I don't know how to celebrate

April 20, 2022 5:06 PM

I recently achieved a huge life milestone, one that I worked on for 20+ years, where a lot of people have been congratulating me and telling me I have to celebrate. I don't have any idea what that means and am looking for ways that you celebrate yourself, especially if you grew up in an environment where celebrating achievements was discouraged and where "fun" was not typically on the table.

I did take a few days off of work, but just kind of floated around and didn't really do anything that felt particularly good. Unfortunately due to covid I can't really celebrate with other people. In the distant past for a similar milestone I organized a small dinner at a local restaurant with friends. I feel like I should go away somewhere (a cabin by myself) or buy myself something nice, or... I really have no earthly idea what might make me feel celebratory. One side effect of my achievement is that I am incredibly burned out, and I feel like that should probably play into the way that I celebrate "making it."

This is a lifetime achievement, something that a lot of people want but few people get the opportunity to make happen. I should be proud and I should know how to do nice things for myself! These are things that I'm working through in therapy, of course. But rather than shame myself over this, I thought I could turn to the hive mind for some ideas on things you do to celebrate big achievements. I hope this isn't too chatfiltery.

posted by twelve cent archie to Grab Bag (23 answers total)

"A cabin by myself" is indeed my favorite way to celebrate and to recover from burnout. Sounds perfect to me! Go somewhere and do it in the way that will be lowest stress in whatever way you need. I want to be somewhere that is really quiet, where I can go hiking straight from the cabin without having to drive to a trailhead, and where good carryout is available so I don't have to cook.
posted by hydropsyche at 5:10 PM on April 20, 2022 [10 favorites]

I agree, a cabin sounds perfect! I'd treat yourself to whatever special foods you might not normally buy - like fancy chocolate, nice cheese, etc.
posted by coffeecat at 5:13 PM on April 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

The notion of "celebration" has, like many things, been distorted by social media. Celebration doesn't have to be loud, public, or even shared. If going away by yourself to spend time with yourself in a quiet cabin would make you happy and help you feel proud of yourself and what you accomplished, go for it! You've earned it.

You don't need to "feel celebratory", if you're proud of what you've accomplished, that's celebratory enough. Completing 20 years of working on something is huge! Mark this milestone any way you see fit (or don't!), and don't worry about what other people think you should do to commemorate the accomplishment. You know what you accomplished, and that knowledge is as valuable as any celebration because you know and have shown yourself what you're capable of.
posted by pdb at 5:22 PM on April 20, 2022 [11 favorites]

I'd love to hear about your achievement.

I'd suggest 'celebrating' in whatever way works for you, not necessarily throwing a party or buying clothes, maybe journaling your feelings about what you've achieved so you can reflect on them in the future. If you are creative, celebrating in whatever medium you prefer. Maybe looking at what you've achieved and passing on what you learned to someone at the beginning of their journey.
posted by kittensofthenight at 5:22 PM on April 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

One thing that I've discovered about myself over the last couple of years is that I don't like to celebrate things but I do like commemorating things. It's a different framing that works for me. And that means that I can do a "small" thing that is nevertheless meaningful to me because it is attached to a big thing. It's the same principle as "when you open a fancy bottle of wine, that MAKES it an event," y'know? It also means that if the "celebration" doesn't go perfectly in line with the magnitude of the event, that's not a disappointment, that's just part of the commemoration-memory.

So, I'd say do something that matters to you. I would light a candle I like, get a fire going, put my phone away, put on some music I like, spend an hour or so writing a journal entry about what's going on in my life right now.

I also want to validate the feelings of burnout. The last time I had a big thing happen, I decided that I would do that big commemoration 2-3 months later, when I knew I'd be able to appreciate it more. I didn't want to feel forced into something because "that's what someone is supposed to do" or that I was on some kind of deadline.
posted by curious nu at 5:25 PM on April 20, 2022 [12 favorites]

Oh hi! I see you, oh boy I do!

