What to do about suspected inattentive ADD as an adult
January 3, 2021 6:03 PM Subscribe
YANMD, nothing said here is medical advice, etc. I believe I have inattentive ADD. Tell me about how you realized you had it, and how learning you have it and what you did to change it improved your life.
Whenever I've had a job where I am required to pay attention to something slight and specific, I tend to make errors that seem easily avoidable, and which exasperate and make more work for others. The long-term solution would be to do work that is within what I am really interested in. While I am doing jobs that are not my 'real' field of interest, though, I would rather not be plagued with unfortunate errors and their consequences. For a very long time, I beat myself up over these errors, thinking I must be just not trying hard enough to avoid them. But it has happened so often now, even after I have tried to implement systems to avoid them, that I am starting to think it isn't some fundamental flaw on my part, but inattentive ADD. I miss key details which lead to errors, I have a hard time understanding directions, which makes me look like I'm just not bothering to listen, I misplace important things, and I definitely have a slower time learning systems that other people seem to grasp with ease. If a task is repetitive or unfamiliar, my mind wanders. Growing up I was never able to sit and just quietly watch TV, I always had to have something in my hands to do while watching, and I angered countless teachers by drawing while they were lecturing, because if I didn't, I couldn't keep my mind on what they were saying. Obviously I cannot draw while my work supervisors are giving me instructions, so the result is often that they are very frustrated with me as an employee, even though I seem otherwise to come across as responsible, reliable, polite, etc. Those qualities are not enough to keep them from being annoyed when I fail yet again to properly complete what seems to them to be a simple task. It started to dawn on me that this was not just a "I'm-not-trying-hard-enough" problem after I had to leave one position due to too to many errors/not learning quickly enough. I have read many questions and comments here on people discovering they have some form of ADD or another. I am here to find out how getting such a diagnosis as an adult made your life better, (if it did) and what steps you took to handle the situation so that it no longer affected, or at least affected less, your work and daily life.
Whenever I've had a job where I am required to pay attention to something slight and specific, I tend to make errors that seem easily avoidable, and which exasperate and make more work for others. The long-term solution would be to do work that is within what I am really interested in. While I am doing jobs that are not my 'real' field of interest, though, I would rather not be plagued with unfortunate errors and their consequences. For a very long time, I beat myself up over these errors, thinking I must be just not trying hard enough to avoid them. But it has happened so often now, even after I have tried to implement systems to avoid them, that I am starting to think it isn't some fundamental flaw on my part, but inattentive ADD. I miss key details which lead to errors, I have a hard time understanding directions, which makes me look like I'm just not bothering to listen, I misplace important things, and I definitely have a slower time learning systems that other people seem to grasp with ease. If a task is repetitive or unfamiliar, my mind wanders. Growing up I was never able to sit and just quietly watch TV, I always had to have something in my hands to do while watching, and I angered countless teachers by drawing while they were lecturing, because if I didn't, I couldn't keep my mind on what they were saying. Obviously I cannot draw while my work supervisors are giving me instructions, so the result is often that they are very frustrated with me as an employee, even though I seem otherwise to come across as responsible, reliable, polite, etc. Those qualities are not enough to keep them from being annoyed when I fail yet again to properly complete what seems to them to be a simple task. It started to dawn on me that this was not just a "I'm-not-trying-hard-enough" problem after I had to leave one position due to too to many errors/not learning quickly enough. I have read many questions and comments here on people discovering they have some form of ADD or another. I am here to find out how getting such a diagnosis as an adult made your life better, (if it did) and what steps you took to handle the situation so that it no longer affected, or at least affected less, your work and daily life.
I don’t have a lot to add to MiraK’s advice, but I first suspected I had ADHD in my late 20s, but didn’t take steps toward getting a diagnosis until I was 44. I really regret that I didn’t do that sooner because it has changed my life for the better.
Medication is probably the biggest part of the improvement, but also I’d spent my whole life feeling defective and trying to hide it, and it’s such a relief to know that my “defect” is real and specific, and not just laziness or lack of willpower.
posted by Kriesa at 7:10 PM on January 3, 2021 [8 favorites]
Medication is probably the biggest part of the improvement, but also I’d spent my whole life feeling defective and trying to hide it, and it’s such a relief to know that my “defect” is real and specific, and not just laziness or lack of willpower.
posted by Kriesa at 7:10 PM on January 3, 2021 [8 favorites]
I’ll also add, with regards to MiraK’s fourth point, that a big reason I sought a diagnosis in my 40s is that I took a sidestep out of a career path I didn’t like and wasn’t suited for onto a path that felt right for me. I felt like I could love this job if only I wasn’t always dropping the ball. A different job may be the right choice, but if you have ADHD a new job may not make a difference without also getting diagnosed and treated.
posted by Kriesa at 7:35 PM on January 3, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Kriesa at 7:35 PM on January 3, 2021 [2 favorites]
Hm, this sounds familiar to me, but I have dyslexia rather than ADD. My major issue, like you, is recalling instructions or simple information given to me verbally. I wrote about it in detail here, and specifically a work situation where I really screwed up because I confused some essential yes/no details. Does this resonate?
