Interviews, arrogant & rationalizing my mistakes!
October 18, 2021 12:17 PM Subscribe
I took your advice to get some external feedback on interview skills. It seems that when I have a problem, I explain away and avoid taking responsibility. I come across arrogant. Any short-term tactics to correct this? More long-term advice? I’m doing something about this, finally.
Based on previous feedback, several people know me here and my job-related challenges. That in itself was a wake-up call. On my last related question, you were very direct with criticism (constructively) about my behavior and attitudes. (see link here) It was quite shocking to hear that a few of you recognized my user name or knew that it would be me based on previous questions I’ve asked. There were several recommendations of getting a coach which I took into account. I made a first step and paid for a semi-structured interview and feedback from a professional. There were quite a few things to work on suggestions.
The biggest concern and the one that I feel is the most challenging is that I try to “rationalize” away criticism (which I was able to minimize knowing that the entire exercise was criticism (constructive). You can call it making excuses, explaining things away, but basically this comes across pretty clearly , and is actual behavior that I should be concerned about. I agree. Whether you like them or not, I have a psychometric assessment feedback report specifically designed to assess “dark side” tendencies for personal development. The personality assessment feedback concurs with this person and way back in the past I had similar issues with an ex-girlfriend. I would rationalize reasons for our interpersonal conflicts and, why as I saw it from my point of view, she should not “overreact”. From her point of view, she was reacting appropriately. With outside help. I did manage to overcome this problem. Although, it slightly different, I know about this problem and to some extent, I know how to not rationalize away people’s feelings. That same tendency is showing its head here.
He said that I do not come across as an attractive candidate and sound like I don’t do well in teams, probably resist criticism and dislike being limited by rules and procedures. I come across as a wild card. I also tend to go off into the weeds and get into tangential topics, which I am afraid of doing here, but I will include a few other things that are probably relevant and definitely additional context. I talk over people on calls (interviews in this case), which may be attention issues or nerves, but that doesn’t make it acceptable or make me look like an attractive candidate.
I can work well in a team, but off the top of my head, most of these teams were composed of independent contributors, so those would be very loose teams by their nature. They wouldn’t be highly collaborative. Other times, when I feel some others in a group are more invested in leading, I can let go and defer to them, within what I consider “reason”. In those situations I am happy to offer up ideas and open to them being rejected and go with the flow. I CAN follow direction and defer to others. In many cases I do emerge naturally as a leader and people seem to look to me as a leader. I have demonstrated that I can behave in more acceptable ways, but do I always act that way? Clearly no, I don’t.
I think a lot of the past criticisms I’ve received here are similar, In many cases on AskMefi, I absolutely preemptively rationalize problems. I think has been pretty obvious to you guys. I try to be transparent
I try to be as transparent here as possible. I have taken the step recommended in my previous question related to this. As several Mefites previously recommended, this person suggested coaching. Coaching seemed to be the recommendation given more than anything else. Coaching is expensive. I understand that it is an investment, but at the moment I‘m skittish.
So, I need some short term tactics for interviewing. I know that “short term tactics” might be seen as cheating, cutting corners and looking for a quick fix and that the problem is really a longer term fix. I need a job now unfortunately so I need to work with what I’ve got and the challenges that I’m facing. Short-term tactics are baby steps. I get that. I'm working on this folks. Any additional thoughts and recommendations?
Based on previous feedback, several people know me here and my job-related challenges. That in itself was a wake-up call. On my last related question, you were very direct with criticism (constructively) about my behavior and attitudes. (see link here) It was quite shocking to hear that a few of you recognized my user name or knew that it would be me based on previous questions I’ve asked. There were several recommendations of getting a coach which I took into account. I made a first step and paid for a semi-structured interview and feedback from a professional. There were quite a few things to work on suggestions.
The biggest concern and the one that I feel is the most challenging is that I try to “rationalize” away criticism (which I was able to minimize knowing that the entire exercise was criticism (constructive). You can call it making excuses, explaining things away, but basically this comes across pretty clearly , and is actual behavior that I should be concerned about. I agree. Whether you like them or not, I have a psychometric assessment feedback report specifically designed to assess “dark side” tendencies for personal development. The personality assessment feedback concurs with this person and way back in the past I had similar issues with an ex-girlfriend. I would rationalize reasons for our interpersonal conflicts and, why as I saw it from my point of view, she should not “overreact”. From her point of view, she was reacting appropriately. With outside help. I did manage to overcome this problem. Although, it slightly different, I know about this problem and to some extent, I know how to not rationalize away people’s feelings. That same tendency is showing its head here.
