ISO the Unicorn of Pillows
July 28, 2020 7:59 AM Subscribe
I'm a side sleeper who tends to stay put on my right side all night. I also need a really firm pillow. Over the years my right shoulder has been scrunching up to my ear in the night, partly to bulk up all my pillows and offer support, and partly because I sleep on my side and where else is it gonna go. But after 50 years of sleeping like that, my shoulder is starting to get messed up too. So - I'mma try to get a proper pillow. Help?
To be honest, this previous question describes my problem too - but it sounds like many of the recommended answers either aren't available any more or are apparently aren't as good as they used to be. The pillow talldean suggests here was the one I had my eye on, but recent Amazon reviews suggest that it's way flatter and less firm now, and that strikes it out.
I saw a Facebook ad for something called the "Pillow cube" which looked intriguing, because it's supposed to be 5 inches thick- that would support my head without having to scrunch up my shoulder - but the 5" thick pillow is also smaller than a standard pillow, and super-expensive.
So let's start over. I need a pillow or a DIY hack that will be firm enough to support my head, thick enough that it can give my shoulder some room, and not a gabillion bucks. I've tried double pillows, but that's a bit too thick, and tends to collapse into a wedge overnight. I've also tried weird contoured pillows and they haven't worked well either. So I need something that'll hold more of a cube shape.
Advise please!
To be honest, this previous question describes my problem too - but it sounds like many of the recommended answers either aren't available any more or are apparently aren't as good as they used to be. The pillow talldean suggests here was the one I had my eye on, but recent Amazon reviews suggest that it's way flatter and less firm now, and that strikes it out.
I saw a Facebook ad for something called the "Pillow cube" which looked intriguing, because it's supposed to be 5 inches thick- that would support my head without having to scrunch up my shoulder - but the 5" thick pillow is also smaller than a standard pillow, and super-expensive.
So let's start over. I need a pillow or a DIY hack that will be firm enough to support my head, thick enough that it can give my shoulder some room, and not a gabillion bucks. I've tried double pillows, but that's a bit too thick, and tends to collapse into a wedge overnight. I've also tried weird contoured pillows and they haven't worked well either. So I need something that'll hold more of a cube shape.
Advise please!
I use two of these L-shaped ( or v- or u-shaped) pillows, stacked (and I JUST realized I could make a big pillowcase to case them together). Mine were not really as poofy as the photo, and require fluffing every few days (a couple years later) to get them back up to proper neck height for me, but I have very broad shoulders.
Another thing I have considered is building my own from layers of upholstery foam.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:21 AM on July 28, 2020
Another thing I have considered is building my own from layers of upholstery foam.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:21 AM on July 28, 2020
I am a side sleeper and I have been using a buckwheat pillow for a few years. I love it. You can scrunch it up into whatever shape you like and then it stays there. They make a rustling noise at first that subsides as the edges of the buckwheat hulls get smashed around by use. This is the one I got - they sell a little tiny one that is about half the size which I inadvertently ordered for someone else and now I use that one as a travel pillow, but I like the twin size better.
posted by SeedStitch at 8:38 AM on July 28, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by SeedStitch at 8:38 AM on July 28, 2020 [6 favorites]
I also use a buckwheat pillow in a slightly too large pillow zippered pillowcase. I can fold it in half like an upside-down taco and pull it tight, tucking the ends of the pillowcase into the fold to sort of lock everything in place. My lower shoulder ends up pushed into the end of the fold, and I just poke my fingers in to the top to create a hollow for my ear.
If you want to test out the pillow cube theory, can you remove a seat cushion from your couch and try it out? It will use up too much of your bed of course, but should be about the right thickness to check proof of concept. When I'm sleeping on mom's sofabed I use a couch cushion topped with a memory foam neck pillow that fastens into a ring. The neck pillow adds the height plus an ear-nest.
