Blessing:Grateful::Grammar:Philosophy
September 15, 2021 10:51 AM Subscribe
Does #Blessed require a being or entity to *do* the blessing? Does #Grateful require being grateful *to* someone? I am curious about both the grammar and the philosophy.
Hashtag jokes aside, I'm researching how to have a happier and less depressing life. Everything I read and listen to (The Happiness Lab and Ologies are great podcasts, The Happiness Equation, When Things Fall Apart are great books) talk about being grateful. Gratitude journals, gratitude meditation, and counting ones blessings are shown to be pretty effective!
So that's where my question comes in. What does it really mean "to be grateful"? Is it as simple as saying to myself "I am grateful for X"? Or is that merely enjoyment? Does it require saying "I am grateful TO this person for X"? Does it require communicating that gratitude to that person? Does it require reciprocating to the extent possible?
Same with blessings. Can one say "X is a blessing" and leave it as that? Or does it require "That person blessed me with X"?
Hashtag jokes aside, I'm researching how to have a happier and less depressing life. Everything I read and listen to (The Happiness Lab and Ologies are great podcasts, The Happiness Equation, When Things Fall Apart are great books) talk about being grateful. Gratitude journals, gratitude meditation, and counting ones blessings are shown to be pretty effective!
So that's where my question comes in. What does it really mean "to be grateful"? Is it as simple as saying to myself "I am grateful for X"? Or is that merely enjoyment? Does it require saying "I am grateful TO this person for X"? Does it require communicating that gratitude to that person? Does it require reciprocating to the extent possible?
Same with blessings. Can one say "X is a blessing" and leave it as that? Or does it require "That person blessed me with X"?
I agree with kevinbelt's take. I think for religious people these words might have a slightly different meaning, but for me, a non-religious person, when I am grateful it's just for whatever the thing is. Maybe my sinuses stopped acting up, or I had a nice walk, or dinner was good or something. I am not just pleased about the thing like "mmm dinner was delicious" but I am also positioning myself to be happy this happened to me or that I had a nice thing happen to me. So it's not just enjoyment but a meta-enjoyment, that you don't just take it in in the moment but you also can make space to understand that a good thing happened in an abstract sense. I tend not to use the terminology "blessed" only because it does feel religious to me, but I do talk about "experiencing moments of grace" or "feeling lucky" that a thing happened.
So I've been under a great deal of stress lately for various temporary reasons. And I find it helpful at the end of the day, when my mind has been telling me horrible stories ALL day about how this will never end (it will) and how I will not survive it (I will), it's helpful to me to make a short list of things that I am grateful for. So not like "YES YOU WILL SURVIVE, COME ON" and fighting with myself but just getting involved with my cognition laterally and think "Hey give me four things you are grateful for" Some days it's a reach like "Ummm I guess I am glad I still have all my toes?" but at least it helps bend me out of the telling-terrible-lies mindset that is ultimately non-helpful.
posted by jessamyn at 11:25 AM on September 15, 2021 [6 favorites]
So I've been under a great deal of stress lately for various temporary reasons. And I find it helpful at the end of the day, when my mind has been telling me horrible stories ALL day about how this will never end (it will) and how I will not survive it (I will), it's helpful to me to make a short list of things that I am grateful for. So not like "YES YOU WILL SURVIVE, COME ON" and fighting with myself but just getting involved with my cognition laterally and think "Hey give me four things you are grateful for" Some days it's a reach like "Ummm I guess I am glad I still have all my toes?" but at least it helps bend me out of the telling-terrible-lies mindset that is ultimately non-helpful.
posted by jessamyn at 11:25 AM on September 15, 2021 [6 favorites]
For what it’s worth, I agree with Kevinbelt that gratitude is an internal thing.