He said that I do not come across as an attractive candidate and sound like I don’t do well in teams, probably resist criticism and dislike being limited by rules and procedures. I come across as a wild card. I also tend to go off into the weeds and get into tangential topics, which I am afraid of doing here, but I will include a few other things that are probably relevant and definitely additional context. I talk over people on calls (interviews in this case), which may be attention issues or nerves, but that doesn’t make it acceptable or make me look like an attractive candidate.
I can work well in a team, but off the top of my head, most of these teams were composed of independent contributors, so those would be very loose teams by their nature. They wouldn’t be highly collaborative. Other times, when I feel some others in a group are more invested in leading, I can let go and defer to them, within what I consider “reason”. In those situations I am happy to offer up ideas and open to them being rejected and go with the flow. I CAN follow direction and defer to others. In many cases I do emerge naturally as a leader and people seem to look to me as a leader. I have demonstrated that I can behave in more acceptable ways, but do I always act that way? Clearly no, I don’t.
I think a lot of the past criticisms I’ve received here are similar, In many cases on AskMefi, I absolutely preemptively rationalize problems. I think has been pretty obvious to you guys. I try to be transparent
I try to be as transparent here as possible. I have taken the step recommended in my previous question related to this. As several Mefites previously recommended, this person suggested coaching. Coaching seemed to be the recommendation given more than anything else. Coaching is expensive. I understand that it is an investment, but at the moment I‘m skittish.
So, I need some short term tactics for interviewing. I know that “short term tactics” might be seen as cheating, cutting corners and looking for a quick fix and that the problem is really a longer term fix. I need a job now unfortunately so I need to work with what I’ve got and the challenges that I’m facing. Short-term tactics are baby steps. I get that. I'm working on this folks. Any additional thoughts and recommendations?
You need to be able to recognize these behaviours in yourself, and stop them when you notice them in the interview. It's really not anything more than that. It's unclear here whether that's something that happens, though - are you aware that you're getting into tangents or being defensive? Or is that something that's only apparent when someone tells you?
Like, you're asking for short-term tactics, but it's not clear what the actual issue you think you're trying to solve. Are you looking for ways to notice that you're doing this? Redirect when you do notice it? Are you looking for careers where this wouldn't be a weakness?
posted by sagc at 12:46 PM on October 18, 2021 [10 favorites]
Like, you're asking for short-term tactics, but it's not clear what the actual issue you think you're trying to solve. Are you looking for ways to notice that you're doing this? Redirect when you do notice it? Are you looking for careers where this wouldn't be a weakness?
posted by sagc at 12:46 PM on October 18, 2021 [10 favorites]
Well, I'd echo what folks say about finding coaching -- and/or therapy. It sounds like you really need to work on your interpersonal skills -- communication, collaboration, general professionalism. I'm especially concerned that you say you are capable of behaving in more acceptable ways, but that you don't always act that way. That sounds like an issue a coach or therapist needs to unpack with you: why is it that you act in ways you know to be unacceptable?
That said, here's one small-but-important concrete thing:
> I talk over people on calls (interviews in this case), which may be attention issues or nerves, but that doesn’t make it acceptable or make me look like an attractive candidate.
You gotta stop this. If I was interviewing you and you interrupted me more than a couple-three times, I'd probably reject you for that alone. Listening and not interrupting is professionalism 101; not letting your interviewer finish talking is a serious red flag.
I used to be someone who interrupted, too, and I learned not to. For me, it was about a wandering attention span: I would think of something I wanted to contribute and feel like I needed to interrupt to say it or risk either forgetting or having the discussion move on. Based on what you said about attention issues it seems like you might be similar. What worked for me was:
1. Taking notes. When someone else is talking, I take notes (just a few words usually, not like in school). It helps me keep focus, but more importantly if I think of something I want to say, I can just write it down. Now I know I can come back to it later and I won't forget.
2. Waiting until I'm sure the person speaking is done. Instead of jumping in as soon as they stop talking, I'll give a few seconds silence. I used to literally count to 3 in my head until it became enough of a habit to not need the count. This is especially important over video chat, where lag can make it seem like someone's stopped when they're really just taking a breath.