If the couch cushion works you can buy the foam at most big-chain fabric stores or speciality upholstery supply shops. They tend to stock 2' by 6' slabs of various thicknesses, but will cut the length you need (you have to take the whole 2' width). Joann's won't cut it for online orders, sadly. Or you just stack enough foam chair pads to get the height, and stuff them into a pillowcase.
posted by buildmyworld at 8:52 AM on July 28, 2020
If you want to test out the pillow cube theory, can you remove a seat cushion from your couch and try it out? It will use up too much of your bed of course, but should be about the right thickness to check proof of concept. When I'm sleeping on mom's sofabed I use a couch cushion topped with a memory foam neck pillow that fastens into a ring. The neck pillow adds the height plus an ear-nest.
If the couch cushion works you can buy the foam at most big-chain fabric stores or speciality upholstery supply shops. They tend to stock 2' by 6' slabs of various thicknesses, but will cut the length you need (you have to take the whole 2' width). Joann's won't cut it for online orders, sadly. Or you just stack enough foam chair pads to get the height, and stuff them into a pillowcase.
posted by buildmyworld at 8:52 AM on July 28, 2020
A buckwheat pillow would be a good candidate - I used one for a few years. They are a bit loud when you move around, but you get used to it.
The other option is a contour pillow (shaped like this). I have one that is very firm and I use when my neck needs to be really stabilized. It is nice because the two sides offer two different heights. They should have those at most stores that carry pillows. I'd go in person so you can make sure it firm enough.
posted by soelo at 8:58 AM on July 28, 2020
The other option is a contour pillow (shaped like this). I have one that is very firm and I use when my neck needs to be really stabilized. It is nice because the two sides offer two different heights. They should have those at most stores that carry pillows. I'd go in person so you can make sure it firm enough.
posted by soelo at 8:58 AM on July 28, 2020
I have the same side-sleeping issue as you. A buckwheat-husk pillow was okay, but I really found what I needed with this one. I've got an old flattened pillow underneath it for just a little more height, which you may or may not need. It's a great combination of firm support and comfy give. The instructions it came with said that if it gets compacted you can fluff it up with 15 minutes in a drier, but I find pounding and smooshing it a bit every few nights is adequate to recreate the loft. I've had it for 3 years now, and along with a small between-knees pillow, I've had 3 years of back- and shoulder-pain free sleep for the first time in a dozen years!
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:09 AM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:09 AM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
If I can piggyback, are there buckwheat-alternative pillows? My wife is severely allergic so buckwheat in bed is probably a no-go.
posted by emelenjr at 9:56 AM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by emelenjr at 9:56 AM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
Shredded latex pillow, readymade or search for by-the-pound options to stuff your own. If you are considering a slab of something, you probably want to wrap it in cotton, wool, or poly batting.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 10:03 AM on July 28, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by TWinbrook8 at 10:03 AM on July 28, 2020 [2 favorites]
emelenjr - Try looking for specifically rice-husk pillows.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:05 AM on July 28, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:05 AM on July 28, 2020 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I've tried the buckwheat things, albeit several years ago - and they didn't seem firm enough. I like the idea of a pillow that you can customize by adding more stuffingy stuff, so the pillow Greg Ace linked caught my eye.
I've already ordered a contour pillow that is a different shape than the usual kind - soleo, I have also tried that kind of contour pillow and it didn't help, I couldn't seem to get it positioned exactly as I needed it. The humps were either too high or too low depending on which one I used. The thing I've ordered has all kinds of weird contours and divots and holes, which were meant to be used as options for places to stuff your shoulders, arms, elbows, head, what have you. It was also cheap enough that I thought I'd give it a whirl. But I'd also like to keep this open just in case, since I admit I'm a little dubious; I've bought and been let down by other funky pillows in the past, and I'm half expecting this to happen again with this latest attempt.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:05 AM on July 28, 2020
I've already ordered a contour pillow that is a different shape than the usual kind - soleo, I have also tried that kind of contour pillow and it didn't help, I couldn't seem to get it positioned exactly as I needed it. The humps were either too high or too low depending on which one I used. The thing I've ordered has all kinds of weird contours and divots and holes, which were meant to be used as options for places to stuff your shoulders, arms, elbows, head, what have you. It was also cheap enough that I thought I'd give it a whirl. But I'd also like to keep this open just in case, since I admit I'm a little dubious; I've bought and been let down by other funky pillows in the past, and I'm half expecting this to happen again with this latest attempt.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:05 AM on July 28, 2020
I'd suggest trying a wool pillow. I believe the one I have is http://www.cottoncloudfutons.com/Eco-Valley-Wool-Pillow_p_419.html It's firm but, unlike foam, you can move the contents around some to be in the right spot for you.
