What can be done to encourage people to get back to me?
January 20, 2022 8:42 AM Subscribe
As above. Like people don’t even send holding messages anymore. I would rather rip my lips off then send another carefully crafted breezy follow up. (I don’t express this frustration in follow ups and I do check them with trusted friends for tone.)
Is this for work or for pleasure/friends?
I think that on some level, you have to reach out to people where they want to be reached. Text vs. phone, for example. Or Messenger vs. email? Sometimes it's all about timing, too. I recently connected with a friend that I've been meaning to email/text for about 6 months, and just didn't. She reached out to me via text, and we made a date to connect on facetime. It just worked out.
It's hard not to take it personally, but most likely, it really isn't something against you.
Another strategy - straight up ask them: Hey, I don't want to lose touch; I miss talking to you. What's the best way we can keep in touch?
posted by hydra77 at 8:48 AM on January 20, 2022 [4 favorites]
I think that on some level, you have to reach out to people where they want to be reached. Text vs. phone, for example. Or Messenger vs. email? Sometimes it's all about timing, too. I recently connected with a friend that I've been meaning to email/text for about 6 months, and just didn't. She reached out to me via text, and we made a date to connect on facetime. It just worked out.
It's hard not to take it personally, but most likely, it really isn't something against you.
Another strategy - straight up ask them: Hey, I don't want to lose touch; I miss talking to you. What's the best way we can keep in touch?
posted by hydra77 at 8:48 AM on January 20, 2022 [4 favorites]
Are these business contacts? Acquaintances? Friends of over 10 yrs? The strategy would probably be different depending on the context.
posted by tinydancer at 8:49 AM on January 20, 2022
posted by tinydancer at 8:49 AM on January 20, 2022
What kind of people are these? Are they people you are paying to provide you with goods and services? Are they general public at large, whom you're communicating with in the form of public announcements? Customers? Coworkers? Romantic interests? Family/extended-family? Personal friends?
In general you can try to practice assertive direct non-passive-aggressive communication. There's no need to sound breezy, which implies covering up your true feelings. For almost any context it is usually appropriate to say, "Can you please get back to me before ____? Thanks." (That is if you've asked them something specific that they need to get back to you about. If you haven't, try asking for the specific thing!)
posted by MiraK at 8:50 AM on January 20, 2022
In general you can try to practice assertive direct non-passive-aggressive communication. There's no need to sound breezy, which implies covering up your true feelings. For almost any context it is usually appropriate to say, "Can you please get back to me before ____? Thanks." (That is if you've asked them something specific that they need to get back to you about. If you haven't, try asking for the specific thing!)
posted by MiraK at 8:50 AM on January 20, 2022
For email, put in the subject line exactly what you need from them. Because people (like me) keep a bunch of unopened messages sitting there, without looking closely, until they are ready for them. So, things like "PLEASE LET ME KNOW whether I can proceed with XYZ" or "INPUT NEEDED regarding this draft contract" or "CAN YOU MAKE THIS MEETING about XYZ." (Caps are optional but useful.) Do this on the first message on a particular topic, not in a "pretty please" followup. Add specifics (deadline etc.) in the email body as suggested above. These examples are of a work nature, but the general approach can work in most situations. (Except romance, probably.)
Now, if the problem you are having is not related to this kind of "need a response" situations, and are more like, "here's how I'm feeling, how are you feeling," the picture is different, I think. People busy with other things are pretty likely to put that off, and to not respond quickly unless there is a fairly close relationship involved. In those situations, you might have better luck suggesting (in the subject line!) a phone conversation some days out, like "I'd like to catch up with you, can we talk Sunday afternoon?"
posted by beagle at 9:10 AM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
Now, if the problem you are having is not related to this kind of "need a response" situations, and are more like, "here's how I'm feeling, how are you feeling," the picture is different, I think. People busy with other things are pretty likely to put that off, and to not respond quickly unless there is a fairly close relationship involved. In those situations, you might have better luck suggesting (in the subject line!) a phone conversation some days out, like "I'd like to catch up with you, can we talk Sunday afternoon?"
posted by beagle at 9:10 AM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: To clarify, this is specifically about business stuff! Like, people in 2022 seem to make commitments and then act as if they didn’t.