As a nonreligious person, “blessed” just isn’t of interest to me. My understanding is that yes, blessing is a thing that an external deity does. At least when I was younger, statements like “so-and-so blessed us with their presence” were sarcastic, and it would seem strange to me to describe someone specific blessing you in a sincere way. The usage you describe sounds more like gratitude — “I am grateful my coworker was able to give me a ride.” Etc. I was raised in a Christian religious context, and I’m curious what someone from a different context might think about that part of the question, though.
posted by Alterscape at 11:27 AM on September 15, 2021
As a nonreligious person, “blessed” just isn’t of interest to me. My understanding is that yes, blessing is a thing that an external deity does. At least when I was younger, statements like “so-and-so blessed us with their presence” were sarcastic, and it would seem strange to me to describe someone specific blessing you in a sincere way. The usage you describe sounds more like gratitude — “I am grateful my coworker was able to give me a ride.” Etc. I was raised in a Christian religious context, and I’m curious what someone from a different context might think about that part of the question, though.
posted by Alterscape at 11:27 AM on September 15, 2021
From a language perspective, to bless is a transitive verb and is most often passivized in English:
I am blessed. By who?
Grateful doesn’t even really have a verbal form at all, in any case.
posted by vocativecase at 11:29 AM on September 15, 2021
I am blessed. By who?
Grateful doesn’t even really have a verbal form at all, in any case.
posted by vocativecase at 11:29 AM on September 15, 2021
I think that in the context you're talking about, gratitude differs from enjoyment in that it assumes an understanding that things could be different. So if you're grateful for your good health, there's an implication that you're aware you could be living in a world (and may be some day) in which you don't have it. I think it's more reflective than enjoyment. In that sense you can be grateful for something you consider dumb luck rather than some kind of intervention of the universe or God.
For some reason, thinking about "bless" reminded me of the first line of Whittier's poem The Barefoot Boy (which I first learned about from Bullwinkle's Corner). It opens, "Blessings on thee little man." But there's no explicit mention of God in the poem. In fact, Whittier says, "Nature answers all he asks." So who is blessing the barefoot boy? Whittier? Nature? God? I don't think there's a clear answer.
I think we're more likely to associate blessing with God, but when a Southerner says, "Bless your heart," that person isn't involving God in the picture at all. "Bless you" following a sneeze isn't usually connected to God either. So there are times when we use the idea of blessing without any religious connection. And I think that nonreligious people might say they "count their blessings" without meaning they're thinking of things bestowed by God. A deeply religious person could use the same phrase and mean it in a different way.
There are ideas that come from religion that can be meaningful to nonreligious people - over time, these ideas can lose their connection to religion. I would say that's what has happened with "blessing" and possibly with "gratitude."
posted by FencingGal at 11:37 AM on September 15, 2021
For some reason, thinking about "bless" reminded me of the first line of Whittier's poem The Barefoot Boy (which I first learned about from Bullwinkle's Corner). It opens, "Blessings on thee little man." But there's no explicit mention of God in the poem. In fact, Whittier says, "Nature answers all he asks." So who is blessing the barefoot boy? Whittier? Nature? God? I don't think there's a clear answer.
I think we're more likely to associate blessing with God, but when a Southerner says, "Bless your heart," that person isn't involving God in the picture at all. "Bless you" following a sneeze isn't usually connected to God either. So there are times when we use the idea of blessing without any religious connection. And I think that nonreligious people might say they "count their blessings" without meaning they're thinking of things bestowed by God. A deeply religious person could use the same phrase and mean it in a different way.
There are ideas that come from religion that can be meaningful to nonreligious people - over time, these ideas can lose their connection to religion. I would say that's what has happened with "blessing" and possibly with "gratitude."
posted by FencingGal at 11:37 AM on September 15, 2021
#Blessed is like feeling lucky. Happy about something.
posted by lokta at 11:39 AM on September 15, 2021
posted by lokta at 11:39 AM on September 15, 2021
I think that "blessed" is religious, but a lot of people use it colloquially to refer to a piece of good fortune that you recognize you haven't really earned and feel lucky to have. For Christians, that's a religious idea that is tied to Christian ideas about salvation, but some other people might use it in a secular sense. It's basically "I'm lucky to have this thing, and I don't take it for granted."
