Should I leave the state with no job lined up?

December 29, 2019 3:34 PM

I have a bachelor's degree which I received very recently. I have my own car paid for and $10000+ in savings. Unfortunately I also have student loans of about 21k. I have been employed the last two years, however they have not been related to my degree. I've never left home and it's taboo for women to leave home before they get married.

Living with family stresses me out. I feel suffocated and I am not able to do the things I want to do. I can feel my mental health declining. I've been applying to jobs out of state at least two hours from home. However I have not received any inquiries for interviews. I don't have an awesome resume and I'm worried I'm going to blow through my savings very quickly. Ideally I would like to move to DC area however competition is very fierce. I have a birthday coming soon and I will officially be in my late twenties and I hate that I still feel like I have no control over my life. My family is going to freak out and lose their mind if I leave however if I stay I might actually lose it completely. I know the recession is coming soon and I'm wary of the consequences of a less than stellar resume. Should I take the risk or wait until I have a job to leave? What can I do to ensure a smooth moving process?

posted by sheepishchiffon to Work & Money (20 answers total)

I don't have answers for a lot of pieces of this, but you can apply for a year's or longer economic hardship forbearance on your student loans directly from your servicer's website. In my experience they go through almost automatically and this will take the pressure off of having to make those payments while you figure out your next steps.
posted by augustimagination at 3:51 PM on December 29, 2019 [10 favorites]

I did this. Moved across the country when I was about 27 or so, with no job lined up (and in my case, no savings). For me, it worked out. I initially found (boring) temp work to pay the bills and ultimately got into a career that I enjoy - it's hard to imagine that I would have done as well in my home state. My conservative Christian family was not thrilled by the decision, but they got over it and the distance helped our relationship - at least, it helped me.

Do you have any friends in DC? Can you go and visit for a couple of weeks, interview, look for temp work, etc - with your friend's address on your resume? I wouldn't worry too much about getting a job that's in your field, it just needs to cover your bills and get you into the city so you can network and apply for the jobs you actually want.

(If I were doing this again I'd have an exit strategy and money set aside for that exit strategy).
posted by bunderful at 3:53 PM on December 29, 2019 [3 favorites]

My anecdotal experience should be taken skeptically, but risking everything to find people who are *actually* your family is what I would advise a friend. Living on the streets is better than living with people who don't respect you. Not living on the streets is even better, and you're really well set up for that, compared to nearly everyone I love who made a similar break with family. Be willing to take a shit job in the short term.
posted by eotvos at 4:22 PM on December 29, 2019 [3 favorites]

I think striking out on your own will be beneficial. You should consider/be prepared for the following:

Research cost of living carefully. How much will rent cost you? Can you afford to live alone or will you need a roommate?
Do you have friends where you're going? If not, how much are you willing to throw yourself into a new community to make connections and develop your support network?
What kind of work are you willing to do? Are you willing to temp until you find something? Work at Starbucks?
Can you take some kind of internship in your field and handle a second job while you build up your resume?
How much blowback can you handle from your family and are you willing to set boundaries? Are they going to start being all critical, call you up everyday to tell you what a disappointment you are? Are you willing to politely cut off conversation when they belittle you or choices?

Good luck!
posted by brookeb at 5:05 PM on December 29, 2019

So I agree that it is good to get out. However, based on your posting history, I think that you may find the housing situation in expensive cities, like DC, stressful. (To make a long story short, finding a room for rent in a shared group home / apartment is a cross between a blind date and sorority recruitment). Therefore, I would nudge you towards less expensive cities, if you don’t already know someone.

Is there any possibility to transfer locations with your current job? Or can you pick up a side job and transfer locations with that one?

Also, before you move, I would definitely take advantage of your college’s career center.
posted by oceano at 5:20 PM on December 29, 2019 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Where are some of the less expensive cities located near DC/VA/MD?
posted by sheepishchiffon at 5:30 PM on December 29, 2019

If you are looking for a more urban feel (vs. suburban or rural), you might want to check out Baltimore.
posted by oceano at 6:09 PM on December 29, 2019

Where are some of the less expensive cities located near DC/VA/MD?

PHILLY!!!
posted by ClaireBear at 6:48 PM on December 29, 2019 [2 favorites]

I don't know about the specifics of one city vs. another, though if you have some savings you're probably better situated than a lot of people. But I feel obliged to point out: when you say, "My family is going to freak out and lose their mind," you mean it entirely figuratively. No one is going to lose his or her mind. They are going to ELECT, completely optionally, to get real upset when, in the 21st century, a woman in her late 20s makes a decision for herself about where to live.

However, when you say, "I can feel my mental health declining," it sounds fairly serious and literal.

As far as that part of the question goes, please do what you need to do for yourself. Anybody who wants to freak out about it should be invited to do so for as long as they find it entertains them.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 7:06 PM on December 29, 2019 [10 favorites]

I moved 500 miles to a large college town in another state when I was 25 with no job lined up. it took me two month to find a (temporary) job but it eventually worked out. making friends was hard at first but within the first year it became home. I learned a ton about 'me' in my escapades there and I think the move really kick-started the growing I had to do in my 20s.
posted by noloveforned at 7:14 PM on December 29, 2019

I live in Arlington, VA. The DC metro area is an expensive rental market. My recent college graduate has lived in both Arlington and DC and her share of the rent on a 2-bedroom apartment ran about $900 per month. The cheaper apartment was in an older building in Arlington and was fairly spacious. The DC apartment was tiny but adorable and in a great location.

