Contacting a psychologist directly to help with daughter's needle phobia
January 16, 2022 3:44 PM Subscribe
My 9-year old has a big needle phobia and so can't get the COVID vaccine (or any vaccine). So I've been looking into getting a therapist for her, which is all kinds of fun (/s).
I talked to one "psychology centre" here in Toronto (I have an intake phone call with another practice in a couple of days). They're without admin support right now, so one of the psychologists called me directly. I immediately didn't like him - he had a tendency to interrupt me. He recommended another psychologist (a woman) that might be a good fit. He later emailed me and said he could make an appointment for X day and time and included her profile link so I could look at her background and qualifications. I procrastinated on responding because this shit is hard (I do have my own therapist who I'm talking to who is great. I did ask them if they knew of any therapists to help my kid and they don't).
When I did respond, I asked if it was possible to have a 15-min phone conversation with the woman psychologist and he said they don't do that which I don't understand at all. He said, "It can take time to know whether an associate is a good fit and whether they will be helpful." Well I would rather spend 15 mins talking to the person to get a sense of what they're like (and see if they're the type to interrupt me etc.) then go to a one-hour appointment which costs $250/hr (and which my work benefits only covers a portion of, Canadian healthcare while great, isn't 100% free), and figure out in the first 5 mins whether or not I feel comfortable with them. Anytime that I've found a therapist for myself I've been able to talk to them for a few minutes before deciding to make an appointment.
Question: how bad would it be to email the woman psychologist directly and ask if I can speak to her for a few minutes and then decide to make an appointment? Her contact info isn't on the psychology centre website (I hate all this gatekeeping shit), nor is it anywhere else on the web that I can find. However, when you call the centre and get their voicemail, their voicemail says, "If you are a patient and need to contact your psychologist directly, their email is lastname@____.com." So I can infer her email from that.
Should I email her directly explaining that I'd prefer to chat with her for 15 mins to determine if it's a good fit and to prevent wasting our time and my $250 (I would say it in nicer language), or is this a bad idea, and respond to the male psychologist with "no thanks"?
Bonus 1: if you know of any good child therapists in or near the downtown Toronto area that can help with needle phobia, please let me know.
Bonus 2: if you know of any good pediatricians in or near the downtown Toronto area that are accepting new patients, please let me know. My kid's current one is terrible and I don't trust her at all.
Thanks for any thoughts and advice you can provide, fellow mefites.
I talked to one "psychology centre" here in Toronto (I have an intake phone call with another practice in a couple of days). They're without admin support right now, so one of the psychologists called me directly. I immediately didn't like him - he had a tendency to interrupt me. He recommended another psychologist (a woman) that might be a good fit. He later emailed me and said he could make an appointment for X day and time and included her profile link so I could look at her background and qualifications. I procrastinated on responding because this shit is hard (I do have my own therapist who I'm talking to who is great. I did ask them if they knew of any therapists to help my kid and they don't).
When I did respond, I asked if it was possible to have a 15-min phone conversation with the woman psychologist and he said they don't do that which I don't understand at all. He said, "It can take time to know whether an associate is a good fit and whether they will be helpful." Well I would rather spend 15 mins talking to the person to get a sense of what they're like (and see if they're the type to interrupt me etc.) then go to a one-hour appointment which costs $250/hr (and which my work benefits only covers a portion of, Canadian healthcare while great, isn't 100% free), and figure out in the first 5 mins whether or not I feel comfortable with them. Anytime that I've found a therapist for myself I've been able to talk to them for a few minutes before deciding to make an appointment.
Question: how bad would it be to email the woman psychologist directly and ask if I can speak to her for a few minutes and then decide to make an appointment? Her contact info isn't on the psychology centre website (I hate all this gatekeeping shit), nor is it anywhere else on the web that I can find. However, when you call the centre and get their voicemail, their voicemail says, "If you are a patient and need to contact your psychologist directly, their email is lastname@____.com." So I can infer her email from that.
