LGBTQ marriage stats’n’facts?

July 21, 2022 12:24 PM

I’m in the middle of an argument with a conservative family member, and (almost?) surprised by how few stats I can find about gay/trans marriage. Or maybe im just too angry to research it well. I’m curious about things like chores, gender divisions, general satisfaction— basically whether non-hetero marriages are ‘happier’ by any metric?

I’m willing to be proven wrong, but was hoping for some actual numbers (out of curiosity at least, even if I don’t take this annoying argument further.) My most personal interest is nonbinary people in marriage, but I’m not holding my breath for that one. Thanks to anyone who can point me in the right direction.

posted by asimplemouse to Human Relations (6 answers total)

Study: Gay People Have Happier Marriages Than Straight People

Anecdote: One woman repeatedly tells me how much easier life would be if she were attracted to women. (Narrator: "Yes, it's his wife.")
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 12:33 PM on July 21, 2022 [6 favorites]

People in same-sex marriages are more likely to be in the labor force than people in opposite-sex marriages (census.gov) -- up to you whether that's a good stat, but it's interesting

Same-sex couples divide chores more equitably, at least until they become parents (NYT; if paywalled, equitable division of labor in same-sex marriages should get you something you can access)
posted by librarina at 12:35 PM on July 21, 2022 [3 favorites]

Here's some nice demographic stats on same-sex marriages in Sweden, based on the first 20 years. Perhaps of note: "Peak intensities of first-marriage formation occur at younger ages for opposite-sex than for same-sex spouses." This may make some of them happier, insofar as they went into it with ostensibly more experience. Keep in mind that "happiness" and "satisfaction" are not always ranked similarly by both parties in a marriage! They go on:

"In heterosexual couples, women often report that they are less satisfied than men with their unions [...] [a]n interesting feature of this literature is that it also highlights the similarities in behavior of women and men in same- and opposite-sex couples "

So one finding here is that a chunk of men's and women's different feelings and attitudes about marriages are relatively independent of the gender or sex of their partner.
posted by SaltySalticid at 12:51 PM on July 21, 2022 [3 favorites]

I think the most important stat is that a growing percentage of Americans do not care what kind of relationships two consenting adults choose to have.

Your conservative family member is in the distinct minority of people (16%) who think non-heterosexual partnerships are bad and they would do well to not concern themselves with the hypothetical relationship of complete strangers.
posted by brookeb at 2:19 PM on July 21, 2022 [4 favorites]

This NYTimes article has some interesting nuggets about division of household labor in LGBTQ marriages. Given that in marriages between cis men and women, there's often conflict around household tasks being the woman's by default, this seems like an area where satisfaction is probably higher in LGBTQ couples. The article ends: "Gay and lesbian couples, even when they don’t divide labor equally, are more likely to feel the division is fair, research finds. The least likely to be satisfied in this way? Heterosexual women."

But also, if your relative acknowledges that LGBTQ people a) exist, and b) have relationships with each other, the relative happiness of those relationships is beside the point: "traditional marriage" has never been about protecting the happiness of its participants.
posted by theotherdurassister at 5:55 PM on July 21, 2022 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks to all who provided some stats and articles. Would love anything more if anyone comes across anything. As a nonbinary queer person, I know this can easily be viewed as a silly question/point to be making, but I still wanted actual numbers and answers.
posted by asimplemouse at 3:59 AM on July 23, 2022