Dealing with self-harm scars
September 2, 2022 10:16 PM Subscribe
[CW: self-harm] I used to self harm, a long, long time ago (in my early teens; I'm now in my early thirties). It's left a few scars that I don't like. What should I do about them?
I have maybe a half-dozen scars on one forearm as a reminder of this period, plus a few more very very faint ones that aren't noticeable. The bigger/more noticeable scars have healed really well, as well as can be expected really - silvery and mostly flat, though a couple are raised against the surface of the skin.
People used to point them out at school, but mostly don't any more. It's only sexual partners who'll ever mention them when we're naked, and I don't really have a problem talking about them.
But I don't like them, and I want them gone. I'm considering scar revision surgery, but I'm not really sure of the details.
When I'm psychologically healthy, they really don't bother me all that much. But when I'm anything other than in psychological good health (which is... quite a lot of the time recently) they do bother me. I don't like them, I don't like touching them or looking at them, and I'm more inclined to wear long sleeves to try to hide them.
I guess I have two questions - what are the likely outcomes of cosmetic surgery to improve the scars' appearance and make them less noticeable? And secondly, should I even do this? Is this something I should just learn to accept? Other people rarely notice them, and I'm no longer afraid of wearing short sleeves, so maybe I'm on a journey to acceptance that I would just be interrupting by having them surgically altered.
I have maybe a half-dozen scars on one forearm as a reminder of this period, plus a few more very very faint ones that aren't noticeable. The bigger/more noticeable scars have healed really well, as well as can be expected really - silvery and mostly flat, though a couple are raised against the surface of the skin.
People used to point them out at school, but mostly don't any more. It's only sexual partners who'll ever mention them when we're naked, and I don't really have a problem talking about them.
But I don't like them, and I want them gone. I'm considering scar revision surgery, but I'm not really sure of the details.
When I'm psychologically healthy, they really don't bother me all that much. But when I'm anything other than in psychological good health (which is... quite a lot of the time recently) they do bother me. I don't like them, I don't like touching them or looking at them, and I'm more inclined to wear long sleeves to try to hide them.
I guess I have two questions - what are the likely outcomes of cosmetic surgery to improve the scars' appearance and make them less noticeable? And secondly, should I even do this? Is this something I should just learn to accept? Other people rarely notice them, and I'm no longer afraid of wearing short sleeves, so maybe I'm on a journey to acceptance that I would just be interrupting by having them surgically altered.
I don't have any knowledge about the outcomes of cosmetic surgery. But I would say that you are the only person who can answer your second question.
You are definitely on a journey to self acceptance, but that doesn't mean you have to keep the scars.
It's your body, and you get to decide what you want to change about it. There is no right or better way to follow your journey, no way that you "should" do it.
If you feel that removing the scars will help you get to the next stage, that's perfectly valid.
posted by Zumbador at 10:29 PM on September 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
You are definitely on a journey to self acceptance, but that doesn't mean you have to keep the scars.
It's your body, and you get to decide what you want to change about it. There is no right or better way to follow your journey, no way that you "should" do it.
If you feel that removing the scars will help you get to the next stage, that's perfectly valid.
posted by Zumbador at 10:29 PM on September 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
You should learn to accept them if cosmetic surgery is so expensive that it would significantly impact your finances, forever. Otherwise, get rid of them if you want to.
posted by kingdead at 11:36 PM on September 2, 2022
posted by kingdead at 11:36 PM on September 2, 2022
It’s your body. You’re the only one who decides what you should get over or what you should change.
One thing you might do is acquire the skills to cover them with makeup. There are some really amazing products out there these days, intended to entirely disguise tattoos and scars. Different types of skin and different lifestyles mean not everything works for everyone, but there’s likely something that works for you. You can try it and see how you feel, and enjoy the control you have over your appearance. If it turns out you want to put in the effort to cover them on most days, it might make the case stronger to pursue medical scar revision. Definitely have a visit with a dermatologist to discuss your options, too.