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 11:43 AM on September 15, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 11:43 AM on September 15, 2021 [4 favorites]
I have understood this sort of gratitude practice to be about pointing out to oneself that the things of one's life might just as well not exist; instead, they do exist, they have some use or serve one in some way, howbeit imperfect, and on balance, to the extent that you are keeping them in your life, they are better than they are worse, if that makes sense.
The car I drive is objectively rather embarrassing; it is rusted out in spots, it is dented and dingy, it is 20 years old. People in my socioeconomic bracket would have traded in this car's replacement's replacement already for something newer. A friend of a friend sold it to us for $500 when we needed a car, and it keeps on ticking and, for me, that is a blessing. I am grateful for this car, despite knowing that it looks like a disaster, because it continues to allow my family to live our lives, to visit people and go to school and work and so on. My gratitude about this is separate from my gratitude at the chain of friends whose actions resulted in the car coming into our lives; I am grateful to them as well of course, but I am also in a freestanding way grateful that the car exists in my life and is reliable. It is better than it is worse.
I think there is a semantic space between "blessed" and "graced" in the sense one means it when one (non-sarcastically) refers to "gracing with their presence." I grant that both of these are religiously-inflected terms but there is a sense in which a hillside is graced with flowers that does not have much of anything to do with, e.g., the Christian redemption story or a specific, intentional, personal deity. To me it comes from the same place as radical self-acceptance: this thing about you, this aspect of your personality or perspective that maybe you're not so hot on, it exists. It survived everything to come to meet you at that moment, and that is something worth acknowledging and honoring, even as another part of you wants to judge the shit out of it. Reminding yourself that you are blessed by things that you don't like about yourself is a way to move toward self-acceptance. At least, that's how I understand it.
posted by gauche at 11:45 AM on September 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
The car I drive is objectively rather embarrassing; it is rusted out in spots, it is dented and dingy, it is 20 years old. People in my socioeconomic bracket would have traded in this car's replacement's replacement already for something newer. A friend of a friend sold it to us for $500 when we needed a car, and it keeps on ticking and, for me, that is a blessing. I am grateful for this car, despite knowing that it looks like a disaster, because it continues to allow my family to live our lives, to visit people and go to school and work and so on. My gratitude about this is separate from my gratitude at the chain of friends whose actions resulted in the car coming into our lives; I am grateful to them as well of course, but I am also in a freestanding way grateful that the car exists in my life and is reliable. It is better than it is worse.
I think there is a semantic space between "blessed" and "graced" in the sense one means it when one (non-sarcastically) refers to "gracing with their presence." I grant that both of these are religiously-inflected terms but there is a sense in which a hillside is graced with flowers that does not have much of anything to do with, e.g., the Christian redemption story or a specific, intentional, personal deity. To me it comes from the same place as radical self-acceptance: this thing about you, this aspect of your personality or perspective that maybe you're not so hot on, it exists. It survived everything to come to meet you at that moment, and that is something worth acknowledging and honoring, even as another part of you wants to judge the shit out of it. Reminding yourself that you are blessed by things that you don't like about yourself is a way to move toward self-acceptance. At least, that's how I understand it.
posted by gauche at 11:45 AM on September 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
If you want to use the words "grateful" or "blessing" in the most dictionary-accurate way, then I'd say "grateful" is for situations where you have someone or some higher power to feel grateful to and a blessing is something that was bestowed on you by some person or higher power.
But the most technically accurate definition of the words isn't what you're interested in. You're interested in how to use the concepts to help make yourself happier. For your purposes, I don't think it's necessary to feel that the good things in your life come from any person or power who gave them to you on purpose. If you want to keep a gratitude journal or count your blessings, you should include anything you're glad about, even if it's something you feel came to you through sheer random luck. You don't have to be concerned with giving thanks for it. The key is to notice the good things that are part of your life and to feel happy that they exist.
