near death, but since I was so young it was a Big Deal to the adults around me. My dad thought it would be ok to use floaters that some kid had told me were his and I couldn't use them, and then put me in the deep-to-me end side of the pool. I was having fun! And then he took his eyes off me, and the kid took the floaters back, and I started sinking. I struggled at first, couldn't reach air, and then I decided that wasn't working and I should try to sink to the bottom and then push off from the bottom.
I was slowly drifting toward the bottom and waiting to be able to push off when someone jumped in and pulled me out.
I remember being really annoyed with whoever pulled me out, because I had a *plan* and they had interrupted my plan. I remember my dad talking about it with me on the drive home, but I don't remember what he said. Probably I explained about the kid who wanted his floaters back, and probably my dad apologized profusely. He almost certainly had to explain to me that the adult pulled me out of the pool to save my life, so that I would stop being annoyed with them for having done that.
PROCESSING NEARLY DYING - As a small child, the main thing I had to process was my annoyance about the person interrupting me from saving myself. And the fact that the whole situation was a Big Deal to the adults around me. I think the reason it wasn't a bigger deal for me is because I was very young and when you're that young, nothing or everything can be normal.
As an adult, I hadn't ever realized it until this very moment, but it's quite possible that this is actually one contributing factor in my deep trust in the safety of the world around me. I can take care of myself, and if I don't, someone will have my back, because that's how people work.
posted by aniola at 6:40 PM on October 4, 2022 [8 favorites]
I was slowly drifting toward the bottom and waiting to be able to push off when someone jumped in and pulled me out.
I remember being really annoyed with whoever pulled me out, because I had a *plan* and they had interrupted my plan. I remember my dad talking about it with me on the drive home, but I don't remember what he said. Probably I explained about the kid who wanted his floaters back, and probably my dad apologized profusely. He almost certainly had to explain to me that the adult pulled me out of the pool to save my life, so that I would stop being annoyed with them for having done that.
PROCESSING NEARLY DYING - As a small child, the main thing I had to process was my annoyance about the person interrupting me from saving myself. And the fact that the whole situation was a Big Deal to the adults around me. I think the reason it wasn't a bigger deal for me is because I was very young and when you're that young, nothing or everything can be normal.
As an adult, I hadn't ever realized it until this very moment, but it's quite possible that this is actually one contributing factor in my deep trust in the safety of the world around me. I can take care of myself, and if I don't, someone will have my back, because that's how people work.
posted by aniola at 6:40 PM on October 4, 2022 [8 favorites]
The late Amanda Baggs came close to death in August 2012 as a result of illness and medical neglect, and wrote about this experience on hier blog and elsewhere. Some links:
posted by spiderbeforesunset at 7:30 PM on October 4, 2022
- https://ballastexistenz.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/feeding-tubes-and-weird-ideas/
- https://ballastexistenz.wordpress.com/2014/05/01/love-fear-death-and-disability/ (somewhat spiritual)
- https://ballastexistenz.wordpress.com/2014/05/01/the-scarf-a-comic-about-delirium/
- https://ballastexistenz.wordpress.com/2014/05/01/i-am-not-your-fairy-tale-miracle-cure-story/
posted by spiderbeforesunset at 7:30 PM on October 4, 2022
For fiction, the John Cheever story The Country Husband is about a guy who almost dies in a plane crash, but doesn't, and what happens afterward.
posted by BlahLaLa at 7:33 PM on October 4, 2022
posted by BlahLaLa at 7:33 PM on October 4, 2022
I don't watch a lot of reality TV but I remember a show called I Survived that I actually enjoyed, mostly because I like survivor stories. It's the only "true crime" style I can handle.
The Moth has a number of first person accounts of "brush with death" or "I survived" (which is another search term you can use).
posted by fiercekitten at 8:12 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
The Moth has a number of first person accounts of "brush with death" or "I survived" (which is another search term you can use).
posted by fiercekitten at 8:12 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
motor sport has many "nearly dying" tales. Here's Robert Wickens discussing his with Dale Earnhardt Jr who lost his father in the 2001 Daytona 500.
posted by philip-random at 8:41 PM on October 4, 2022
posted by philip-random at 8:41 PM on October 4, 2022
You may find I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O' Farrell an interesting read.
posted by unicorn chaser at 11:59 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by unicorn chaser at 11:59 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
The book In Shock by Rana Awdish fits what you’re looking for.
posted by congen at 7:10 AM on October 5, 2022
posted by congen at 7:10 AM on October 5, 2022
According to my family, they’ve been told four times not to get their hopes up that I would survive the latest health crisis. Obviously I did survive, and I don’t think I really have processed it. I know I’m supposed to be filled with some sense of purpose or how precious life is, and whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but it’s mostly been just a big, OK, now what? Therapists don’t seem to think it’s a big deal, so I guess it’s supposed to not be a big deal to me, either?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:14 PM on October 5, 2022
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:14 PM on October 5, 2022
Did some light googling for "near miss" and found this "Owen's story: How a near miss changed his life." [acc.co.nz]
I recall a story of a chemist who liked to make explosives at home, one time messed up badly, severely injured/ maimed, survived, continued to play with explosives, had a wife, etc. But couldn't find it again. Trying to search for the vintage website, did find this "Once upon a life: Jonathan Safran Foer" When he was just nine years old an explosion in the science lab at summer camp seriously injured him and almost killed his best friend... returns to that terrible day in 1985 to examine the scars the blast left - and explain why the wounds are more than sin deep. [guardian]
posted by porpoise at 2:49 PM on October 5, 2022
I recall a story of a chemist who liked to make explosives at home, one time messed up badly, severely injured/ maimed, survived, continued to play with explosives, had a wife, etc. But couldn't find it again. Trying to search for the vintage website, did find this "Once upon a life: Jonathan Safran Foer" When he was just nine years old an explosion in the science lab at summer camp seriously injured him and almost killed his best friend... returns to that terrible day in 1985 to examine the scars the blast left - and explain why the wounds are more than sin deep. [guardian]
posted by porpoise at 2:49 PM on October 5, 2022
Wow, I just finished Crazy for the Storm, thanks to Winnie the Proust's recommendation above. Couldn't put it down all day. I checked it out from the Open Library.
posted by metonym at 3:50 PM on October 5, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by metonym at 3:50 PM on October 5, 2022 [1 favorite]
Touching the Void is a gripping read about someone nearly dying in a mountaineering accident. It gives a glimpse into their return to real life but I would've liked more. I seem to remember Google turning something up for me, like a second essay or something.
Some school shooting survivors have written about the event and their recovery, e.g., Over My Shoulder.
posted by slidell at 9:43 PM on October 5, 2022
Some school shooting survivors have written about the event and their recovery, e.g., Over My Shoulder.
posted by slidell at 9:43 PM on October 5, 2022
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posted by kitten kaboodle at 6:00 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]