Help hare become tortoise

April 8, 2021 10:23 AM

You were a quick, hasty, slapdash, clumsy person who walked, talked, and acted fast and often made a mess because of it. Now you're not. What were your tricks and tips that helped you transform? Bonus: any resources that celebrate the slow, the calm, the considered and the collected.

I would like to slow down. I already meditate regularly and try to be conscious/attentive/mindful of my actions, but I am still a hasty and often clumsy person and as a result I make mistakes, damage things, and generally clatter about in a disharmonious way that I would like to change.

I also talk really, really fast, to the point that some fellow native English speakers have had issues understanding me.

I'd like any tips on how to slooooow down, and if you know any poems or other media in praise of slowness I'd love to hear them!

posted by Balthamos to Health & Fitness (22 answers total)

I'm still very much Too Fast for some people, but I've gotten better at noticing. The exercise I do is, when I notice, just stop. Hold still. Let the velocity/energy inside my head be isolated inside my head for a minute. It feels kind of like needing to scream or, more usefully, maybe a wave smashing into a rock. After that burns out, it's a bit quieter and easier to process inputs.

A remarkable number of people won't notice that you've just stopped talking mid-sentence, because they weren't following the sentence you were saying anyway. It was enlightening.

Where you were busy trying to chop the next dish at the same time you flipped the first dish and also had a conversation, the sudden boredom that comes up when you make yourself stop moving might make you a notice something unimportant, like the smell of burning.
posted by Lady Li at 10:35 AM on April 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

I use the saying, "Slow is smooth, smooth is fast." It really helps remind me to slow down and be more mindful and thoughtful.
posted by papergirl at 10:46 AM on April 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

It might help you to figure out what is going on when you make these mistakes.

Are you expecting yourself to automatically remember and "just do" things and then beating yourself up for forgetting? ADHD folks are the biggest proponents on the web of reminders and checklists and timers, but I work in manufacturing and industrial process control and LET ME TELL YOU, everyone in the entire world does better with processes in place, if you expect people just not to make mistakes then that was the mistake.

Are you overloading yourself with tasks and trying to go at 100% all the time, either because adrenaline is fun or because you are trying to optimize and get more things done? Practice taking things off the schedule. Leave ten minutes early for your appointments. Cook one fewer dish for dinner, or prep it ahead of time and just reheat it. Start to ramp down your work day or current activities thirty minutes before you need to leave (me, I use a timer).
posted by Lady Li at 10:48 AM on April 8, 2021 [12 favorites]

The book World Enough & Time: On Creativity And Slowing Down is great, has lots of thoughtful strategies.
posted by veery at 11:10 AM on April 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

I say this one weird trick in a lot of threads, but this really helped me with a problem that sounds very similar to yours:

Listen more than you talk.
posted by Sauce Trough at 11:57 AM on April 8, 2021

The key to making the mindfulness effective is that you have to notice the thing when you're doing it. I have many of the same struggles and the only thing that helps me is just noticing when it's happening and trying to do it differently. Practice makes perfect.
posted by bleep at 11:57 AM on April 8, 2021 [2 favorites]

Process, process, process. I'm a fair amount like you, I think, only I landed in a job that was high pressure and highly detail-oriented. I had to spend a huge amount of time and energy training myself to double-check things, to make checklists, to think about the points in a process at which error is introduced and figure out ways to eliminate them if possible or build in safeguards if not. It all seems insufferably basic, but the human brain just loves to take short cuts and will do so if you don't build formal mechanisms to make sure all the boxes are checked.

I'm a decent presenter now, but I still talk way too fast if I haven't rehearsed. I'm thinking about taking some public speaking or acting classes. A big problem for me is trying to finish the whole sentence on one breath--I can chunk sentences if I'm conscious that I need to, but still slip up a lot when I'm not paying attention.
posted by praemunire at 12:04 PM on April 8, 2021 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks for the replies so far.

Just to clarify, my main concern is literally physical movement, interacting with objects and moving my body in space.

I'm generally ok with more abstract things like task management.
posted by Balthamos at 12:08 PM on April 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

What kind of exercise are you getting? Since you already have meditation covered, I would try to approach the issue from the physical side. Maybe try yoga, where you have to be mindful of your body and speed isn't valued, or running with a focus on form? Something to train your body and control your movements.
posted by Behemoth, in no. 302-bis, with the Browning at 12:36 PM on April 8, 2021

You could also try moving meditation, like meditating while focusing on walking at a measured pace. Or, adding on to Behemoth's suggestion, something like tai chi as another discipline that involves slow careful movements.
posted by trig at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2021

Do you know about proprioception? It's basically knowing where your body/body parts are in space. My life changed when I learned about it, like four years ago, because I had very bad proprioception and was also very clumsy, dropped things often, hurt myself by accidentally slamming my hand in doors, etc.