It might make you happier to feel as if those things were given to you on purpose by a loving God or that they're signs that the universe is a good and benevolent place. And if other people have done good things for you, it's good for you and for them if you recognize how they've made your life better and maybe explicitly thank them. But I don't think giving credit or thanks for your blessings is as important to your happiness as just recognizing that the blessings exist.
posted by Redstart at 11:47 AM on September 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
But the most technically accurate definition of the words isn't what you're interested in. You're interested in how to use the concepts to help make yourself happier. For your purposes, I don't think it's necessary to feel that the good things in your life come from any person or power who gave them to you on purpose. If you want to keep a gratitude journal or count your blessings, you should include anything you're glad about, even if it's something you feel came to you through sheer random luck. You don't have to be concerned with giving thanks for it. The key is to notice the good things that are part of your life and to feel happy that they exist.
It might make you happier to feel as if those things were given to you on purpose by a loving God or that they're signs that the universe is a good and benevolent place. And if other people have done good things for you, it's good for you and for them if you recognize how they've made your life better and maybe explicitly thank them. But I don't think giving credit or thanks for your blessings is as important to your happiness as just recognizing that the blessings exist.
posted by Redstart at 11:47 AM on September 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
You can be blessed by luck, and grateful for anything.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:57 AM on September 15, 2021
posted by DarlingBri at 11:57 AM on September 15, 2021
"when a Southerner says, 'Bless your heart,' that person isn't involving God in the picture at all. 'Bless you' following a sneeze isn't usually connected to God either"
I'm not necessarily disagreeing with your main point, but I don't think these are good examples. We only say "bless you" because it's too cumbersome to say "may God bless you", which is what the saying originally was, and the reason is because the speaker is essentially praying to God on behalf of the sneezer. My understanding is that this dates back to the Plague, when sneezing was a possible indicator of infection and thus death. Compare and contrast that to "gesundheit", which is German for "health". On the one hand, yes, you're still hoping the sneezer's health improves, but with "gesundheit", you're explicitly avoiding any mention of God or blessings.
I'm not as familiar with "bless your heart", but I do think it's noteworthy that it's from the South, the region of the US where Christianity still exerts the most influence on culture, and not from like, the Pacific Northwest. I also think it's noteworthy that it's more common among older women, a demographic more likely to be religiously observant. I don't get the impression that a 20 year old dude would say "oh bless your heart" to his buddy for bringing a Luke Bryan CD along to listen to in their F-350 on their hunting trip, for example. The people saying "bless your heart" tend to be Christians, and I suspect that many of them are in fact involving God, just in a way that resonates with people who might not share that belief. There are definitely people who have adopted the phrase who aren't practicing Christians, but I'm not sure you can say that secularizes its meaning, and at any rate I think they're a minority among people who use it.
posted by kevinbelt at 12:18 PM on September 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'm not necessarily disagreeing with your main point, but I don't think these are good examples. We only say "bless you" because it's too cumbersome to say "may God bless you", which is what the saying originally was, and the reason is because the speaker is essentially praying to God on behalf of the sneezer. My understanding is that this dates back to the Plague, when sneezing was a possible indicator of infection and thus death. Compare and contrast that to "gesundheit", which is German for "health". On the one hand, yes, you're still hoping the sneezer's health improves, but with "gesundheit", you're explicitly avoiding any mention of God or blessings.
I'm not as familiar with "bless your heart", but I do think it's noteworthy that it's from the South, the region of the US where Christianity still exerts the most influence on culture, and not from like, the Pacific Northwest. I also think it's noteworthy that it's more common among older women, a demographic more likely to be religiously observant. I don't get the impression that a 20 year old dude would say "oh bless your heart" to his buddy for bringing a Luke Bryan CD along to listen to in their F-350 on their hunting trip, for example. The people saying "bless your heart" tend to be Christians, and I suspect that many of them are in fact involving God, just in a way that resonates with people who might not share that belief. There are definitely people who have adopted the phrase who aren't practicing Christians, but I'm not sure you can say that secularizes its meaning, and at any rate I think they're a minority among people who use it.
posted by kevinbelt at 12:18 PM on September 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'm not necessarily disagreeing with your main point, but I don't think these are good examples. We only say "bless you" because it's too cumbersome to say "may God bless you", which is what the saying originally was, and the reason is because the speaker is essentially praying to God on behalf of the sneezer.
