Cat allergies, did I do the right thing?
January 17, 2021 8:10 AM Subscribe
Gave my cat to my daughter, well it was her cat originally, am feeling sad and guilty...will the cat be okay?
I'll try to lay this out simply. I have had cat/dog allergies for years. In 2012 my friend was getting a kitten who had a litter mate who was adorable. Around that time I heard Zyrtec was great for allergies especially pet allergies. My daughter (then a teenager) is a cat lady lol...after much discussion I decided I'd give this cat a new home....when my daughter moved out she was going to take her but at the time she moved (she would be living with two roommates)....so the cat stayed with me and she became very attached to me. My daughter bought a home a few years ago and I couldn't give up the cat yet, I was going through the loss of my Mom and couldn't take much more. I should add that over the last 6 years I was diagnosed with glaucoma which has been manageable but I have severe dry eye....after some research and a lot of thought I came to the decision to give the cat to my daughter. I read that allergy meds cause dryness in eyes etc. plus I've had a few breathing issues if I don't take the allergy meds routinely. Yesterday I dropped her off and I as I know it's the right thing I feel guilty but deep inside I know my health has to come first. I do miss her and she lives a block away, I can visit....did I make the right decision. I'm alone now.
I'll try to lay this out simply. I have had cat/dog allergies for years. In 2012 my friend was getting a kitten who had a litter mate who was adorable. Around that time I heard Zyrtec was great for allergies especially pet allergies. My daughter (then a teenager) is a cat lady lol...after much discussion I decided I'd give this cat a new home....when my daughter moved out she was going to take her but at the time she moved (she would be living with two roommates)....so the cat stayed with me and she became very attached to me. My daughter bought a home a few years ago and I couldn't give up the cat yet, I was going through the loss of my Mom and couldn't take much more. I should add that over the last 6 years I was diagnosed with glaucoma which has been manageable but I have severe dry eye....after some research and a lot of thought I came to the decision to give the cat to my daughter. I read that allergy meds cause dryness in eyes etc. plus I've had a few breathing issues if I don't take the allergy meds routinely. Yesterday I dropped her off and I as I know it's the right thing I feel guilty but deep inside I know my health has to come first. I do miss her and she lives a block away, I can visit....did I make the right decision. I'm alone now.
Oh sweetie, yes, it sounds like you made the right decision. The cat will be OK, as long as there aren't issues in the new household. The kitty already knows your daughter, and you can visit, so I think the kitty will probably be fine.
I'm more worried about you. Of course it's lonely and quiet without your friend there.
If you want, you can explore other options for keeping your allergies at bay even with her there -- keeping the house super clean, running HEPA filters in the house, wiping down the cat, covering your bed with a sheet that you change/clean every day or two. However, if you do live alone and it's just too much work for you, maybe that's not realistic, or maybe your allergies are too severe to be managed by this kind of thing alone.
Are you allergic to dogs? Maybe that's something to consider. Dogs can be excellent company, although they also require a certain amount of effort.
posted by amtho at 8:19 AM on January 17, 2021 [12 favorites]
I'm more worried about you. Of course it's lonely and quiet without your friend there.
If you want, you can explore other options for keeping your allergies at bay even with her there -- keeping the house super clean, running HEPA filters in the house, wiping down the cat, covering your bed with a sheet that you change/clean every day or two. However, if you do live alone and it's just too much work for you, maybe that's not realistic, or maybe your allergies are too severe to be managed by this kind of thing alone.
Are you allergic to dogs? Maybe that's something to consider. Dogs can be excellent company, although they also require a certain amount of effort.
posted by amtho at 8:19 AM on January 17, 2021 [12 favorites]
Try to let go of any guilt, even though it’s hard. The cat will be absolutely fine. Cats do remember people they love and can miss family members who leave but it’s really not like how people have feelings. They are so much more in the moment than us. And you know this cat is in a loving home, and you can help contribute to their care, and even visit! This is a win for both of you.
You’re right that your health comes first, but mental health is a big part of that. You sound like someone who thrives with companionship, who is very empathetic. It is difficult right now because of COVID but however possible try to reach out to people in your life and connect with them. Maybe even think about a roommate, or some other shared living situation. There are also many pets that aren’t cats or dogs that you could research and think about for now. Your nurturing personality might even find fulfillment through caring for a garden or a house full of plants. Your loneliness is telling you something about yourself, you know?
