Should I have my name on the house title?
December 18, 2021 3:21 PM Subscribe
My sister used our inheritance to buy a new house that we're both living in. My name is not on the house title. Now what?
I was living with my Dad, but he passed away. My sister and I sold his house. Instead of splitting the money from the sale of the house, we decided to get a house together. (I can’t afford my own place and my sister would move out of her condo.)
I was out of town for school and work, so my sister took care of the paperwork. My sister has the new house in her and her husband's names and there is a mortgage for the house. I’m not sure how much money is left over from the sale of my Dad’s house. I asked my sister to show me the paperwork and asked her some questions. She promised to discuss things with me, but she is being a little avoidant. My brother-in-law said that they put down a “decent amount of money” on the new house, but won’t give any exact amounts.
I’m worried about all of this and the fact that she has everything in her name. (My Dad’s will says that everything is split 50/50 between us.)
Plus, if I ever move out of the house, what happens to that money? Does my sister have to give me my share? What if she doesn't?
I know that I should have asked these things *before* we did everything, but there was no time. My Dad passed away unexpectedly. The sale of his house was contingent on the sale of the new house. I was very close with my Dad and am having a difficult time processing everything as well.
I’ve been talking to friends and they’re worried that my sister is just going to take the money and use it for the house and other things, leaving me with nothing. Other friends think that I should have gotten my own place. (Again- it would be tough to make it on my own right now.)
Besides talking over things with my sister, should I consult a lawyer just to go over things? Does anyone have any advice or have you been in a situation like this?
I was living with my Dad, but he passed away. My sister and I sold his house. Instead of splitting the money from the sale of the house, we decided to get a house together. (I can’t afford my own place and my sister would move out of her condo.)
I was out of town for school and work, so my sister took care of the paperwork. My sister has the new house in her and her husband's names and there is a mortgage for the house. I’m not sure how much money is left over from the sale of my Dad’s house. I asked my sister to show me the paperwork and asked her some questions. She promised to discuss things with me, but she is being a little avoidant. My brother-in-law said that they put down a “decent amount of money” on the new house, but won’t give any exact amounts.
I’m worried about all of this and the fact that she has everything in her name. (My Dad’s will says that everything is split 50/50 between us.)
Plus, if I ever move out of the house, what happens to that money? Does my sister have to give me my share? What if she doesn't?
I know that I should have asked these things *before* we did everything, but there was no time. My Dad passed away unexpectedly. The sale of his house was contingent on the sale of the new house. I was very close with my Dad and am having a difficult time processing everything as well.
I’ve been talking to friends and they’re worried that my sister is just going to take the money and use it for the house and other things, leaving me with nothing. Other friends think that I should have gotten my own place. (Again- it would be tough to make it on my own right now.)
Besides talking over things with my sister, should I consult a lawyer just to go over things? Does anyone have any advice or have you been in a situation like this?
I also vote for a lawyer immediately.
posted by NotLost at 3:40 PM on December 18, 2021 [19 favorites]
posted by NotLost at 3:40 PM on December 18, 2021 [19 favorites]
Oh boy, yes, you need to talk to a lawyer, ideally with your sister and brother-in-law's cooperation, because they presumably have all the documents that the lawyer will need. It will probably go a lot better for you if you can take a copy of the will and the sale/mortgage documents from the sale of your dad's house and the purchase of the house you're living in now.*
It sounds like the house was/is being paid for with three sources of funds: the inheritance, money your sister and brother-in-law contributed, and also a mortgage? (Are you paying the mortgage or any other payments towards the house currently?)
You need to know how much money you paid towards the house (i.e. your half of your dad's inheritance). You need to know what your legal standing is with regards to the house - right now it sounds like maybe effectively you gave your sister money towards buying a house for herself and in return she is letting you live in it? It doesn't sound like there's any paper trail that will give you any ownership rights to the house at all. You probably have some rights as a tenant but that basically just extends to your sister not being able to kick you out without going though a legal process.
You have a perfect right (morally and probably legally as well) to ask your sister to either give you your half of the inheritance right now or otherwise regularize the situation (e.g. by putting you on the deed).
Your friends are very right to be worried about this, and to this complete outsider it seems like there's every chance that your sister and her husband could screw you over, either deliberately or even accidentally. Even if your sister has your best interests at heart here, what if she and/or her husband fall on hard times and the house gets foreclosed on or something? I can't tell for sure whether your brother-in-law is actively trying to screw you over or not (he could just be weird about money, or ashamed, or flaky, or ???), but it is completely reasonable for you to want to know how much money *you* contributed to the purchase of *their* house, whether they let you live in it or not!
* Depending on where you live, things like the sale price of your dad's home, the sale price of the home you currently share with your sister, and some of the mortgage(s) info may be publicly available, which would give you a start. In my state each county has a registry of deeds where you can look things up by the name of the owner or by the address of the property.
posted by mskyle at 3:42 PM on December 18, 2021 [23 favorites]
It sounds like the house was/is being paid for with three sources of funds: the inheritance, money your sister and brother-in-law contributed, and also a mortgage? (Are you paying the mortgage or any other payments towards the house currently?)
You need to know how much money you paid towards the house (i.e. your half of your dad's inheritance). You need to know what your legal standing is with regards to the house - right now it sounds like maybe effectively you gave your sister money towards buying a house for herself and in return she is letting you live in it? It doesn't sound like there's any paper trail that will give you any ownership rights to the house at all. You probably have some rights as a tenant but that basically just extends to your sister not being able to kick you out without going though a legal process.
You have a perfect right (morally and probably legally as well) to ask your sister to either give you your half of the inheritance right now or otherwise regularize the situation (e.g. by putting you on the deed).
Your friends are very right to be worried about this, and to this complete outsider it seems like there's every chance that your sister and her husband could screw you over, either deliberately or even accidentally. Even if your sister has your best interests at heart here, what if she and/or her husband fall on hard times and the house gets foreclosed on or something? I can't tell for sure whether your brother-in-law is actively trying to screw you over or not (he could just be weird about money, or ashamed, or flaky, or ???), but it is completely reasonable for you to want to know how much money *you* contributed to the purchase of *their* house, whether they let you live in it or not!
* Depending on where you live, things like the sale price of your dad's home, the sale price of the home you currently share with your sister, and some of the mortgage(s) info may be publicly available, which would give you a start. In my state each county has a registry of deeds where you can look things up by the name of the owner or by the address of the property.
posted by mskyle at 3:42 PM on December 18, 2021 [23 favorites]
Yes, you should be on the title.
Yes, you should talk to an attorney.
posted by Windopaene at 3:42 PM on December 18, 2021 [13 favorites]
Yes, you should talk to an attorney.
posted by Windopaene at 3:42 PM on December 18, 2021 [13 favorites]
This is unfortunately going to be very dependent on exactly how the inheritance was structured, how the house was bought, and whether you ever signed anything like a power of attorney for her to facilitate selling the house.
