How to hunker down and deal with a bad boss?
October 2, 2020 10:44 AM Subscribe
I have been in a job with a bad boss for a year. I left my previous job after a year, so it will look bad on my resume if I leave this one without toughing it out for at least another year. There are also no other available jobs in my field in the area, and I can't move for the next four years. I do not think there is any way to change the boss's behavior, and they are not planning to go anywhere. How can I protect myself and my sanity for the next year or two?
Examples of the bad boss's behavior:
-Gives a directive or agrees to a course of action, then changes their mind and blames staff for carrying out the plan they had agreed to. Claims they never agreed to it / said to do it. (Yes, I try to get everything in writing, but they do not apologize when handed the receipts - just change the subject to something else staff has done wrong.)
-Micromanages – wants to be included in every meeting, every email list. Takes on trivial tasks themself instead of handling big picture stuff. Does not give managerial staff any professional respect or autonomy.
-Does not give clear guidance (or gives no guidance) then blames staff for not reading their mind and carrying out their wishes.
-Stalls out on important projects, but will not delegate the work to someone else.
-Dismissive and discouraging about staff projects that she does not feel are important. (Note: this can change at any time, at which point they will lash out at staff for not taking the project seriously enough.)
Everyone knows this boss is terrible. All of the staff know it. All of the administrators of similar organizations in the state know it. The board of directors does not seem to know it. They are the only ones with the power to make a change, but the boss controls the flow of information to them.
Survival tips, please?
Examples of the bad boss's behavior:
-Gives a directive or agrees to a course of action, then changes their mind and blames staff for carrying out the plan they had agreed to. Claims they never agreed to it / said to do it. (Yes, I try to get everything in writing, but they do not apologize when handed the receipts - just change the subject to something else staff has done wrong.)
-Micromanages – wants to be included in every meeting, every email list. Takes on trivial tasks themself instead of handling big picture stuff. Does not give managerial staff any professional respect or autonomy.
-Does not give clear guidance (or gives no guidance) then blames staff for not reading their mind and carrying out their wishes.
-Stalls out on important projects, but will not delegate the work to someone else.
-Dismissive and discouraging about staff projects that she does not feel are important. (Note: this can change at any time, at which point they will lash out at staff for not taking the project seriously enough.)
Everyone knows this boss is terrible. All of the staff know it. All of the administrators of similar organizations in the state know it. The board of directors does not seem to know it. They are the only ones with the power to make a change, but the boss controls the flow of information to them.
Survival tips, please?
It is 100% okay and recommended to leave a job even if you haven't been there for a year yet if the job environment is toxic.
I promise. It really, really is.
posted by Kitchen Witch at 11:28 AM on October 2, 2020 [7 favorites]
I promise. It really, really is.
posted by Kitchen Witch at 11:28 AM on October 2, 2020 [7 favorites]
The only non-leaving advice I would give is to look for positions elsewhere in your company.
You don't say what stage of your career you are at. Moving jobs frequently is pretty common early on...you have to to gain skills/make more money. And that's what I always said at interviews "There were no more opportunities to learn new skills at my last position, thats why I'm excited to work for your company."
posted by emjaybee at 11:34 AM on October 2, 2020 [2 favorites]
You don't say what stage of your career you are at. Moving jobs frequently is pretty common early on...you have to to gain skills/make more money. And that's what I always said at interviews "There were no more opportunities to learn new skills at my last position, thats why I'm excited to work for your company."
posted by emjaybee at 11:34 AM on October 2, 2020 [2 favorites]
It sounds like you can't leave. If your boss is so universally disliked, she will be grateful for an ally. From the behavior you've described, she sounds like she is in over her head and insecure about it. Obviously moving on, if possible, would be best, but since you can't here is my take based on being in similar situations (and screwing up the first time by fighting the bad boss, pushing back, calling out bad behavior--got fired--and winning the second time by following this advice from a friend--got promoted).
Make friends with her. Learn about her personal life, ask after family and pets bring her a coffee, or bake something for her. Let her micro manage away and don't show any impatience with it. Instead, check in with her frequently, I mean, a lot, I mean you may think she'll become sick of you, but keep at it. Kiss ass is what I'm saying. Support her--be a sycophant. A yes-person. You may find that you thrive by doing this. She will come to rely on you and will probably reward you. I feel everything is fair at work, you have to be there to make a living and continue your career. Do what you can to wait out the implosion. The only thing you shouldn't do is anything illegal or against company policy. Don't call her on those things just make sure your don't participate so your hands are clean if (when) she implodes.
I know this sounds very cynical and it is. But your work life is your work life. It is your personal life where it is important to have integrity and only hang with people who have similar values, etc.