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 9:12 AM on January 20, 2022
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 9:12 AM on January 20, 2022
I have found that if the first time I request something and I don't get it, or the first time a piece of information was misunderstood or lost, then it's time to schedule a call. Once a ball has been dropped somewhere there's no fixing the chain of communication again except by actual talking. People show up for calls, unless some catastrophe is going on, in which case you're never getting what you need from this person anyway and you need to go around them. This goes for work & outside work.
posted by bleep at 9:14 AM on January 20, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by bleep at 9:14 AM on January 20, 2022 [8 favorites]
Good advice above; in addition to "Because of XX I need YY from you by ZZ date", if it's at all possible you could add something like "If I don't hear from you by ZZ date, I'll move forward with ABC."
Explicitly stating that "silence" equates to the "whatever outcome you prefer" might spur some responses. If it doesn't, you got a vote for whatever you thought made sense.
There's always the "and I've CC'd your immediate manager, so they'll know that this is a priority." Which can be passive-aggressive, or it can be informational: a good manager would be helping prioritize these requests with existing work. (I recognize not every manager is a good manager.)
posted by adekllny at 9:20 AM on January 20, 2022 [20 favorites]
Explicitly stating that "silence" equates to the "whatever outcome you prefer" might spur some responses. If it doesn't, you got a vote for whatever you thought made sense.
There's always the "and I've CC'd your immediate manager, so they'll know that this is a priority." Which can be passive-aggressive, or it can be informational: a good manager would be helping prioritize these requests with existing work. (I recognize not every manager is a good manager.)
posted by adekllny at 9:20 AM on January 20, 2022 [20 favorites]
If this is for people you work with internally and your company uses Slack, I find it's an easier way to get a quick response. (It certainly is on my end; I get hundreds of emails a day, and the likelihood that I will miss something is high.) For external stuff I need, I keep emails *really* short, give a deadline, and follow up with calls.
posted by pinochiette at 9:22 AM on January 20, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by pinochiette at 9:22 AM on January 20, 2022 [3 favorites]
Seconding slack or whatever IM you use & be sure to tag them. Email in general is low priority nowadays in a lot of settings/industries/offices, so it's best to use the tools that work best where you are.
Interesting that you have this under Human Relations instead of Work & Money.
posted by headnsouth at 9:39 AM on January 20, 2022
Interesting that you have this under Human Relations instead of Work & Money.
posted by headnsouth at 9:39 AM on January 20, 2022
Yes this has been an ongoing problem for me too this past year. Everyone I talk to, brother, boyfriend, friend, etc. is having the same issue at work. Even for vendors that you want to give money to won't call back! I believe everyone is just burnt out and can't anymore.
I wish I had some solution but mostly just replying for solidarity. Just keep sending the breezy email. If you really really really need something then I end up calling or emailing them once EVERYDAY. That burns a lot of goodwill, but I find they will eventually get back to you just to stop you from calling/emailing etc.
Much luck.
posted by Saucywench at 9:56 AM on January 20, 2022
I wish I had some solution but mostly just replying for solidarity. Just keep sending the breezy email. If you really really really need something then I end up calling or emailing them once EVERYDAY. That burns a lot of goodwill, but I find they will eventually get back to you just to stop you from calling/emailing etc.
Much luck.
posted by Saucywench at 9:56 AM on January 20, 2022
First follow-up (chat or email):
Hello, welcome back from (weekend/holiday/PTO.) Just following up on this issue. I need to know X (or X needs to be done) by dd/mm/yy.
Second follow-up on the same issue (chat or email):
Hello, I need to know X (or X needs to be done) by dd/mm/yy. If not, I'm going to( close out this issue)(proceed with Y course of action)(pass this off to Z person).
That's it. Two follow-ups maximum. Don't send a third, just table the issue or pass it along to whomever or finish with your part. Or bring in a supervisor who may have more clout with the person on the other end. Kicking things upstairs isn't something you always want to do, but if people are shining you on, it may be necessary. Asking for help is not an admission of failure, it's telling your teammates - specifically your boss-teammate - that you've reached the end of your resources and things don't seem to be moving.
I have also set meetings with people to talk about X, with the intent of getting a resolution in that meeting. That often succeeds if follow-up emails or chats don't seem to get any traction.
(Also, whatever chat tool you're using, make sure that history is on so that you have a record of the messages. It covers your backside in the event that someone totally flakes on you, or says 123 when the answer is actually 456, or what have you.
posted by Tailkinker to-Ennien at 9:58 AM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Hello, welcome back from (weekend/holiday/PTO.) Just following up on this issue. I need to know X (or X needs to be done) by dd/mm/yy.