I bet your daughter will have video of the cat exploring their new digs and maybe even playing or purring to share with you soon.
posted by Mizu at 8:28 AM on January 17, 2021 [6 favorites]
You’re right that your health comes first, but mental health is a big part of that. You sound like someone who thrives with companionship, who is very empathetic. It is difficult right now because of COVID but however possible try to reach out to people in your life and connect with them. Maybe even think about a roommate, or some other shared living situation. There are also many pets that aren’t cats or dogs that you could research and think about for now. Your nurturing personality might even find fulfillment through caring for a garden or a house full of plants. Your loneliness is telling you something about yourself, you know?
I bet your daughter will have video of the cat exploring their new digs and maybe even playing or purring to share with you soon.
posted by Mizu at 8:28 AM on January 17, 2021 [6 favorites]
Like others have said, while cats do bond to humans, they can also adapt–especially when the new situation is a good one. And it's great you'll get to visit.
Since you sound like you really miss the cat, did you try allergy shots? I've known people for whom this made a huge difference. And then there is of course hairless cats, as well as breeds (like Russian Blue) that have less dander in their fur.
posted by coffeecat at 9:09 AM on January 17, 2021
Since you sound like you really miss the cat, did you try allergy shots? I've known people for whom this made a huge difference. And then there is of course hairless cats, as well as breeds (like Russian Blue) that have less dander in their fur.
posted by coffeecat at 9:09 AM on January 17, 2021
Take this for what it is worth.
I and other family and friends have had cat allergies that appeared, and then years later disappeared. I now live with cats and have no symptoms, I know several people who have had the same thing happen to them. So do check out whether you are still actively allergic. Things can and do change. And cats vary widely how allergic they are based on their individuality, diet and lifestyle.
Secondly, I know a lot of people who are actively allergic to their cats, but keep their cat because there is a net positive to their health from having a loved/loving bonded creature with them. Only you can know whether that makes sense for you.
posted by nanook at 9:22 AM on January 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
I and other family and friends have had cat allergies that appeared, and then years later disappeared. I now live with cats and have no symptoms, I know several people who have had the same thing happen to them. So do check out whether you are still actively allergic. Things can and do change. And cats vary widely how allergic they are based on their individuality, diet and lifestyle.
Secondly, I know a lot of people who are actively allergic to their cats, but keep their cat because there is a net positive to their health from having a loved/loving bonded creature with them. Only you can know whether that makes sense for you.
posted by nanook at 9:22 AM on January 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
You did the right thing. The cat will adjust to their new home and be happy and loved and get visits from you.
When/ if you find yourself in the right space for it, you can consider whether a non-cat/non-drug pet might find a spot in your life. I was always a cat person until I met and moved in with my partner, who was a rabbit person. She had bunnies and I didn't have a cat then. I fell in love with house rabbits. Maybe you will also find a different animal companion who doesn't trigger your allergies.
posted by carrioncomfort at 9:59 AM on January 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
When/ if you find yourself in the right space for it, you can consider whether a non-cat/non-drug pet might find a spot in your life. I was always a cat person until I met and moved in with my partner, who was a rabbit person. She had bunnies and I didn't have a cat then. I fell in love with house rabbits. Maybe you will also find a different animal companion who doesn't trigger your allergies.
posted by carrioncomfort at 9:59 AM on January 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
I had a childhood cat who only loved me, wouldn't even acknowledge the rest of the family - but that was only when I was around. Whenever I went on vacation or left for long periods, someone else would be the favorite. As soon as I walked in the door they'd come right back to me (my brother never forgave the cat for that, he felt used!).
The cat loves you, and will love your daughter.
posted by Dynex at 1:05 PM on January 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
The cat loves you, and will love your daughter.
posted by Dynex at 1:05 PM on January 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Oh, that's so hard, having to choose between a loved companion or being able to breathe freely. Breathing issues aren't something to mess with and I hope you find you can breathe easily again soon.
Your cat will do alright, as others have said, but I wanted to say it's ok for you to grieve a little. Even though you can still visit and get pictures, you're still going to miss her everyday presence, and that's ok to feel sad.
posted by Lady Li at 3:09 PM on January 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
Your cat will do alright, as others have said, but I wanted to say it's ok for you to grieve a little. Even though you can still visit and get pictures, you're still going to miss her everyday presence, and that's ok to feel sad.
posted by Lady Li at 3:09 PM on January 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you everyone, I appreciate you taking the time to answer...I have visited ever day.
posted by irish01 at 8:05 AM on January 19, 2021
posted by irish01 at 8:05 AM on January 19, 2021
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by JZig at 8:17 AM on January 17, 2021 [5 favorites]