Good luck.
posted by agatha_magatha at 11:37 AM on October 2, 2020 [8 favorites]
Make friends with her. Learn about her personal life, ask after family and pets bring her a coffee, or bake something for her. Let her micro manage away and don't show any impatience with it. Instead, check in with her frequently, I mean, a lot, I mean you may think she'll become sick of you, but keep at it. Kiss ass is what I'm saying. Support her--be a sycophant. A yes-person. You may find that you thrive by doing this. She will come to rely on you and will probably reward you. I feel everything is fair at work, you have to be there to make a living and continue your career. Do what you can to wait out the implosion. The only thing you shouldn't do is anything illegal or against company policy. Don't call her on those things just make sure your don't participate so your hands are clean if (when) she implodes.
I know this sounds very cynical and it is. But your work life is your work life. It is your personal life where it is important to have integrity and only hang with people who have similar values, etc.
Good luck.
posted by agatha_magatha at 11:37 AM on October 2, 2020 [8 favorites]
I mean, the survival tip is to find a new job. The "only a year" thing is totally overrated. I've stayed at so many jobs for less than a year. The key is to move upward. If someone asks you "why were you only there for a year?", you can respond "well, I was offered a more challenging, better compensated position". No one can argue with that. (And if they do argue with that, it's a good sign you shouldn't work for them. What kind of a person thinks "well, this person is qualified, but they chose higher compensation over staying for exactly 525,600 minutes, so I won't consider them"? I'm assuming in this case that the interviewer is a big Rent fan, and now that song is in your head, isn't it?)
That said, some of these things don't sound that terrible to me. Cc'ing your manager on every email is a fairly typical practice for someone new to a position, and not all that uncommon even for more senior staff (especially if, as you said, your boss is elbow-deep in the project themselves). If they aren't giving you enough information to complete your assignments, it's your responsibility to ask for clarification. Likewise, changing assignments and priorities happens, and you can head that off by being in regular communication with your boss. I just had a chat this morning with my boss to ask if my priority should still be Project X, or if Project Y needs to get more attention. Maybe they would delegate more if you volunteered. Etc.
It doesn't sound like your boss is really all that bad, to be honest. It doesn't sound like you're not being abused or anything. They're just not a good communicator and probably a Peter Principle type of hire. That's not to say you should stay, because if your styles don't fit, you won't be happy either personally or professionally. But to the extent that you must stay, just focus on communication with them so that you know where their mind is at and can react accordingly.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:53 AM on October 2, 2020 [1 favorite]
That said, some of these things don't sound that terrible to me. Cc'ing your manager on every email is a fairly typical practice for someone new to a position, and not all that uncommon even for more senior staff (especially if, as you said, your boss is elbow-deep in the project themselves). If they aren't giving you enough information to complete your assignments, it's your responsibility to ask for clarification. Likewise, changing assignments and priorities happens, and you can head that off by being in regular communication with your boss. I just had a chat this morning with my boss to ask if my priority should still be Project X, or if Project Y needs to get more attention. Maybe they would delegate more if you volunteered. Etc.
It doesn't sound like your boss is really all that bad, to be honest. It doesn't sound like you're not being abused or anything. They're just not a good communicator and probably a Peter Principle type of hire. That's not to say you should stay, because if your styles don't fit, you won't be happy either personally or professionally. But to the extent that you must stay, just focus on communication with them so that you know where their mind is at and can react accordingly.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:53 AM on October 2, 2020 [1 favorite]
I was you last year and I left two months ago. OH MY GOD I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER. I can't speak to the job prospects since I left to start a new company, but so far life is good and I'm not too stressed about finding a new job. When it comes up no one really bats an eye and a few people have already tried to recruit me to great options.
posted by pando11 at 11:53 AM on October 2, 2020
posted by pando11 at 11:53 AM on October 2, 2020
From experience,the longer you stay working for this job the more harm you'll be doing yourself. I had about a year's worth of Job From Hell with a backstabbing coworker, and it left me traumatized and twitchy for at least five years afterwards.
posted by Lexica at 12:12 PM on October 2, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by Lexica at 12:12 PM on October 2, 2020 [9 favorites]
People have covered that it's OK to leave. I will just add that you aren't keeping written records to show your boss the receipts or change their mind. You are keeping written records for when someone higher up comes calling after a big blow up or your boss tries to fire you or get you in trouble with someone higher up.
posted by CMcG at 12:40 PM on October 2, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by CMcG at 12:40 PM on October 2, 2020 [6 favorites]
Is there anyone in the organization who seems to have a good relationship with this person or somehow manages a bit better? You could talk to them or at least try to see how they approach this. (If they answer is, they're unflappable, well, that doesn't help. But perhaps they ... proactively copy her on emails? Or have some other strategy that works?)