Should I email her directly explaining that I'd prefer to chat with her for 15 mins to determine if it's a good fit and to prevent wasting our time and my $250 (I would say it in nicer language), or is this a bad idea, and respond to the male psychologist with "no thanks"?
Bonus 1: if you know of any good child therapists in or near the downtown Toronto area that can help with needle phobia, please let me know.
Bonus 2: if you know of any good pediatricians in or near the downtown Toronto area that are accepting new patients, please let me know. My kid's current one is terrible and I don't trust her at all.
Thanks for any thoughts and advice you can provide, fellow mefites.
Here's why a psychologist may not agree to talk to you on the phone beforehand. (Note that the legal aspect is likely US-specific, but it still outlines some of the ethical concerns.)
Many still offer this, but it may be a policy of this clinic that they do not. It's possible that the psychologist you spoke to was lying or just giving his own opinion (while it's not actually a policy), but either way, if her contact information is not published anywhere, it will likely put her in an uncomfortable position to field an inquiry from a potential client via her e-mail which is not supposed to be public (even if the naming system makes it so). That said, the worst that can happen for you personally is she says no.
I don't know about Canadian billing, but in America billing is based on the amount of time spent in the appointment. If you leave 5 minutes into the appointment, you would not be billed $250 (though I can't say how much you would be billed). I can't guarantee it's the same in Canada, though--perhaps you could ask about scheduling a shorter appointment and what the cost would be? Intake appointments are typically an hour, but sometimes exceptions are made for clients with scheduling difficulties.
posted by brook horse at 4:12 PM on January 16, 2022 [3 favorites]
Many still offer this, but it may be a policy of this clinic that they do not. It's possible that the psychologist you spoke to was lying or just giving his own opinion (while it's not actually a policy), but either way, if her contact information is not published anywhere, it will likely put her in an uncomfortable position to field an inquiry from a potential client via her e-mail which is not supposed to be public (even if the naming system makes it so). That said, the worst that can happen for you personally is she says no.
I don't know about Canadian billing, but in America billing is based on the amount of time spent in the appointment. If you leave 5 minutes into the appointment, you would not be billed $250 (though I can't say how much you would be billed). I can't guarantee it's the same in Canada, though--perhaps you could ask about scheduling a shorter appointment and what the cost would be? Intake appointments are typically an hour, but sometimes exceptions are made for clients with scheduling difficulties.
posted by brook horse at 4:12 PM on January 16, 2022 [3 favorites]
You should totally contact the therapist directly. She can say yes or no to you herself. There's nothing wrong with that.
posted by Well I never at 4:12 PM on January 16, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Well I never at 4:12 PM on January 16, 2022 [4 favorites]
Psychologists who have experience treating specific phobias, panic, and anxiety disorders also likely well versed in treating OCD -- the therapies can be very similar. I looked on the IOCDF (International OCD Foundation) website for providers in Toronto who work with children and a list populated. This therapist's profile looked promising. IANYP, and I generally work with adults, but feel free to pm me if you have questions about your search.
posted by batbat at 4:14 PM on January 16, 2022
posted by batbat at 4:14 PM on January 16, 2022
What fantasticness said. I had a phobia about a necessary medical procedure. A psychiatrist advised how to titrate a sedative dose and prescribed the sedative. Problem solved. When I was a child I had similar treatment for dental phobia which also worked.
posted by Flitcraft at 4:15 PM on January 16, 2022
posted by Flitcraft at 4:15 PM on January 16, 2022
I've heard good things about kidcrew medical. It's at Bathurst and St. Clair. A few people I know take their kids there - it would be the first place I would try if I needed a new dr for my kid. (I take my kid to see the same family dr I see, which I find very convenient.) I think kidcrew might have a psychologist.
