The Word for A Likely Story

November 17, 2021 7:35 AM

Please help me find this word or phrase. It describes when someone perhaps has an ulterior motive, but they rely on culture to give them the benefit of the doubt when it's convenient. Kind of like "a likely story," this person will have two possible motives for their behavior, and depending on the actions of the other person, they'll proclaim their motive (even if it is disingenuous) is the one that they intended.

An example - a man invites a woman up for coffee after a date. She says, "I'm really not interested in sex" and the man says, "Sheesh, you're really something, I only asked for coffee!"

But in actuality, it was just as likely this person was angling for sex.

WHAT IS THIS WORD IT'S DRIVING ME BONKERS? And no, not gaslighting :(

posted by Dressed to Kill to Writing & Language (14 answers total)

Best answer: Plausible deniability?
posted by jeffjon at 7:38 AM on November 17, 2021 [17 favorites]

This is probably not extreme enough to qualify, but maybe DARVO? (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)
posted by heatherlogan at 7:49 AM on November 17, 2021 [1 favorite]

I would definitely call this “plausible deniability”
posted by mekily at 7:51 AM on November 17, 2021 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: OMG THANK YOU (cries) this has been driving me bonkers all morning. I love you all.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 7:56 AM on November 17, 2021 [12 favorites]

I wouldn't think of this as plausible deniability, to me it's gaslighting. It's implying that the woman should in this case dismiss all of her instincts and cultural context and experiences and it's somehow an insult to the guy to not to do that. It's dehumanizing.

Plausible deniability is more like asking people to not give you information so you can truthfully claim you didn't know something.
posted by bleep at 8:57 AM on November 17, 2021

I agree that it's not plausible deniability, but I disagree that it's gaslighting, because the point of gaslighting someone is to make them think they're crazy. Which isn't the case here. This is more like having a "cover story," although I don't think that's exactly right either. Other words that are almost there are "pretext" (also not quite right, since you use a pretext to get your "foot in the door," not excuse your behavior after you've been called on it), or "fig leaf" (similar to pretext). A bit wordy, but "post-hoc justification" would describe it accurately.
posted by adamrice at 10:03 AM on November 17, 2021 [2 favorites]

Maybe a motte and bailey argument?
posted by reclusive_thousandaire at 10:06 AM on November 17, 2021 [1 favorite]

To be plausible deniability, it would have to be plausible. "A likely story" is usually used ironically to mean "No one would believe that." Like a politician who says they won't run for another term "so they can spend more time with their family" to a reporter asking for a quote when it's clear they haven't a chance.
posted by Obscure Reference at 10:38 AM on November 17, 2021 [2 favorites]

I agree that it's not plausible deniability, but I disagree that it's gaslighting, because the point of gaslighting someone is to make them think they're crazy. Which isn't the case here.
It's not just that they're "crazy" but that they can't trust their own perceptions, that their perceptions are inaccurate so they should disregard them. Which is ultimately what the guy is trying to pull here.
posted by bleep at 11:10 AM on November 17, 2021

I feel gaslighting involves redefining someone's perceptions at them, not just disclaiming those perceptions.
posted by rhizome at 3:36 PM on November 17, 2021

Would 'duplicitous' fit?
posted by jxyzn at 6:22 PM on November 17, 2021

Response by poster: To me the example is both gaslighting AND plausible deniability. Which is the reason why I said that the word I was looking for *wasn't* actually gaslighting. I was thinking of plausible deniability. But I think this example is both.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 8:07 AM on November 18, 2021

False front? Wolf in sheeps' clothing?

Or in the situation described, being a cad.
posted by SemiSalt at 8:25 AM on November 18, 2021

The first part of that exchange I'd probably call a "hedging your bets" situation. Offering a coffee upstairs, even when the actual subtext of the offer is obvious, allows them to save face somewhat if the other person declines.

The second bit I'd describe maybe as backpedaling, a cop out, or just being a whole entire buttface.
posted by helloimjennsco at 9:26 AM on November 19, 2021