I left my previous job after a year, so it will look bad on my resume if I leave this one without toughing it out for at least another year.
Several folks have disagreed with your assessment, and I'll add another point: if you are looking for jobs in your field in your area, and your boss is well-known for being terrible, then no one will even blink at the fact that you want to leave. They'll get it. Also, I had a friend who had this approach who ended up getting fired because things got so bad with the boss. I'm not saying this to scare you. I just think two one-year positions aren't that big of a deal. So, truly, your first priority should be looking for jobs in your area, and maybe expanding a bit your idea of what you could do for work.
posted by bluedaisy at 1:14 PM on October 2, 2020
I left my previous job after a year, so it will look bad on my resume if I leave this one without toughing it out for at least another year.
Several folks have disagreed with your assessment, and I'll add another point: if you are looking for jobs in your field in your area, and your boss is well-known for being terrible, then no one will even blink at the fact that you want to leave. They'll get it. Also, I had a friend who had this approach who ended up getting fired because things got so bad with the boss. I'm not saying this to scare you. I just think two one-year positions aren't that big of a deal. So, truly, your first priority should be looking for jobs in your area, and maybe expanding a bit your idea of what you could do for work.
posted by bluedaisy at 1:14 PM on October 2, 2020
When I hire people, I don't worry about the duration of precious employment. This is especially the case when I hear that the previous boss was untenable and that claim is supported by your references. Those references don't have to agree, explicitly, that boss was bad, and if they acknowledge boss was difficult, not everyone's cup of tea, difficult, inflexible, etc., that's what I'm looking to hear. I'm more focused on the quality of your work and whether your references support you and how you represent yourself.
Bad boss = please leave. I hope I'll be a better boss than your last one.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:43 PM on October 2, 2020
Bad boss = please leave. I hope I'll be a better boss than your last one.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:43 PM on October 2, 2020
This podcast about interpersonal boundaries has changed my life. It gives you amazing tips and technology for understanding relationships and how to communicate effectively in personal and professional relationships. Might be useful for you? All the best :)
posted by beccyjoe at 5:26 PM on October 2, 2020
posted by beccyjoe at 5:26 PM on October 2, 2020
Just wanted to echo that it's ok to leave a job after a short period of time, you just don't want to have a string of short stints.
posted by radioamy at 5:29 PM on October 2, 2020
posted by radioamy at 5:29 PM on October 2, 2020
I worked under a terrible manager for nine months and by the time I left my blood pressure was so high my doc was beginning to consider meds. I had nightmares about work and was grinding my teeth in my sleep. Given the time over I'd quit far earlier than I did, possibly without bothering to line up another job first. The good news is that within weeks my blood pressure dropped and my partner commented that I was sleeping better.
posted by bashing rocks together at 2:36 PM on October 4, 2020
posted by bashing rocks together at 2:36 PM on October 4, 2020
One thing AskAManager recommends (whose blog I highly suggest reading, if anything for commiseration in the comments and more tips/guidance for job searching whenever you decide to do so) is to frame it as a choice you are making. If you decide to stay for reasons X Y and Z, remind yourself that you are making an active choice to stay for those reasons whenever the boss does the next infuriating thing. That can help you retain some sanity/agency where you know that you could leave, but you're not going to because of reasons. Just the mental framing it differently can help calm your blood pressure.
I'd also recommended trying to detach emotionally from work - so if the boss suddenly changes course and says "project X is stupid [even though she told you do do project X 3 weeks ago], do project Y instead" and now you don't have time to do project Y, then you won't finish and that's how it has to be, rather than scrambling and working long hours. Let mistakes/failures happen and just fall back onto your boss, rather than taking ownership and feeling let down when the assignment you were doing is now no longer needed. This one is obviously easier said than done, but the more you can remove yourself from the success of your tasks (especially since everyone else will know it's your bosses fault, not yours) the less it will affect you outside of work.
posted by jouir at 1:35 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
I'd also recommended trying to detach emotionally from work - so if the boss suddenly changes course and says "project X is stupid [even though she told you do do project X 3 weeks ago], do project Y instead" and now you don't have time to do project Y, then you won't finish and that's how it has to be, rather than scrambling and working long hours. Let mistakes/failures happen and just fall back onto your boss, rather than taking ownership and feeling let down when the assignment you were doing is now no longer needed. This one is obviously easier said than done, but the more you can remove yourself from the success of your tasks (especially since everyone else will know it's your bosses fault, not yours) the less it will affect you outside of work.
posted by jouir at 1:35 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
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posted by ferret branca at 11:09 AM on October 2, 2020 [9 favorites]