How to overcome workplace trauma and do well at new job?
May 2, 2022 5:49 PM Subscribe
I am autistic (diagnosed), and I think I might have PTSD. I started a new job a few months ago, but I am struggling to adjust.
I am autistic. While I think I can do my job well, I struggle with the nuances of conversation and office talk. Things that other people pick up naturally, like tone, language, body language, etc., don't register with me. Unless something is spelled out in blunt language, I miss important information that others get. I can't tell very easily if my boss is mad or if I did something wrong, for example, unless someone says it literally to me.
I think I also suffer from some kind of PTSD. After I finished college, I couldn't find work in my field (and still never have), so I did a lot of different jobs that were hell. Many of those jobs felt like physical, psychological, and emotional torture. I worked 140 hours a week doing hard labour, was denied lunch and bathroom breaks, I used to get threatening texts and phone calls from my boss at night, I broke bones and suffered other workplace injuries but was threatened with such blanket threats like "What you are doing is very dangerous..." whatever that meant if I reported it to worker's compensation, I am pretty sure my boss stalked me, etc.
Those jobs (and one in particular) have left such deep psychological scars on me. I developed a messed-up form of IBS-D. If I eat anything before, during, or after work, I could become violently sick, but on days I don't work, and I am not expecting to work the next day (if I have to work the next day, the day off will have symptoms), I have zero symptoms. It is an exclusively work-related issue. I think I might also be addicted to (or at least dependent on) Xanax.
Now I have a new job and probably the best job I have ever had, but I feel so wedged between these two dynamics. On the one hand, I can't read people and my bosses well, so I feel I am always missing out on crucial information. On the other hand, since I don't know what that information is if I am missing it, my mind and body go into a "trauma" response.
How do I manage this so I don't mess up a new job?
I am autistic. While I think I can do my job well, I struggle with the nuances of conversation and office talk. Things that other people pick up naturally, like tone, language, body language, etc., don't register with me. Unless something is spelled out in blunt language, I miss important information that others get. I can't tell very easily if my boss is mad or if I did something wrong, for example, unless someone says it literally to me.
I think I also suffer from some kind of PTSD. After I finished college, I couldn't find work in my field (and still never have), so I did a lot of different jobs that were hell. Many of those jobs felt like physical, psychological, and emotional torture. I worked 140 hours a week doing hard labour, was denied lunch and bathroom breaks, I used to get threatening texts and phone calls from my boss at night, I broke bones and suffered other workplace injuries but was threatened with such blanket threats like "What you are doing is very dangerous..." whatever that meant if I reported it to worker's compensation, I am pretty sure my boss stalked me, etc.
Those jobs (and one in particular) have left such deep psychological scars on me. I developed a messed-up form of IBS-D. If I eat anything before, during, or after work, I could become violently sick, but on days I don't work, and I am not expecting to work the next day (if I have to work the next day, the day off will have symptoms), I have zero symptoms. It is an exclusively work-related issue. I think I might also be addicted to (or at least dependent on) Xanax.
Now I have a new job and probably the best job I have ever had, but I feel so wedged between these two dynamics. On the one hand, I can't read people and my bosses well, so I feel I am always missing out on crucial information. On the other hand, since I don't know what that information is if I am missing it, my mind and body go into a "trauma" response.
How do I manage this so I don't mess up a new job?
At a lunch and learn about working successfully with autism, I learned about how some folks create themselves a user manual to help set you up for success. There are some examples here
From the meeting, the person had written things out like "I don't accept incoming calls" or "If you need to discuss something with me, it needs to be scheduled on my calendar". I'm in tech and I understand such a profile is not possible in every industry or job.
Another resource I've seen mentioned at work is the Job Accommodation Network (JAN).
Hopefully your new team treats you with the respect you deserve and you can thrive.
posted by skunk pig at 10:43 PM on May 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
From the meeting, the person had written things out like "I don't accept incoming calls" or "If you need to discuss something with me, it needs to be scheduled on my calendar". I'm in tech and I understand such a profile is not possible in every industry or job.
Another resource I've seen mentioned at work is the Job Accommodation Network (JAN).
Hopefully your new team treats you with the respect you deserve and you can thrive.
posted by skunk pig at 10:43 PM on May 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
I can't read people and my bosses well, so I feel I am always missing out on crucial information. This bit is the part that would be worth communicating to your boss (e.g., during a scheduled one-on-one meeting/check-in). You don't need to go into your background or the effect the uncertainty has on you; you can frame it positively as needing clear, direct, and unambiguous communication of important information in order to help you excel in your work.