The good news is you can improve your proprioception; there's a good article here with lots of ideas about halfway down, and of course lots of others if you do a web search. You can absolutely start working on it yourself, I did (with yoga) but also had a lot of help from a great yoga teacher and a massage therapist. I'm a LOT less clumsy and much more ambiently aware of my body in space now, although I do still have to pay extra, intentional attention during times of heightened emotional or physical stress.
posted by stellaluna at 2:28 PM on April 8, 2021 [8 favorites]

Best answer: What I do, when I notice that I'm being clumsy due to haste, is I try to deliberately try to make as little noise while moving or manipulating objects as possible. This requires me to move slowly and carefully and to think very hard about how I interact with the world around me.

I suppose this is akin to a kind of movement meditation/mindfulness practice, but I honestly tend to view it as a game I'm playing with myself where I win by being quiet and bringing myself into stillness.
posted by darchildre at 2:30 PM on April 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

I started karate mostly for strength but I was just thinking recently about how much more physically methodical I am since I’ve started. I think it’s helped my proprioception considerably, and it gets out my base-level jitters by tiring me out a bit most days, and gives me a space where I spend a lot of time thinking about how my whole body moves in space and relative to other people. So I’d consider some kind of friendly whole-body-movement class that sounds fun to you, whether a martial art or dance or yoga. (A lot of places have remote lessons right now.)
posted by tchemgrrl at 3:00 PM on April 8, 2021

I am also a chronically Fast Person and it causes problems in my life, i.e. the solo hike I took where I wiped out in the mud not once but twice because I was moving too quickly and not watching my step--thank god only the second fall had an audience! I also try to practice mindfulness.

The only way I really know to address it is to try and be mindful of when I am rushing, then stop, take a deep breath, and go through this exaggerated dance of consciously trying to do the task in slow motion. I literally slow my movements--I move my hands slower, take long pauses at random points, and try taking deep breaths. In order to do this successfully, of course, I have to notice when I am moving too quickly, which can be hard to do. But if you can do that the key is to move in a way that feels unnatural and weirdly slow, to consciously counteract your natural instincts in those moments and practice an entirely new way of moving and breathing and being.

The other trick I've discovered is to try to talk slower. I do this in the same way I do the above--I consciously notice when I am talking too quickly, then slow down my speech patterns in a way that feels unnatural to me. I also make a point to clearly enunciate each word, which forces me to slow down and be much more mindful of how I am speaking.

I notice some discomfort in my body when I do this, which I attribute to moving at a slower pace than what my internal "motor" wants for me, but I also see it as a process of retraining my body and mind to slow the f down and smell the flowers. It's a work in progress and it won't happen overnight. It is literally a retraining of your nervous system, of your brain and nerves and muscles, the ones that help you breathe and move and speak. If you stick to it it will likely pay off eventually.

Good luck!
posted by Amy93 at 4:59 PM on April 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

I am chronically fast but mostly about talking and other kind of "maybe do too many things at once" things. My partner, in contrast, has terrible proprioception (as stellaluna mentions) and is otherwise a slow motion kind of dude. So we have different things we do but a few of them are similar.

- put that thing down before you pick that thing up - my partner was always picking a thing up on the way to do a thing and then not putting it down, picking up another thing etc. His hands were often overflowing with things which caused balance and "I am taking up too much space" issues
- I would twist my ankles a lot because of poor balance, I started doing the "brush your teeth on one foot" thing and it was interesting how quickly it helped. Also I am a big fan of yoga, partner hates it.
- Baggy clothing - I would get into extra trouble wearing baggy clothes or loose shoes/crocs because of balance issues AND the sort of "where does my body end and clothes begin and the door handle end?" sorts of problems. Solution for me was to get out of my pajamas and into better fitting clothes more often, wear better shoes outside

I will also sometimes narrate what I'm up to as I do it "OK we're going to get this, put that down, go here and then do that..." and mumble a little while I'm doing it if it's something complex, it helps. Similarly I never wash a mug with one hand any more TWO HANDS ON THE MUG AT ALL TIME CHUMLEY!