Plenty of people get tattoos over spots like your forearm. I considered getting tattoos all over the fronts of my calves for the same reason. But something happened over the course of my thirties and I stopped giving a shit about the scars all over my legs. They also have really faded and flattened, and become intermingled with other more recent scars from cat claws, clumsiness, bug bites, etc. For me, getting tattoos in that spot in order to cover the scars would have been a way of focusing on them even more. For other people it is a way to accept them and move on, or transform the so-called blemish into an area of interest for a positive reason, or just to reclaim their body. Everyone is different. Maybe on days you don’t want to see your scars but it’s hot out, you could wear some chunky bracelets or some kinesio tape. Give yourself a temporary way to conceal them while you’re researching the viability of scar revision or coverup tattoos for your specific case. That way there’s no rush.
posted by Mizu at 1:33 AM on September 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
One thing you might do is acquire the skills to cover them with makeup. There are some really amazing products out there these days, intended to entirely disguise tattoos and scars. Different types of skin and different lifestyles mean not everything works for everyone, but there’s likely something that works for you. You can try it and see how you feel, and enjoy the control you have over your appearance. If it turns out you want to put in the effort to cover them on most days, it might make the case stronger to pursue medical scar revision. Definitely have a visit with a dermatologist to discuss your options, too.
Plenty of people get tattoos over spots like your forearm. I considered getting tattoos all over the fronts of my calves for the same reason. But something happened over the course of my thirties and I stopped giving a shit about the scars all over my legs. They also have really faded and flattened, and become intermingled with other more recent scars from cat claws, clumsiness, bug bites, etc. For me, getting tattoos in that spot in order to cover the scars would have been a way of focusing on them even more. For other people it is a way to accept them and move on, or transform the so-called blemish into an area of interest for a positive reason, or just to reclaim their body. Everyone is different. Maybe on days you don’t want to see your scars but it’s hot out, you could wear some chunky bracelets or some kinesio tape. Give yourself a temporary way to conceal them while you’re researching the viability of scar revision or coverup tattoos for your specific case. That way there’s no rush.
posted by Mizu at 1:33 AM on September 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Seen a couple episodes of Ink Masters where the artist use the scar as a basis for a meaningful tattoo around it.
posted by kschang at 1:38 AM on September 3, 2022
posted by kschang at 1:38 AM on September 3, 2022
If you go the tattoo route, be sure to find a tattoo artist who has some expertise in scar cover-ups. Some may have a discount for work involving scars from self harm, even. You will get a better tattoo, and also have a more empowering experience if you work with a tattoo artist who does that specifically as part of their practice.
posted by eviemath at 4:44 AM on September 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 4:44 AM on September 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
In terms of cost comparison, I don’t know how much scar removal surgery is, but my tattoos of what would likely be a similar size, custom pieces, by tattoo artists whose work I admired and who intentionally created welcoming and affirming spaces for all clients were a couple hundred dollars each.
Some links for more info if that sounds like it might potentially be a more affordable option that you’d also be interested in:
Everything to Know About Tattooing Over Scars (Notes that scars from self harm tend to be the easiest type of scars to tattoo over, with stretch marks being the most challenging)
34 Scar-Covering Tattoos With Amazing Stories Behind Them [CW: mentions of self-harm, abuse]
posted by eviemath at 6:08 AM on September 3, 2022
Some links for more info if that sounds like it might potentially be a more affordable option that you’d also be interested in:
Everything to Know About Tattooing Over Scars (Notes that scars from self harm tend to be the easiest type of scars to tattoo over, with stretch marks being the most challenging)
34 Scar-Covering Tattoos With Amazing Stories Behind Them [CW: mentions of self-harm, abuse]
posted by eviemath at 6:08 AM on September 3, 2022
Have you tried silicon sheets, for example Mepiform? It can work even on old scars
posted by uans at 6:37 AM on September 3, 2022
posted by uans at 6:37 AM on September 3, 2022
I have found Mederma to work even on old scars - not so that they vanish, but I had a raised scar on my knee that is now significantly flatter and narrower than it used to be.
Wishing you peace with this part of your past, whatever you decide.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 6:56 AM on September 3, 2022
Wishing you peace with this part of your past, whatever you decide.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 6:56 AM on September 3, 2022
I'm a geezer and kind of sorry I didn't have cosmetic surgery to repair something when I was younger and my body would have tolerated it. Make an appt. with a plastic surgeon. It's absolutely reasonable to want to reduce scars, and to be saddened by them. Good luck.
posted by theora55 at 9:22 AM on September 3, 2022
posted by theora55 at 9:22 AM on September 3, 2022
I would do mederma or another scar solution for at least six months before doing anything else. It’s cheap and effective in comparison to other options with little downside. It works on old scars.
In the meantime, I would discuss with a therapist. Because some level of acceptance is needed, I feel. They will never go away entirely.