Good luck!
posted by dorothy hawk at 12:50 PM on October 18, 2021 [25 favorites]
That said, here's one small-but-important concrete thing:
> I talk over people on calls (interviews in this case), which may be attention issues or nerves, but that doesn’t make it acceptable or make me look like an attractive candidate.
You gotta stop this. If I was interviewing you and you interrupted me more than a couple-three times, I'd probably reject you for that alone. Listening and not interrupting is professionalism 101; not letting your interviewer finish talking is a serious red flag.
I used to be someone who interrupted, too, and I learned not to. For me, it was about a wandering attention span: I would think of something I wanted to contribute and feel like I needed to interrupt to say it or risk either forgetting or having the discussion move on. Based on what you said about attention issues it seems like you might be similar. What worked for me was:
1. Taking notes. When someone else is talking, I take notes (just a few words usually, not like in school). It helps me keep focus, but more importantly if I think of something I want to say, I can just write it down. Now I know I can come back to it later and I won't forget.
2. Waiting until I'm sure the person speaking is done. Instead of jumping in as soon as they stop talking, I'll give a few seconds silence. I used to literally count to 3 in my head until it became enough of a habit to not need the count. This is especially important over video chat, where lag can make it seem like someone's stopped when they're really just taking a breath.
Good luck!
posted by dorothy hawk at 12:50 PM on October 18, 2021 [25 favorites]
I have to say - I've seen a few of your posts in the past, and congrats on taking steps to change! I think that speaks volumes to that fact that you are ready to receive coaching.
I recommend asking internet strangers for more free mock-interviews, with feedback afterwards. Take the feedback from previous ones ("I need to sound like I follow rules, and work well in teams, and sound less like a wild card"), and really try to improve on that in future mock interviews. Ask for feedback on how you did against feedback you did in the past.
I think anyone is willing to do a practice interview for you and give you feedback - the reason coaching is so expensive is because that's a whole business model that's hard to justify. The important thing for practice interviews is that you don't get defensive through the practice!
Most interviews have the same core questions to them. So, practice coming across exactly how you want to answering those questions - through this process!
posted by bbqturtle at 12:52 PM on October 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
I recommend asking internet strangers for more free mock-interviews, with feedback afterwards. Take the feedback from previous ones ("I need to sound like I follow rules, and work well in teams, and sound less like a wild card"), and really try to improve on that in future mock interviews. Ask for feedback on how you did against feedback you did in the past.
I think anyone is willing to do a practice interview for you and give you feedback - the reason coaching is so expensive is because that's a whole business model that's hard to justify. The important thing for practice interviews is that you don't get defensive through the practice!
Most interviews have the same core questions to them. So, practice coming across exactly how you want to answering those questions - through this process!
posted by bbqturtle at 12:52 PM on October 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
For an interview situation, specifically, I would recommend just recognizing that questions about how you reacted to criticism in the past should be answered, by default, by assuming they mean how you reacted to criticism that was correct or justified. In other words, they just don't want a story about a time you were criticized but were actually proven right, so don't tell them a story about that.
To me, the right approach to such questions is:
1) Picking an example that doesn't make me look terrible if the criticism was merited (a relatable, relatively minor mistake that you can describe pretty neutrally, without coming off like you're making excuses for it from the start) -- think "a time when my actions produced a less than optimal outcome" rather than "a time when my actions messed up something valuable/important"
2 ) Explaining how you reflected on the criticism and the aspects of your behavior you changed
3) Describing a positive outcome of having incorporated that criticism
posted by space snail at 12:55 PM on October 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
To me, the right approach to such questions is:
1) Picking an example that doesn't make me look terrible if the criticism was merited (a relatable, relatively minor mistake that you can describe pretty neutrally, without coming off like you're making excuses for it from the start) -- think "a time when my actions produced a less than optimal outcome" rather than "a time when my actions messed up something valuable/important"
2 ) Explaining how you reflected on the criticism and the aspects of your behavior you changed
3) Describing a positive outcome of having incorporated that criticism
posted by space snail at 12:55 PM on October 18, 2021 [2 favorites]
Che, it's good you're seeking external feedback, I hope you find ways to keep getting supportive and constructive feedback, whether through therapy, coaching, or just people in your life willing to discuss these issues with you. I agree that practicing interviews is a great idea - think of it as learning to play a part like an actor would. I think that is the most reasonable short-term approach.
