Was Carl Rogers an okay person?

May 9, 2021 12:37 PM

I read some essays by Carl Rogers and I loved everything about them. Experience tells me that any time I am enchanted by the work of a white man, he turns out to have been a jerk to women or to have been an awful person in other ways, and that just spoils it for me. Is there anything in that vein that I should know about?
posted by Omnomnom to Grab Bag (7 answers total)

Best answer: Rogers wrote about his romantic and sexual reawakening in his diary. In his 70s
he fell deeply in love with a married woman in her thirties named Bernice who was a participant in one of his therapy groups. They embraced soon after meeting and met later in Rogers’ hotel room, where he tried to seduce her; “I told her I’d like to share my crazy
fantasies about her and I did” (Cohen, 1997, p. 210). They embraced and kissed, but Bernice refused sex. A few days later, during a therapy group session, Rogers felt depressed and wept, and Bernice sat by him and held his arm while he held her bare leg.
Rogers experienced extreme emotional ups and downs in this relationship, and he realized he needed counseling, but he put off seeking help. Finally he took a Valium and a drink of vodka and went to see a counselor. He wrote “I feel deprived of all the sexual relationships I might have had outside of marriage” (Cohen, 1997, p. 214). Rogers met with Bernice many times and they were emotionally close, but she never agreed to have a
sexual relationship with him. During the four years of this relationship Rogers gave
Bernice $5,500 worth of checks as gifts (Cohen, 1997).
Rogers talked to his wife Helen about his attraction to other women, and he also
talked in his workshop groups about the dilemma of whether to have affairs. Eventually his wife said she would allow him to have his sexual affairs, and Rogers felt less guilty.
After Helen died, Rogers developed loving, sexual relationships with three women and maintained all three relationships simultaneously for the next several years, and also had a few other brief passionate liaisons (Kirschenbaum, 2007). Rogers wrote in his notes that although he was not interested in getting married again, he did want a loving sexual relationship with a younger woman (Cohen, 1997). (Source)
posted by parmanparman at 1:04 PM on May 9, 2021 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: Good grief! It has to be possible to be famous and not-a-jerk.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:11 PM on May 9, 2021 [20 favorites]

The Section quoted above is part of a longer article in Rogers : The Shadow Side of the Great Psychotherapists by Timothy C. Thomason (2016).
Thomason prefaces the article by pointing Out
"The great psychotherapists provide us with models for how to practice our work as counselors and psychologists, but it is important not to think of them as infallible guides. By learning something about the personal quirks and failings of
some of the greatest psychotherapists in history we can develop a more sophisticated understanding of their lives and work. This article describes some lesser-known facts about the lives of Carl Rogers, Fritz Perls, Albert Ellis, and Milton Erickson. The ethical challenges and mental disorders experienced by the great psychotherapists illustrate the need for all counselors and psychotherapists to seek help when needed.

The last paragraph in the section on Rogers says:
Carl Rogers believed that to become self-actualized one must strip away the false fronts used to present oneself to the world and become one’s true self. The mask of the persona must be discarded in the interest of truth. “Neither the Bible nor the prophets –neither Freud nor research – neither the revelations of God nor man – can take
precedence over my own direct experience” (Rogers, 1961, p. 24). In his published and
unpublished writings Rogers revealed himself, faults and all. His determination to figure out his own philosophy of life and make a difference by helping shape the field of psychotherapy is admirable. His positive contributions are not diminished by his failings
posted by 15L06 at 1:45 PM on May 9, 2021 [5 favorites]

Mod note: Few comments removed - please stick to the question being asked, thank you.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:08 PM on May 9, 2021

From what I know of Carl Rogers (which is a small amount, I'm certainly no expert), he was not what I would describe as "a jerk to women or to have been an awful person in other ways".

The quote that parmanparman provided suggests a man struggling with a lack of physical intimacy, which is a legitimate issue. It is perfectly possible to love your spouse but still feel that there is something missing from your life. This does not make one a jerk (in my opinion), and it doesn't appear as if Rogers assaulted, harassed, or abused women. Agonising over whether to have an extra-marital affair is not limited to men, white people, or white men specifically (as per the part of your question where you talked about white men letting you down).

You absolutely have the right to make up your own mind about him, but if you're getting from parmanparman's quote that he's a terrible human being then I gently suggest you're going to be disappointed by pretty much every person you read about, because we are all flawed. Every one of us. Rogers wasn't a saint. none of us are. But he certainly wasn't a demon.

Rogers doesn't have to meet every single facet of your moral ideals to have ideas and thoughts worth reading, and his work is deep, complex, and thoroughly engaging, so I say go for it, whilst bearing in mind that no-one is perfect, and that's OK.
posted by underclocked at 9:32 AM on May 10, 2021 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: To clarify, my visceral reaction stems from the fact that according to this account, Rogers propositioned a client 40 years younger than him and used her vulnerability to, I don't know, massage his own problems. Then got her into an icky situation where the client felt compelled to comfort him in a group therapy setting.

This is not a question of him having affairs, being a bigamist, robbing a bank or whatever other things people get up to on their own time. This is a betrayal of his role as a therapist.

I don't expect anyone to be faultless, but I think this qualifies as an answer to my question.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:43 AM on May 10, 2021 [8 favorites]

Vindication!
posted by parmanparman at 2:23 PM on May 13, 2021