Since writing that blog article I've learnt that this specific issue with hearing and processing instructions might be what is termed 'Verbal short-term memory impairment' or 'Short-term phonological memory'. These are really dry academic links I'm afraid, but unfortunately most resources on dyslexia are about children, not adults. Perhaps looking up these terms in the ADD literature will produce something helpful?
Either way, here's how I deal with this specific problem at work: like you, I find it useful to do something with my hands when I'm listening to instructions. Now I'm on zoom for most of my work, I play solitaire. It is ENORMOUSLY helpful. But in the past when I was working or studying in person, I always had a notebook and pen with me and wrote copious notes ALL THE TIME. This had two advantages: 1) My hands are busy so my brain is able to work. 2) I recorded the details I'd definitely forget otherwise.
It can seem weird at first to be always whipping out a notebook, but people get used to it. I tell my co-workers or boss that I need to write to listen: "I listen with my hands." But perhaps most importantly for you, in work contexts writing is viewed most positively than doodling or playing solitaire.
posted by EllaEm at 7:59 PM on January 3, 2021 [4 favorites]
Since writing that blog article I've learnt that this specific issue with hearing and processing instructions might be what is termed 'Verbal short-term memory impairment' or 'Short-term phonological memory'. These are really dry academic links I'm afraid, but unfortunately most resources on dyslexia are about children, not adults. Perhaps looking up these terms in the ADD literature will produce something helpful?
Either way, here's how I deal with this specific problem at work: like you, I find it useful to do something with my hands when I'm listening to instructions. Now I'm on zoom for most of my work, I play solitaire. It is ENORMOUSLY helpful. But in the past when I was working or studying in person, I always had a notebook and pen with me and wrote copious notes ALL THE TIME. This had two advantages: 1) My hands are busy so my brain is able to work. 2) I recorded the details I'd definitely forget otherwise.
It can seem weird at first to be always whipping out a notebook, but people get used to it. I tell my co-workers or boss that I need to write to listen: "I listen with my hands." But perhaps most importantly for you, in work contexts writing is viewed most positively than doodling or playing solitaire.
posted by EllaEm at 7:59 PM on January 3, 2021 [4 favorites]
Take Adderall with careful adherence to the prescription. Also, that warning about alcohol? Hehehe. They're right.
posted by IronLizard at 8:10 PM on January 3, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by IronLizard at 8:10 PM on January 3, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm well on the path to a diagnosis--I ping all the self-tests and my therapist believes I likely have it, and has referred me to a psychiatrist for an official confirmation and to potentially discuss meds--and already just being able to think of my struggles in this context has been immensely helpful.
I'm nearly 40 and from the time I was little until a couple years ago or so, truly believed that the struggles I've had staying focused and controlling my impulses (to vastly oversimplify my symptoms) were this hard for everyone else, and that everyone else just did the right things to get past them, and if I just worked harder and planned better and stopped being lazy, I could be better, too. Not only has that not been good for the self-esteem and confidence (everyone else can work around it and I can't, I must be /lazy/not trying hard enough/irreparably broken), it's also been a bunch of wasted effort trying to adopt techniques that work against how my brain works!
Turns out that stopping beating my head against the wall of "just focus harder" and "just plan better" and "just be more mindful" makes me more open to searching for coping techniques that might actually work--many of which I'm learning about from the various ADHD corners of the internet, like Twitter & TikTok.
There are a lot of other disorders that present similar symptoms as ADHD, and others that are comorbid with it. So I'm also going to the psychiatrist open to the idea that they might tell me something else is going on, But either way, I'll know, and I'll be more well-equipped to start thinking about how to manage and accommodate it (with the help of my therapist and psych, of course).
posted by rhiannonstone at 9:47 PM on January 3, 2021 [5 favorites]
I'm nearly 40 and from the time I was little until a couple years ago or so, truly believed that the struggles I've had staying focused and controlling my impulses (to vastly oversimplify my symptoms) were this hard for everyone else, and that everyone else just did the right things to get past them, and if I just worked harder and planned better and stopped being lazy, I could be better, too. Not only has that not been good for the self-esteem and confidence (everyone else can work around it and I can't, I must be /lazy/not trying hard enough/irreparably broken), it's also been a bunch of wasted effort trying to adopt techniques that work against how my brain works!