You will probably need a lawyer. If you can gather up as much information as you can, including a copy of the will and as much information about the house purchase as possible, that's probably a good start.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 3:43 PM on December 18, 2021 [4 favorites]
You will probably need a lawyer. If you can gather up as much information as you can, including a copy of the will and as much information about the house purchase as possible, that's probably a good start.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 3:43 PM on December 18, 2021 [4 favorites]
Keep in mind that your sister and bother-in-law are potentially your opposing part. You don't want to bring them to the lawyer with you or even tip your hand to them. Just go straight to the lawyer. You have already tried to work with them. They should have "cooperated" with you from the start.
posted by NotLost at 4:05 PM on December 18, 2021 [39 favorites]
posted by NotLost at 4:05 PM on December 18, 2021 [39 favorites]
My brother-in-law said that they put down a “decent amount of money” on the new house, but won’t give any exact amounts.
This is a red flag - and unclear if he means their money or inheritance money. If there is a mortgage, who is making those payments now? You should be told the exact numbers for anything that involves you financially without having to ask. It may have all been rushed but the fact that he is on the title and you are not is not some simple oversight. There are ways for people to sign loan documents electronically.
Is your brother in law going to live there as well? If so, how much of the house do each of the three of you own? It should be based on the money you put in. I would be wary of living with a couple like this where it will always be you against them and they win because there are two of them.
posted by soelo at 4:06 PM on December 18, 2021 [21 favorites]
This is a red flag - and unclear if he means their money or inheritance money. If there is a mortgage, who is making those payments now? You should be told the exact numbers for anything that involves you financially without having to ask. It may have all been rushed but the fact that he is on the title and you are not is not some simple oversight. There are ways for people to sign loan documents electronically.
Is your brother in law going to live there as well? If so, how much of the house do each of the three of you own? It should be based on the money you put in. I would be wary of living with a couple like this where it will always be you against them and they win because there are two of them.
posted by soelo at 4:06 PM on December 18, 2021 [21 favorites]
I'm not going to lecture you because you've already admitted that you know should have taken care of things earlier, but...
No, I'm going to lecture you.
This is a Big Deal. It's a huge deal. Buying a home is one of the biggest purchases you are likely to make in your lifetime. If you do not take a pro-active approach to the purchase, you're asking for trouble. (Not just you but everyone.) Excuses like "there was no time" and "I was having a tough time processing things" and "I was out of town" (as if people don't do mortgages and wills from a distance) don't matter with big legal/financial decisions. A court isn't going to care. You must be proactive with big financial (and legal) decisions. Extenuating circumstances be damned. Because if you aren't proactive, stuff like this can happen.
Okay, end of lecture.
With that out of the way, fuck yes you should talk to an attorney. This is now a mess and it may be tough to clean up. You need help. I'd also add that if I were in your shoes, I'd do absolutely everything I could to stay on good terms with your sister and her husband. If your relationship becomes adversarial, it's just going to be more expensive and more difficult to fix this.
But really, use this as a wake-up call. Never ever be passive on big legal/financial decisions. That way lies danger. Always advocate for yourself, ask questions, and play an active role — even if other stuff in your life is shitty in the moment.
posted by jdroth at 4:51 PM on December 18, 2021 [13 favorites]
No, I'm going to lecture you.
This is a Big Deal. It's a huge deal. Buying a home is one of the biggest purchases you are likely to make in your lifetime. If you do not take a pro-active approach to the purchase, you're asking for trouble. (Not just you but everyone.) Excuses like "there was no time" and "I was having a tough time processing things" and "I was out of town" (as if people don't do mortgages and wills from a distance) don't matter with big legal/financial decisions. A court isn't going to care. You must be proactive with big financial (and legal) decisions. Extenuating circumstances be damned. Because if you aren't proactive, stuff like this can happen.
Okay, end of lecture.
With that out of the way, fuck yes you should talk to an attorney. This is now a mess and it may be tough to clean up. You need help. I'd also add that if I were in your shoes, I'd do absolutely everything I could to stay on good terms with your sister and her husband. If your relationship becomes adversarial, it's just going to be more expensive and more difficult to fix this.
But really, use this as a wake-up call. Never ever be passive on big legal/financial decisions. That way lies danger. Always advocate for yourself, ask questions, and play an active role — even if other stuff in your life is shitty in the moment.
posted by jdroth at 4:51 PM on December 18, 2021 [13 favorites]
You don't want to bring them to the lawyer with you or even tip your hand to them. Just go straight to the lawyer.
I mean, sure, talk to a lawyer first if you want but I would expect that any decent lawyer is going to recommend that you try to do this cooperatively if your sister and brother-in-law are remotely willing to cooperate. If you can approach this as, "this situation is financially complicated for all of us and I want us to make sure we have our legal ducks in a row," and gain your sister and brother-in-law's buy-in, I think you are likely to have a much better (and cheaper) outcome, especially since it sounds like, ideally, you want to go on living with them. Realistically you probably can't live with them and sue them at the same time.
posted by mskyle at 5:16 PM on December 18, 2021
I mean, sure, talk to a lawyer first if you want but I would expect that any decent lawyer is going to recommend that you try to do this cooperatively if your sister and brother-in-law are remotely willing to cooperate. If you can approach this as, "this situation is financially complicated for all of us and I want us to make sure we have our legal ducks in a row," and gain your sister and brother-in-law's buy-in, I think you are likely to have a much better (and cheaper) outcome, especially since it sounds like, ideally, you want to go on living with them. Realistically you probably can't live with them and sue them at the same time.
posted by mskyle at 5:16 PM on December 18, 2021
There are questions, as what had happened was somewhat not explained well chronologically.
Your father passed unexpected, and you are away at the time.
Your old family home was sold, and the proceeds went into down payment toward a new home, that you believe is only in your sister's name, even though the proceeds should have been 50/50 split between you and sister.
Your sister is married and your brother-in-law has contributed to the down payment, as well as continued to pay on the mortgage. I am assuming you are NOT paying into the house, just living there.
Did I get anything wrong?
If everything is correct, you need a lawyer ASAP. Because there is practically speaking, no proof you have a financial stake in the house that you live in. Hypothetically speaking, your sister can evict you from the house right now, and the police will enforce it, and kick you to the curb as a trespasser. And you have NOTHING to prove otherwise.
I have no idea what percentage stake you have in the house. That is something for a lawyer to figure out, and I am asking here: what is your "endgame" here? What do you hope to accomplish once you know?
posted by kschang at 5:18 PM on December 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
Your father passed unexpected, and you are away at the time.
Your old family home was sold, and the proceeds went into down payment toward a new home, that you believe is only in your sister's name, even though the proceeds should have been 50/50 split between you and sister.
Your sister is married and your brother-in-law has contributed to the down payment, as well as continued to pay on the mortgage. I am assuming you are NOT paying into the house, just living there.
Did I get anything wrong?
If everything is correct, you need a lawyer ASAP. Because there is practically speaking, no proof you have a financial stake in the house that you live in. Hypothetically speaking, your sister can evict you from the house right now, and the police will enforce it, and kick you to the curb as a trespasser. And you have NOTHING to prove otherwise.