posted by kbuxton at 10:08 AM on July 28, 2020
posted by kbuxton at 10:08 AM on July 28, 2020
I usually sleep on my side and have tried these:
* Down (I think) pillow with a memory foam top layer. It felt firm but I found it much too firm after a few hours on it. It just felt hard on my head.
* Latex. It’s solid latex with, I think, some holes in for (I guess) breathability. Pretty good, and definitely firm and has the height for side sleeping. But, again, I found it too firm after a few hours. It doesn’t have a lot of give - it’s almost bouncy, rubbery, rather than pillow-like. But some people love them.
* Shredded memory foam. I gave this a try because the Wirecutter suggested one. It was a different make (The White Company) than their recommendation because their recommendation isn’t available in the UK. I really like this. It’s pretty firm and gives enough to be comfortable but not so much that it compresses too much.
So I’ve settled with that and am pretty happy. My only caveat is that it’s still shaped like a conventional pillow, so that either end is much slimmer (top to bottom, when on the bed) than the middle. So you only get the full height, like you want to ease your shoulder, when you have your head in the centre. I’m not sure why they don’t make pillows that are more consistent in height, for side sleepers.
posted by fabius at 10:32 AM on July 28, 2020
* Down (I think) pillow with a memory foam top layer. It felt firm but I found it much too firm after a few hours on it. It just felt hard on my head.
* Latex. It’s solid latex with, I think, some holes in for (I guess) breathability. Pretty good, and definitely firm and has the height for side sleeping. But, again, I found it too firm after a few hours. It doesn’t have a lot of give - it’s almost bouncy, rubbery, rather than pillow-like. But some people love them.
* Shredded memory foam. I gave this a try because the Wirecutter suggested one. It was a different make (The White Company) than their recommendation because their recommendation isn’t available in the UK. I really like this. It’s pretty firm and gives enough to be comfortable but not so much that it compresses too much.
So I’ve settled with that and am pretty happy. My only caveat is that it’s still shaped like a conventional pillow, so that either end is much slimmer (top to bottom, when on the bed) than the middle. So you only get the full height, like you want to ease your shoulder, when you have your head in the centre. I’m not sure why they don’t make pillows that are more consistent in height, for side sleepers.
posted by fabius at 10:32 AM on July 28, 2020
I'm a left-side sleeper, and have made do with whatever pillows were to hand for decades because I didn't get consulted about what pillows to buy or they were gifts or what have you. Then in 2018 I bought two of the Wirecutter-recommended Xtreme Comforts pillows and I wish I had done that 10 years earlier.
posted by ob1quixote at 10:33 AM on July 28, 2020
posted by ob1quixote at 10:33 AM on July 28, 2020
I have the pillow cube, and while the teeny shape is off-putting at first and I originally balked at the price, it's the most comfortable side-sleeping pillow I have EVER used. It squishes down a bit when you lie on it, probably to about four inches, so if you want a full five inches get the taller one. It offers the almost the support of a buckwheat pillow without the noise - I love buckwheat pillows but I feel they suit back-sleepers better because a back sleeper isn't pressing their ear directly against the crackling hulls.
posted by DSime at 10:41 AM on July 28, 2020
posted by DSime at 10:41 AM on July 28, 2020
I'll add that I have spent years trying all sorts of shredded foam/bamboo/contoured pillows so when I settled on the pillow cube it was after a genuine effort to try other solutions.
posted by DSime at 10:44 AM on July 28, 2020
posted by DSime at 10:44 AM on July 28, 2020
> I've tried the buckwheat things ... and they didn't seem firm enough
I modified my buckwheat pillow by taking out the hulls and resizing the cover. You can make it almost rocklike that way! You may need to cannibalize a second pillow if you want to keep the same size; I changed mine from a rectangle to a square. Or make it softer by reducing the stuffing (which I did with another, to have variety). To pour the buckwheat hulls more easily back into the cover make a funnel from a plastic bottle.