Turns out that stopping beating my head against the wall of "just focus harder" and "just plan better" and "just be more mindful" makes me more open to searching for coping techniques that might actually work--many of which I'm learning about from the various ADHD corners of the internet, like Twitter & TikTok.
There are a lot of other disorders that present similar symptoms as ADHD, and others that are comorbid with it. So I'm also going to the psychiatrist open to the idea that they might tell me something else is going on, But either way, I'll know, and I'll be more well-equipped to start thinking about how to manage and accommodate it (with the help of my therapist and psych, of course).
posted by rhiannonstone at 9:47 PM on January 3, 2021 [5 favorites]
I was diagnosed just before Christmas so can't yet answer the question about how knowing that has changed things for me in the longer-term. I'm still at a very emotional stage about it and so far it has been extremely painful to acknowledge. The reason I thought I might have it is a result of asking a question here about procrastination, and reading a couple of other questions here about hoarding and behaviour around food. I've received a very lengthy report from the psychologist who diagnosed me; if you want to MeMail me, I'd be happy to share info about what she asked me.
posted by paduasoy at 4:15 AM on January 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by paduasoy at 4:15 AM on January 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I was diagnosed aged 21 after almost (but not quite) failing out of university. I had made it through school because I was bright and read a lot, without putting in the legwork. This was reflected in my school reports from a young age - I was disorganised, didn't do homework, often late, and was constantly misplacing things - but I still got good enough grades that it was written off as a personal motivation issue. Eventually, in my final years at school, my grades began to slip, but not before I was accepted into university for a technical degree.
At university, I seriously struggled from day one in my studies and also in my personal life. Eventually, after I got an extremely poor result in my third year exams, I spoke to an educational psychologist at the university's clinic, who said it was likely I had ADHD-I and advised me to ask my GP for a referral to a specialist who could make a formal diagnosis. I was lucky enough to get a referral within a few months, and had an appointment with a psychiatrist at the local hospital who formally diagnosed me, after which my GP put me on Concerta.
Things that have helped:
posted by spielzebub at 8:23 AM on January 4, 2021 [5 favorites]
At university, I seriously struggled from day one in my studies and also in my personal life. Eventually, after I got an extremely poor result in my third year exams, I spoke to an educational psychologist at the university's clinic, who said it was likely I had ADHD-I and advised me to ask my GP for a referral to a specialist who could make a formal diagnosis. I was lucky enough to get a referral within a few months, and had an appointment with a psychiatrist at the local hospital who formally diagnosed me, after which my GP put me on Concerta.
Things that have helped:
- Finding ways of organising things that I can work with. I am never going to be good at remembering dates and appointments, so as soon as anything comes up it goes straight into my Google Calendar, which is always available to me instantly wherever I am. As soon as I think of something I need to do, it goes on my to-do list, which is also in the cloud.
- Figuring out how to approach work in a way that works for me. I worked at a cafe immediately after university and was surprised to discover that I was not, in fact, lazy, and actually quite liked working hard. As a bright student from a middle class background, all I had ever experienced was being pushed to work in a way that made it very hard for me to focus. In a work environment where tasks were immediate, urgent, and clearly queued, I suddenly found I could focus and work as well as anyone else. Key elements for me are having real deadlines and clear delineations between tasks. I still struggle outside of these situations.
- Medication helps me a bit. I have not pursued medication or therapy as much as I know I should have.
- Understanding that some environments and ways of working just won't work for my brain chemistry. It's not a personal failing that I can't do work in exactly the same way as other people. If someone recommends something that doesn't help, I can move on to something else without obsessing over what I'm doing wrong, or feeling bad that I'm not motivating myself enough.
- Finding systems/coping mechanisms and sticking to them. I'm rarely late to things and I rarely leave things behind in places now, because every time I use the methods I've worked out.
posted by spielzebub at 8:23 AM on January 4, 2021 [5 favorites]
I (female) was diagnosed at age 50 with Inattentive ADD. Because it is the "quiet" kind and comes across as someone who "daydreams" and is disorganized, as well as being more prevalent in women, those of us with it usually, if we are lucky, receive a diagnoses later in life. As others have said, meds and therapy are two good avenues for treatment. Adderall has worked with my brain chemistry and it is fantastic. My Ferrari brain's bicycle brakes are now at least Honda brakes and I can control the steering, so to speak. Do get an official diagnosis, it makes getting therapy and meds much easier. Also, it takes time to fine tune the balance/type of meds that work with your particular brain. Small steps make big progress.
