How do I dump my new therapist?

May 2, 2022 5:07 AM

I have seen her 3-4 times and I'm not really feeling it.

This is such a dumb question I KNOW.

I don't really want to have a big talk with her about why I don't like it-- I just don't really like her approach or find her helpful. I've had two other therapists in my life so I think I have okay calibration of expectations.

At the end of every session we schedule a session for next week, so I have one scheduled for Wednesday afternoon.

Can I just cancel via email? What do I say? Is it rude to do that with such late notice or will she be able to fill that spot?

posted by geegollygosh to Grab Bag (7 answers total)

If your appointment is Wednesday, that's 48 hours, so I think you're good to just cancel by email as long as you haven't been given different rules about notice for a cancellation.

There's no need for a long explanation. You can just say something like, "I've decided this isn't working for me, so I am cancelling our next appointment and won't be rescheduling."
posted by FencingGal at 5:16 AM on May 2, 2022 [14 favorites]

Yes, cancel today to give at least 48 hours, and send a polite email that your situation has changed and you won't be able to continue with therapy for the indefinite future. As the patient/client, you don't owe any explanations and should not feel pressured to provide one on the (small, unlikely) chance that she asks you why you're terminating. I've been in a situation similar to yours, too, and I think most therapists understand that folks have to shop around before they find a good fit. I know it's awkward but I promise you it's normal and many of us have had to do it before. You'll also, hopefully, feel better knowing you can look forward to finding a new therapist who will vibe more with you. You can do this - good luck!
posted by nightrecordings at 5:28 AM on May 2, 2022 [8 favorites]

You're not responsible for her being able to fill the spot. Cancellations are a regular part of her business. 48 hours' notice is certainly well within "polite" parameters, and even conforms to most if not all cancellation policies I've ever signed.
posted by teremala at 8:30 AM on May 2, 2022 [2 favorites]

I’m a therapist. You can absolutely email and say, “I don’t feel this is the right fit for me, so I’d like to cancel our Wednesday session and consider last week’s appointment our last.” We have cancellation policies because we know people will need to cancel. You don’t owe an explanation of why you’re not feeling it. If this therapist tries to get you to come in for a big conversation about why this isn’t a good fit for you, ask yourself a few questions: have you disclosed a pattern of behavior along the lines of quitting jobs, ending relationships, etc. impulsively or out of panic that might make a therapist think they ought to challenge you here? Are you experiencing any symptoms that might put you at risk of significant harm if you’re not in weekly therapy while trying to establish care with someone new? Are there any other reasons that it would be to your direct benefit to have a final session or otherwise continue engaging with this therapist? Who can you call on for support while you’re between therapists? If, reflecting on these questions, you feel it’s wise to have another session with this therapist, go for it. But if you do this reflection and remain confident it wouldn’t help to have another session, trust yourself. “No thank you. I’ve done a lot of thinking and this is what’s best for me.”

(Personally, as much as I don’t relish the initial experience of getting one of these emails—because I’m human, and no one likes to be rejected—after the initial disappointment, I feel so proud of my former client for identifying what they need.)
posted by theotherdurassister at 10:16 AM on May 2, 2022 [8 favorites]

The therapy is still in a kind of probationary period. You always need a few sessions to determine if it's a good fit. You cannot really commit to the therapy relationship until you know whether it is right for you.
For me, after the therapy has gone on for more than about 6 months, I'd want to explain in more depth why I was leaving because at that point it's like ending any real relationship: you want to feel it had a decent close, and the quality of the ending, as in any genuine relationship, has a way of impacting your retroactive impression of the entire span of things.
But after 3 - 4 sessions, you're still assessing. And to me, that's another reason why it's fine to decide you're not going forward into the full depth of the relationship and to let them know accordingly, with as little detail as you want, as others are saying.
posted by Tim Bucktooth at 10:44 AM on May 2, 2022

That early in treatment I think you can just email and say "this is not feeling like a match. Thanks for your time." When there's more of a relationship, therapists will often encourage people to do another session or two to talk about what didn't work, but after 3-4 sessions it's not like you need to work through parting with her. In any case, it's a service you're paying for and you don't owe her another session. If you feel it would be helpful to her to let her know what wasn't working, I suppose you could put that in your email but unsolicited and, again, after not very many sessions, I feel sort of like you could also skip it. I am a therapist, btw.

Oh, check her cancellation policy though. Most therapists, if you're canceling withing 24 hours of the session, you may be paying for it or paying part of the fee.
posted by less-of-course at 3:03 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]

This is the greatest thing about email. You don't even have to call and pray that it goes to voicemail. You just send an email and say "Thank you for meeting with me over the past month, but I've determined that this is not a good fit for me."
posted by radioamy at 3:14 PM on May 2, 2022