I had a useful meditation thing I practiced for a while which was trying to note when you stood up or sat down. Not did anything but just noted it "I am sitting" "I am standing" Or "I am going out" "I am going in." It was so hard! Just the idea of being a bit more deliberate when you did a movement or a shift helped make me more aware of what I was doing. For me walking more slowly was something I adjusted to when I would do more walks in my neighborhood and realized that if I was careening towards someone, *I* would know I was in control and they might not so if they weren't so sure=footed me being slower helped them as well as myself.
posted by jessamyn at 5:36 PM on April 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Let everything become a meditation: get absorbed in the simplest things as a process. When you wash dishes, notice the sensations and go slow kind of glorifying the process; if you cook, become obsessed with mise en place - not to become more neurotic and OCD, but as a slow, mindful process-before moving onto the slow sensations of cooking, preparing, experiencing, etc; or apply to those sorts of ideas specifically to the things you're worried about and practice.

Focus on the moment you're in, the process; which is really an attentional thing. It took me a long time in life to come to that. My 100 year old aunt calls it "prayer without pause", I call it being in the moment, I figured it out when my girlfriend in college made it her East Asian Philosophy/"Disputers of the Dao" project to simply "wash dishes." There's a lot of depth down there to get distracted in, but in the process and practice you get really good at slowing things down.

It takes time too to get good at, so be patient with yourself too. You've already begun the change you're seeking.
posted by rubatan at 5:51 PM on April 8, 2021

I started spending a lot of time with someone who had really long pauses in-between saying things.
posted by aniola at 6:15 PM on April 8, 2021

Oh, also: I am not allowed to eat anything while I walk. Maybe some people can eat and walk at the same time, but for me it can occasionally be a choking hazard. So I try to not do it.
posted by aniola at 6:20 PM on April 8, 2021

Best answer: What is the reason you are rushing? I'm a chronic rusher because that's a safety mechanism for me (busyholism). So in order to not rush I'm actively trying to tell myself I'm safe and my mantra is "I'm learning to enjoy doing my daily activities at a relaxed pace".
posted by london explorer girl at 3:18 AM on April 9, 2021

I still like the "stop and take inventory" approach I mentioned above. When you notice you are rushing, don't just "try to slow down", actually stop moving until you have inventory of what you are doing.

Otherwise it sounds like you may want something in the Occupational / Physical therapy family, which includes things you can do at home too for physical awareness of your body and surroundings. Proprioception exercises help folks, and just generally learning to spend more time in your body and aware of yourself through something like yoga or a martial art or dance would probably be good once you're comfortable doing things with an instructor again.
posted by Lady Li at 7:11 AM on April 9, 2021

Fast walker here, living in a slow-walking small city. Here's a grab-bag of observations; keep only those you want, cancel anytime.

Every so often, do something that's hard enough for you that it slows you down. For me, this is running (paradoxically!) and medium-hard sudoku puzzles. I find that this helps temper my inner tornado. If you get faster at your hard thing, keep doing it and find another hard thing. Channel the energy into effort.

Think of it like auto racing. Moving fast is fine as long as you have the situational awareness to match. In the pre-COVID era, I avoided a lot of pedestrian traffic snarls by monitoring the noses of oncoming walkers. Even absolute meanderers tend to point their noses in the direction they intend to go. (Except at my local Trader Joe's, where everybody walks with their heads pointed almost backward.) Channel the energy into hypervigilance.

Cultivate the appropriate soundtrack, whenever possible. When I had a busy schedule and a car with a V8 engine, I only listened to the Riverdance CD during rush hour. Anything else and I'd develop full-on road rage; that album was calming, because it was impossible to take myself seriously while I listened to it. Anticipate when the energy will be too much for the environment, and modify the environment accordingly. Channel the energy into strategy.
posted by armeowda at 1:37 PM on April 9, 2021 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks everyone. These are all helpful answers. I've marked as best ones that most spoke to me: figuring out why it's important to me to slow down. For me as my buddhist practice deepens the idea of "every moment zen", along the lines that rubatan mentions, becomes clearly as important as "formal" meditation. In fact it seems it's not really slowness at all that I am wanting to embody, but really not placing myself above and beyond the current moment and action, even in tiny split-second ways like already reaching for the next thing before having quite put down the first thing. There is no future, not even two seconds ahead!

In terms of implementing, darchildre's approach of trying to make as little noise as possible seems to be working well for me, as this seems to be what allows me to concentrate on my body movements, rather than thinking directly about my body, which doesn't seem to result in slowing down at all. This is probably again because it places my attention into the world and objects and their interactions with my body, rather than dwelling in my body as if it is cut off from everything else.

Speech turns out to be another whole realm of enquiry, but again turning to dharma and focusing on Right Speech feels very useful.
posted by Balthamos at 6:36 AM on April 12, 2021