I have no idea what percentage stake you have in the house. That is something for a lawyer to figure out, and I am asking here: what is your "endgame" here? What do you hope to accomplish once you know?
posted by kschang at 5:18 PM on December 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
@ jdroth, if the op's sister and brother-in-law screwed the op, chances are they chose to do it when she would be most vulnerable. Your lecture after the fact therefore lacks empathy, and isn't the least bit helpful. All she can do is address the issue now, which is why she asked this question.
@lawgirl, Nearly all lawyers you contact will talk to you for a half hour for free. Call a general interest lawyer, but also an estate lawyer. Maybe even a couple of estate lawyers. Take notes. Then reassess your next steps. Whatever you do, tell your sister and brother-in-law nothing. Talk to the lawyers first.
posted by Puppetry for Privacy at 5:23 PM on December 18, 2021 [8 favorites]
@lawgirl, Nearly all lawyers you contact will talk to you for a half hour for free. Call a general interest lawyer, but also an estate lawyer. Maybe even a couple of estate lawyers. Take notes. Then reassess your next steps. Whatever you do, tell your sister and brother-in-law nothing. Talk to the lawyers first.
posted by Puppetry for Privacy at 5:23 PM on December 18, 2021 [8 favorites]
I'd give them a chance to make it right before you go to a lawyer, but, yes, you need to be on the title. Who was the executor of the the estate, your sister? Give them a month before you lawyer up.
And, yes, it'll be awkward living with someone you are suing, but they can move out just as easily as you; don't let them bully you. They should move out since they created this problem.
posted by at at 5:26 PM on December 18, 2021
And, yes, it'll be awkward living with someone you are suing, but they can move out just as easily as you; don't let them bully you. They should move out since they created this problem.
posted by at at 5:26 PM on December 18, 2021
Legal problems never get better by letting them sit and fester. Lawyer up ASAP, i.e. first thing Monday morning.
If your sister had meant to treat you fairly from the start, she would have kept you informed of every little step. Not only did she not do that, she is deliberately evading your legitimate questions. She is actively preventing you from understanding where you stand and what happened to your money. This is not a "make it right" opportunity. This is a situation where your lawyer needs to start action immediately to make you whole, even if it causes a rift between you and your sister. You'll have to be prepared for that possibility, I'm afraid.
posted by sardonyx at 5:31 PM on December 18, 2021 [17 favorites]
If your sister had meant to treat you fairly from the start, she would have kept you informed of every little step. Not only did she not do that, she is deliberately evading your legitimate questions. She is actively preventing you from understanding where you stand and what happened to your money. This is not a "make it right" opportunity. This is a situation where your lawyer needs to start action immediately to make you whole, even if it causes a rift between you and your sister. You'll have to be prepared for that possibility, I'm afraid.
posted by sardonyx at 5:31 PM on December 18, 2021 [17 favorites]
I'm very much on the “talk to a lawyer before you talk to them” team. You don't have to take action the minute you talk to a lawyer, but you very much need the lawyer to tell you what documents you need to find and what your options are before you approach your sister and brother in law.
posted by ambrosen at 5:33 PM on December 18, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by ambrosen at 5:33 PM on December 18, 2021 [12 favorites]
If it helps to hear from a lot of people, you need to talk to a lawyer immediately. You need to have your own lawyer, someone who is obligated to look out for your interests. Your sister and brother-in-law are acting in a very shady manner. Yes, it will be better if you can work things out with them in a nonadversarial way, and a good lawyer will tell you that. But you need representation for yourself because right now, you are in a very bad situation that they have caused. Right now, you have no rights to the house or your inheritance. There is no way to fix this without a lawyer representing you. Do not include your sister and brother-in-law in your meeting with a lawyer. They have already created a problem in your relationship by taking your money and using it to buy a house that you have no legal rights to. You can't fix this by playing nice with them.
I will say that having gone through a horrible dispute with a relative, finally having a lawyer I could trust was a huge relief. Before that, I was appearing before a judge on my own, and even though I was often successful in advocating for myself, the stress and anxiety were terrible. If you've never hired a lawyer before, it can sound scary, but there is nothing like having a professional on your side to make something like this manageable for you.
The cost will seem like a lot at first, but you are at serious risk of losing your entire inheritance. Please call a lawyer immediately. You really can't afford not to.
posted by FencingGal at 5:46 PM on December 18, 2021 [10 favorites]
I will say that having gone through a horrible dispute with a relative, finally having a lawyer I could trust was a huge relief. Before that, I was appearing before a judge on my own, and even though I was often successful in advocating for myself, the stress and anxiety were terrible. If you've never hired a lawyer before, it can sound scary, but there is nothing like having a professional on your side to make something like this manageable for you.
The cost will seem like a lot at first, but you are at serious risk of losing your entire inheritance. Please call a lawyer immediately. You really can't afford not to.
posted by FencingGal at 5:46 PM on December 18, 2021 [10 favorites]
It looks to me as though they have stolen your inheritance and plowed it into their house.
You need a lawyer.
posted by humbug at 5:47 PM on December 18, 2021 [5 favorites]
You need a lawyer.
posted by humbug at 5:47 PM on December 18, 2021 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you all for your answers and advice so far. I spoke to my sister briefly (she had to leave for work), but she said that they put down $300,000 on the new house. (It costs $385,000.) My Dad's house sold for $415,000. (Though minus fees, etc. I'm not sure exactly how much was received- I'm checking on that.)
posted by lawgirl at 5:51 PM on December 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by lawgirl at 5:51 PM on December 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
If those numbers are correct and complete then you should have also received cash for your share of your father’s house. It is possible there are other factors such as a remaining mortgage on your father’s property.
This reinforces the need for you to have representation and for your sister to provide a complete accounting. Let her just bring the data and pay your lawyer to help you understand and interpret it all. This removes the stress of confusion and disagreements in the challenging math wrapped up in emotions of an estate and two real estate transactions.
Whatever the details, it is clear you have a financial stake which needs to be memorialized in a legal contract to set this right.
posted by meinvt at 6:17 PM on December 18, 2021 [4 favorites]
This reinforces the need for you to have representation and for your sister to provide a complete accounting. Let her just bring the data and pay your lawyer to help you understand and interpret it all. This removes the stress of confusion and disagreements in the challenging math wrapped up in emotions of an estate and two real estate transactions.
Whatever the details, it is clear you have a financial stake which needs to be memorialized in a legal contract to set this right.
posted by meinvt at 6:17 PM on December 18, 2021 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: @meinvt Yes- there was a remaining mortgage on his house ($9500)
posted by lawgirl at 6:18 PM on December 18, 2021
posted by lawgirl at 6:18 PM on December 18, 2021
Just to echo- Lawyer, now, even if it's just to understand the will and what your father wanted/expected to happen. Even if it's just for peace of mind, and knowing his wishes are being respected.
That said, housing is expensive- but even after fees, the Open Door Home Sale Calculator reflects approximately $350,000 from the sale of a $415,000 home. Split two ways, that would be a nice nest egg, down payment, or rent for a few years. Pulling out estate taxes, etc, would reduce the amount, but still. That's life changing money. Where did it go?