Second follow-up on the same issue (chat or email):
Hello, I need to know X (or X needs to be done) by dd/mm/yy. If not, I'm going to( close out this issue)(proceed with Y course of action)(pass this off to Z person).
That's it. Two follow-ups maximum. Don't send a third, just table the issue or pass it along to whomever or finish with your part. Or bring in a supervisor who may have more clout with the person on the other end. Kicking things upstairs isn't something you always want to do, but if people are shining you on, it may be necessary. Asking for help is not an admission of failure, it's telling your teammates - specifically your boss-teammate - that you've reached the end of your resources and things don't seem to be moving.
I have also set meetings with people to talk about X, with the intent of getting a resolution in that meeting. That often succeeds if follow-up emails or chats don't seem to get any traction.
(Also, whatever chat tool you're using, make sure that history is on so that you have a record of the messages. It covers your backside in the event that someone totally flakes on you, or says 123 when the answer is actually 456, or what have you.
posted by Tailkinker to-Ennien at 9:58 AM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Yes, everything is completely wild and unknown right now, I’ve had people disappear when I thought it was a sure thing, but also had people come out of the blue with bigger things that come through and also people coming back to me after months of silence, so, in conclusion, I think no one can handle life right now. (I also just had a client follow up because *I* was the one who disappeared, and this was for a decently big job! We’re all just getting by as best we can. Send your follow ups.)
Edited to add that I’ve been receiving more spontaneous phone calls, too, sometimes it’s faster and more effective.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 10:04 AM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
Edited to add that I’ve been receiving more spontaneous phone calls, too, sometimes it’s faster and more effective.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 10:04 AM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
Other than IM -- I send an invite for a 15 minute meeting. Without fail, this has magically produced a response to the initial email.
posted by sm1tten at 10:06 AM on January 20, 2022 [14 favorites]
posted by sm1tten at 10:06 AM on January 20, 2022 [14 favorites]
I work in an industry where it's traditional to schedule a meeting for ev-er-y-thing, and it's been like that since long before the pandemic, and it's how things get done. People have no attention span this year, and if it's not on the calendar it's straight out of mind.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:06 AM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Lyn Never at 10:06 AM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
It's probably just the pandemic, as has been well said above.
On the other hand...
Make sure you're actually asking in the first place. I've seen a lot of similar questions over the years on Metafilter and elsewhere where people expressed similar concerns, but when it got down to what they had actually written the request was implied rather than explicit.
"I've sent you the document for review" might to some imply "please review this document" but to many people it means "let me know if you have objections" or even just "FYI".
I can't recall where I stole this from, but when I write really important emails I use the following format: Purpose, Short Version, Long Version.
Purpose: Contains the action item and deadline.
Short version: TLDR, especially for when people who are FYI only are CC'd on the message.
Long Version: Full and direct summary of issue/question/whatever.
e.g.
Purpose: Hey The Last Sockpuppet, the purpose of this email is to loop you in on my comment and get your feedback by Friday at 4pm as to whether you want to discuss it further next week. My schedule is filling up so if you don't get back to me by then I won't be able to meet until at least February 1st.
Short Version:
Sometimes people don't communicate as clearly as they think they do, there are a number of reasons for this but the most common one I've seen is the implicit vs explicit question, which can often be misunderstood and leave one person feeling like they're being ignored.
Long Version:
There are many reasons for miscommunication, including the Curse of Knowledge (just because you know what you meant doesn't mean anyone else did) and the Implicit/Explicit problem. I see that second one often in informal written communications. For example sometimes being polite can lead to being inexact about what you need from the other person you're communicating with, this is especially true if the two people are from different backgrounds.
For example, today I wrote to my Doctor's office to get a prescription refilled, and I got an auto response saying the admin person was away but to fax requests to a given number, and that they would be back on Monday. Now since the admin works in the hospital and knows how the system works she probably didn't realize that to me, that auto-response, which she carefully set up for the purpose of clearly communicating her absence, was totally unhelpful in that it doesn't tell me if the fax will be addressed by someone else while she's away or not. That was likely obvious to her but it wasn't obvious to me so I didn't know what to do next. To her that information was implicit, of course it [will/will not be] according to how these things are always done.
Anyway that's an issue that you may or may not be having. I obviously can't read your email but when you said "carefully crafted breezy follow up" this issue immediately sprang to mind as a possibility, as breezy and direct don't often go together. Anyway if you think this idea is relevant then get back to me by Friday at 4pm and we can set up a meeting to discuss it further.
--
[I don't really expect you to respond to this.]
posted by tiamat at 10:11 AM on January 20, 2022 [29 favorites]
On the other hand...