I took a secret vacation once towards the end of a big degree. I went alone, turned off my phone, and spent a week anonymously in and around Vancouver (phone had to be off so I didn't get discovered through international charges on a shared phone plan).

Sounds weird but it was delightful. I stayed in a fancy hotel (points), bought myself delicious food, may have napped in a park on a gorgeous afternoon after a few drinks by the water, and walked everywhere, constantly. At least one day I didn't leave the hotel and spent it napping and watching cartoons.

Escape. Cabin in the woods, destination you've always been curious about, experience you've always wanted to have. Do it. Don't think too hard about the celebration part. If you're me, you'll make it into too big of a thing in your head and it won't feel celebratory "enough".

Screw that, call it a vacation or a rest or doing something you've wanted to do now that you have more time, don't get hung up on making it be about a particular achievement or matching the scope of it or something. Keep them separate so this can be about simply enjoying yourself without looking too hard at any aspect of it until it's over. Then navel gaze at will :)

The important part is to escape/vacation, in whatever way sounds good to you, w/o trying to make it it's own event/achievement/ 'thing'.
posted by esoteric things at 5:30 PM on April 20, 2022 [9 favorites]

A gift for yourself? A meaningful piece of jewelry, a tattoo, a piece of art from an artist you've always longed to buy from?

(But the cabin too!)
posted by praemunire at 5:32 PM on April 20, 2022 [5 favorites]

Five minutes ago, literally, I paid the final installment for an event to celebrate a large milestone for myself. The milestone itself was achieved over a year ago but I wanted time to really consider how I wanted to celebrate. I'm a 'cabin by myself' kind of person so I have booked a two week holiday in a fancy RV-for-one and I am heading off to see amazing natural phenomena, landscape and culture in my country in a region that I am unlikely to get to as part of normal holidays but I know I will regret not seeing if I never get there. I've tacked on experiences like hot-air ballooning and fancy dinners and more, just to make it extra special for myself.

tl;dr Don't be in a rush. Make it big. Make it about you.
posted by Thella at 5:34 PM on April 20, 2022 [6 favorites]

For me, I like celebrating major milestones with tattoos but I get that may not apply to you. But I'm just putting it out there.

But yes, go to a cabin in the woods! If you can (and want to!), invite people! If you just want it to be yourself, that's good too!

If there's an indulgence you can afford (whatever that means), buy that! That could be an article of clothing/etc you always wanted, a piece of art, an expensive food or drink you wouldn't normally buy. And then enjoy that. It's for you.

I'm someone who mostly has everything I want and can afford to buy most things when I do want them. It's hard for me to find things that feel like indulgences. I don't know if that applies to you, though. But for me, I just pick smaller things that make me happy overall. Celebrations don't need to be big. Just do something you like.

And congratulations!
posted by edencosmic at 5:35 PM on April 20, 2022 [2 favorites]

One way to celebrate is by doing something memorable and exhilarating, for yourself. Is there a mountain you can hike up nearby or further out? Or if covid is a strong concern and you'd like to involve friends, perhaps a picnic or at least just a walk in local a park with friends that might involve a toast to this milestone? Is there something else you might long to do, that you're slightly afraid of doing? Do that - either alone or with friends. Also, for such a big milestone, there's no constraint around "celebrating" it just once.

You could also ask your friends for ideas for how to celebrate this milestone with you.
posted by Last_wave_by at 5:40 PM on April 20, 2022 [2 favorites]

A vacation, totally! A cabin in the woods or by the beach. A stay at a fancy hotel somewhere you would otherwise never go (for me, it was Vegas, complete with a visit to Death Valley). For smaller things, I usually pour myself a glass of Prosecco and think about the accomplishment and how it makes me feel, then write it down in my "positivity book" (contains encouragements to myself, instances when I felt good, and notes about how lucky I am to have experienced something, etc.).