The other approach is to know your strengths and play to them. You seem to be very detail-oriented and dogged in your pursuit of what you've concluded is the 'right' outcome - those traits may make it hard to do well in a team but they can be worth a lot in independent, data-driven jobs.
Overall, you come across has having a very clear, detailed, and rigid way of seeing the world. You may feel you go to the heart of how things ARE, while others are blinded by how things SEEM or FEEL. You also seem like you have developed some strong coping mechanisms to maintain your own dignity and self-worth in a dysfunctional environment, and those coping mechanisms may be backfiring on you now by shutting you off from other people's points of view. Perhaps there is some neurodivergence in play, as well. I think some of these things are amenable to change, but others may be important, core parts of who you are. Your task with each step forward is to decide, 'do I want to change this (and if so, who or what can help me change it) or do I want to keep it (and if so, how can I put myself in a position where this aspect of myself will be a strength rather than a weakness)?'.
Good luck, it's great that you are taking thoughtful steps to explore this. Don't forget to be kind to yourself as you do.
posted by Ausamor at 1:05 PM on October 18, 2021 [8 favorites]
The other approach is to know your strengths and play to them. You seem to be very detail-oriented and dogged in your pursuit of what you've concluded is the 'right' outcome - those traits may make it hard to do well in a team but they can be worth a lot in independent, data-driven jobs.
Overall, you come across has having a very clear, detailed, and rigid way of seeing the world. You may feel you go to the heart of how things ARE, while others are blinded by how things SEEM or FEEL. You also seem like you have developed some strong coping mechanisms to maintain your own dignity and self-worth in a dysfunctional environment, and those coping mechanisms may be backfiring on you now by shutting you off from other people's points of view. Perhaps there is some neurodivergence in play, as well. I think some of these things are amenable to change, but others may be important, core parts of who you are. Your task with each step forward is to decide, 'do I want to change this (and if so, who or what can help me change it) or do I want to keep it (and if so, how can I put myself in a position where this aspect of myself will be a strength rather than a weakness)?'.
Good luck, it's great that you are taking thoughtful steps to explore this. Don't forget to be kind to yourself as you do.
posted by Ausamor at 1:05 PM on October 18, 2021 [8 favorites]
The good news is that this is not an uncommon problem and I have seen people address it and really improve things (including myself), and it can have a very positive effect on one's career to do so!
In terms of interviewing, I think the most helpful way to give advice is to frame it in terms of the common "tell us about a time something went wrong" question. When I get a question like this in an interview I try to be very clinical in how I describe what happened: I walk through what I was trying to accomplish, what I did right, what I did wrong. And then be as authentic as I can in describing what the failure was and crucially: what I learned from this failure. As someone who has also been an interviewer, that honest self-reflection is what I'm looking for. I think it's ok to talk about it if some of those barriers were put up by other people, but in that case, you want to talk about what YOU could have done better to work with or around that person. (ie, "The project took too long getting off the ground because of x, y, z, but also because a person on another team wasn't giving me materials I needed. In retrospect, I should have gone to talk to her to see how I could make it easier for her to do so, or involved my manager if that didn't work.")
You may not get this exact question, but I think the general template works for many questions like it. Basically, the interviewer wants to see that you understand your own strengths and limitations, that you know how to self-reflect, and that you understand how important working well with others is.
I would also practice answering questions like this with another person to see how they think you do. We all have blind spots and it seems like you've identified one of yours, which is honestly a great accomplishment. Now the best thing to do is find someone who can help you figure out what's in that blind spot.
One book that might be helpful for you to read in the long term is The Practice of Adaptive Leadership. The author talks a lot about issues like this - people who are high achievers on their own but come up against resistance or struggles when trying to work within bureacracies and teams. I took a class with the author and found it really helpful at identifying some similar issues and getting over them.
posted by lunasol at 1:39 PM on October 18, 2021 [4 favorites]
In terms of interviewing, I think the most helpful way to give advice is to frame it in terms of the common "tell us about a time something went wrong" question. When I get a question like this in an interview I try to be very clinical in how I describe what happened: I walk through what I was trying to accomplish, what I did right, what I did wrong. And then be as authentic as I can in describing what the failure was and crucially: what I learned from this failure. As someone who has also been an interviewer, that honest self-reflection is what I'm looking for. I think it's ok to talk about it if some of those barriers were put up by other people, but in that case, you want to talk about what YOU could have done better to work with or around that person. (ie, "The project took too long getting off the ground because of x, y, z, but also because a person on another team wasn't giving me materials I needed. In retrospect, I should have gone to talk to her to see how I could make it easier for her to do so, or involved my manager if that didn't work.")
