Talking... Awkward Silence... Awkward Silence... Mute button.

December 20, 2020 4:39 AM

How to let others know "I'm done speaking" during video meetings?

Like most everyone else, my company has moved to full remote for staff meetings.

I'm fortunate to work with a group of kind, intelligent, creative, and well spoken people. Meetings are small so there is lots of back and forth and open sharing of ideas.

In These Trying Times there are a LOT of new projects to test and lots of open discussion and brainstorming. I am a manager, but I do more operations and less creative work, so it is imperative that I not take up too much time or stifle comments from less-senior more-creative staff.

My problem is when I contribute to an open question. I share my observation, it might not be well-formed so I sometimes clarify a few things, then.... I just stop talking and nobody seems to think I've stopped? Awkward silence ensues. Press mute. Red icon tells others I'm done.

Finishing phrases I've tried that don't always work:

and that's what I have to say about that.
Those are my thoughts.
That is my take. That is my contribution.
That is my response.
- sound too formal and definitive I don't want to sound like I'm ending discussion. Also they all center the "I" pretty hard...

Anyone else agree?
Does anyone have questions?
Does anyone feel the same way, or feel differently?
- better, but feel like I'm changing the focus to gathering feedback about my comments, not the original topic of discussion. It's better if other people to contribute instead of debating my response.

Anyone else have something to offer?
- I don't want to prolong the topic if I happen to be the last one to speak. I'm not running these creative meetings, just attending.

Back to you, Francesca.
- where Francesca is running the meeting. What am I, a TV news reporter on remote?

That's what I have to offer.
- the best so far, but I don't want to say that over and over again.

(silence, saying nothing)
- I do this a lot! I love having a good idea, waiting and not talking, and then hearing someone else say it. But let's assume I do have critical things to offer. Also I often speak up to amplify or reinforce other people.

Signaling I'm done with a mute icon makes me feel like a bad conversation robot. Help me talk like a human!

posted by sol to Human Relations (24 answers total)

I specifically use the visual of mute being turned on to indicate I’m done speaking! With group calls you really can only have on person talking at a time, even murmurs of agreements can mess the audio and leave an awkward back and forth if who is really supposed to be talking. Try muting yourself when you’re actually done and I think it will go more smoothly
posted by raccoon409 at 4:48 AM on December 20, 2020 [14 favorites]

That's how I see it. Martin, do you have a different take?
posted by SemiSalt at 4:56 AM on December 20, 2020

There is a team at my office that has taken to saying “over” when they’re done speaking. It feels a little odd but is very effective.
posted by chocotaco at 5:16 AM on December 20, 2020 [9 favorites]

What happens after other people are done talking?

Any possibility that part of the issue is lag time? How long do the awkward silences last?

You could see what happens when you sit back a bit at the end, pick up a pen, look away slightly, or make some other physical gesture to indicate that you're done talking.
posted by trig at 5:23 AM on December 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

Best answer: I kind of do a “smile slightly, nod, sit back” type of thing and it works pretty well.
posted by bookmammal at 5:49 AM on December 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

Yeah no one has Cameras on on my teams. We just wrap up with,

“And that’s it for me, [hostname]” or “That about covers xyz, thanks.” “Yes, I think that answers the concern/will be a way to go.”
posted by tilde at 5:55 AM on December 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Get comfortable with the silence and use mute. These things happen.
posted by knapah at 5:56 AM on December 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

A lot of folks I work with have started saying “over” after they’ve finished speaking.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:59 AM on December 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

Best answer: "That's all." or "That's all from me."
posted by heatherlogan at 6:16 AM on December 20, 2020

When I'm done talking, I hit mute. That's what seems to happen on most Zooms I'm on.
posted by ocherdraco at 6:49 AM on December 20, 2020 [4 favorites]

"That's all I had." *Mute*
It also helps when there's a designated host (for us it's usually the person who called the meeting) who's understood to be in charge of paving over awkward silences, making sure everyone has a chance to speak and keeping things moving.
posted by Freyja at 7:44 AM on December 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

I have a generally bad habit of summarizing my 'point' as a closer when speaking -- which can make me sound insufferable IRL -- but it translates well as a natural signal that I'm done with my thought in remote meetings:

"There's lot of advantages to blue, such as it's reflectivity, as shown in study XYZ. Also, our market research shows it's well received aesthetically by our customers. Looking at some pricing it seems to be the cheapest color available as well. So yeah, we should paint the barn blue."
posted by so fucking future at 8:28 AM on December 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Signalling the relinquishing of a shared speech channel in a concise, standard, unambiguous fashion is exactly what "over" was invented for.
posted by flabdablet at 8:57 AM on December 20, 2020 [5 favorites]

Many folks in small office have taken to saying "the end." It's kind of turned into a game at this point where we call others out for not finishing by saying "the end."
posted by sewellcm at 9:08 AM on December 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

"So yeah, we should paint the barn blue."