Doesn't have to be huge, just let yourself enjoy it! To each their own; no need to go all splashy if you don't care for it.
posted by gemmy at 5:41 PM on April 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

Write it down somewhere - how you feel about it. Dance where no-one can see or hear you and shout "FIGJAM". At random times, do the "pull the train cord" arm motion you see athletes do after winning a competition. Buy a fine piece of jewellery or a watch and have engraved on it. Congratulations on your achievement and the date. Get some professional photos done (those guys are insanely good and make you look like your best self, and it might be handy for future work".

We're proud of you! Funking well done! Go you! 20 years! Wow!
posted by b33j at 5:49 PM on April 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

I also have difficulty allowing myself to celebrate big achievements. With Mr. DrGail's strong encouragement, I now celebrate by purchasing something I have always wanted but denied myself. The most extravagant by far was an Eames lounge chair. Whenever I sit in it, which is often, I get to bask in the glow of the achievement that earned me such a wonderful and beautiful chair. YMMV, but I guess the point is to celebrate by allowing yourself that which you have withheld from yourself because you were focused on the goal.
posted by DrGail at 5:58 PM on April 20, 2022 [9 favorites]

curious nu said: "One thing that I've discovered about myself over the last couple of years is that I don't like to celebrate things but I do like commemorating things."

Exactly this.

I have my own mega-major lifetime achievement thingamabob that I am closing in on. When mine happens, I'm going to celebrate by buying myself something small, like maybe a really nice bottle of cologne to wear on special occasions but will mostly sit on a shelf in my bathroom to serve as a subtle reminder to myself that, hooray, I accomplished a big thing. I'll probably also treat myself to a bottle of wine and an evening alone where I can reflect on what I accomplished and what it means to me.

Some people need to brag. Others need big parties so everyone can be obligated to acknowledge their accomplishments. I don't. My accomplishment is for myself.
posted by 2oh1 at 6:00 PM on April 20, 2022 [4 favorites]

Congratulations on your achievement! I agree that s trip or vacation is a great way to celebrate or commemorate an achievement. Your celebration can be as big or small as you want it to. Recently after completing a stressful and difficult work task I treated myself to a day of lying on the couch and reading a good novel.
posted by emd3737 at 6:14 PM on April 20, 2022

When I celebrate something major like what your achievement sounds like, I like to do something that is totally not age appropriate or not in my current wheelhouse so to speak. For example, at this point in my life (think 60 give or take a few years in either direction), I might do something like parachute out of a plane or bungee jump or zip line or ... In my younger days it might have been something like climb Mt Marcy (in NY) or even fly to another city to watch my favorite sports team play. One could go to another city for a weekend and go to a museum or art show or some cultural event that you have always wondered about.

(I own a cabin in the woods on a lake in a town that has 225 year round residents so while that may not be special to me, I wholeheartedly recommend it if that sounds good to you!)

The celebration itself becomes somewhat of an achievement.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:19 PM on April 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

After working so hard for X goal, it's hard to feel like you're done when you've reached it. You've worked so hard for so long that it's hard to imagine what achievement actually feels like.

What helped -- make an effort to celebrate over a longer period time. It took me multiple nice dinners and some gifts to myself over the course of like 6+ weeks before I really felt like I had achieved the thing.

I also asked my partner to help me celebrate (e.g., booking some of those nice dinners) to take some of the "work" off.
posted by ellerhodes at 7:47 PM on April 20, 2022 [1 favorite]

So many good suggestions! Several years ago, I celebrated a big career milestone by buying a piece of art that hangs in my bedroom. It was (and may still be?) the biggest financial splurge I had ever made solely for me. Even though I could afford it, and had planned to purchase something to celebrate, my heart was racing as I paid for it because, like you, it wasn't something that was done in my family.

I see this artwork every night when I go to bed and every morning when I wake up and I have never regretted it for a moment. It marks the milestone, but just as importantly, it also marks the fact that I treated myself kindly in that moment.