My next suggestion - AFTER mederma results AND therapy would be
1. Tattoo, if you’re into that. It won’t 100% cover scars so look at actual people’s results, especially healed results and find an artist with experience.
2. Consult about less invasive laser or resurfacing procedures to treat scars.
3. Last resort would be scar revision. You have to still make a scar to remove a scar. It’s surgery. It’s expensive. There’s a chance it will go poorly. You may not be a candidate. Any time you have an incision there is a chance you can have a keloid or worse scar tissue. I don’t usually keloid but I have a surgical scar that did it twice because it was under tension. And another that wasn’t done well. It’s not something I would do, and I only had scar revision once when I was already going back for surgery so I asked them revise an old scar with the new incision. It worked but I did need a longer incision.
posted by Crystalinne at 9:52 AM on September 3, 2022
In the meantime, I would discuss with a therapist. Because some level of acceptance is needed, I feel. They will never go away entirely.
My next suggestion - AFTER mederma results AND therapy would be
1. Tattoo, if you’re into that. It won’t 100% cover scars so look at actual people’s results, especially healed results and find an artist with experience.
2. Consult about less invasive laser or resurfacing procedures to treat scars.
3. Last resort would be scar revision. You have to still make a scar to remove a scar. It’s surgery. It’s expensive. There’s a chance it will go poorly. You may not be a candidate. Any time you have an incision there is a chance you can have a keloid or worse scar tissue. I don’t usually keloid but I have a surgical scar that did it twice because it was under tension. And another that wasn’t done well. It’s not something I would do, and I only had scar revision once when I was already going back for surgery so I asked them revise an old scar with the new incision. It worked but I did need a longer incision.
posted by Crystalinne at 9:52 AM on September 3, 2022
I would say you need a professional qualified to speak to what they believe are the best options for your skin at your age. If you're looking for backup that it's okay to have something done, it totally is! But that process may not be surgical, as more and more technology becomes available for skin resurfacing without surgery.
But! I would warn not to believe everything you hear from those professionals, either. A lot of cosmetic surgeons and dermatologists are paying for their expensive cars and houses and student loans by overselling to people obsessed with not aging, and you want to be advised on a course of treatment that is actually evidence-based and you are being given realistic expectations of results.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:23 AM on September 3, 2022
But! I would warn not to believe everything you hear from those professionals, either. A lot of cosmetic surgeons and dermatologists are paying for their expensive cars and houses and student loans by overselling to people obsessed with not aging, and you want to be advised on a course of treatment that is actually evidence-based and you are being given realistic expectations of results.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:23 AM on September 3, 2022
My seventeen year old has scars from self harm. Two in particular didn't heal well and they were left with fairly obvious raised scars on the inside of their forearm. We visited a plastic surgeon this summer to ask about scar revision. Since kiddo also has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a connective tissue disorder, the surgeon didn't think revision surgery was likely to deliver the desired results and instead suggested a course of kenalog injections. My kid was disappointed in this answer because they were hoping that surgery would be the best option. With the second of three injections done, the appearance has improved in color and dimensions. The surgeon said that laser resurfacing could also be considered if the kenalog doesn't do enough. There are less invasive options than surgery and also more choices between having surgery and working on accepting them without taking any steps to improve the appearance of your scars, and I think it's worthwhile to investigate what could be done to make the scars less noticeable. All the best to you.
posted by danielleh at 2:17 PM on September 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by danielleh at 2:17 PM on September 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
I know someone with a similar issue, and they got good results from something called bio-oil
posted by Canageek at 5:07 PM on September 3, 2022
posted by Canageek at 5:07 PM on September 3, 2022
Mod note: Op has asked us to update this to let you all know that they are male, since it may help with further answers.
posted by taz (staff) at 2:20 PM on September 4, 2022
posted by taz (staff) at 2:20 PM on September 4, 2022
I know someone who had scars from tattoo removal and tried ablative fractional laser resurfacing. It helped reduce the scarring (not remove, as they were thick scars) but they are pricey procedures so I'd try other avenues first. Once the scars were as minimized as much as feasible, they found a person who does medical tattoos to add small amounts of pigment to help camouflage the scars.
posted by homesickness at 12:24 PM on September 6, 2022
posted by homesickness at 12:24 PM on September 6, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
I’d also say that things like cosmetic surgeries and tattoos can be a part of healing/acceptance, that everyone heals differently, and it’s not inherently better or worse to forego things that help you feel good about your body and recover from past harms.
posted by curious nu at 10:27 PM on September 2, 2022 [7 favorites]