You may not get this exact question, but I think the general template works for many questions like it. Basically, the interviewer wants to see that you understand your own strengths and limitations, that you know how to self-reflect, and that you understand how important working well with others is.
I would also practice answering questions like this with another person to see how they think you do. We all have blind spots and it seems like you've identified one of yours, which is honestly a great accomplishment. Now the best thing to do is find someone who can help you figure out what's in that blind spot.
One book that might be helpful for you to read in the long term is The Practice of Adaptive Leadership. The author talks a lot about issues like this - people who are high achievers on their own but come up against resistance or struggles when trying to work within bureacracies and teams. I took a class with the author and found it really helpful at identifying some similar issues and getting over them.
posted by lunasol at 1:39 PM on October 18, 2021 [4 favorites]
OK, first things first, don't underplay this first step. Not only is it hard to take action to improve yourself in general and you should be commended for doing so; but in your case, the action you took was exactly what you needed to work on. So, yeah, I'm a random stranger, but I'm pretty proud of you right now.
I could probably say a lot, but I have to go pick up my kids in a couple minutes, so I'll keep it brief. Now that you know that a big issue is "explaining away" criticism, how do you work on that? Well, start by accepting the criticism, even if it's unjustified. Think about something someone has criticized you for, that you feel is unjustified. Then, convince yourself that they were right. Why would they think that? Are they missing a key piece of information? Were they working toward a different outcome than you were?
Also think about times when criticism of you was valid. (Which you've of course already done, by asking this question.) Did you accept that criticism? Why or why not?
What I'm trying to get it is that there's probably a reason you're so dismissive of certain criticism, and once you find that common denominator, you can take steps to beat that.
But I also want to second what Ausamor said, which is that not interviewing well isn't a reflection of your character. I was one of the commenters who was kind of hard on you in the previous thread, but I want to acknowledge that there are plenty of jobs (and volunteer work, and hobbies, and other kinds of stuff that aren't necessarily careers) where going off on tangents and being a lone wolf are considered positives, not negatives. I think being kind to yourself should entail asking whether you really want to be doing the kind of work you're interviewing for. And like, I know that comes across as sounding like "go be a park ranger instead", but like maybe you should be a park ranger or whatever? Think about it. Don't keep pounding your square peg into a round hole if there's a round hole two inches away, right?
posted by kevinbelt at 2:41 PM on October 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
I could probably say a lot, but I have to go pick up my kids in a couple minutes, so I'll keep it brief. Now that you know that a big issue is "explaining away" criticism, how do you work on that? Well, start by accepting the criticism, even if it's unjustified. Think about something someone has criticized you for, that you feel is unjustified. Then, convince yourself that they were right. Why would they think that? Are they missing a key piece of information? Were they working toward a different outcome than you were?
Also think about times when criticism of you was valid. (Which you've of course already done, by asking this question.) Did you accept that criticism? Why or why not?
What I'm trying to get it is that there's probably a reason you're so dismissive of certain criticism, and once you find that common denominator, you can take steps to beat that.
But I also want to second what Ausamor said, which is that not interviewing well isn't a reflection of your character. I was one of the commenters who was kind of hard on you in the previous thread, but I want to acknowledge that there are plenty of jobs (and volunteer work, and hobbies, and other kinds of stuff that aren't necessarily careers) where going off on tangents and being a lone wolf are considered positives, not negatives. I think being kind to yourself should entail asking whether you really want to be doing the kind of work you're interviewing for. And like, I know that comes across as sounding like "go be a park ranger instead", but like maybe you should be a park ranger or whatever? Think about it. Don't keep pounding your square peg into a round hole if there's a round hole two inches away, right?
posted by kevinbelt at 2:41 PM on October 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Huh, your description is eerily similar to someone that works for me right now. She came on in a temporary staff role, and isn't going to get a full-time position, which was a real possibility when she started.
