transmasc pregnancy
August 15, 2022 12:11 AM   Subscribe

I need resources on how transmasculine people deal with pregnancy - deciding whether to do it in the first place, keeping dysphoria at bay during and after, etc.

I am a transmasculine nonbinary person who's considering having kids soon, and whose partner particularly wants a biological child. I need some resources on how other people on the transmasc spectrum (including binary trans men, cis butch lesbians, etc.) have dealt with these issues and what the options and alternatives are.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (15 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
You might like the book How We Do Family: From Adoption to Trans Pregnancy, What We Learned about Love and LGBTQ Parenthood by Trystan Reese.

"One LGBTQ family's inspiring, heartfelt story of the many alternative paths that lead to a loving family, with lessons for every parent

Trystan and Biff had been dating for just a year when the couple learned that Biff's niece and nephew were about to be removed from their home by Child Protective Services. Immediately, Trystan and Biff took in one-year-old Hailey and three-year-old Lucas, becoming caregivers overnight to two tiny survivors of abuse and neglect.

From this unexpected start, the young couple built a loving marriage and happy home-learning to parent on the job. They adopted Hailey and Lucas, tied the knot, and soon decided to try for a baby that Trystan, who is transgender, would carry. Trystan's groundbreaking pregnancy attracted media fanfare, and the family welcomed baby Leo in 2017.

In this inspiring memoir, Trystan shares his unique story alongside universal lessons that will help all parents through the trials of raising children. How We Do Family is a refreshing new take on family life for the LGBTQ community and beyond. Through every tough moment and touching memory, Trystan shows that more important than getting things right is doing them with love."
posted by carriage pulled by cassowaries at 1:02 AM on August 15

Another book you might like: Pregnant Butch : Nine Long Months Spent in Drag by A. K. Summers.

"First pregnancy can be a fraught, uncomfortable experience for any woman, but for resolutely butch lesbian Teek Thomasson, it is exceptionally challenging.

Teek identifies as a masculine woman in a world bent on associating pregnancy with a cult of uber-femininity. Teek wonders, "Can butches even get pregnant?"

Of course, as she and her pragmatic femme girlfriend Vee discover, they can. But what happens when they do? Written and illustrated by A.K. Summers, and based on her own pregnancy, Pregnant Butch strives to depict this increasingly common, but still underrepresented experience of queer pregnancy with humor and complexity--from the question of whether suspenders count as legitimate maternity wear to the strains created by different views of pregnancy within a couple and finally to a culturally critical and compassionate interrogation of gender in pregnancy.

Offering smart, ambitious art, this graphic memoir is a must-read for would-be pregnant butches and anyone interested in the intersection of birth and gender, as well as a perfect queer baby shower gift and conversation starter for those who always assumed they "got" being pregnant."
posted by carriage pulled by cassowaries at 1:04 AM on August 15 [3 favorites]

Freddy McConnell is a trans man and solo dad (including birthing parent) by choice in the UK, and he's written a lot about the experience.
posted by terretu at 2:40 AM on August 15

There are a lot of Facebook groups for discussing this sort of thing. If you send me a message we can connect on Facebook and I’ll add you to some. The groups vary a lot in quality, so it can take some time to find ones that meet specific needs.
posted by Summers at 2:57 AM on August 15

Preconceptions (audiobook) is about a cis woman and a trans woman having a baby.

(Author and I have mutual friends)
posted by Sweetie Darling at 3:48 AM on August 15

The Natural Mother of the Child is supposed to be great!
posted by babelfish at 6:35 AM on August 15 [3 favorites]

Can confirm, The Natural Mother of the Child IS great. The author is the spouse of a friend and former colleague. It’s a series of essays he’d published in part elsewhere, and it jumps around a bit so can be a little hard to reorient to different voices and time periods, but I found it to be super worthwhile. The crux that I took away from it is how being pregnant and giving birth solidified his trans identity in his mind. It’s also just a great book about parenting.

Would also recommend anything by Trystan Reese, he was coincidentally the DEI workshop leader at my company’s retreat last week and was super engaging.
posted by supercres at 7:27 AM on August 15 [3 favorites]

Reddit’s Seahorse Dads might be a helpful resource.
posted by maleficent at 8:27 AM on August 15 [1 favorite]

There was a great series on the podcast The Longest Shortest time called the Accidental Gay Parents. Earlier eps are about them adopting one partner's sister's kids but then later eps are about them deciding to have their own kid and the other partner, who is transmasc, getting pregnant.
posted by radioamy at 10:29 AM on August 15

Nthing "Pregnant Butch" which I gave to my nonbinary pregnant kid.

Their experience was weird and body dysmorphic and they never want to go through it again, but they are incredibly in love with my grandchild and it was worth it to them.
posted by Peach at 2:45 PM on August 15

Memail me. Been there, done that, 3x. Happy to help you think through this.
posted by potrzebie at 8:33 PM on August 15

TW, Pregnant Butch is a little transphobic (and iirc, biphobic as well). I would recommend it with reservations. It left me feeling a little like she found me contemptible, or at a minimum, alien, as a genderqueer person.

The Natural Mother of the Child, I loved! TW for some discussion of domestic violence.
posted by hollyholly at 4:20 PM on August 16

I also came in to recommend The Natural Mother of the Child.
posted by perrouno at 4:26 AM on August 18

The Natural Mother of the Child is so good.
posted by Argyle Road at 9:43 PM on August 18

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