This is perfect. A short summation with a falling inflection, slight slowing, slight nodding of the head and a little emphasis on the last few words (I'm describing normal speech, not something I'm making up here today), signals perfectly that you've finished your turn speaking.
posted by JimN2TAW at 10:35 AM on December 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

“I cede the floor”
posted by dbiedny at 11:14 AM on December 20, 2020

Is it only an issue when you are done speaking? Or is it a common thing for there to be 'dead air' when anyone finishes a thought?

If the latter: A lot of silence in a meeting - whether it be Zoom or in person - is usually on the person leading the meeting. But that doesn't mean you can't help lead them unofficially, even though this is something the meeting organizer should really be doing. Lots of silence means they are not being effective at this; you can show additional leadership by helping to drive the conversation. Lots of good info online about this.

If the former / it's just you: I get this somewhat regularly. I tend to ramble a lot. Watch how concise your answers or ideas are - the more you contribute in one breath, the longer people need to take to take it all in. When I sense that I'm overwhelming the conversation or the people, I wrap up, but I don't just drop the mic and walk away - I try to pass the baton directly.

If you haven't heard from someone you know can contribute or from whom you want more input:
"Fred, you have lots of experience in X, what do you think?"
If you feel you are the last to speak and/or don't want to drag the conversation on, indicate you're done but at the same time hand it back to the meeting leader:
"Those are my thoughts on X, I think we've all provided some good info here. Mary, what would you like the next steps to be?"

TL;DR: End with a question directed at someone. Whatever situation you're trying to avoid will help drive what kind of question and who it's directed to.
posted by SquidLips at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2020

If I can't direct the question to the group or a singular person, I simply say "I'm done, I'm going to mute myself now!"

It's awkward as hell but I mean... zoom life is awkward.

I have also started trying to remember to try to stop speaking before I get off on a long tangent, and count to 5 before I start a new thought.
posted by pazazygeek at 2:10 PM on December 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

There is a team at my office that has taken to saying “over” when they’re done speaking. It feels a little odd but is very effective.

I actually came to suggest this as a semi-joke. We had a military guy on a panel the other day who did this and once you got over the silliness it actually seemed quite practical.

But honestly, I think ending where you normally end, indicating with body language that you're done (sitting back, or reaching forward to click), and muting is perfectly all right. Every team has to find its own rhythm, I wouldn't force it with hard stops if it feels weird to you. No one wants their meetings to be full of "formalized" conversation, you know?
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 4:03 PM on December 20, 2020

You can generally only use this once per meeting but I usually get a chortle at “I’ll take my answer off the air”
posted by itsamermaid at 8:22 PM on December 20, 2020

Signalling the relinquishing of a shared speech channel in a concise, standard, unambiguous fashion is exactly what "over" was invented for.

I work with a team that does this! I find it a little jarring since none of the other teams I work with do, but it definitely does the job.

Re the mute button, it kind of sounds like you are saying you wait in the silence and only then press mute, which could be part of it? But I don't like to count on the red mute button anyway, because if anyone is calling in they won't see it. Also if someone makes enough of a noise to pull focus, then anyone watching in presenter view instead of gallery may not see that you are muted.

I am a fan of variations on "I welcome any other thoughts." That opens the door for other contributions without making it sound like you need them (one benefit being if someone else picks up the thread and that prolongs the meeting, that was their choice, not yours). And also, maybe it's the facilitator in me talking, but awkward silences can actually be pretty great. Because eventually someone's going to feel the need to fill it, and they'll say something you may never have heard, otherwise. So I wouldn't automatically consider silence after your comments to be something you always want to avoid.
posted by solotoro at 1:33 PM on December 21, 2020

I agree that this can be super awkward! I'd just like to introduce a note of caution around finishing with things like "That's all from me" -- depending on your level of societal privilege, that can be heard as you dismissing or minimizing your own contribution/being apologetic for speaking. I've definitely fallen into this trap myself and seen other folks with marginalized identities do it too, alas. Still working on unlearning that reflexive response!
posted by diffuse at 10:59 PM on December 21, 2020

I would advise against passing to a specific person (“Tina did you have anything to add?”) unless you’re following a list and scrolling through departments - because it’s hard to do it equally so it can feel either preferential or confrontational.

But it’s nice when people open it to the floor, such as “so in conclusion, yeah, I suggest ABC. I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on it.”
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:20 PM on December 22, 2020

“I yield the balance of my time, madam chair.”

I experimented with throwing up emojis to indicate my presence silently at a zoom meeting recently. I was late arriving and video connects before I can dial my participant number.
posted by tilde at 8:10 PM on December 23, 2020