I could bullet point your similarities, but the point is just that she has a very hard time listening, and incorporating that listening. She offers so many ideas, very good ideas sometimes, and cares a lot... but its all outside the work conversation and process. Like we'll be months into a project, and she's still brainstorming. Or I'll ask her to do something and she'll tell me how she already did that at another job or experience.
That impulse really comes down to failing to listen and communicate. Sure, I get that she has related experience; but I didn't *ask* if she could do it, I asked her to do the thing. She spends an inordinate amount of time proving her value. I already know she's capable... I just want her to do the work in the context of our silly old workplace and all our weird processes and systems.
So, for interviews - really focus not on your answers but on what the interviewer is asking you. They are almost never asking you about what your resume says you can do. (Hint: they already know, its on your resume.) They are probably asking you to tell them about who you are, how you address problems, and what you are like to work with.
posted by RajahKing at 3:45 PM on October 18, 2021 [13 favorites]
I could bullet point your similarities, but the point is just that she has a very hard time listening, and incorporating that listening. She offers so many ideas, very good ideas sometimes, and cares a lot... but its all outside the work conversation and process. Like we'll be months into a project, and she's still brainstorming. Or I'll ask her to do something and she'll tell me how she already did that at another job or experience.
That impulse really comes down to failing to listen and communicate. Sure, I get that she has related experience; but I didn't *ask* if she could do it, I asked her to do the thing. She spends an inordinate amount of time proving her value. I already know she's capable... I just want her to do the work in the context of our silly old workplace and all our weird processes and systems.
So, for interviews - really focus not on your answers but on what the interviewer is asking you. They are almost never asking you about what your resume says you can do. (Hint: they already know, its on your resume.) They are probably asking you to tell them about who you are, how you address problems, and what you are like to work with.
posted by RajahKing at 3:45 PM on October 18, 2021 [13 favorites]
When I’m on a call and get to the end of what I’m saying, I literally bite my lips together in order to keep from talking over the next person talking. It is such a hard habit to break! If you’re on video maybe do something else like hold onto a pencil to remind yourself it isn’t time to talk yet.
posted by acantha at 5:13 PM on October 18, 2021
posted by acantha at 5:13 PM on October 18, 2021
Ideas:
1) Stop interrupting.
2) Watch videos and read articles about active listening. Practice on your friends and family.
3) Assume that your interviewer is the expert on the company and their processes—not you.
4) The goal of the interview is to show you can listen, pay attention, be professional. It is NOT the place to argue, lecture, prove your point.
Respectfully, I think any amount of money for coaching would be money extremely well spent and would end up having an incredibly high return on investment over the course of your career. I think you have a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors and fundamentally incorrect ideas about how organizations work to unlearn and that’s hard to do by yourself.
posted by stellaluna at 8:18 PM on October 18, 2021
1) Stop interrupting.
2) Watch videos and read articles about active listening. Practice on your friends and family.
3) Assume that your interviewer is the expert on the company and their processes—not you.
4) The goal of the interview is to show you can listen, pay attention, be professional. It is NOT the place to argue, lecture, prove your point.
Respectfully, I think any amount of money for coaching would be money extremely well spent and would end up having an incredibly high return on investment over the course of your career. I think you have a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors and fundamentally incorrect ideas about how organizations work to unlearn and that’s hard to do by yourself.
posted by stellaluna at 8:18 PM on October 18, 2021
I agree that there might be a neurodivergence piece to this. You may want to invest in an assessment by someone specializing in those areas. While it is complicated to think about autism as a disability of some kind, if that's part of what is happening for you then you may qualify for additional support. Occupational therapy (spoiler: not about employment), social skills training, maybe even Vocational Rehabilitation which can help you find work that accounts for areas that you find harder to change.
If you go down that path and nothing comes back as spectrum or ADHD related then you may want to consider therapy or coaching for what might be high levels of defensiveness and lack of theory of mind.
posted by crunchy potato at 9:05 PM on October 18, 2021
If you go down that path and nothing comes back as spectrum or ADHD related then you may want to consider therapy or coaching for what might be high levels of defensiveness and lack of theory of mind.
posted by crunchy potato at 9:05 PM on October 18, 2021
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