The closer you get to DC, the more expensive the housing. If you rent in central Maryland outside the DC Beltway along a commuting line (Bowie, for example), you'll generally find more affordable housing but you'll be plagued by traffic and commuting costs. And, really, who the heck wants to live in Bowie? If you live in DC, Old Town Alexandria or Arlington, you'll have easy access to commuting, restaurants, museums, shopping, coffee shops, libraries, volunteering, employers - you name it. Plus, this area is rich in twenty-somethings just like you. You'll be in great company. This is an awesome area to live in! Get here soon!

I left my parents' home for Philadelphia from North Jersey over 30 years ago. Had no job and no permanent place to live. Pretty sure I had next to nothing in savings. It was about 6 months of looking for work, living with my grandparents, and enjoying not living with my parents. I treasure those 6 months of finding my way before relative stability set in.

Pro tip for leaving home: don't ask for permission. Announce the plan after it's already in motion, smile, nod, say bland things like, "I'm sure it will all work out," and continue packing. The key is to treat it as a done deal and not to engage in a back and forth centered on "What will become of you? You'll starve/be homeless/fall in with a bad crowd" or "How could you do this to us?"

You got this. You really do. You have an education, are employable, have a city/area you want to live in, and you're motivated.
posted by MissPitts at 8:44 PM on December 29, 2019 [6 favorites]

If your federal student loan payments are high compared to your income, you may want to repay your loans under an income-driven repayment plan. (studentaid.gov) Most federal student loans are eligible for at least one income-driven repayment plan. If your income is low enough, your payment could be as low as $0 per month.
posted by katra at 8:59 PM on December 29, 2019 [3 favorites]

How far do you live from there now? Could you just get a Google Voice number with a local prefix (202?) and put that on your resumes for awhile and travel there if you get invited for an interview? Could you take a trip down to apply with temp companies? I'm trying to see if there's a way you can get a job before making the move. If not, how easy has it been for you to find jobs on short notice in the past?.
posted by slidell at 12:02 AM on December 30, 2019

Left field suggestion— look for jobs that provide housing (e.g. Disney World, military, teaching English abroad).

Another suggestion— in the meantime, stay out of the family home as much as possible... exercise regularly (even if it’s “only” a walk in the park), and have a side hustle or regularly scheduled volunteer activity.
posted by oceano at 6:03 AM on December 30, 2019

No one can guarantee that everything will work out - and I have found that life can go in unexpected but wonderful directions - but the odds are in your favour. You have a degree, you have more savings than many families, you have a car. Go where you want to be, find the cheapest accomodation you’re comfortable in while you look for work, any work, then you’ll be in a good position to work on getting to where you really want to be. If you want to give yourself some assurance, you can play the ‘what if’ game then make some contingency plans, like what can you do when you get to your last $1000 of savings? But to me, this practical stuff is the easy part. The hard part is telling them, right?

There’s no easy way to break it to them. It’s a rip off the bandaid situation then you just deal with the result as best you can. It might be awful or it might go better than you expect. But you can’t not-go and not try to have the life you want because other people will be upset about you wanting something perfectly normal and good. Keep yourself safe and be prepared if you think that might be an issue (Eg have a friend ready to stay with). Have someone you can talk to afterwards. Good luck. Go do your thing!
posted by stellathon at 6:08 AM on December 30, 2019

Live your life for you. Go. Leave the nest. And you don't " know a recession is coming..." No one does.
posted by jtexman1 at 8:39 AM on December 30, 2019

Obviously, it's best if you have a place to stay arranged before the actual move. Places near a large university are likely places to look because of the turnover in student housing. Especially at the end of a semester.

I'd put Wilmington, DE on the maybe list. It's neither hugely big nor hugely prosperous but has an easy train connection to DC. Also Newark, DE because of the U of D and the reason given above.
posted by SemiSalt at 9:33 AM on December 30, 2019

I'm risk averse, so if I didn't have marketable skills that are likely to get me a job fairly quickly, I'd keep the job but move into my own place.
posted by metasarah at 10:18 AM on December 30, 2019

I did this, and in retrospect I am glad I did it. That said, it is not easy, but when I did it I had only $1,000 in savings (10 years ago), rather than the much more money you have. 10k is plenty to do this, but I would recommend a couple things:

1. When you move, find a cheap, crappy apartment or room in a house, month to month if possible. It will save you money right now when you have nothing coming in and provide some flexibility. You can upgrade later. DC is expensive.

2. Immediately try to get a "whatever" job. I wrapped burritos. It doesn't matter. You will be applying to better jobs no matter what, and making some minimum wage while you're doing that will keep you saner, help you not burn through your savings as fast, and help you make even the smallest of connections and stuff as you may not know many people.

I think you should do it. Escaping my evangelical christian family was difficult but essential.
posted by Lutoslawski at 2:17 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]

If you go for DC, look into temp agencies as well. Also DC is expensive, but depending on your interests there could be a lot more jobs there than other places. Especially if you want to work for the government, a government contractor, and probably other areas that I know nothing about.

Btw, you could try a staged move, potentially. When I finished grad school, I moved to DC for an initial 6 week period, subletting one person's side of a shared apartment and using my time to go to some networking events, do informational interviews and put in an initial application for a temp agency. The temp agency called me a month or two later with a 3 month job and I then moved to DC (in a really crappy apartment, probably the worst place I've lived, but it was relatively cheap and was easily available) and also got a job at a restaurant, so I was able to support myself at that point without losing money. I don't know how close you are to DC or if it's reasonable to do this especially with the home situation you described but in case that is useful... Wherever you move, if you move, put as much energy as you can into networking and meeting people from the start, as much of a chore as that can be sometimes. Good luck!
posted by knownfossils at 2:26 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]