Alternative Post-Pandemic Bat Mitzvah Suggestions Needed

April 22, 2021 6:23 AM

Kid Gnutron has her bat mitzvah scheduled for May 2022. Planning is daunting for reasons. Seeking suggestions for non-traditional bat mitzvah celebrations for these strange times.

We are T-minus 12.5 months until my kid's bat mitzvah. There are several reasons we are hesitant to have a traditional ballroom-style affair and seeking some alternative ideas. We estimate the party will include 75-100 guests.

Some issues: Kid thinks she wants a big special party but generally had a bad time at past birthday parties we've thrown for her. She gets overwhelmed by the number of people and the demands for her attention/performance. More successful birthday parties have been pool parties/sleepovers/travel with a 1-2 friends.

Due to the pandemic, e-learning, and recent transition to middle school, she does not have a ton of friends, and she may only want to invite 10 or so kids to her bat mitzvah. She tends to be the kind of kid that does better with a small group of friends rather than a large group. I worry it might feel odd or anti-climactic if we rent a big room and hire a dj for just a few kids and a few dozen adults.

We moved to this area (Tampa) 8 years ago and we don't have a huge social circle either, or a strong connection to the local Jewish community.

We are not really concerned about pandemic issues for 2022. Kid loves to travel but doesn't want a big trip for this celebration. What are some good ideas for non-traditional celebrations for a shy kid, a few friends, and their doting parents?

posted by gnutron to Grab Bag (6 answers total)

My favorite bat mitzvah from my time in the trenches (I grew up in a *very* Jewish area; there were two or three a weekend for the entirety of seventh grade) was a small (maybe 20 people?) party at a roller rink with pizza and soda. No dressing up, no weird performative dance-floor bullshit, we weren't invited to the ceremony (Claire was a summer baby and knew perfectly well that a) none of her agemates cared about the ceremony and b) we could all recite it word-perfect according to the customs of at least three temples) and it was actually a fun time.

I had a slightly more traditional thing, but I hated (and still hate) dancing and we hired a magician instead. I had friends telling me for months that mine was their favorite because they were all fucking sick of the standard big dance party format too. So definitely go for something that is fun - see a show, hire a performer, do something your kid actually likes with people they actually like.
posted by restless_nomad at 6:42 AM on April 22, 2021 [3 favorites]

Does she like outdoors activity? You could rent a group campsite and let her hang out with her friends there. The kids could share a tent and the adults could set up a little further away both for the girls' independence and your own sanity. She could lead her friends on a hike as a sign of independence and/or they could do their own campfire.
posted by JuliaKM at 7:46 AM on April 22, 2021 [1 favorite]

My son sounds a lot like your daughter. His bar mitzvah was a glorious success and might work for you -- we lived in a cottage on a lake at the time, and we had a beach party. For *reasons* we could not have the Shabbat morning service in our synagogue, so we set up a stage and an umbrella for shade on the beach, borrowed a traveling Torah and arc and had services right in front of the water. After the service, well, the kids changed into swim stuff, there was a floating dock with a slide, we outfitted the garage with a disco ball and hired a DJ (mostly in case it rained; the DJ got very little use), we rented a big tent and put tables with games in it (again mostly for rain or a need for shade) and rented a super fancy porta-potty (for the swimsuit changing as well as the obvious) and had boxed lunches and picnic blankets for the lawn. People spent the whole entire day -- we ended up having dinner delivered for those still there by Havdalah, and we eventually migrated into the house where people played piano and flute and sang impromptu barbershop quartets. It was magical. It was such a success that everyone in our synagogue afterwards had similar parties. If you don't have access to a beach cottage, you could probably rent something through airbnb or a local state park. If the timing isn't right, negotiate changing the timing -- our kid had a winter birthday, but our synagogue allowed kids to do the bar mitzvah in summer regardless of the birthday if they wanted. YMMV, of course.
posted by shadygrove at 7:57 AM on April 22, 2021 [1 favorite]

My cousin's bat mitzvah party was a pool party with a magic show at the local YMCA for the kids, while the adults got a nice dinner someplace. There may have been some cross-over between the groups at some point for part of it, but I don't quite remember to what extent.
posted by damayanti at 7:57 AM on April 22, 2021

We have a lot of out-of-town family that show up for these things and my son really preferred to spend time with his relatives (of all ages) than have a typical ballroom party. So we did a couple of things
1. our synagouge has a tradition of the family sponsoring a kiddish lunch after the service that is open to anyone who was at services that day. We amped up the quality of food and arranged for a jazz band (fronted by a favorite uncle, kid likes jazz) to do a short 30 minute set afterwards. All the usual suspects that needed to get an invitation just got invited to services and luncheon.
2. that evening, we invited the entire family (plus about two friends) to dinner at a favorite restaurant and then every one came back to our house to hang out. (about 30 people). Everyone else was told that it was family only.
3. we had a birthday party a few weeks earlier that was exactly what my kid wanted with exactly the friends he wanted to invite.
posted by metahawk at 10:23 AM on April 22, 2021

Only a few kids I invited to my bat mitzvah rsvp'd yes ( the girl I considered my best friend at the time was only able to come to the ceremony and the oneg at the temple) , so it was mostly family and friends of the family at the reception held in my back yard.

I'd attended way too many receptions with hired bands playing mediocre versions of "Whip It " so I had strolling classical music players.
posted by brujita at 1:12 PM on April 22, 2021