Make sure you're actually asking in the first place. I've seen a lot of similar questions over the years on Metafilter and elsewhere where people expressed similar concerns, but when it got down to what they had actually written the request was implied rather than explicit.
"I've sent you the document for review" might to some imply "please review this document" but to many people it means "let me know if you have objections" or even just "FYI".
I can't recall where I stole this from, but when I write really important emails I use the following format: Purpose, Short Version, Long Version.
Purpose: Contains the action item and deadline.
Short version: TLDR, especially for when people who are FYI only are CC'd on the message.
Long Version: Full and direct summary of issue/question/whatever.
e.g.
Purpose: Hey The Last Sockpuppet, the purpose of this email is to loop you in on my comment and get your feedback by Friday at 4pm as to whether you want to discuss it further next week. My schedule is filling up so if you don't get back to me by then I won't be able to meet until at least February 1st.
Short Version:
Sometimes people don't communicate as clearly as they think they do, there are a number of reasons for this but the most common one I've seen is the implicit vs explicit question, which can often be misunderstood and leave one person feeling like they're being ignored.
Long Version:
There are many reasons for miscommunication, including the Curse of Knowledge (just because you know what you meant doesn't mean anyone else did) and the Implicit/Explicit problem. I see that second one often in informal written communications. For example sometimes being polite can lead to being inexact about what you need from the other person you're communicating with, this is especially true if the two people are from different backgrounds.
For example, today I wrote to my Doctor's office to get a prescription refilled, and I got an auto response saying the admin person was away but to fax requests to a given number, and that they would be back on Monday. Now since the admin works in the hospital and knows how the system works she probably didn't realize that to me, that auto-response, which she carefully set up for the purpose of clearly communicating her absence, was totally unhelpful in that it doesn't tell me if the fax will be addressed by someone else while she's away or not. That was likely obvious to her but it wasn't obvious to me so I didn't know what to do next. To her that information was implicit, of course it [will/will not be] according to how these things are always done.
Anyway that's an issue that you may or may not be having. I obviously can't read your email but when you said "carefully crafted breezy follow up" this issue immediately sprang to mind as a possibility, as breezy and direct don't often go together. Anyway if you think this idea is relevant then get back to me by Friday at 4pm and we can set up a meeting to discuss it further.
--
[I don't really expect you to respond to this.]
posted by tiamat at 10:11 AM on January 20, 2022 [29 favorites]
Yesterday in desperation I sent a final 'having received no objections, I will implement the plan discussed' and was very surprised to get a near-instant response.
YMMV, but I wish I had thought of it sooner!
posted by Space Kitty at 10:14 AM on January 20, 2022 [11 favorites]
YMMV, but I wish I had thought of it sooner!
posted by Space Kitty at 10:14 AM on January 20, 2022 [11 favorites]
Response by poster: These are great. Any permutations that would work for “I really need you to attend this Twitter Spaces to promote this project that you are a big part of, when can we schedule it for so you’ll be able to attend?”
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 10:16 AM on January 20, 2022
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 10:16 AM on January 20, 2022
Bluntly, there needs to be an incentive for the person on the other end to get back to you, or meet with you, or do whatever thing you want them to do. Expecting people to do things out of sheer kindness or professional courtesy only gets you so far.
Some things that I have found to help:
- Communicate why you need [whatever]. Whether it's their input to a document, their presence at a meeting, their decision on an issue... make it clear why it's important in the scheme of things.
- Communicate what you will do absent their response / input / participation. E.g. "If I don't hear back from you by [DATE], we will transmit the document to the customer as-is" gives them an idea of the stakes and the consequences of ignoring the message.
- Escalate when necessary. I am not a fan of the passive-aggressive CC to someone's boss, but sometimes it's necessary to get slowpokes motivated. My preferred tactic is to send out messages to the people I want input/participation from, and then send out a separate message to higher-ups with a status summary noting that I am waiting for responses, and who I am waiting on them from, and CC this status report back down to the people I'm waiting on. This makes it very clear to everyone whose court the ball is in, and also makes everyone aware that everyone else knows, too. And typically you won't get your hand slapped for an extra status report to your boss(es); it tends to look like you're responsible and are taking the lead, rather than tattling on your coworkers, even if the effect is functionally the same.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:25 AM on January 20, 2022 [6 favorites]
Some things that I have found to help:
- Communicate why you need [whatever]. Whether it's their input to a document, their presence at a meeting, their decision on an issue... make it clear why it's important in the scheme of things.
