Help me cry in private.

October 30, 2020 7:02 AM

I really feel like I need an emotional release, and I’m having trouble finding a literal place to do so.

Because reasons, I have a lot of pent-up emotion these days. I don’t enjoy crying, but I have this strong compulsion to do so. The problem is, I don’t know how I can do it privately.

My roommate works from home, and our walls are way too thin for my comfort. I don’t have a car, so I can’t drive to some secluded location. There aren't that many accessible spots near me within walking distance, either. (Plus, I don't want to be in public.) My office is surrounded by others. If I were seeing a therapist, that’d be ideal—both for the processing assistance and the privacy—but getting that kind of help is far outside my meager budget.

Any ideas?

posted by Definitely Not A Robot to Grab Bag (14 answers total)

Can you say you're inviting a tinder date over, and maybe your roommate can take a hike for a few hours?
posted by Geckwoistmeinauto at 7:10 AM on October 30, 2020 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I understand your feelings about your roommate hearing you but I know from personal experience in many different living situations that it's pretty certain no one will hear you if you turn the shower on full blast and sit curled up on the shower floor/in the bathtub and cry into your knees/arms.

If anyone ever heard me, they had the good sense not to tell me. Most human beings understand that other people's bathroom noises are not their business.

I second asking your roommate for a couple of hours with the house to yourself.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 7:16 AM on October 30, 2020 [48 favorites]

Do you have a loud vacuum cleaner? Bring it into your room and turn it on and cry.
posted by zdravo at 7:24 AM on October 30, 2020

Best answer: Is there a hospital, church, or other area of emotional intensity you could walk in front of and cry around? Such areas may see it as expected.
posted by nickggully at 7:25 AM on October 30, 2020 [12 favorites]

If I were you I’d do it in the shower.
posted by cakelite at 7:28 AM on October 30, 2020 [6 favorites]

Could you maybe put on a tearjerker movie and use that as both a pretext and noise camouflage?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:31 AM on October 30, 2020 [3 favorites]

Do you have a tent or a hammock you could set up somewhere that's otherwise only secluded-ish? Or does your home perhaps have a closet that could be temporarily soundproofed with blankets/clothing?
posted by teremala at 7:39 AM on October 30, 2020

Definitely recommend crying in the shower. The water is already running, should muffle out any noises. Put on some music from your phone for some extra background if you want. I live alone and this is still a prime crying spot for me. There's just some cathartic about the personal freedom in the shower and warm water.
posted by cgg at 7:39 AM on October 30, 2020 [5 favorites]

I believe "shower" is the traditional solution to this problem.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:45 AM on October 30, 2020 [8 favorites]

And just FYI, everyone you know is crying in the shower these days.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:56 AM on October 30, 2020 [57 favorites]

My husband and I are home all the time now and I really don't want him to know ALLLL of the times I need a deep cry. It's the shower, 100%.

And if by chance your roommate says something... just say "yeah...I don't know what came over me. Felt good to have cried though." Conversation over.
posted by kimberussell at 8:10 AM on October 30, 2020 [8 favorites]

Is Zip Car a thing where you are? A car would be an ideal place.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:08 AM on October 30, 2020

Best answer: Is there a cemetery you can take public transport or an Uber to? It’s less public than other options, and it would not be unusual at all to anyone passing by to see someone crying there. Depending on the size of the place it could potentially be quite private and secluded. Bonus: take some flowers and pick a grave to leave them on as you let it all out in front of it.
posted by Fuego at 11:09 AM on October 30, 2020 [13 favorites]

A cemetery is a good idea, like Fuego says. (In my own neighborhood, it's also the closest thing to a park.) But also, if you have a little money for this, a lot of hotels are offering shorter, hour-by-hour rentals during the pandemic (intended for someone to work from, etc).
posted by pinochiette at 12:19 PM on October 30, 2020