Text etiquette

October 14, 2021 2:52 PM

Included on a text by mistake, what should I do?

I am on a group text of siblings (not mine). Apparently, by accident, one of the siblings sent a text about me.
It was not great, but it was not scathing.
The gist of it was, “rhonzo did x”
I did not do x, I was involved tangentially.

I am not sure if I should ignore it all, or respond to the text, or reach out to the person individually. Most of the other folks did not respond at all—or someone realized I was on that chain!

thanks!

posted by rhonzo to Human Relations (11 answers total)

Maybe this isn't the smoothest way to handle it, but I would probably write back to the groupchat and say something like, "hey, not sure if you were aware, but I'm in this groupchat too. Also, I didn't do x. But no hard feelings." Modify as needed depending on what x is, but something like that.
posted by decathecting at 3:01 PM on October 14, 2021 [48 favorites]

I'd personally reply in 10 words or fewer something to the effect of, “I didn't do X but it's fine.”

And then don't respond further unless directly asked.
posted by iamkimiam at 3:03 PM on October 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

If it doesn't really matter if you did [x] and you're not getting an ongoing series of texts, kindest to pretend you didn't see it.

If you're getting more texts, just use decathecting's first sentence.

If it really matters that you didn't do [x], then use their whole proposed text.
posted by praemunire at 3:22 PM on October 14, 2021 [3 favorites]

I'd ignore it, but I'd also spend the next whatever amount of time until I see these people again thinking of a subtle way of bringing the "I didn't do it" fact into future conversations. If you want to appear a bit magical, aka fucking with them, include some unrelated detail from that same conversation you weren't intended to see.
posted by rhizome at 3:26 PM on October 14, 2021 [3 favorites]

I'd say something (probably similar to decathecting) to try and avoid any possibility of people on the chat saying something even more unpleasant, thinking you weren't there.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:54 PM on October 14, 2021 [5 favorites]

"Included on a text by mistake, what should I do?" ... That should really be the only part of the question that matters. That they're talking about you feels like it complicates things, but it doesn't really change anything in terms of what is polite. You should say something along the lines of what decathecting suggested "hey, I seem to be getting these messages by accident" but you can just leave it there. Yeah it's awkward that they mentioned you on the chat, but it's going to be WAY more awkward when someone notices you on the group later if you haven't piped up.

If you think the rest matters take it up with the person who said it directly, there's no need to air your grievance (minor or otherwise) in front of the group. Text is a horrible medium for nuance and it would be nearly impossible to find a way to say "no I didn't" that won't come off as combative in the group context.
posted by tiamat at 4:52 PM on October 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

"Well, this is awkward! So, I did not do X. I did the tangential thing Y. Best to you all."
posted by bluedaisy at 5:13 PM on October 14, 2021 [7 favorites]

Depending on the general tone of the group text, I might just send some variety of "that feeling when you text the wrong person" meme and be done with it.

If it's not a meme friendly group, agreed that simply saying something along the lines of "I don't think I was supposed to be included on this. Have great day!" is the best approach.

If you want to correct the record, I'd address it with the person who brought up x directly outside the group dynamic. Possibly when they text you, mortified, to apologize.
posted by the primroses were over at 5:26 PM on October 14, 2021 [3 favorites]

“I didn’t do X, I did Y. Haha, busted!”
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:38 PM on October 14, 2021 [11 favorites]

I would simply correct them inline. "I didn't actually build the shed, I just moved the geraniums" and then let the chips fall where they may.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:08 PM on October 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

If you do respond, you should probably add "This is rhonzo" or similar, as folks on the chat may only see your phone number. This will prevent further confusion as to who is who.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:58 AM on October 15, 2021