I know it originally comes from "God bless you" (I had heard that it was because of a fear that sneezing would expel your soul from your body), but I really don't think anyone now means it in that way. Same with "bless your heart," which in my understanding is a very un-Christian thing to say. I'm not a Southerner, so I don't know if a 20-year-old dude would say it, but it gets recommended by MeFites periodically as what sounds to me like an all-purpose insult. Similarly, a person saying "God damn you" is very unlikely to be calling upon God to damn you, and "go to hell" requires no belief in an afterlife. I think this also ties in with what it means to be a Christian or what a "practicing Christian" would be. I would say that a lot of people who think of themselves as Christian in the US aren't at all serious about religion.
posted by FencingGal at 12:32 PM on September 15, 2021
I know it originally comes from "God bless you" (I had heard that it was because of a fear that sneezing would expel your soul from your body), but I really don't think anyone now means it in that way. Same with "bless your heart," which in my understanding is a very un-Christian thing to say. I'm not a Southerner, so I don't know if a 20-year-old dude would say it, but it gets recommended by MeFites periodically as what sounds to me like an all-purpose insult. Similarly, a person saying "God damn you" is very unlikely to be calling upon God to damn you, and "go to hell" requires no belief in an afterlife. I think this also ties in with what it means to be a Christian or what a "practicing Christian" would be. I would say that a lot of people who think of themselves as Christian in the US aren't at all serious about religion.
posted by FencingGal at 12:32 PM on September 15, 2021
it gets recommended by MeFites periodically as what sounds to me like an all-purpose insult.
That’s some kind of weird internet thing based on wanting to believe all southern women are Delta Burke’s character on Designing Women. In real like in the south I’ve only ever heard it kindly and unironically .
I’ve heard “blessed “ in Christian, Wiccan, and Jewish contexts and do think people generally use it to invoke a higher power, but it’s a common enough term it can belong to anyone to use how they want.
posted by acantha at 1:36 PM on September 15, 2021 [3 favorites]
That’s some kind of weird internet thing based on wanting to believe all southern women are Delta Burke’s character on Designing Women. In real like in the south I’ve only ever heard it kindly and unironically .
I’ve heard “blessed “ in Christian, Wiccan, and Jewish contexts and do think people generally use it to invoke a higher power, but it’s a common enough term it can belong to anyone to use how they want.
posted by acantha at 1:36 PM on September 15, 2021 [3 favorites]
I agree that "blessed" requires some outside entity (God, good fortune) to do the blessing.
Gratefulness is also external, as I see it—very similar to thankfulness. You can omit the object of your gratitude, but I don't think it makes sense to say there is none.
posted by adamrice at 1:42 PM on September 15, 2021
Gratefulness is also external, as I see it—very similar to thankfulness. You can omit the object of your gratitude, but I don't think it makes sense to say there is none.
That’s some kind of weird internet thing based on wanting to believe all southern women are Delta Burke’s character on Designing Women. In real like in the south I’ve only ever heard it kindly and unironically .My experience is that it is used in a smarmy way 95% of the time.
posted by adamrice at 1:42 PM on September 15, 2021
As others have said, both of these terms have their origins in (more or less) religious transactional language:
Bless: Old English bletsian, bledsian, Northumbrian bloedsian "to consecrate by a religious rite, make holy, give thanks," from Proto-Germanic *blodison "hallow with blood, mark with blood," from *blotham "blood" (see blood (n.)). Originally a blood sprinkling on pagan altars.