Who's paying the mortgage? How much? What happens when something breaks?
I totally understand wanting to keep the peace, believe the best of your family, and have a roof over your head. My family just handled the sale of a house that had been in the family since 1910, and the number of things that I'm Very Angry About regarding the sale and the proceeds could fill a post of its own, so I'll stop projecting- but please, please, at least get a hold of the will to make sure you understand what happened and hopefully why.
posted by Torosaurus at 6:34 PM on December 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
That said, housing is expensive- but even after fees, the Open Door Home Sale Calculator reflects approximately $350,000 from the sale of a $415,000 home. Split two ways, that would be a nice nest egg, down payment, or rent for a few years. Pulling out estate taxes, etc, would reduce the amount, but still. That's life changing money. Where did it go?
Who's paying the mortgage? How much? What happens when something breaks?
I totally understand wanting to keep the peace, believe the best of your family, and have a roof over your head. My family just handled the sale of a house that had been in the family since 1910, and the number of things that I'm Very Angry About regarding the sale and the proceeds could fill a post of its own, so I'll stop projecting- but please, please, at least get a hold of the will to make sure you understand what happened and hopefully why.
posted by Torosaurus at 6:34 PM on December 18, 2021 [3 favorites]
The MeFi Wiki's Get A Lawyer page has lots of leads and helpful tips.
posted by mediareport at 6:42 PM on December 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by mediareport at 6:42 PM on December 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
This whole scenario seems sketchy as can be. There are one of two things happening here- either your sister is conning you or your sister is totally unaware of how to properly structure financial and real estate transactions and inform you about them. Either way, you don't want her directly managing your financial affairs. Lawyer time.
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 6:42 PM on December 18, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 6:42 PM on December 18, 2021 [6 favorites]
Talk to a lawyer, don't talk to them first, but also don't hastily take any legal action. Telling people you've hired a lawyer puts them on guard, turns it adversarial and may foreclose a simpler negotiated option. The lawyer will tell you what information you need, which you can then get from your siblings without tipping your hand. An appropriate solution might just be to have them execute some documents. You might be able to do all of that without making it into a legal dispute or fracturing any relationships, or even telling them you consulted a lawyer. Don't take any legal advice from the internet. I am a lawyer but not your lawyer, and this is not legal advice about your situation.
posted by lookoutbelow at 7:44 PM on December 18, 2021 [21 favorites]
posted by lookoutbelow at 7:44 PM on December 18, 2021 [21 favorites]
Absolutely talk with a lawyer, and don’t tell your sister and brother-in-law first. Afterwards, you can tell your sister and brother-in-law that you want to get the family paperwork in order so that everything makes sense. You can probably figure out how to say it in a way that’s non-accusatory and not adversarial. Like, you will want to say something like ‘I figured we should get a lawyer to help us get everything in order. Because if we don’t do it right, we may end up with weird tax problems or something.’ You can frame it as something you are doing for all three of you, not for yourself. And then you can be like ‘the lawyer is saying we need to bring in x papers,’ and ‘the lawyer says we all need to sign this thing.’
They can get their own lawyer too if they want. But they may not feel like they need to. And in truth, they probably don’t, unless they are planning to rip you off.
posted by Susan PG at 8:30 PM on December 18, 2021 [10 favorites]
They can get their own lawyer too if they want. But they may not feel like they need to. And in truth, they probably don’t, unless they are planning to rip you off.
posted by Susan PG at 8:30 PM on December 18, 2021 [10 favorites]
To clarify, you need three things (as far as I can tell. Confirm this with your lawyer, obviously):
1) to know (and have documentation of) all the numbers involved here. But that's only step one.
2) to have your name on the title on the house, or to receive compensation for your half of the inheritance, or to come up with some ironclad legal contract that protects your right to live in the house, make choices about the house, and be compensated if something should happen to the house or they choose to sell it. Not sure how easy it would be to enforce such a contract in practice.
3) to figure out the tax implications of this inheritance, so you don't find yourself in trouble later. (It sounds like your sister might offer the "easy" solution of making it look on paper like you inherited nothing and just letting you live in the house without any actual assets in your name, but then you truly would be inheriting nothing. Don't be afraid of dealing with taxes, and definitely not to the point where you end up giving up much more.)
With your sister, I would at least start with a non-adversarial "this is all a big deal, let's make sure we're doing it right and by the book so that we're all safe and protected down the road. Plus we need to get everything straight for taxes."
posted by trig at 12:26 AM on December 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
1) to know (and have documentation of) all the numbers involved here. But that's only step one.
2) to have your name on the title on the house, or to receive compensation for your half of the inheritance, or to come up with some ironclad legal contract that protects your right to live in the house, make choices about the house, and be compensated if something should happen to the house or they choose to sell it. Not sure how easy it would be to enforce such a contract in practice.
3) to figure out the tax implications of this inheritance, so you don't find yourself in trouble later. (It sounds like your sister might offer the "easy" solution of making it look on paper like you inherited nothing and just letting you live in the house without any actual assets in your name, but then you truly would be inheriting nothing. Don't be afraid of dealing with taxes, and definitely not to the point where you end up giving up much more.)
With your sister, I would at least start with a non-adversarial "this is all a big deal, let's make sure we're doing it right and by the book so that we're all safe and protected down the road. Plus we need to get everything straight for taxes."
posted by trig at 12:26 AM on December 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
I went through a Very Surprising Divorce over the last couple years. I, too, was not on the title of my house. My ex-spouse and I had very, very different incomes at the time of purchase, and we weren't legally married at the time because that was against the law in the U.S. There was a worry this combination of things would impact our ability to get a loan with both our names on it, and we never resolved it after we got the house, got legally married, incomes changed, etc. because I trusted him and the situation implicitly. It turns out that was a very bad idea. Had we not ultimately made our marriage legal in the eyes of the law, he would have been able to walk away with 100% of the house unless I was willing to endure a prolonged legal challenge. As it turned out, it still took a year and a half of expensive, depressing legal wrangling to get my fair share.
Bottom line: where property is concerned, always confer with a lawyer and follow their recommendations to ensure all parties involved are protected equitably. You don't have to expect to need those protections to benefit from them greatly should you need them.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:25 AM on December 19, 2021 [8 favorites]
Bottom line: where property is concerned, always confer with a lawyer and follow their recommendations to ensure all parties involved are protected equitably. You don't have to expect to need those protections to benefit from them greatly should you need them.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:25 AM on December 19, 2021 [8 favorites]
You need to talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row.
It's better to have a consult with a qualified attorney now than it is to let things spin out of control and find yourself screwed later on.
It's clear you're at a disadvantage - you're single (so there's a two against one dynamic), you were out of town when big events happened, you're lower income, you seem to process things more emotionally, and you're not familiar with financial processes like estates and deeds and mortgages.
Even if your family isn't overtly out to screw you, it's easy for someone in your position to wind up screwed.
It's understandable that you felt overwhelmed. But you need to look out for your interests, and you need a lawyer to be on Team You.