- Communicate what you will do absent their response / input / participation. E.g. "If I don't hear back from you by [DATE], we will transmit the document to the customer as-is" gives them an idea of the stakes and the consequences of ignoring the message.
- Escalate when necessary. I am not a fan of the passive-aggressive CC to someone's boss, but sometimes it's necessary to get slowpokes motivated. My preferred tactic is to send out messages to the people I want input/participation from, and then send out a separate message to higher-ups with a status summary noting that I am waiting for responses, and who I am waiting on them from, and CC this status report back down to the people I'm waiting on. This makes it very clear to everyone whose court the ball is in, and also makes everyone aware that everyone else knows, too. And typically you won't get your hand slapped for an extra status report to your boss(es); it tends to look like you're responsible and are taking the lead, rather than tattling on your coworkers, even if the effect is functionally the same.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:25 AM on January 20, 2022 [6 favorites]
Things that I do when it's a critical task that absolutely cannot move forward without their input:
-email
-send an IM saying "Hey, [jerkoff], I emailed you about [thing], really need your feedback on it asap. Let me know."
-book time on their calendar without even asking, call it "DISCUSS [THING]" and attach the email and force them to ether talk to me or ignore it
-IM their manager saying "Hey, [sr. jerk], I have reached out to [jerkoff] multiple times re. [thing] and they have been ignoring me, can you ping them please."
Things that I do when it's less critical, after the IM stage:
-reply to initial email with "As I have not received a response I consider this matter closed. Thank you." or "As I have not received a response I am moving forward sans your input. Thank you." whichever fits.
I am simply done enabling people. Do I care if someone's mad that I "tattled" on them to their manager? I do not. We're professionals, you should do your fucking job. (The last time someone bitched at me about "why did you go to [sr. jerk]??? I responded "oh so you ARE able to use chat, great, let's discuss [thing]."
posted by phunniemee at 10:40 AM on January 20, 2022 [8 favorites]
-send an IM saying "Hey, [jerkoff], I emailed you about [thing], really need your feedback on it asap. Let me know."
-book time on their calendar without even asking, call it "DISCUSS [THING]" and attach the email and force them to ether talk to me or ignore it
-IM their manager saying "Hey, [sr. jerk], I have reached out to [jerkoff] multiple times re. [thing] and they have been ignoring me, can you ping them please."
Things that I do when it's less critical, after the IM stage:
-reply to initial email with "As I have not received a response I consider this matter closed. Thank you." or "As I have not received a response I am moving forward sans your input. Thank you." whichever fits.
I am simply done enabling people. Do I care if someone's mad that I "tattled" on them to their manager? I do not. We're professionals, you should do your fucking job. (The last time someone bitched at me about "why did you go to [sr. jerk]??? I responded "oh so you ARE able to use chat, great, let's discuss [thing]."
posted by phunniemee at 10:40 AM on January 20, 2022 [8 favorites]
Any permutations that would work for “I really need you to attend this Twitter Spaces to promote this project that you are a big part of, when can we schedule it for so you’ll be able to attend?”
This, euphemistically, is done with a "synch" call in our org. It's a meeting to schedule a meeting, determine what needs to happen in that meeting, and assign responsibilities for that meeting. Everyone on the meeting-about-the-meeting has to acknowledge they received the subsequent meeting invite, do not have a conflict and intend to be there, and they understand the responsibilities they have for it. Ours are often only 15 minutes, but it's still a scheduled call with Zoom and everything.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:22 AM on January 20, 2022
This, euphemistically, is done with a "synch" call in our org. It's a meeting to schedule a meeting, determine what needs to happen in that meeting, and assign responsibilities for that meeting. Everyone on the meeting-about-the-meeting has to acknowledge they received the subsequent meeting invite, do not have a conflict and intend to be there, and they understand the responsibilities they have for it. Ours are often only 15 minutes, but it's still a scheduled call with Zoom and everything.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:22 AM on January 20, 2022
when can we schedule it for so you’ll be able to attend?
