it seems awkward to show up empty-handed
June 30, 2021 4:35 PM   Subscribe

Two of my friends got married last year but were unable to host the party they had planned. The party has finally been greenlighted for next month (restrictions are lifting in our area)! I gave them something last year, but should I get them something for the "real" party?

They were married last year in a private ceremony and then invited us to a bring-your-own-food, socially distant, picnic to hang out afterwards. At that picnic, I gave them a card with a cheque inside, and received a nice thank you note the next time I saw them in-person.

What do I do for the party next month? They have a section on their wedding website which mentions where they are registered, so clearly they anticipate gifts from some people. I was thinking of dropping off a card, but not a second gift, monetary or otherwise.

I feel like I'm probably just overthinking this, but Covid has created all these brand-new social situations for me to fuss over.
posted by invokeuse to Human Relations (9 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Best answer: You are overthinking this, you already gave them a gift. They likely invited a bunch of people who didn't make the small thing the first time, that's all for them. Don't stress this .
If you want if their anniversary is coming up giving them something for that would be okay, but don't feel obligated to give a wedding gift twice.
posted by AlexiaSky at 4:56 PM on June 30, 2021 [15 favorites]

Best answer: If it's a party at their house, bring a bottle of decent but not break-the-bank champagne or other bubbly. Most parties I attend, I bring wine, so for this, I'd bump it up a notch, but, yeah, you've done the wedding gift.
posted by theora55 at 5:01 PM on June 30, 2021 [28 favorites]

Best answer: Card seems like a nice gesture! I wonder if the registry is either (a) left over from their original plans or (b) for folks who weren't invited to the first smaller gathering, or perhaps (c) because somebody's parent said they needed to have one ;)
posted by february at 5:15 PM on June 30, 2021

Best answer: I have a hard time showing up to parties empty-handed as it is (even when people are like "Do not bring anything!!!" I'm like, nope, I'm still bringing something as a host/hostess gift). I agree that you should bring a bottle of something (bubbly, wine, liquor if they drink) or some "non-perishable" consumable -- like a good bottle of olive oil or a nice selection of spices (if you can get those things easily). Even some good chocolate or something along those lines (basically something that doesn't need to be eaten that night).

If there's something on their registry that you'd be happy to pay for that could work, too, but you already gave them a wedding gift. Consider this more of a "thank you for hosting this party" gift.
posted by edencosmic at 6:15 PM on June 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Champagne is absolutely the answer here, if it's at their house. (If it's at a venue, I think you can skip it.) If they don't drink, my go-to Special Hostess Consumable Gift is really nice macarons. But don't worry about this!! You already gave them a gift -- they haven't forgotten it. I bet a bunch of people didn't give them anything yet, hence the registry. You're good!
posted by Countess Sandwich at 7:05 PM on June 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

Best answer: If it’s at a venue, I’d say you’re good to go and show up empty handed. If it’s at their house, I came in to recommend champagne as I see other MeFites agree. Think of it as a celebratory anniversary gift/hostess gift of sorts, as opposed to a second wedding gift.
posted by nathaole at 7:24 PM on June 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Flowers are nice.
posted by bluedaisy at 9:06 PM on June 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

Best answer: I am in your friends' position (got married during covid and had to postpone any sort of celebration) and would totally not expect a second gift from you at the party. You gave them a gift and they acknowledged it - you're done! If I were your friends, I would actually feel bad if you got a second gift, however much of a token, and I would feel like I'd made a mistake in communicating to you. If you really can't bear to show up empty-handed, your plan to bring a nice card ("So glad we can finally have this party!") sounds perfect.
posted by superfluousm at 7:14 AM on July 1, 2021 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks, all, for your kind advice!
posted by invokeuse at 7:47 PM on July 1, 2021

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