It's time to fix your level of whelm.
I'll add that if you get a "how dare you talk to a lawyer" pushback, you need to brush that shit right off.
It is everyone's right to talk to a lawyer about anything, at any time. We don't always understand the rules of the game out here, and lawyers are like referees.
Ideally, they help us all play fair with one another.
(Btw, your sister and brother in law should have bloody well consulted a lawyer before they bought a freaking house with a joint inheritance. So if they whine about you seeing a lawyer, that's a point in the "they're being shady" column.)
posted by champers at 4:08 AM on December 19, 2021 [10 favorites]
It's better to have a consult with a qualified attorney now than it is to let things spin out of control and find yourself screwed later on.
It's clear you're at a disadvantage - you're single (so there's a two against one dynamic), you were out of town when big events happened, you're lower income, you seem to process things more emotionally, and you're not familiar with financial processes like estates and deeds and mortgages.
Even if your family isn't overtly out to screw you, it's easy for someone in your position to wind up screwed.
It's understandable that you felt overwhelmed. But you need to look out for your interests, and you need a lawyer to be on Team You.
It's time to fix your level of whelm.
I'll add that if you get a "how dare you talk to a lawyer" pushback, you need to brush that shit right off.
It is everyone's right to talk to a lawyer about anything, at any time. We don't always understand the rules of the game out here, and lawyers are like referees.
Ideally, they help us all play fair with one another.
(Btw, your sister and brother in law should have bloody well consulted a lawyer before they bought a freaking house with a joint inheritance. So if they whine about you seeing a lawyer, that's a point in the "they're being shady" column.)
posted by champers at 4:08 AM on December 19, 2021 [10 favorites]
Caveat: IANAL. I'm a former legal secretary who saw quite a few people troop through the office after getting clonked around in similar disputes.
posted by champers at 4:10 AM on December 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by champers at 4:10 AM on December 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
Legal matters have deadlines and statutes of limitation. There might be probate concerns related to the will that you need to pay attention to.
Waiting to consult a lawyer, or to do as he or she advises, can easily make it to late for you to have it a good resolution. Do not delay.
posted by NotLost at 6:42 AM on December 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
Waiting to consult a lawyer, or to do as he or she advises, can easily make it to late for you to have it a good resolution. Do not delay.
posted by NotLost at 6:42 AM on December 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
So if your sister and brother-in-law die in a car accident tomorrow, who owns the house? If you're not on the title, it's not you. Even if there's nothing shady going on, you are in an incredibly dangerous position right now.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 7:19 AM on December 19, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by GhostintheMachine at 7:19 AM on December 19, 2021 [6 favorites]
figure out the tax implications of this inheritance
This is another reason it is absolutely important to get the actual numbers. You inherited part of the house and it was sold, so you need to be able to show what the value was on the day your father died and what the sale price was in order to show that you do not owe any Federal taxes on the inheritance. You need this for your taxes and your sister and her husband do as well.
posted by soelo at 8:23 AM on December 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
This is another reason it is absolutely important to get the actual numbers. You inherited part of the house and it was sold, so you need to be able to show what the value was on the day your father died and what the sale price was in order to show that you do not owe any Federal taxes on the inheritance. You need this for your taxes and your sister and her husband do as well.
posted by soelo at 8:23 AM on December 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
So many helpful comments. Two that I've flagged for fantastic: the ones from mediareport and champers.
mediareport's comment provides OP with guidance on pursuing the widespread and wise suggestion to hire legal counsel. lawgirl: If you feel comfortable sharing where you live (just the state is fine), other MeFites may have names to share with you, which they could do via MeMail.
champers' comment offers advice, empathy and information in equal measure, from somebody who has experience in a lawyer-adjacent profession. (And who has, I'd iike to reiterate, duly advised OP that they are not a lawyer.)
posted by virago at 8:53 AM on December 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
mediareport's comment provides OP with guidance on pursuing the widespread and wise suggestion to hire legal counsel. lawgirl: If you feel comfortable sharing where you live (just the state is fine), other MeFites may have names to share with you, which they could do via MeMail.
champers' comment offers advice, empathy and information in equal measure, from somebody who has experience in a lawyer-adjacent profession. (And who has, I'd iike to reiterate, duly advised OP that they are not a lawyer.)
posted by virago at 8:53 AM on December 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
At some point in the proceedings, after the father's house was sold and before the new house was purchased, the OP had to sign something or approve something that allowed his sister to redirect his share of the proceeds in her favor. He has not explained what it was. We have not also not heard anything about probate proceedings. It is the executor of the estate who has the authority to sell the decedent's home unless it was distributed to the heirs in kind.
There are many unanswered questions which should be discussed with a lawyer Real Soon Now.
posted by yclipse at 9:26 AM on December 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
There are many unanswered questions which should be discussed with a lawyer Real Soon Now.
posted by yclipse at 9:26 AM on December 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
So I think there’s a possibility that the sister may not be /trying/ to screw you, but may have accidentally screwed you; you should still get a lawyer to find out how to fix it. If your sister is not trying to screw you she should be happy to fix it so that you are also protected. If after you get the lawyer she starts balking, it is easier to determine what her intentions were.
Some questions in the meantime:
1) Has she said why the house was not bought outright in cash but still has a mortgage on it?
2) Has she said why your brother in law is on the deed but not you?
3) Have you asked how much money was left over from the sale of your dad’s house?
posted by corb at 9:53 AM on December 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
Some questions in the meantime:
1) Has she said why the house was not bought outright in cash but still has a mortgage on it?
2) Has she said why your brother in law is on the deed but not you?
3) Have you asked how much money was left over from the sale of your dad’s house?
posted by corb at 9:53 AM on December 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
virago, I'm a former legal secretary married to an attorney, for maximum lawyer-adjacent points.
I'm certainly not qualified to give legal advice.
But I know what I've seen, both professionally and personally (my husband is always helping friends and family understand legal matters, I love to watch his gears turn).
If you bring in a good lawyer, it reduces conflict. They help you understand the rules so people play fair.
posted by champers at 10:09 AM on December 19, 2021
I'm certainly not qualified to give legal advice.
But I know what I've seen, both professionally and personally (my husband is always helping friends and family understand legal matters, I love to watch his gears turn).
If you bring in a good lawyer, it reduces conflict. They help you understand the rules so people play fair.
posted by champers at 10:09 AM on December 19, 2021
Response by poster: I asked my sister about being added to the title and she said that there is none because there's still a mortgage. She then offered to have the mortgage revised so that my name can be added to it. Thoughts?
posted by lawgirl at 11:32 AM on December 19, 2021
posted by lawgirl at 11:32 AM on December 19, 2021
Well that's just false. I own my place and have a mortgage, but I also definitely have the Title. So either she is woefully underinformed about the house situation, or she is lying to you. You definitely do not want to be on the mortgage for a property you're not on the Title for, because that means the bank can come after you for money if they fail to pay, but also that you have no ownership over the house.