One trick I've learned for conversations that I expect will be stressful is to write out a script for myself containing the information that I need to convey and to work on the language and tone in text so that it comes out the way that I want it to. Most of the time I don't even read it verbatim; just having done that work in advance plants the required structure in my brain.
About the emotional response, I've been finding this article on emotional processing, for identifying what an emotion is trying to tell you, quite useful lately (it's from the Public Neurodiversity Support Center). I'm pretty sure that the trauma reaction is Fear, which is your autonomous nervous system telling you that you are in danger. According to a counsellor whom I think is quite good, the way to address this is apparently to "do something" by which you address the need that is being communicated by the emotional response and thereby show your body that you are safe(r); this has the added benefit of building up a record of demonstrations (to yourself) of your own self-efficacy (at least that is the theory), which starts to replace the record of memories that constitutes the trauma. Thinking, by itself, does not accomplish this because you can't reason with your autonomous nervous system. One of these acts of self-efficacy could be discussing your need for explicit communication during a regular one-on-one meeting with your boss.
posted by heatherlogan at 6:34 AM on May 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
One trick I've learned for conversations that I expect will be stressful is to write out a script for myself containing the information that I need to convey and to work on the language and tone in text so that it comes out the way that I want it to. Most of the time I don't even read it verbatim; just having done that work in advance plants the required structure in my brain.
About the emotional response, I've been finding this article on emotional processing, for identifying what an emotion is trying to tell you, quite useful lately (it's from the Public Neurodiversity Support Center). I'm pretty sure that the trauma reaction is Fear, which is your autonomous nervous system telling you that you are in danger. According to a counsellor whom I think is quite good, the way to address this is apparently to "do something" by which you address the need that is being communicated by the emotional response and thereby show your body that you are safe(r); this has the added benefit of building up a record of demonstrations (to yourself) of your own self-efficacy (at least that is the theory), which starts to replace the record of memories that constitutes the trauma. Thinking, by itself, does not accomplish this because you can't reason with your autonomous nervous system. One of these acts of self-efficacy could be discussing your need for explicit communication during a regular one-on-one meeting with your boss.
posted by heatherlogan at 6:34 AM on May 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
Just wanted to add:
If you are willing to disclose your diagnosis to your employer, your first paragraph below the fold is a pretty perfect statement of the (extremely reasonable!) workplace accommodation that you require to succeed. (Though I would probably substitute some words in order to "spin" it in a more neurotypical-pleasing way, like "blunt" --> "clear and direct".)
posted by heatherlogan at 6:47 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
If you are willing to disclose your diagnosis to your employer, your first paragraph below the fold is a pretty perfect statement of the (extremely reasonable!) workplace accommodation that you require to succeed. (Though I would probably substitute some words in order to "spin" it in a more neurotypical-pleasing way, like "blunt" --> "clear and direct".)
posted by heatherlogan at 6:47 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
My sympathies on all of this.
I notice you've put the IBS-D and the possible Xanax dependency in one paragraph. I wonder if you could take those two issues to your primary care physician. (If you are lucky enough to have one, of course.) Recurrent physical symptoms + depending on benzos is probably increasing your anxiety in the long run. Maybe they can get you on some medication that takes the edge off without being so addictive. My doctor suggested taking beta blockers and they're really helped over a long period of time, with no need for increased dosage or anything like that.
posted by BibiRose at 9:11 AM on May 3, 2022
I notice you've put the IBS-D and the possible Xanax dependency in one paragraph. I wonder if you could take those two issues to your primary care physician. (If you are lucky enough to have one, of course.) Recurrent physical symptoms + depending on benzos is probably increasing your anxiety in the long run. Maybe they can get you on some medication that takes the edge off without being so addictive. My doctor suggested taking beta blockers and they're really helped over a long period of time, with no need for increased dosage or anything like that.
posted by BibiRose at 9:11 AM on May 3, 2022
One more thing that I thought of: if you are interested and in Ontario, MeMail me and I will give you the contact information of a good counsellor (MSW) who knows about trauma responses and autistic masking (and who does sessions by teleconference). [MSW = Master of Social Work; in Ontario because I think being in the same province is required for Registered Social Worker licensing.]
posted by heatherlogan at 9:12 AM on May 3, 2022
posted by heatherlogan at 9:12 AM on May 3, 2022
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I don’t have an easy answer for you, but I see you, and you’re not alone. A lot of us struggle with the world of jobs, and finding safe accommodations is challenging.
posted by matildaben at 8:50 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]