posted by Qex Rodriguez at 8:28 AM on January 4, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Qex Rodriguez at 8:28 AM on January 4, 2021 [2 favorites]
I figured out I likely had ADHD via the now-legenday askme ADHD megathread a decade ago. I talked to my doctor about it, and she was a new doctor so I was worried she would think I was drug-seeking, but she referred me to a psychologist for a screening. I had two sessions with him - the first was an hour of him asking me questions, the second was more questions and then I had to do a computerized continuous performance tasks test. I also had to get two/three people from my life to fill out a form about my ADHD symptoms. At the end of it, he told me he thought I had a mild-to-moderate case of ADHD that would probably be helped by medication, and sent me back to my doctor to be prescribed.
I've been on concerta (extended release ritalin) since then and it's honestly been all good, no drawbacks. It hasn't "cured" me - my apartment is still often a mess and I can't maintain a to-do list to save my life but it's helped me get a handle on the big issues (mostly career- and finance-related) that plagued me prior to treatment. The drug doesn't really noticeably affect me but a few times I would have to go off for a few weeks due to logistical issues and I would start to notice things fraying around the edges. I definitely function better on them.
posted by lunasol at 9:46 AM on January 4, 2021
I've been on concerta (extended release ritalin) since then and it's honestly been all good, no drawbacks. It hasn't "cured" me - my apartment is still often a mess and I can't maintain a to-do list to save my life but it's helped me get a handle on the big issues (mostly career- and finance-related) that plagued me prior to treatment. The drug doesn't really noticeably affect me but a few times I would have to go off for a few weeks due to logistical issues and I would start to notice things fraying around the edges. I definitely function better on them.
posted by lunasol at 9:46 AM on January 4, 2021
This thread is closed to new comments.
1. Can you get diagnosed officially? The diagnosis helped me a lot. Even though learning of the existence of inattentive ADD and suspecting that was the name for my problem did help me, hearing doctors say it to me was in a league of its own. It helped me take myself seriously and also put me on the direct path to accessing treatment and other resources.
2. Medication helps. Like WHOA. I'm on methylphenidate, which is the first med I ever tried, and it's blown me away with how well it works. So, you know, get medicated. :) What the meds do is make it less likely that I will quit once I start working on something. They help me keep momentum and complete tasks without giving up or losing steam or getting distracted. The meds also help me get started on tasks where ADD makes starting seem like an unclimbable high wall... with meds it just becomes a steep first step on a staircase, not a sheer wall. It's not a panacea, however. Medication never helped me pay attention to the details of jobs I did not want to do. The chores I hate are still chores I hate, and jobs I don't want are still jobs I will never succeed at. Meds don't fix motivation or inclinations or natural affinities for the types of tasks I want to do.
3. First therapy and then coaching. If you can afford these, please please please do it. Therapy can help you resolve emotional and psychological issues such as shame or low self esteem which have resulted from the experience of having untreated ADD all your life. Do this while you're still experiencing the rush of increased productivity and effectiveness when you first get on your meds. Then the effect of the meds starts to seem a little less miraculous as you get used to them, and you start to get an idea of what your new capacities are vs. what areas of productivity you still could use help in. This is where coaching comes in. When it comes to treating/managing ADD itself (not the emotional effects thereof), coaching has been shown to be more effective than therapy. Once you have settled into a groove with your meds, a coach can really kick your professional and personal day-to-day functioning into high gear.
4. Explore career options. The world of available jobs is not split between "your dream job" and "jobs you suck at and are not motivated to do." There are many, many possibilities out there for you. Give yourself the opportunity and the permission to explore them. Consider a different field than the one you trained for (I did!). It's okay to admit that you hate your current job! Even if it's the one you have your degree in or whatever. It's okay, really, to interpret the "I just can't force myself to pay attention to these details" as "I FUCKING HATE THIS JOB SO MUCH THAT CAN'T FORCE MY BRAIN TO DO IT RIGHT" -- like, it doesn't even have to be the fault of your ADHD! Not everything is! There are many options you can try, and your dream job is not the only one you will ever like/excel in.
I think sometimes we get so stuck in our narrative that we suck and we are a failure that we don't allow ourselves the freedom to say, yeah, I just hate this job, and I can find a different one. We keep groping for self-blaming explanations why we cannot do this job well: either we are lazy or unfocused or not working hard enough... or it's ADHD, something which, when you get treated for it, you might magically become great at doing this job. Nah, that's bollocks. You sound like you hate this gig. It's ok to find something different.
posted by MiraK at 6:38 PM on January 3, 2021 [20 favorites]