Anything open-ended like that is unlikely to get a useful response. You are asking the recipient to choose from an unlimited range of possibilities. Use the old salesperson's tricking of giving 2 or 3 options and asking which is best for them. And maybe include options that seem like you are wedging them in rather than, you've got your whole schedule open. So put it like this: "I'd like to schedule this for Tuesday afternoon at 3:45 p.m. Please let me know if that works for you, OR if not, would Wednesday morning at 9:20 or Thursday at 10:50 be better for you?"
posted by beagle at 11:24 AM on January 20, 2022 [9 favorites]
Anything open-ended like that is unlikely to get a useful response. You are asking the recipient to choose from an unlimited range of possibilities. Use the old salesperson's tricking of giving 2 or 3 options and asking which is best for them. And maybe include options that seem like you are wedging them in rather than, you've got your whole schedule open. So put it like this: "I'd like to schedule this for Tuesday afternoon at 3:45 p.m. Please let me know if that works for you, OR if not, would Wednesday morning at 9:20 or Thursday at 10:50 be better for you?"
posted by beagle at 11:24 AM on January 20, 2022 [9 favorites]
Oh, you're scheduling things! You should have said so in the first place!
1) Try to include as much context as you can in the initial request. Always, always include time zone, for goodness' sake.
2) Explicitly name the person from whom a response is desired, especially if you are CC'ing a bunch of people. If this is about specific external responders, try to make clear that you're scheduling the thing around them.
3) The cognitive load involved in choosing between two or three options or rejecting them all is much, much lower than the cognitive load involved in making up options by yourself, and we are all overloaded to heck and back.
An example:
Hi Team,
I'm writing in order to schedule our Twitter Spaces event about birds. It would be convenient for me to run the event in about two weeks, on Friday, February 4th, at 2pm US Eastern Time, planning to wrap up at about 4pm. I am also available from 10am to noon US Eastern Time on Thursday, February 3rd.
My colleagues Alice, Bob, and Eve have confirmed that they are also free at these times.
Dave the Ornithologist, please let us know if one of these dates works for you. If they don't, please suggest one or two alternate times that would be better. If your availability changes and we need to reschedule your event, please let us know as soon as possible.
posted by All Might Be Well at 11:26 AM on January 20, 2022 [5 favorites]
1) Try to include as much context as you can in the initial request. Always, always include time zone, for goodness' sake.
2) Explicitly name the person from whom a response is desired, especially if you are CC'ing a bunch of people. If this is about specific external responders, try to make clear that you're scheduling the thing around them.
3) The cognitive load involved in choosing between two or three options or rejecting them all is much, much lower than the cognitive load involved in making up options by yourself, and we are all overloaded to heck and back.
An example:
Hi Team,
I'm writing in order to schedule our Twitter Spaces event about birds. It would be convenient for me to run the event in about two weeks, on Friday, February 4th, at 2pm US Eastern Time, planning to wrap up at about 4pm. I am also available from 10am to noon US Eastern Time on Thursday, February 3rd.
My colleagues Alice, Bob, and Eve have confirmed that they are also free at these times.
Dave the Ornithologist, please let us know if one of these dates works for you. If they don't, please suggest one or two alternate times that would be better. If your availability changes and we need to reschedule your event, please let us know as soon as possible.
posted by All Might Be Well at 11:26 AM on January 20, 2022 [5 favorites]
To clarify, this is specifically about business stuff!
For me there are a few parts, but obviously you can't make anyone do anything. I agree with incentives.
- agree strongly, make sure it's a clear request and not an indirect/implicit request. And I'd skip phrases like "I really need..." and just be even more direct "You need to pick a time. here are four options."
- after the initial ask, send a request that has only the request in it (i.e. maybe there's an email with a preamble about why this needs to happen and blabla) on top of a forward of the previous contact
- try all avenues of contact (text, email, Slack chat, phone)
- explain what will happen if they don't do it (i.e. "If I do not hear from you I will attend this Twitter Space myself and I know less about this product/tool/system")
- send that breezy email to their manager instead "Hi I have reached out to X on dates A and B and I need an answer by C"
I think it's worth reflection on whether the person isn't replying because things are super hard, or because they're bad at replying. Tactics vary depending what the problem is. I hate hate hate the phone, but I'll pick it up if I really need an answer on something.
posted by jessamyn at 11:26 AM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
For me there are a few parts, but obviously you can't make anyone do anything. I agree with incentives.
- agree strongly, make sure it's a clear request and not an indirect/implicit request. And I'd skip phrases like "I really need..." and just be even more direct "You need to pick a time. here are four options."