My kid is also scared of needles but is a bit younger. When he turns 5 in a few weeks and it's his turn to be vaccinated, I have for him an over the counter lidocain patch called an emla patch, which is supposed to make the vaccination painless. However, this is the first time we will be using it, so I'm not sure how much it will help the vaccination process.
posted by ice-cream forever at 4:22 PM on January 16, 2022
My kid is also scared of needles but is a bit younger. When he turns 5 in a few weeks and it's his turn to be vaccinated, I have for him an over the counter lidocain patch called an emla patch, which is supposed to make the vaccination painless. However, this is the first time we will be using it, so I'm not sure how much it will help the vaccination process.
posted by ice-cream forever at 4:22 PM on January 16, 2022
Go ahead and email her. Worst case scenario, she shares her colleague's POV and finds your email mildly annoying, but who cares?
There are some interesting home therapies for needle phobia you might check out as well. An outfit in New Zealand has made a home VR app you can use with your phone to do exposure therapy (here), there's a cold-and-mechanical-stimulation device which makes the shot hurt less (here), and you might try this free hypnosis-for-needle-phobia (here).
(My child had milder issues with shots and we talked about how pain is kind of a mental phenomenon that fluctuates depending on your attention and expectations -- for instance how children experience less pain during medical interventions if they're playing a video game while it happens -- and then we also got a spray-on topical painkiller and used it before the shot, and that worked for him. Donuts afterwards, and then the next time was easier -- I hope for you that you guys get to the other side of this phobia soon, too.)
posted by hungrytiger at 4:23 PM on January 16, 2022 [3 favorites]
There are some interesting home therapies for needle phobia you might check out as well. An outfit in New Zealand has made a home VR app you can use with your phone to do exposure therapy (here), there's a cold-and-mechanical-stimulation device which makes the shot hurt less (here), and you might try this free hypnosis-for-needle-phobia (here).
(My child had milder issues with shots and we talked about how pain is kind of a mental phenomenon that fluctuates depending on your attention and expectations -- for instance how children experience less pain during medical interventions if they're playing a video game while it happens -- and then we also got a spray-on topical painkiller and used it before the shot, and that worked for him. Donuts afterwards, and then the next time was easier -- I hope for you that you guys get to the other side of this phobia soon, too.)
posted by hungrytiger at 4:23 PM on January 16, 2022 [3 favorites]
I’m not in Toronto, but my family there tells me that there is a vaccine clinic at Sick Kids for needle-phobic children.
Both my children are scared of needles, and I successfully got them covid vaccinated this week, after 6 appointments. It was incredibly tough on the whole family. Feel free to memail me, if you want to talk to another parent going through this.
posted by Valancy Rachel at 5:31 PM on January 16, 2022 [1 favorite]
Both my children are scared of needles, and I successfully got them covid vaccinated this week, after 6 appointments. It was incredibly tough on the whole family. Feel free to memail me, if you want to talk to another parent going through this.
posted by Valancy Rachel at 5:31 PM on January 16, 2022 [1 favorite]
I think from a labor perspective, they may not want to talk for fifteen minutes for free so you can evaluate them, because that means they are doing fifteen minutes of work and not getting paid for it. If they bill $250 hourly, then 15 minutes is about 60$ of their time that they are giving for free and can’t bill your insurance for.
Some practitioners may be willing to do this, but it’s by no means normative. This may also be complicated by the fact that you’re seeking a therapist for another person who is not yourself - so you’d be seeing if you’re a good fit, but you’re only kind of the client. It’s an unusual situation.
posted by corb at 5:39 PM on January 16, 2022 [8 favorites]
Some practitioners may be willing to do this, but it’s by no means normative. This may also be complicated by the fact that you’re seeking a therapist for another person who is not yourself - so you’d be seeing if you’re a good fit, but you’re only kind of the client. It’s an unusual situation.
posted by corb at 5:39 PM on January 16, 2022 [8 favorites]
Have you tried the Sick Kids hotline for vaccination? It includes needle phobia: https://www.sickkids.ca/en/care-services/support-services/covid-19-vaccine-consult/
I just ask because in the before times my son had to have a lot of blood drawn and had a significant needle phobia (he’d been given a fast IV and then had a seizure, so very bad association) and it was the child life specialists at Sick Kids who got him through it.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:45 PM on January 16, 2022 [2 favorites]
I just ask because in the before times my son had to have a lot of blood drawn and had a significant needle phobia (he’d been given a fast IV and then had a seizure, so very bad association) and it was the child life specialists at Sick Kids who got him through it.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:45 PM on January 16, 2022 [2 favorites]
Also strongly recommending the numbing cream or patch. My doctor prescribed that after I repeatedly passed out during IV jabs for MRIs.
