How to deal with a Competitive Co-worker coming in my lane?
July 14, 2022 2:25 PM Subscribe
There is a backstory see below.
I have a new co-worker that is inserting herself into a big project I was assigned to lead.
She is emailing my boss without discussing it with me and telling me that she wants to lead the project. I am a quiet leader. I do not like conflict and I am an introvert. However, I am passionate about my work. To me, this is social justice work. I am an interesting environment, to say the least, I have been here a while and I know the process. She is trying to negate the process and me. What do I do? I know I need to speak with her. But, what are the words? I tried to work with her and then she did some things that were a red flag. I know I am getting the work done, and I have been promoted twice. I really do not want this to become toxic.
Backstory-
I was recently promoted.
At the same time, my boss left the organization.
His role was not backfilled.
Now I report to the CEO, however, we do not have check-ins because he does not have the time. I am not sure how to discuss this issue with the CEO. I don't want to sound like a jerk.
Backstory-
I was recently promoted.
At the same time, my boss left the organization.
His role was not backfilled.
Now I report to the CEO, however, we do not have check-ins because he does not have the time. I am not sure how to discuss this issue with the CEO. I don't want to sound like a jerk.
I got elbowed out of my job by an ass kisser and I’m similarity conflict adverse.
What I would have done differently: meet that person directly. Go for lunch. Hey look I see you’re really interested in leadership and I wanted to let you know there is plenty of room for success at this company and we can work together on this project. What are your goals. What are your strengths? Let’s work together. This project is mine but we can learn from each other and have each other’s back.
At the very least even if she bullshits you entirely it’s a HEY I HAVE MY EYES ON YOU YOURE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 3:54 PM on July 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
What I would have done differently: meet that person directly. Go for lunch. Hey look I see you’re really interested in leadership and I wanted to let you know there is plenty of room for success at this company and we can work together on this project. What are your goals. What are your strengths? Let’s work together. This project is mine but we can learn from each other and have each other’s back.
At the very least even if she bullshits you entirely it’s a HEY I HAVE MY EYES ON YOU YOURE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 3:54 PM on July 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
This feels complicated but it’s simple. This is one of those times where you absolutely must speak up. Quiet leaders may be quiet most of the time, but they know when to speak up or they’re not really leaders. This is that time. Talk to her, not the CEO. Your CEO will want to know that you’ve taken these steps. And if you don’t confront her now she will know she can walk all over you.
She is emailing my boss without discussing it with me
Tell her “I see you’ve been emailing Boss. This isn’t appropriate. I’m leading this project so you need to email me directly, and stop emailing Boss with these sorts of things.”
and telling me that she wants to lead the project.
“I’m leading this project and that’s not going to change. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s the way it is.”
You can phrase this however you like but BE DIRECT and don’t soften it so much your point is lost. You won’t sound like a jerk, you’ll sound competent. You’re in the right and she’s wrong to do what she’s doing.
Be sure to integrate some of her ideas—if they’re worthwhile—and give credit where it’s due.
posted by kapers at 5:26 PM on July 14, 2022 [15 favorites]
She is emailing my boss without discussing it with me
Tell her “I see you’ve been emailing Boss. This isn’t appropriate. I’m leading this project so you need to email me directly, and stop emailing Boss with these sorts of things.”
and telling me that she wants to lead the project.
“I’m leading this project and that’s not going to change. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s the way it is.”
You can phrase this however you like but BE DIRECT and don’t soften it so much your point is lost. You won’t sound like a jerk, you’ll sound competent. You’re in the right and she’s wrong to do what she’s doing.
Be sure to integrate some of her ideas—if they’re worthwhile—and give credit where it’s due.
posted by kapers at 5:26 PM on July 14, 2022 [15 favorites]
I agree with the advice above, including speaking directly to the CEO and telling him that you know clear lines of communication and authority are important, and so you will be speaking to your co-worker to ensure that she does not continue to bother him with direct e-mails.
Then I would speak to her in even fewer words than outlined above. "CEO and I have agreed that all communications on this project go through me. Send any input you have to me and do not go to him directly again."
When she says she wants to lead the project, smile and say "Not this time." If you want to be nice you can add that there are plenty of opportunities for leadership in your organization, and you're sure she'll get hers soon. You could even offer to put in a good word with the CEO for her.
The bottom line is that your authority here is clear, and the two of you are not equals when it comes to this project. You don't have to debate anything with this person, but you are very smart to keep an eye on her and not let things get out of control.
posted by rpfields at 6:55 PM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
Then I would speak to her in even fewer words than outlined above. "CEO and I have agreed that all communications on this project go through me. Send any input you have to me and do not go to him directly again."
When she says she wants to lead the project, smile and say "Not this time." If you want to be nice you can add that there are plenty of opportunities for leadership in your organization, and you're sure she'll get hers soon. You could even offer to put in a good word with the CEO for her.
The bottom line is that your authority here is clear, and the two of you are not equals when it comes to this project. You don't have to debate anything with this person, but you are very smart to keep an eye on her and not let things get out of control.
posted by rpfields at 6:55 PM on July 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
I really do not want this to become toxic.
This kind of thinking is really normal - of course you don't want to be in a toxic situation! It's also completely outside of your control. Paradoxically, holding because you are scared of it becoming toxic makes it more likely that it will become toxic, because you delay addressing the problem. You may find it easier to have the conversation if you let go of the idea that you can control everything that happens.
posted by medusa at 7:19 PM on July 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
This kind of thinking is really normal - of course you don't want to be in a toxic situation! It's also completely outside of your control. Paradoxically, holding because you are scared of it becoming toxic makes it more likely that it will become toxic, because you delay addressing the problem. You may find it easier to have the conversation if you let go of the idea that you can control everything that happens.
posted by medusa at 7:19 PM on July 14, 2022 [3 favorites]
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"X, the CEO is busy and doesn’t have time to deal with this project directly. Please let me know if you think we need to involve them."
The first conversation is absolutely in person. The second should be but doesn’t have to be.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:39 PM on July 14, 2022 [13 favorites]