So do whatever feels best to you (or keep having various celebrations until you find the one you like the best!). And if you choose an experience/vacation type celebration, I would encourage you to keep some small memento of that experience that can serve as a reminder of both of these milestones.

Congratulations!!!!
posted by jenquat at 8:05 PM on April 20, 2022 [2 favorites]

One thing that I've discovered about myself over the last couple of years is that I don't like to celebrate things but I do like commemorating things.

Yep I am the same. I think for a lot of people the idea of celebrating means stepping outside your day-to-day to do a thing you want to do but isn't a good thing to do every day, so like a fancy meal, or maybe a night out on the town, or drinking/eating to excess, or a big get together or whatever.

For me, I dislike getting fussed over so things involving others (outside of a few select people) tends to not be my jam. I'd also suggest that if you'd love to celebrate with people but COVID concerns are real for you, you might be able to do a thing that would feel like a thing (have a meal outside with a good friend, take-out and test yourself before and after, possibly? If you don't want that, also okay) that was also safe.

But! For me I think it depends on the thing. Sometimes I like to turn my accomplishment inwards and get some food that is fancy FOR ME (and not what anyone else might thing was fancy) or something along those lines (really splurge-y soaps or hair products for example). Sometimes I'd like to do something to celebrate my thing FOR OTHERS (donation to food shelf, taking a few friends out to a meal, sending someone a letter where I shared my news but also just wrote a long chatty friendly letter). Sometimes I just like to share (put a mention on social media and let people say "Hey congrats" or whatever is always low-level nice even if it's not a huge deal).

Maybe depending on how I was feeling I might just go someplace special, a place that really made me happy even if it was just a place that seemed regular to other people and spent some time there being like "Hey way to go me, you worked hard on that!" and then if people asked I'd have a thing to report. And yeah, tattoos work for me also. Not for everyone, but I like that as an idea, something permanent and small that is just for you.
posted by jessamyn at 8:25 PM on April 20, 2022 [2 favorites]

Go paddle boarding or take some surfing lessons or windsurfing or kiteboarding lessons or try skydiving or horseback riding or rock climbing. Some new experience that breaks you out of your normal life. Congratulations!
posted by gt2 at 1:43 AM on April 21, 2022

OMG WELL DONE!!! my husband could have written this question so it's nice to read all these because so far it's like, power tools? Fancy pen? Watch? Ughhhh. Nothing pops.

Is there anything about your accomplishment itself that suggests to you a gift?

I recently got a dream-to-me byline and totally impulsively wrote the illustrator and BOUGHT the illustrations, paintings. I love them and, yeah, commemoration!

So like: art, tattoo, related first edition book, themed jewelry?

The rest and burnout recovery, by the way, isn't a celebration... that's mandatory. Congrats again!
posted by athirstforsalt at 7:10 AM on April 21, 2022 [3 favorites]

I would bake a fancy dessert, like cake or pie.
posted by mbrubeck at 3:50 PM on April 21, 2022

I might suggest that, since celebrating like this is not something that comes easily to you, and was discouraged earlier in your life, you might want to give yourself several celebrations to see what actually makes you feel good.

You don't have to have One Perfect Celebration. Try anything that sounds good, WHENEVER it feels like it might feel right. Do the solo cabin trip now, if you like; make an extremely vague plan for yourself to have a special dinner with friends whenever it feels safe to do so, no matter how far in the future that may be. Try buying yourself something you ordinarily wouldn't. Try another day or week off, but first think about ways to try making that special for yourself: would walking around a distant city be really nice? or napping all day with breaks to eat take-out? or buying a ticket for some really cool streaming show?

It's okay to give yourself several celebrations to commemorate this huge achievement. It's taken you more than 20 years to get where you are. Let yourself have many days to acknowledge, honestly and lovingly, what you've done.
posted by kristi at 5:12 PM on April 23, 2022 [2 favorites]