posted by anadem at 11:31 AM on July 28, 2020
I modified my buckwheat pillow by taking out the hulls and resizing the cover. You can make it almost rocklike that way! You may need to cannibalize a second pillow if you want to keep the same size; I changed mine from a rectangle to a square. Or make it softer by reducing the stuffing (which I did with another, to have variety). To pour the buckwheat hulls more easily back into the cover make a funnel from a plastic bottle.
posted by anadem at 11:31 AM on July 28, 2020
Shredded memory foam with a zipper - so you can adjust the amount of fill to your desired size/firmness.
posted by gnutron at 11:53 AM on July 28, 2020
posted by gnutron at 11:53 AM on July 28, 2020
It's also possible to buy refill packs of hulls to supplement or replace the hulls in an existing pillow.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:01 PM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:01 PM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
When I went to physical therapy for shoulder/neck pain, the therapist recommended putting a rolled towel inside my pillowcase at the bottom for added neck support and to prevent the shoulder scrunch. That may help while you’re waiting for whichever new pillow you decide on.
posted by epj at 12:05 PM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by epj at 12:05 PM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
Oh, yeah, I do also sometimes use a cervical roll given to me in physical therapy. That's the original polyfill type, I see that Amazon now has a much wider array of stuff types compared to the last time I searched.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:32 PM on July 28, 2020
posted by Lyn Never at 12:32 PM on July 28, 2020
I have had so much trouble with pillows and side sleeping. The purple pillow (it's not very tall, but it's somehow supportive and non-sinking in a way other pillows aren't) is the best thing I've found.
The pillow cube is okay, but not great. Millet/Buckwheat pillows are also okay, but not great. I used to double my pillows, thinking the height would help, but really just made my neck hurt over time.
posted by so fucking future at 12:43 PM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
The pillow cube is okay, but not great. Millet/Buckwheat pillows are also okay, but not great. I used to double my pillows, thinking the height would help, but really just made my neck hurt over time.
posted by so fucking future at 12:43 PM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
I use a shredded memory foam one; usually my favorite things in life are the most expensive but this was a rare exception, I got 2 for $10 at costco a few years ago and they’re my favorite pillows ever. Not sure if they still sell them.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 1:32 PM on July 28, 2020
posted by jeweled accumulation at 1:32 PM on July 28, 2020
If you don’t sleep with a small pillow between your knees, try adding that in, in addition to the head pillow suggestions above. Mine is this one.
posted by matildaben at 4:22 PM on July 28, 2020
posted by matildaben at 4:22 PM on July 28, 2020
Definitely shredded memory foam, or chopped foam. I picked up some from walmart of all places for $10 !
I think it was this super firm, yet very punchable.
posted by Ftsqg at 5:21 PM on July 28, 2020
I think it was this super firm, yet very punchable.
posted by Ftsqg at 5:21 PM on July 28, 2020
Seconding the Purple Pillow. OP's problem is achingly (heh) familiar, and after a couple months with the Purple it's starting to fade.
posted by humbug at 6:22 PM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by humbug at 6:22 PM on July 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: So far the weird cheap divoty pillow I got seems to be working, although I'm basing this on precisely one night's experience. I'm not quite ready to call this "the answer" yet, though, because I still had to "customize" it a bit by putting a thinner pillow underneath to boost it up. So we'll see if it holds up.
The divoty, "specially contoured" solutions often don't work for me because they tend to assume everyone's head is shaped exactly the same. But last night went okay. So we'll see.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:54 AM on July 30, 2020
The divoty, "specially contoured" solutions often don't work for me because they tend to assume everyone's head is shaped exactly the same. But last night went okay. So we'll see.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:54 AM on July 30, 2020
This thread is closed to new comments.
I'm sure that you can do incrementally better than what you have now, but some shoulder scrunching is inevitable. That lower shoulder is carrying much of the weight of your upper body, and the pillow can only support your head.
posted by jon1270 at 8:15 AM on July 28, 2020