*Gwere-: gwerə-, Proto-Indo-European root meaning "to favor." It forms all or part of: agree; bard (n.); congratulate; congratulation; disgrace; grace; gracious; grateful; gratify; gratis; gratitude; gratuitous; gratuity; gratulation; ingrate; ingratiate. It is the hypothetical source of/evidence for its existence is provided by: Sanskrit grnati "sings, praises, announces;" Avestan gar- "to praise;" Lithuanian giriu, girti "to praise, celebrate;" Old Celtic bardos "poet, singer."
In modern usage I would maintain that anyone can legitimately employ:
I am grateful for X ... X is a blessing
... as equivalent to the secular longhand ...
I appreciate and acknowledge the positive impact of X on my life ... I understand that I am fortunate X exists and has the positive impact it does on my life.
posted by protorp at 1:45 PM on September 15, 2021 [4 favorites]
Bless: Old English bletsian, bledsian, Northumbrian bloedsian "to consecrate by a religious rite, make holy, give thanks," from Proto-Germanic *blodison "hallow with blood, mark with blood," from *blotham "blood" (see blood (n.)). Originally a blood sprinkling on pagan altars.
*Gwere-: gwerə-, Proto-Indo-European root meaning "to favor." It forms all or part of: agree; bard (n.); congratulate; congratulation; disgrace; grace; gracious; grateful; gratify; gratis; gratitude; gratuitous; gratuity; gratulation; ingrate; ingratiate. It is the hypothetical source of/evidence for its existence is provided by: Sanskrit grnati "sings, praises, announces;" Avestan gar- "to praise;" Lithuanian giriu, girti "to praise, celebrate;" Old Celtic bardos "poet, singer."
In modern usage I would maintain that anyone can legitimately employ:
I am grateful for X ... X is a blessing
... as equivalent to the secular longhand ...
I appreciate and acknowledge the positive impact of X on my life ... I understand that I am fortunate X exists and has the positive impact it does on my life.
posted by protorp at 1:45 PM on September 15, 2021 [4 favorites]
Gratitude, to me, is being thankful that something exists or happened and for something you have or experience. You can be grateful to the person/entity/providence/luck/the Flying Spaghetti Monster if you choose, but gratitude to is non-essential; gratitude that and/or gratitude for is key to what gratitude is. So, gratitude does not require reference to a giver.
I can be grateful for it not raining on my garage sale, for there being one more package of cookies in the cupboard that I hadn't noticed, for the gift my mother mailed me. In the first case, one could feel it's providence/divine or just the luck of the meteorological draw. In the second case, I'd have nobody to thank but myself, purchaser of all cookie-related items. In the third case, I'd be grateful to my mother. In all three cases, I'd be grateful for the benefit, but in only one (YMMV) or two, grateful to someone.
Blessing is more philosophical. Implicit is the spiritual element, though it's perfectly acceptable nowadays (culturally, and to my own mind) to substitute blessing for "honor" in many circumstances. "She blessed us with her presence" is a good example. Of course, you can say that you are blessed or feel blessed, and ignore stating from whom/what you feel that blessing originates. Implicit in the word blessed is that it comes from some giver/bless-er, but it's absolutely not necessary to make reference to the origin of that blessing.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 2:29 PM on September 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
I can be grateful for it not raining on my garage sale, for there being one more package of cookies in the cupboard that I hadn't noticed, for the gift my mother mailed me. In the first case, one could feel it's providence/divine or just the luck of the meteorological draw. In the second case, I'd have nobody to thank but myself, purchaser of all cookie-related items. In the third case, I'd be grateful to my mother. In all three cases, I'd be grateful for the benefit, but in only one (YMMV) or two, grateful to someone.
Blessing is more philosophical. Implicit is the spiritual element, though it's perfectly acceptable nowadays (culturally, and to my own mind) to substitute blessing for "honor" in many circumstances. "She blessed us with her presence" is a good example. Of course, you can say that you are blessed or feel blessed, and ignore stating from whom/what you feel that blessing originates. Implicit in the word blessed is that it comes from some giver/bless-er, but it's absolutely not necessary to make reference to the origin of that blessing.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 2:29 PM on September 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm an agnostic pantheist, which is a designation I made up, but it fits me.
