What can I do with a bag of very expensive very bad biscotti?
May 10, 2021 2:27 PM   Subscribe

I paid $30 for this 1.5lb bag of lemon-pistachio biscotti and I can't bear to throw it away. Ideas for repurposing? More details inside.

1. They are rock hard and far too thickly sliced. I have dildos smaller than these biscotti.

2. Would make wonderful hammers if only they weren't so very greasy. Impossible to consume with coffee or tea since I am not a fan of bulletproofing either of these drinks.

3. I detect no lemon whatsoever but there is indeed a copious amount of whole, unsliced pistachios.

4. The taste is... not bad, especially if I could somehow degrease the dang thing.

Help me brainstorm some uses for these expensive tooth-crushes, please?
posted by MiraK to Food & Drink (24 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Crush and add to granola?
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 2:28 PM on May 10, 2021 [6 favorites]

Maybe crush and use for a graham cracker crust?
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:30 PM on May 10, 2021 [10 favorites]

Pulse in the food processor, then pie crust, top ice cream, etc
posted by bfranklin at 2:30 PM on May 10, 2021 [9 favorites]

Best answer: Bread pudding, which is always best made with dried out bread. For these I’d say just, lay the biscotti in a loaf or cake pan, mix up some milk and eggs and spices that work, pour over. Refrigerate overnight, bake in the morning.
posted by Sublimity at 2:32 PM on May 10, 2021 [17 favorites]

I came here to suggest bread pudding, as well, but have been unexpectedly and immeasurably enriched by the phrase, "I have dildos smaller than these biscotti." Thank you for that one.
posted by Dr. Wu at 2:39 PM on May 10, 2021 [36 favorites]

Add to soups.
posted by aniola at 2:41 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: This is great! Especially love the suggestions different from "crush and add to sweet things". Intrigued about the soup idea... Aniola, would you please elaborate? Which soups? What will happen to my soup if I add sweet things to it?!
posted by MiraK at 2:52 PM on May 10, 2021

Best answer: Once upon a previous age more similar to Middle Earth or something, I visited a Swiss family in their fabulous architectural icon of a house, and they served a blended Hokkaido pumpkin soup which was seasoned with paprika and sprinkled with crushed Amarettini. It was a truly memorable lunch. I think your biscotti would work just fine instead of the Amarettini, specially if you add a bit of ginger to the soup (and maybe use chili instead of paprika).
posted by mumimor at 3:03 PM on May 10, 2021 [5 favorites]

Could you use the crushed-up biscotti to sprinkle on top of toffee?
posted by Lycaste at 3:10 PM on May 10, 2021

Make a sacrificial pot of tea for them? You don't have to drink the tea but it would do a dual job of degreasing and softening, if you like the flavor.
posted by Lady Li at 3:19 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Another crushed-and-on-top-of: unsweetened yoghurt and sliced bananas, topped with your crushed biscotti.
posted by sonofsnark at 3:20 PM on May 10, 2021 [7 favorites]

Best answer: So, amaretti are often used in pumpkin tortellini (e.g. this recipe but dozens more if you search), so I wonder if you might be inventive in a new stuffed pasta combo.

Otherwise my suggestion was this Ottolenghi Poached Apricots With Pistachio and Amaretto Mascarpone recipe, which is about crushing them up and using instead of the amaretti but they get mixed into mascarpone and so soften..
posted by AnnaRat at 3:21 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]

Maybe experiment with making an icebox cake out of them? My first experiment would be to break one up roughly and add whipped cream and maybe some fruit. I’d try it in a small container first to see if the biscotti could get soft enough (maybe soak them in cream a bit before too?) you could play around with flavors. Pistachio is nice with stone fruit.
posted by vunder at 4:30 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]

Crush and use in meatloaf, either with or without other breads? (Yes, really. I've used other sweet things, including Ritz, graham cracker, dried-out muffins of various flavors, sweet cereals, and other cookies, either alone or in combination.)
posted by stormyteal at 4:48 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]

I would stuff a bird with that.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 4:54 PM on May 10, 2021 [3 favorites]

Here's a recipe for a butternut squash soup with crushed amoretti, but I bet the biscotti would work too (just a different flavor profile)

Another idea that came to mind was a mezze plate--some feta, roasted peppers and tomatoes, hummus, olives, bread or crackers--and sprinkle the crushed biscotti on the cheese (or roll a favorite soft cheese in the biscotti?)

One more: what if you paired it with something salty as a snack for drinks. Some salted nuts with some lightly crushed biscotti. I was thinking you could roast some almonds with salt, a little sugar and rosemary. After the nuts cool, add the crushed cookies to that.

Since all of these ideas are a little oily, I'm thinking you wouldn't notice the fat as much
posted by biscuits at 5:01 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I LOVE these ideas. Marking as best answer the ones I have all the ingredients for and therefore will be trying for sure. (Sorry it's a bit arbitrary! And also, I'm sure it would be great in meatloaf or stuffed into birds, y'all, but I'm a vegetarian, so not trying that.)

Thank you!
posted by MiraK at 5:15 PM on May 10, 2021

I've had some pretty good pizza with crushed Fritos as a topping. I'll bet crushed lemon-pistachio biscotti would be an interesting topping.
posted by blob at 7:21 PM on May 10, 2021

Can you break them up into crouton-size chunks and use in a salad? Like one of those springy spinach salads with strawberries.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:25 PM on May 10, 2021 [1 favorite]

I’ll be honest, now I kinda really want to know how you came to be in possession of such expensive yet horrible biscotti…

In the spirit of answering the question however, but knowing i have the culinary skills of the aforementioned dildo, I can only suggest using them as building materials. Biscotti-bread houses perhaps?
posted by cgg at 8:31 PM on May 10, 2021 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: cgg, I had just got my tax refund and my vaccine - i.e. I wanted to celebrate and had a lot of money to do it with. Came across this local bakery pop up at the farmer's market and... sigh.

BTW breakfast this morning was greek yogurt with fruit and crushed biscotti on top. It was actually pretty good but at this rate I will be eating the biscotti for like 6 months! Bread pudding is sounding more and more like my ultimate solution. Or I might take cgg's suggestion and patch my roof with it!
posted by MiraK at 6:29 AM on May 11, 2021

Best answer: Forgive me if this is too obvious, but in my country Tiramisu is the go-to recipe for too many biscotti. You soak them so they're nice and soft.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:01 AM on May 11, 2021 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: Whaaaaaaat. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Tiramisu!!
posted by MiraK at 5:04 PM on May 11, 2021 [2 favorites]

Building on that, biscotti are an excellent bottom layer for no-bake cream based cakes (I think Americans use graham crackers in a similar way?)
I am no baker, but my stepmom used to layer biscotti in a cake tin, pour a mixture of yoghurt, whipped cream, sugar and gelatin on top and let it set, then decorate with fresh fruit.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:11 AM on May 12, 2021

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