"I'm an early bird, Papa!"

November 7, 2021 6:48 AM

The above is a repeated quote from my 4-year old son around 4:30 am when he's recently started to get up every morning... My question is, any strategies on how to get him to sleep to a reasonable 6/6:30 am like he used to?

I know the time just changed, but this goes back a couple weeks. This morning he was up at 3:30 like clockwork...

He's an energetic kid, but clearly needs more sleep. He's wiped by the afternoon and starts acting up. Sometimes he takes naps at his preschool, but rarely at home, and really doesn't want to take a nap anywhere.

He says he is not tired when he wakes up, and insists he is an early bird and doesn't want to go back to sleep. He also says sleep is boring and he doesn't learn anything while sleeping. Typically we let him play by himself, but he often comes back to tell us something, so it impacts our sleep as well.

We've tried insisting he go back to sleep and either bringing him into our bed or going into his, but with no real luck. He'll lay quietly with us for a while if we actively sing to him, but he doesn't really go back to sleep. Previously we tried a wake up clock that changes from red to green when it's time to get up, no luck.

I'm open to being told we should just let him wake up when he's ready, but again he seems so tired in the afternoon - I think he needs the added sleep. But if the suggestion is to let him wake up, how can we get him to not wake us up until 6 am :) We could also try an earlier bedtime, but it's difficult for us to get him down at 8 pm as we typically do now, as after his afternoon slump he perks up again in the early evening.

He shares a bedroom with his 2 year old brother, and he's good at coming out without waking up his younger brother which is good, but we can't do anything to keep him in his room.

Thanks all in advance!

posted by slide to Human Relations (9 answers total)

And it's Daylight Savings weekend! Good luck!

And my advice may sound counter intuitive but: trying an earlier bedtime often leads to kids sleeping later in the morning. Sometimes even just a half an hour or so earlier makes an impact. This worked with one of my kids (the other one clung to his naps until almost kindergarten so we never really needed to do this with him). I also work with toddlers and recommend it to families, who report back with surprise about 80% of the time that it was helpful.
posted by Ideal Impulse at 7:14 AM on November 7, 2021 [7 favorites]

We had to put blackout shades in, tape them to the window sills, and then put blackout curtains on top of those, to stop -any semblance- of light from coming in. (Although maybe this isn’t your issue if he is really waking up so far before sunrise!)
posted by wyzewoman at 7:32 AM on November 7, 2021 [3 favorites]

Blackout curtains, white noise. Without those, I would also be waking up at 4:30am every day, even though I clearly DO NOT NEED TO BE AWAKE then. I am a light sleeper and I need those things to keep me from waking when I'm cycling through sleep stages. If, for some reason, I don't have blackout curtains and white noise (generally while on vacation), I wake up several times a night and by 4/5am, I'm up for good but I'm so, so tired by the afternoon. So, if you don't have white/brown noise in your kids' room, maybe your older son is being woken by noises the younger is making and then he just can't get back to sleep.
posted by cooker girl at 7:44 AM on November 7, 2021 [4 favorites]

Does he get a lot of exercise? And maybe he needs more ?
Agree on the paradoxical early bed time. The perk up after fatigue is the over tired energy kicking in. I’d put him in bed at 8pm and he can read or play in bed till he falls asleep but no coming out.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:07 AM on November 7, 2021 [3 favorites]

We had good luck with the "wake to sleep" approach from Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. If you don't feel like reading the whole book, I found a summary of wake-to-sleep here. (Note that this summary is from a for-profit sleep coach. I don't know anything about them and I'm not endorsing them by linking to them. I just googled for a summary of "wake to sleep" and this one seemed like a good one.)

PS: While I'm giving warnings... Like many baby and childcare books, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer is one part useful advice, one part stuff that might work for some kids but didn't work for ours, and one part judgment for anybody who dares do things differently than the author. If you do decide to read it, go in prepared to take whatever works for you while shrugging off the judgment.
posted by yankeefog at 8:55 AM on November 7, 2021

When our 3 year old twins were getting up at 430 we bought sunrise alarm clocks for their rooms and forbade them to come out before the light came on. They were allowed to play in their rooms quietly but when they came in to wake us we would say "is the light on?" and if not just take them back to their rooms with no further interactions, so no positive feedback for waking us up. They were still early risers, but we got to sleep until our wake up time.
posted by FungusCassetteBicker at 9:24 AM on November 7, 2021 [9 favorites]

Your son's quote is absolutely adorable -- to read; to experience it is much less fun, I can imagine! Perhaps you could help him create an early bird ritual where he gets up, "feeds" his stuffed animals, does something for you that doesn't involve waking you up -- like "writing" a good morning note and leaving it on the kitchen table, then gets cozy on the couch with a blanket and reads himself some picture books (until he hopefully falls back asleep)?
posted by smorgasbord at 11:02 AM on November 7, 2021 [3 favorites]

If he were an adult, I might suggest that he go to bed later, in an attempt to shift his sleep pattern. But otherwise, the canonical solution for this among parents I know is the gro clock. This has a different display, depending on whether it is night time or day time (with the transition set by you). They claim that while it is definitely possible to train your child to not disturb you until a reasonable time. I am not sure whether said children actually fall back to sleep, or simply stay in their room/bed as a result, but it is apparently very effective.
posted by plonkee at 2:28 PM on November 7, 2021 [2 favorites]

I have a 4-year-old early riser. On the weekends, he can take the iPad with the already pre-opened PBS video app and watch Arthur or wild kratts for an hour. On weekdays, he stays in his room until the green light comes on and reads or plays with blocks. He was sharing a room with his 2-year-old brother but we finally threw the littler goofball in a different spot because of their different sleep schedules. It doesn’t have to be a bedroom - we have used a closet and a bathroom in previous bedroom setups.
posted by melodykramer at 3:42 AM on November 8, 2021