I understand "a blessing" as "something good that I didn't bring about, or do anything to deserve." It doesn't need a higher power, it's more of a "holy shit, something lovely happened in this chaotic universe, on this red-in-tooth-and-claw planet, in this fucked-up society. That is good."
Ursula Le Guin's late novel Voices (in the Gifts/Voices/Powers trilogy) involves a girl in an invented city with an informal belief system involving many local gods. As she passes a little street-corner shrine, she might say to the god of that place "Bless me and be blessed."
In the British Early Modern literature I read, when a person sees their parent after a time apart, the first thing they do is kneel down and ask for the parent's blessing. Children and adults both do this. And yeah, that is very much a religious thing, and the parent often uses the blessing to deliver some pointed advice, but at its best it can still be a very moving thing.
I like the idea that blessing is something we can give each other. In the paganism I once practiced, we were taught that whatever you do comes back on you three times. So you don't curse someone without a REALLY good reason, but you may bless freely.
In Coleridge's The Ancient Mariner, the Mariner is cursed for shooting an albatross (a good-luck bird) and again by his shipmates as they die, but after a week of starvation and thirst, he finds himself watching the watersnakes play around the ship, and finds them unexpectedly beautiful:
posted by Pallas Athena at 2:51 PM on September 15, 2021 [3 favorites]
I understand "a blessing" as "something good that I didn't bring about, or do anything to deserve." It doesn't need a higher power, it's more of a "holy shit, something lovely happened in this chaotic universe, on this red-in-tooth-and-claw planet, in this fucked-up society. That is good."
Ursula Le Guin's late novel Voices (in the Gifts/Voices/Powers trilogy) involves a girl in an invented city with an informal belief system involving many local gods. As she passes a little street-corner shrine, she might say to the god of that place "Bless me and be blessed."
In the British Early Modern literature I read, when a person sees their parent after a time apart, the first thing they do is kneel down and ask for the parent's blessing. Children and adults both do this. And yeah, that is very much a religious thing, and the parent often uses the blessing to deliver some pointed advice, but at its best it can still be a very moving thing.
I like the idea that blessing is something we can give each other. In the paganism I once practiced, we were taught that whatever you do comes back on you three times. So you don't curse someone without a REALLY good reason, but you may bless freely.
In Coleridge's The Ancient Mariner, the Mariner is cursed for shooting an albatross (a good-luck bird) and again by his shipmates as they die, but after a week of starvation and thirst, he finds himself watching the watersnakes play around the ship, and finds them unexpectedly beautiful:
Within the shadow of the shipSo he is freed from the curse when he finds himself able to bless. And the origin of that blessing is "a spring of love"-- just from seeing some snakes and finding them beautiful. We've all felt that little spark of joy, but I like the idea that it's something we can pass on to each other and into the wider world.
I watched their rich attire:
Blue, glossy green, and velvet black,
They coiled and swam; and every track
Was a flash of golden fire.
O happy living things! no tongue
Their beauty might declare:
A spring of love gushed from my heart,
And I blessed them unaware:
Sure my kind saint took pity on me,
And I blessed them unaware.
The self-same moment I could pray;
And from my neck so free
The Albatross fell off, and sank
Like lead into the sea.
posted by Pallas Athena at 2:51 PM on September 15, 2021 [3 favorites]
I have struggled with the same thing. I'm not real comfortable with the standard terminology, and prefer "appreciate." I appreciate that the weather held for our beach trip. I appreciate that the close store had the right veg. I appreciate the shit out of the laundry that got left in the washer for a day not developing a funk. I figure this gets at the "noticing the good things" that seems like the crux of the gratitude practice.