- after the initial ask, send a request that has only the request in it (i.e. maybe there's an email with a preamble about why this needs to happen and blabla) on top of a forward of the previous contact
- try all avenues of contact (text, email, Slack chat, phone)
- explain what will happen if they don't do it (i.e. "If I do not hear from you I will attend this Twitter Space myself and I know less about this product/tool/system")
- send that breezy email to their manager instead "Hi I have reached out to X on dates A and B and I need an answer by C"
I think it's worth reflection on whether the person isn't replying because things are super hard, or because they're bad at replying. Tactics vary depending what the problem is. I hate hate hate the phone, but I'll pick it up if I really need an answer on something.
posted by jessamyn at 11:26 AM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I’m so grateful, folks! Scheduling is just one of the things I’m doing, and I do indeed offer two or three options. The synch meeting is a fantastic idea for this. These are clients and I’m doing freelance work in a very new industry. Often I don’t have phone numbers! I think one thing that I might do at the beginning of any collaborative process is explain that I am disabled and have some access needs. My access needs probably do need to include an exchange of phone numbers, as well as a commitment to reply to messages in a reasonable time frame. I’d far, far rather not do business with someone than have to deal with being left on read for three days. It’s triggering to hell, and I wonder if I weren’t marginalised in various ways if they’d choose to answer me. I’ll be taking all these suggestions on board and will be quite structured and specific and direct going forward!
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 12:01 PM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 12:01 PM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
These are clients and I’m doing freelance work
Bill with an hourly rate, set a minimum billable time, and itemize every communication. Send a 30 second follow up email? Too bad, it's billing at your minimum a tenth of an hour (or whatever). Fuck em.
You may still be annoyed and left on read but at least you're getting paid for it.
posted by phunniemee at 12:07 PM on January 20, 2022 [3 favorites]
Bill with an hourly rate, set a minimum billable time, and itemize every communication. Send a 30 second follow up email? Too bad, it's billing at your minimum a tenth of an hour (or whatever). Fuck em.
You may still be annoyed and left on read but at least you're getting paid for it.
posted by phunniemee at 12:07 PM on January 20, 2022 [3 favorites]
Just want to mention that when I am doing business with folks who aren't obligated to respond (getting sources to review marketing material, mostly) I usually put the deadline in the subject. Example: Pls review by Mon; draft article on X.
It is really hard to get folks to respond, I feel you. Best of luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:09 PM on January 20, 2022
It is really hard to get folks to respond, I feel you. Best of luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:09 PM on January 20, 2022
For scheduling, a Doodle calendar poll might help.
posted by dum spiro spero at 12:10 PM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by dum spiro spero at 12:10 PM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
Yes try to bill time and materials unless you really think you can get that work done quickly for that fixed rate. And always caveat any contract deadlines with stakeholder availability.
Have a project call weekly and make blockers a standing agenda item and call out on stakeholders who do not engage. If you can get your client project owner to lean on the right people do so.
posted by BAKERSFIELD! at 12:14 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Have a project call weekly and make blockers a standing agenda item and call out on stakeholders who do not engage. If you can get your client project owner to lean on the right people do so.
posted by BAKERSFIELD! at 12:14 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Something I've done with scheduling:
I try to offer only a small handful of options. And if only most of the people have responded to say "Yeah, Friday at 3 is okay" I go ahead and send out the confirmation - this puts the onus on the people who haven't responded yet to either say "yes" or "No" to Friday at 3, and 99% of the time they say "yes" because it has magically become their only choice.
Also, I prioritize the people who are most important and schedule things around them. If the CEO and the CFO can both make Friday at 3, then that's what matters, and Drake the mailroom guy had better figure out how to make himself available.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:34 PM on January 20, 2022 [3 favorites]
I try to offer only a small handful of options. And if only most of the people have responded to say "Yeah, Friday at 3 is okay" I go ahead and send out the confirmation - this puts the onus on the people who haven't responded yet to either say "yes" or "No" to Friday at 3, and 99% of the time they say "yes" because it has magically become their only choice.
Also, I prioritize the people who are most important and schedule things around them. If the CEO and the CFO can both make Friday at 3, then that's what matters, and Drake the mailroom guy had better figure out how to make himself available.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:34 PM on January 20, 2022 [3 favorites]
I try to offer only a small handful of options. And if only most of the people have responded to say "Yeah, Friday at 3 is okay" I go ahead and send out the confirmation - this puts the onus on the people who haven't responded yet to either say "yes" or "No" to Friday at 3, and 99% of the time they say "yes" because it has magically become their only choice.
Haha, totally works, can confirm.
It might help you to consider this kind of psychological warfare part of your job. It may be tiresome but it's not taking time away from your actual work, it is your actual work. An unrecognised and undervalued part, but still a sizeable chunk.