You need a lawyer immediately. I would not tell your sister before you consult the lawyer.
posted by decathecting at 11:35 AM on December 19, 2021 [11 favorites]
You need a lawyer immediately. I would not tell your sister before you consult the lawyer.
posted by decathecting at 11:35 AM on December 19, 2021 [11 favorites]
I just saw your update. Here's my response: To protect yourself and your own interests, it would be wise to avoid talking to your sister about this real estate transaction or about your late father's estate.
As several MeFites have said, either your sister is unintentionally sharing the wrong information with you, or she is intentionally sharing the wrong information with you. Neither of these is a good situation.
Lawyer up ASAP, on Monday morning (this is going to be a short workweek because of Christmas). Then talk to your friends and see if you can stay with one of them over the holiday weekend.
I'm single and I just lost my mom, and even though I have a more simpatico family, I'm feeling vulnerable and lonely right now. If you're around your sister and brother-in-law over Christmas, I'm concerned that the two of them could nudge and/or guilt trip you into going along with something estate- or mortgage-related that benefits them but not you. (Watch out if either of them pitches an idea to you as "It's what Daddy would have wanted!")
Take good care.
posted by virago at 12:32 PM on December 19, 2021 [5 favorites]
As several MeFites have said, either your sister is unintentionally sharing the wrong information with you, or she is intentionally sharing the wrong information with you. Neither of these is a good situation.
Lawyer up ASAP, on Monday morning (this is going to be a short workweek because of Christmas). Then talk to your friends and see if you can stay with one of them over the holiday weekend.
I'm single and I just lost my mom, and even though I have a more simpatico family, I'm feeling vulnerable and lonely right now. If you're around your sister and brother-in-law over Christmas, I'm concerned that the two of them could nudge and/or guilt trip you into going along with something estate- or mortgage-related that benefits them but not you. (Watch out if either of them pitches an idea to you as "It's what Daddy would have wanted!")
Take good care.
posted by virago at 12:32 PM on December 19, 2021 [5 favorites]
That doesn't make sense.
For reasons, I'm on the title to my house, but only my husband is on the mortgage.
I have no idea why someone would choose to be on the mortgage (as in, financially liable to make payments, can have their credit ruined) but not on the title (as in, not having an ownership stake in the house).
That strikes me as very crummy position to be in.
I don't know your sister, so I can't say if she's shady or if she just doesn't understand how things work.
IANAL, but this is my advice:
Write these things down. Every crumb of information that gets tossed your way. Say as little as possible to her. Pleasantries and recipes. Agree to nothing. (Even if you don't sign anything, simply saying you'll be on the mortgage or whatever could bite your butt.)
Get to a lawyer and tell them what's going on. I know that sounds bad and scary, but lawyers are mostly dorks in cardigans who want to help you.
Let them help.
posted by champers at 12:43 PM on December 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
For reasons, I'm on the title to my house, but only my husband is on the mortgage.
I have no idea why someone would choose to be on the mortgage (as in, financially liable to make payments, can have their credit ruined) but not on the title (as in, not having an ownership stake in the house).
That strikes me as very crummy position to be in.
I don't know your sister, so I can't say if she's shady or if she just doesn't understand how things work.
IANAL, but this is my advice:
Write these things down. Every crumb of information that gets tossed your way. Say as little as possible to her. Pleasantries and recipes. Agree to nothing. (Even if you don't sign anything, simply saying you'll be on the mortgage or whatever could bite your butt.)
Get to a lawyer and tell them what's going on. I know that sounds bad and scary, but lawyers are mostly dorks in cardigans who want to help you.
Let them help.
posted by champers at 12:43 PM on December 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Watch out if either of them pitches an idea to you as "It's what Daddy would have wanted!")
Ironically, my brother-in-law said this after my Dad passed about buying a house.
I asked my sister to see the documents about how much my dad's house sold for and she said that she would have to check. She then asked if everything was ok.
posted by lawgirl at 12:44 PM on December 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
Ironically, my brother-in-law said this after my Dad passed about buying a house.
I asked my sister to see the documents about how much my dad's house sold for and she said that she would have to check. She then asked if everything was ok.
posted by lawgirl at 12:44 PM on December 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
Depending on where you live, documents such as wills and house sales could be public record. They're kept on file with the local courthouse.
If so, the legal secretary will file requests and obtain them if necessary.
Here in Maryland, requesting stuff from the courthouse was all in a day's work for me.
Please don't fret if you think your sister won't hand over documents. That's fixable.
posted by champers at 1:04 PM on December 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
If so, the legal secretary will file requests and obtain them if necessary.
Here in Maryland, requesting stuff from the courthouse was all in a day's work for me.
Please don't fret if you think your sister won't hand over documents. That's fixable.
posted by champers at 1:04 PM on December 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
DO NOT let them add you to the mortgage without either both getting your lawyer's OK, or getting on the title, or both.
posted by NotLost at 2:20 PM on December 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by NotLost at 2:20 PM on December 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
I asked my sister to see the documents about how much my dad's house sold for, and she said that she would have to check. She then asked if everything was ok.
OP, you don't even have enough information to know yet whether everything is ok, but you don't have to tell your sister and her husband that.
For the foreseeable future, just make small talk with them, as champers recommends. Bland, bland, bland. Anyone eavesdropping on the conversation would fall asleep because all you're talking about is Christmas cookies, Granny's fruitcake recipe, car trouble, cute puppy/kitten pictures, and the weather.
Don't say a thing that Sister and BIL can twist to people outside the family as "Well, you know lawgirl -- sometimes she mishears things and she makes a mountain out of a molehill! She doesn't mean to, bless her heart, she's just a little sensitive." The question about "if everything was ok" is what is leading me to think that Sister and BIL are going to try to dismiss your valid concerns as a way of gaslighting you.
posted by virago at 3:18 PM on December 19, 2021 [6 favorites]
OP, you don't even have enough information to know yet whether everything is ok, but you don't have to tell your sister and her husband that.
For the foreseeable future, just make small talk with them, as champers recommends. Bland, bland, bland. Anyone eavesdropping on the conversation would fall asleep because all you're talking about is Christmas cookies, Granny's fruitcake recipe, car trouble, cute puppy/kitten pictures, and the weather.
Don't say a thing that Sister and BIL can twist to people outside the family as "Well, you know lawgirl -- sometimes she mishears things and she makes a mountain out of a molehill! She doesn't mean to, bless her heart, she's just a little sensitive." The question about "if everything was ok" is what is leading me to think that Sister and BIL are going to try to dismiss your valid concerns as a way of gaslighting you.
posted by virago at 3:18 PM on December 19, 2021 [6 favorites]
Did your dad have a lot of debts that the home sale proceeds had to go towards? I don’t know, I’m trying to see this situation in a way that doesn’t make your sister an outright thief, but the way the numbers currently stand it makes no sense that you’re not on the title and received no cash for your share. And as many have already pointed out, it makes zero sense that there’s no title “because mortgage.” I once had a $700K mortgage, and even though I owed the bank more than I had in equity, my name was on that title. Not the bank’s name, my name.