Of course when there's someone to be grateful to, then I try to express that, which both serves to notice the good and strengthen the relatilnship.
posted by DebetEsse at 3:05 PM on September 15, 2021
Of course when there's someone to be grateful to, then I try to express that, which both serves to notice the good and strengthen the relatilnship.
posted by DebetEsse at 3:05 PM on September 15, 2021
My understanding is that gratitude originally evolved to facilitate social cooperation, and in that sense it was gratitude towards other people. But like many emotions it morphed into being grateful towards supernatural entities or gratitude not directed towards any benefactor.
posted by catquas at 3:11 PM on September 15, 2021
posted by catquas at 3:11 PM on September 15, 2021
I know it originally comes from "God bless you" (I had heard that it was because of a fear that sneezing would expel your soul from your body), but I really don't think anyone now means it in that way. Same with "bless your heart," which in my understanding is a very un-Christian thing to say. I'm not a Southerner, so I don't know if a 20-year-old dude would say it, but it gets recommended by MeFites periodically as what sounds to me like an all-purpose insult.
I am a middle-aged person who has lived in the Deep South for my entire life. At least some people are trying to communicate "may the deity we refer to as God bless you" when they say "bless you."
Also, the meaning of "bless your heart" is entirely dependent upon the context and tone. It could be entirely sincere, as it usually is when used by older people, or condescending, as it usually is when used by younger people. This allows us to keep up a facade of politeness as we insult others. Its use as a phrase of condescension has decreased as more people have become aware of its double meaning, which has decreased the level of plausible deniability with which it can be used.
posted by Chuck Barris at 5:07 PM on September 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
I am a middle-aged person who has lived in the Deep South for my entire life. At least some people are trying to communicate "may the deity we refer to as God bless you" when they say "bless you."
Also, the meaning of "bless your heart" is entirely dependent upon the context and tone. It could be entirely sincere, as it usually is when used by older people, or condescending, as it usually is when used by younger people. This allows us to keep up a facade of politeness as we insult others. Its use as a phrase of condescension has decreased as more people have become aware of its double meaning, which has decreased the level of plausible deniability with which it can be used.
posted by Chuck Barris at 5:07 PM on September 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
The whole gratitude thing never made sense to me until I realized recently that just identifying a good thing as a good thing you're glad about is (probably?) what they're trying to tell you what to do when they say that. Because the key is that when I actually tried doing that, it actually gave me a good feeling, like a feeling of comfort and relief. I had always thought when they said "oh if you're unhappy you should try being GRATEFUL" As if merely the act of feeling sad was a symptom of being an ungrateful, misbehaving brat and what they were saying was "Stop being a brat" which was just kind of insulting & uninformative. So anyway just kind of taking a moment at the end of the day to just think about the things that are good & that I like. Like, my comforter on my bed. It's so soft. My little nighttime tea station. It's so cute. Ugh, some things are good. It just keeps your rowboat out of choppy waters for like a minute at a time.
As for blessings I think about that like when something happens that was SO good and SO necessary that I think "I don't know if someone or something did this for me but I'm very glad they did if so because that could have gone BAD" that's what I think of as being a blessing.
posted by bleep at 6:14 PM on September 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
As for blessings I think about that like when something happens that was SO good and SO necessary that I think "I don't know if someone or something did this for me but I'm very glad they did if so because that could have gone BAD" that's what I think of as being a blessing.
posted by bleep at 6:14 PM on September 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
I always enjoy the (probably) false cognate of English "bless" with the French verb blesser which generally means to hit or injure, physically or non-physically. It's a verb you could use about a fender-bender or a boxing match or a particularly sharp verbal burn. So yes, from a physics standpoint, one object must contact another in order for a blessing to occur - blessing has an origin, a target, and force.
posted by All hands bury the dead at 12:28 PM on September 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by All hands bury the dead at 12:28 PM on September 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Blessing is more explicitly religious, in my opinion. Disclosure, I'm religious, but blessings are kind of God's thing. Like, your co-worker doesn't bless you with a ride to work. The blessing, in that case, is having a co-worker who's willing to pick you up. I'd like to hear some non-religious people's views on this, though.
Grammar, I would argue, backs this up, as blessed/blessing is a verb participle.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:14 AM on September 15, 2021 [2 favorites]