How do you categorize the response "and?"

August 15, 2020 7:28 PM

I posted a factual statement on social media about a confirmed COVID case (nothing that violated privacy). One of the comments to my post was just the word "And?" So, is that kind of reply a classic example of passive-aggressiveness? Or how would you describe it?

(On its face, that kind of reply pisses me off, but I can't pinpoint exactly why, hence my question.)

posted by wwartorff to Society & Culture (19 answers total)

I understand--it's irritating for it not to be articulated better. Without knowing details, I imagine the person wanted to know why that particular case was relevant or notable.
posted by mermaidcafe at 7:29 PM on August 15, 2020 [3 favorites]

Minimization? (Implying that what you shared was insufficient for further reaction)
posted by btfreek at 7:30 PM on August 15, 2020 [3 favorites]

I personally would describe that as an instance of someone being an asshole. But that's just me. I like simplicity, so I don't overthink stuff like this.
posted by ivanthenotsoterrible at 7:34 PM on August 15, 2020 [12 favorites]

"And?" == "So?"

It's dismissive.
posted by Kitchen Witch at 7:35 PM on August 15, 2020 [29 favorites]

Dismissive or condescending. Or both.
posted by ananci at 7:43 PM on August 15, 2020 [8 favorites]

It’s akin to saying “so what?” “Why does what you’re saying matter?” (With the heavy implication that it doesn’t).

Super condescending, juvenile, and defensive.
posted by katypickle at 7:48 PM on August 15, 2020 [5 favorites]

Dismissive indeed. I like to delete those comments, passive aggressive to passive aggressive.
posted by tiny frying pan at 8:11 PM on August 15, 2020 [3 favorites]

I would call that trolling.
posted by oxisos at 8:28 PM on August 15, 2020 [4 favorites]

It sounds like they’re pissy that people are aware of COVID... likely the pandemic has pushed them to a stress level where they can’t tolerate being reminded of what’s going on... so you posting that triggers them and they can’t resist saying you shouldn’t post factual information. So, they’re being a bung and making their problem your problem. Aggressive, annoying.

I have a social media friend who regularly posts about how people are “so negative” lately what with the pandemic and it’s like... ok. Feel free to be positive, but don’t try to make your stress/trauma coping mechanism everybody’s coping mechanism.

I don’t even consider the “and?” response passive aggressive. Passive aggressive would be like you ask someone you live with to wear a mask to the store because you’re worried about catching COVID from them and they say “oh yea, for sure!” and then don’t wear one. Garden variety aggro bullshit IMO.
posted by stoneandstar at 8:28 PM on August 15, 2020 [3 favorites]

There are two And? or So?s, the dismissive and the argumentative.
The dismissive one is just naked condescension. Fuck that guy.

The argumentative one is a prompt to continue (or also maybe dismissive, that your statement is incomplete).
"That was a nice movie, but I'm going to bed."
"OK, I'll be up in a minute. ~yawn~ It's Tuesday."
"...?...And?"
"AND, that means the recycling has to go out, did you forget they changed it to Wednesday mornings?"
"Oh right, I did forget, thanks."

There's a valid use for the And or So What? Someone throws a statement down, but there's no Therefore.
"More people are killed by cows than in shark attacks."
"...And?"
posted by bartleby at 8:32 PM on August 15, 2020 [6 favorites]

I have to admit that for many years I didn't like reading the Blue and stayed almost exclusively on AskMefi because I saw the same thing happening there. Here is a thing, Link. I didn't understand what they were asking me to do about it. Do you agree with it? Like it? Dislike it? Remember it fondly? Do you want me to agree? Fact check? Contribute additional examples? Tell my own memories?

Much easier to deal with Askers who introduce a topic and they have a question. I know what is expected of me.
posted by CathyG at 8:52 PM on August 15, 2020 [19 favorites]

I always thought of it as being short for "...and your point is?" Meaning whatever you said was either 1) totally uninteresting, or 2) suggesting something they don't like so they're challenging you to say it plainly.
posted by Rhaomi at 9:13 PM on August 15, 2020 [5 favorites]

Rude
posted by soakimbo at 10:14 PM on August 15, 2020

You’re both confused by the same thing. You posted an article without any context and this person doesn’t know how to take it. They posted a one word comment and you don’t know how to take it.

Maybe next time you post something, just add a line about why you think it’s interesting or what it means to you. I wouldn’t view the comment as being rude though unless they have a habit of being like that.
posted by Jubey at 11:31 PM on August 15, 2020 [11 favorites]

It's the same as them saying "So what?" so as to say in a broader sense that they don't care or don't think it matters that this COVID case exists. I would just delete the comment, cause i can't suffer assholes.
posted by WeekendJen at 2:20 AM on August 16, 2020

I had a co-worker who did that all the time. eg: I would send out a report on such and such and he would send it back with "AND??" written at the top in red pen. I ignored him. It also pissed me off to no end, especially when you are extremely busy working toward deadlines etc. I didn't have time for that kind of BS.
posted by james33 at 6:19 AM on August 16, 2020 [1 favorite]

It means “what is your point?”
I have a friend who posts things that seem to subtly rationalize conspiracy crap She posts with no explanation or opinion, and I really hate that and want her to state her case. I am sooo tempted to say “annnd?” But I refrain just politely ask her what she thinks about the articles. She’s a friend and I want to keep a conversation open
posted by SLC Mom at 11:56 AM on August 16, 2020 [1 favorite]

Maybe next time you post something, just add a line about why you think it’s interesting or what it means to you

I would disagree and posit that brainwashing yourself that someone responding your social media “bid” with contempt is actually acting in good faith is bad for you, in that you alienate yourself from your instincts and offer yourself up to a little annoying asshole to tell you what to care about.

You don’t have to assume that when someone acts like a jerk, it’s your fault. And you don’t have to assume that when people tell you you should, they’re thinking of your best interests and not acting out the same contempt toward you due to their own frustrations and rage.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:07 PM on August 16, 2020 [3 favorites]

In my experience this type of “laconic” response is common among Art of Manliness types who are really into Sparta or Stoicism or Ron Swanson or whatever. Part of the implicit flex is its terseness, like this person fancies themselves able to destroy your whole argument with a single well-placed word because they’re so mentally disciplined. Part of it is also about baiting you to talk more, in the hopes that you’ll say something contradictory or reveal some area of ignorance. I’d just ignore it, it doesn’t sound like a genuine attempt to engage with you and they also sound kind of pompous.
posted by en forme de poire at 7:44 PM on August 16, 2020 [1 favorite]