Once I started with those, I never knew when it was happening unless I looked, thus removing the buildup of anxiety. After a few uses, I stopped using them and was able to get through on my own as the process lost its intimidation.
posted by icaicaer at 6:52 PM on January 16, 2022
Once I started with those, I never knew when it was happening unless I looked, thus removing the buildup of anxiety. After a few uses, I stopped using them and was able to get through on my own as the process lost its intimidation.
posted by icaicaer at 6:52 PM on January 16, 2022
I used to have a severe needle phobia and my doctor prescribed valium for me to take whenever I needed care involving needles
posted by Jacqueline at 11:51 PM on January 16, 2022
posted by Jacqueline at 11:51 PM on January 16, 2022
I think it is totally reasonable for you to email the woman psychologist and request a pre-visit phone call. If she can't do this, she can tell you herself.
posted by emd3737 at 2:44 AM on January 17, 2022
posted by emd3737 at 2:44 AM on January 17, 2022
Why are so many people saying that demanding free labor from a psychologist is totally fine? No. It's not. Not any more than demanding free labor from a doctor, a waiter, or an accountant. Would you demand any of those folks give you a free 15 minutes so you can decide whether you like them enough to pay them?
Some psychologists do offer free consultations, but this one does not. Respect that.
Emailing her by sussing out her email address which is not posted is creepy and intrusive. You're not entitled to email her just because you think it would serve you. The email addresses are said to be for current patients, and you aren't one.
This isn't "gatekeeping shit", it is personal and professional boundaries, and you need to respect them.
If you want to find out more about this psychologist but don't want to pay for an appointment, you can look up reviews online. Reading the profile link you were sent also may give you an idea of her personality and treatment philosophy. Some psychologists also have an accessible publishing record. In the USA I have accessed papers published in professional journals and popular magazines like Psychology Today. These are legitimate sources of information because the professional in question chose to make them public.
posted by Flock of Cynthiabirds at 7:53 AM on January 17, 2022 [7 favorites]
Some psychologists do offer free consultations, but this one does not. Respect that.
Emailing her by sussing out her email address which is not posted is creepy and intrusive. You're not entitled to email her just because you think it would serve you. The email addresses are said to be for current patients, and you aren't one.
This isn't "gatekeeping shit", it is personal and professional boundaries, and you need to respect them.
If you want to find out more about this psychologist but don't want to pay for an appointment, you can look up reviews online. Reading the profile link you were sent also may give you an idea of her personality and treatment philosophy. Some psychologists also have an accessible publishing record. In the USA I have accessed papers published in professional journals and popular magazines like Psychology Today. These are legitimate sources of information because the professional in question chose to make them public.
posted by Flock of Cynthiabirds at 7:53 AM on January 17, 2022 [7 favorites]
I can't speak to other careers, but it's absolutely normal to spend 15-20 minutes talking to an accountant, investment manager, or financial planner to see if you want to hire them and they want to be hired by you. It's a two way street. Some clients just aren't going to be a good fit and it's worth the professionals' time not to be stuck in a client/professional relationship (which is what the exchange of money creates) with someone they don't want to work with.
I have always gotten 15 minutes from a therapist, too. It's usually clear in 10 minutes if we're going to be able to work together.
posted by small_ruminant at 2:26 PM on January 20, 2022
I have always gotten 15 minutes from a therapist, too. It's usually clear in 10 minutes if we're going to be able to work together.
posted by small_ruminant at 2:26 PM on January 20, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by fantasticness at 3:55 PM on January 16, 2022 [8 favorites]