Also I know this must be difficult to contemplate… even if your sister wouldn’t intentionally screw you over, her husband might. And either she is too sheltered and naive about the world to realize that’s she’s been lied to as well, or she’s complicit and has chosen to get on board with his scheme for whatever reasons. Tread carefully and be aware that anything you say to your sister is probably getting back to her husband, who may be trying to cover their tracks. Talking to your sister further carries more risk than reward at this point - she’s clearly not telling you the truth about what happened, and whether the lies are inadvertent or not doesn’t matter.
Lawyer up now and don’t breathe another word to her until you’ve received proper legal advice.
posted by keep it under cover at 4:31 PM on December 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
Also I know this must be difficult to contemplate… even if your sister wouldn’t intentionally screw you over, her husband might. And either she is too sheltered and naive about the world to realize that’s she’s been lied to as well, or she’s complicit and has chosen to get on board with his scheme for whatever reasons. Tread carefully and be aware that anything you say to your sister is probably getting back to her husband, who may be trying to cover their tracks. Talking to your sister further carries more risk than reward at this point - she’s clearly not telling you the truth about what happened, and whether the lies are inadvertent or not doesn’t matter.
Lawyer up now and don’t breathe another word to her until you’ve received proper legal advice.
posted by keep it under cover at 4:31 PM on December 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I am speaking to the attorney that worked on my Dad's trust. He is saying that I should demand to be added to the title. He also said that I should ask for paperwork for the old house and new house.
@keep it under cover - There were some repairs that had to be done- Radon Mitigation, new appliances in the kitchen were purchased- but they used the money in my Dad's bank account to pay for those things. The remaining mortgage was $9500.
posted by lawgirl at 4:39 PM on December 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
@keep it under cover - There were some repairs that had to be done- Radon Mitigation, new appliances in the kitchen were purchased- but they used the money in my Dad's bank account to pay for those things. The remaining mortgage was $9500.
posted by lawgirl at 4:39 PM on December 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
lawgirl, the attorney who worked on your dad's trust isn't your personal attorney.
You need a lawyer of your very own, who isn't personally or professionally involved with anyone else in the family, and can advocate for your interests.
I find this entire situation hinky. My advice is to stop communicating with everyone until you have a proper lawyer. Just be neutral and polite.
posted by champers at 5:30 PM on December 19, 2021 [8 favorites]
You need a lawyer of your very own, who isn't personally or professionally involved with anyone else in the family, and can advocate for your interests.
I find this entire situation hinky. My advice is to stop communicating with everyone until you have a proper lawyer. Just be neutral and polite.
posted by champers at 5:30 PM on December 19, 2021 [8 favorites]
Please, please please talk to your own lawyer who is not monetarily linked to this case, and stop talking to your sister and brother-in-law about this until you do.
Please please please talk to a different lawyer.
posted by mediareport at 5:43 PM on December 19, 2021 [9 favorites]
Please please please talk to a different lawyer.
posted by mediareport at 5:43 PM on December 19, 2021 [9 favorites]
OP, you've been exceptionally gracious about answering your fellow MeFites' questions re: the estate, your dad's will, the mortgage, the title, etc. But you are not obligated to do this.
In fact, you're better off not answering our questions, if you have to consult your sister to get the requested information. It's really OK to say, "I don't know. My sister has that information, and she didn't share it with me." Nobody here thinks any less of you for not knowing the answers. There wouldn't need to be probate and real estate attorneys if these matters were intuitive.
Make a note of the question being asked, and put it on a list of questions that your own personal attorney will ask your sister to answer.
posted by virago at 5:58 PM on December 19, 2021 [8 favorites]
In fact, you're better off not answering our questions, if you have to consult your sister to get the requested information. It's really OK to say, "I don't know. My sister has that information, and she didn't share it with me." Nobody here thinks any less of you for not knowing the answers. There wouldn't need to be probate and real estate attorneys if these matters were intuitive.
Make a note of the question being asked, and put it on a list of questions that your own personal attorney will ask your sister to answer.
posted by virago at 5:58 PM on December 19, 2021 [8 favorites]
Switch communication to text and emails if possible, because having a paper trail will make it easier to figure out what is correct and what may have been 'misunderstood'.
posted by Elysum at 2:49 AM on December 20, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Elysum at 2:49 AM on December 20, 2021 [4 favorites]
A few points:
1. Lawyers work in a very specific way -- they represent their client and only their client. So don't take the advice of any lawyer that's not your and only your lawyer. If the lawyer represents the trust -- he is not your lawyer, he's the trust's lawyer.
2. What happened was either malice (on your sister and BIL's) part or incompetence. In either case, fixing it requires professional advice from a lawyer. Maybe some lay people can muddle through this on their own in some cases, but in this scenario, I don't believe that's the case.
3. Jointly owning property actually involves a lot of hairy questions. Part of the reason to go to a lawyer is to get clarity and more properly document answers to them:
A lot of these probably have default answers in your state and it would be good for you to know them. Some may require proper documentation and agreement to ensure and protect you. A lawyer will know and this is pretty straightforward work for them so shouldn't require many billable hours.
4. Maybe this is just your phrasing, but when your BIL said that "they put a decent amount of money down" my spidey senses tingle. Based on what you're describing, it shouldn't be a "they" but a "we" since the money put down was also yours and if BIL is thinking of it as his and wife's money and not yours, that's not a good sign.
posted by bsdfish at 8:27 AM on December 20, 2021 [7 favorites]
1. Lawyers work in a very specific way -- they represent their client and only their client. So don't take the advice of any lawyer that's not your and only your lawyer. If the lawyer represents the trust -- he is not your lawyer, he's the trust's lawyer.
2. What happened was either malice (on your sister and BIL's) part or incompetence. In either case, fixing it requires professional advice from a lawyer. Maybe some lay people can muddle through this on their own in some cases, but in this scenario, I don't believe that's the case.
3. Jointly owning property actually involves a lot of hairy questions. Part of the reason to go to a lawyer is to get clarity and more properly document answers to them:
A lot of these probably have default answers in your state and it would be good for you to know them. Some may require proper documentation and agreement to ensure and protect you. A lawyer will know and this is pretty straightforward work for them so shouldn't require many billable hours.
4. Maybe this is just your phrasing, but when your BIL said that "they put a decent amount of money down" my spidey senses tingle. Based on what you're describing, it shouldn't be a "they" but a "we" since the money put down was also yours and if BIL is thinking of it as his and wife's money and not yours, that's not a good sign.
posted by bsdfish at 8:27 AM on December 20, 2021 [7 favorites]
lawgirl, you must feel like we're all hollering at you and I'm sorry.
I cannot emphasize enough that you need your own lawyer, who will just be Team You.
Even if it turns out that this is all a big misunderstanding, only a Team You person can look at everything, ask the right questions, and tell you for sure.
If you don't act, at best you're going to sit with your grief, complicated by thorny doubts about your own family and your place in this world. You won't know what's coming or who to trust, because you don't know what happened, and nothing is being properly explained to you.
At worst, you'll be robbed of your inheritance and wind up with nowhere to live. Your family will splinter.