What that means is that you schedule in the time for badgering your clients, you put badgering them on your to-do list, clear a spot for it on your calendar and bill them for the time. Never think "oh, it'll take 5 hours to set up this thing" and then forget the extra two hours it'll take to herd your clients in the right direction. You'll be shortchanging yourself and ending up baffled, stressed and angry. Manage your expectations!
posted by Omnomnom at 1:21 PM on January 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
You might find some ideas in my question from a few weeks ago "y'all, I fucking hate scheduling meetings"
posted by geegollygosh at 2:30 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by geegollygosh at 2:30 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
I've had some success putting RSVP, Meeting; date/time? or Urgent in the subject heading of emails, but it doesn't always work. If no response I try sending an invite with a note about options, which might not work for your situation.. A lot of people are drowning in admin/pandemic crap/life-stuff right now! (And I'm one of the offenders, probably. My inboxes are going to eat me.)
posted by Coaticass at 2:59 PM on January 20, 2022
posted by Coaticass at 2:59 PM on January 20, 2022
My boss often follows up with "susan?!?!" which is obnoxious but highly effective.
I usually just write, "Do you have an answer for me on this yet?"
I think the short but sweet works best because it lets them know that your time is two important to waste on niceties. Some might think it is slightly rude, but it gets the job done.
posted by vespabelle at 3:14 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
I usually just write, "Do you have an answer for me on this yet?"
I think the short but sweet works best because it lets them know that your time is two important to waste on niceties. Some might think it is slightly rude, but it gets the job done.
posted by vespabelle at 3:14 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Serious question, what does "send holding messages" mean? I'm USA 50ish business person type, and have never seen that phrase. I mention this in case there is some cultural / age / etc. issue at play?
(My guess is "to send a holding message" = "Hey, got your mesage and I'll get to it later")?
posted by soylent00FF00 at 6:01 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
(My guess is "to send a holding message" = "Hey, got your mesage and I'll get to it later")?
posted by soylent00FF00 at 6:01 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
I’m not sure what a holding message but most of my job is scheduling and I often send out “HOLD: discussion on XYZ” meeting invites. Most often this means more details to follow (like an agenda) but I do need to block time on the calendar because it’s impossible to get the 4 of you at the same time type deal.
posted by raccoon409 at 6:20 PM on January 20, 2022
posted by raccoon409 at 6:20 PM on January 20, 2022
For finding time: set the expectation that everyone involved keeps their google calendars up to date, use the find a time function, and send an invite.
Emails to schedule are really annoying and outdated! Not your fault but most people get too many annoying emails and it’s really difficult to respond to something that doesn’t need to be an email in the first place.
posted by kapers at 9:02 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Emails to schedule are really annoying and outdated! Not your fault but most people get too many annoying emails and it’s really difficult to respond to something that doesn’t need to be an email in the first place.
posted by kapers at 9:02 PM on January 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
My hunch is "sending holding messages" means "send a message asking people to 'please hold both of these two options as a possible time, I'll send you a follow up message later to confirm which of those two options it is'" or something like that.
Seconding kapers' note above about Google/Outlook/whatever calendars. Everyone in my company uses Outlook, and Outlook calendars let you see what times people are free on a given date and I use that to pick the initial times for a meeting. I don't even send emails out asking "are you free on [time]" because I can already see they are (and the few times I have sent them out they respond that "my Outlook calendar is up to date, just check that").
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:53 AM on January 21, 2022
Seconding kapers' note above about Google/Outlook/whatever calendars. Everyone in my company uses Outlook, and Outlook calendars let you see what times people are free on a given date and I use that to pick the initial times for a meeting. I don't even send emails out asking "are you free on [time]" because I can already see they are (and the few times I have sent them out they respond that "my Outlook calendar is up to date, just check that").
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:53 AM on January 21, 2022
All the doctors who want me to confirm appointments have skipped over email technology and started using texts. I'm sure most businesses use email for the "paper trail" if no other reason, part of your problem may be that email just doesn't get the immediate attention it used to.
posted by SemiSalt at 5:16 AM on January 21, 2022
posted by SemiSalt at 5:16 AM on January 21, 2022
Response by poster: Apologies, I am so sorry to make people guess or hunch, but I’m just a hot mess right now so I am not at my clearest. A holding message is indeed just acknowledging you’ve got it but you don’t know the answer yet.
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 7:48 AM on January 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 7:48 AM on January 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by coffeecat at 8:48 AM on January 20, 2022 [11 favorites]