You have more power than you realize, and it's time to take it.
See a lawyer.
posted by champers at 11:28 AM on December 20, 2021 [7 favorites]
I cannot emphasize enough that you need your own lawyer, who will just be Team You.
Even if it turns out that this is all a big misunderstanding, only a Team You person can look at everything, ask the right questions, and tell you for sure.
If you don't act, at best you're going to sit with your grief, complicated by thorny doubts about your own family and your place in this world. You won't know what's coming or who to trust, because you don't know what happened, and nothing is being properly explained to you.
At worst, you'll be robbed of your inheritance and wind up with nowhere to live. Your family will splinter.
You have more power than you realize, and it's time to take it.
See a lawyer.
posted by champers at 11:28 AM on December 20, 2021 [7 favorites]
I'm surprised the estate would have allowed the sale of the house and dispersed all the funds to one person (your sister). Are you sure you are owed money in your father's will? You surely had to sign some papers right, that showed how much % you and her should get prior to the sale.
This all seems really fishy.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:11 PM on December 20, 2021 [2 favorites]
This all seems really fishy.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:11 PM on December 20, 2021 [2 favorites]
I was going to add most of the points bsdfish made. You should have had a strategy in place before buying the house almost like a business plan, including the exit strategy. As bsdfish says, just having your name on the deed may not protect your interests. If the ownership is going to be fractional, it may be best to transfer the house to a trust or a corporation, especially if the ownership will change. A few other things to consider:
Since there is a mortgage, the bank may not allow them to add you to the title right now, especially if you have no or bad credit. Since the mortgage is lower than their percentage of ownership, it probably can be done, but may present some additional hurdles in the process. There may be other instruments that can be used to protect your share until the mortgage is paid off.
In addition to death, bankruptcy or divorce of your sister, there the same considerations of yourself for her. What if you die and leave your entire estate to a kitty rescue? What if you get married? What if you bankrupt. There is also the scenario that your sister or BIL die and the survivor gets remarried and then dies themselves. Do you now share a house with a stranger? A trust might help here, where the house can not be sold wile any of you are still alive, unless all the survivors are willing.
There is also the issue of liability for all three of you that should be addressed.
The idea of maintenance was brought up by bsdfish as well. There are the big things like a roof, foundation repair, etc, but also the little things that add up, like grass cutting, plumbing, AC maintenance, etc. There is also all of your labor to consider. Since there are two of them and one of you, will there be payments to whichever does more "work" around the house, like cleaning, yard care, plumbing? Also, how will it be decided if you will get a new widget or repair the old one? Who decides if you will renovate? What happens if one of you damages the property?
There also needs to be a mechanism agreed upon where one party can buy the other out if they both agree. Would this buyout amount be based on the purchase price or fair market value at the time?
And of course, there is the tax issues.
I want to also point out that there is a chance your sister is looking out for you and whatever your sister has in motion might be in your benefit financially. Your half of the inheritance is probably 10-15 years of rent money (or less now that inflation seems to be kicking in to high gear), so even if her plan was that you give her your half, she buys a house for her and her husband, and you live rent free forever without paying anything additional, that could look very good for you on paper. Unfortunately, it is currently not very secure for you.
Upon preview, The_Vegetables mentions the estate, and you had mentioned about your father having a trust, or at least a trust lawyer. It may be relative to the lawyer you will be consulting who the executor is and if the estate is still open.
posted by Short End Of A Wishbone at 12:48 PM on December 20, 2021 [2 favorites]
Since there is a mortgage, the bank may not allow them to add you to the title right now, especially if you have no or bad credit. Since the mortgage is lower than their percentage of ownership, it probably can be done, but may present some additional hurdles in the process. There may be other instruments that can be used to protect your share until the mortgage is paid off.
In addition to death, bankruptcy or divorce of your sister, there the same considerations of yourself for her. What if you die and leave your entire estate to a kitty rescue? What if you get married? What if you bankrupt. There is also the scenario that your sister or BIL die and the survivor gets remarried and then dies themselves. Do you now share a house with a stranger? A trust might help here, where the house can not be sold wile any of you are still alive, unless all the survivors are willing.
There is also the issue of liability for all three of you that should be addressed.
The idea of maintenance was brought up by bsdfish as well. There are the big things like a roof, foundation repair, etc, but also the little things that add up, like grass cutting, plumbing, AC maintenance, etc. There is also all of your labor to consider. Since there are two of them and one of you, will there be payments to whichever does more "work" around the house, like cleaning, yard care, plumbing? Also, how will it be decided if you will get a new widget or repair the old one? Who decides if you will renovate? What happens if one of you damages the property?
There also needs to be a mechanism agreed upon where one party can buy the other out if they both agree. Would this buyout amount be based on the purchase price or fair market value at the time?
And of course, there is the tax issues.
I want to also point out that there is a chance your sister is looking out for you and whatever your sister has in motion might be in your benefit financially. Your half of the inheritance is probably 10-15 years of rent money (or less now that inflation seems to be kicking in to high gear), so even if her plan was that you give her your half, she buys a house for her and her husband, and you live rent free forever without paying anything additional, that could look very good for you on paper. Unfortunately, it is currently not very secure for you.
Upon preview, The_Vegetables mentions the estate, and you had mentioned about your father having a trust, or at least a trust lawyer. It may be relative to the lawyer you will be consulting who the executor is and if the estate is still open.
posted by Short End Of A Wishbone at 12:48 PM on December 20, 2021 [2 favorites]
I assume by now it's very obvious that you need a lawyer and to get very clear on what your exact inheritance is. Only thing i want to add is some thoughts on how to approach your sister as this gets worked through. Of course there is no guarantee any of this will go smoothly no matter how you tackle it, but at some point you will end up discussing it directly. Obviously consult with your lawyer on what and when and how to discuss, you may need representation in the room, but I think for you emotionally its important to stay clear eyed in your intentions, and assume no malice on their part. No matter how sticky the circumstances of how this gets sorted become, they key point is you all just need to work out the legalities of this entire arrangement for everyone's safety and peace of mind because life happens. This is a paperwork issue, not a love issue. It doesn't matter if intentions aren't so clean somewhere in here...that pov will be absolutely toxic for you psychologically, and will not improve this process at all. Wait until it's proven true without a shadow of a doubt before you assume the worst, because if it is the worst, it will become clear without you looking for it.
Best of luck and I'm sorry for your loss. It is a cruel reality of life that we usually have to navigate complex and unpleasant administrative hurdles while also struggling with grief. I hope this is a case of under planning verses ill will, and this can ultimately get untangled for you all.
posted by amycup at 9:20 AM on December 24, 2021 [1 favorite]
Best of luck and I'm sorry for your loss. It is a cruel reality of life that we usually have to navigate complex and unpleasant administrative hurdles while also struggling with grief. I hope this is a case of under planning verses ill will, and this can ultimately get untangled for you all.
posted by amycup at 9:20 AM on December 24, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by furtheryet at 3:38 PM on December 18, 2021 [47 favorites]